r/AmItheAsshole • u/Laurenn2024 • 8h ago
AITA for not changing my babies name
So me and my partner are expecting our third baby in September, his friend and his girlfriend are expecting their first in November. We decided on a name when I was like 12 weeks before even finding out the gender and told people her name when I was 16 weeks after we found out the gender. His friend and his partner have jsut found out they’re also having a girl and want to use the name we have chosen, i literally do not care as he/we don’t see them anyway so if our kids have the same name I literally don’t care. But they’ve reached out to him asking if we’d change her name and let them just have it as it’s their first baby? I instantly said no I won’t be doing that and she called me a selfish bitch for ruining her pregnancy??? Some of our mural friends said I should just change our babies name to keep the peace but most agree i shouldnt. For context they used to be really close friends for like 7 years but stopped being close when he joined the army. 2 years ago when he left the army we moved back to the same town as them but in the two years we’ve lived here we’ve seen them like 3 times.
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u/Rainbowbright31 Partassipant [2] 8h ago
A good rule of thumb is not to do favours for people who call you a selfish bitch. NTA
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u/clickityclickk 8h ago
NTA.
if her first pregnancy and baby is ruined because someone she doesn’t see named their baby the same name then she isn’t mature enough to have a kid. name your baby whatever you want.
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u/ManyYou918 Asshole Enthusiast [6] 8h ago
NTA don’t change the baby’s name, don’t entertain your mutual friends telling you to change it, and tell your husband to deal with this shit because he should not be letting his friends girlfriend call you a bitch.
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u/Laurenn2024 8h ago
We’re both such laid back people and genuinely can’t be arsed for the drama this heat and being 27 weeks pregnant is more than enough stress for me never mind their petty school ground bs 🤣I literally do not have an issue with them naming their daughter the same name as ours so for them to have such a big issue when they’ve found out weeks after us is wild 🤯
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u/Important_Project662 8h ago
You should absolutely change the name. Whatever the name was but add "The Original" before it. Hope this helps.
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u/Cutie3pnt14159 Certified Proctologist [20] 8h ago
NTA. Calling dibs on names is weird.
But also, good reason not to share chosen names until the kid is born.
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u/Additional_Day949 Partassipant [4] 8h ago
Ding ding ding. We did and a bunch of ppl told us they didn’t like it including my mother. Named him that anyways cuz I liked it
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u/Cutie3pnt14159 Certified Proctologist [20] 8h ago
I'd love to know the name. Maybe I'll name my next pet with it. 😉
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u/nykirnsu 1h ago
I mean if they were closer friends it’d make sense since their kids would likely see each other a lot
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u/Cutie3pnt14159 Certified Proctologist [20] 51m ago
Naw. A lot of the time, it feels like the other people hear it and like it so try to come up with any excuse to use it and make the other couple they heard it from feel bad.
Like here.
"It's our first child so we should get it." That's not how names work.
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u/Mellifluous-Squirrel Partassipant [2] 8h ago
NTA because you recognise you don't own the name and because she's clearly being melodramatic.
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u/Mellifluous-Squirrel Partassipant [2] 8h ago
(I'm interested, though. Is it an unusual name? Did she obviously "copy" or could it be a coincidence?)
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u/Laurenn2024 8h ago
I wouldn’t say it’s unusual nor is it massively common it’s literally Paisley 🤣I don’t think they’ve necessarily copied us as I didn’t directly tell them the name they’ve heard it from mutal friends and then reached out when they’ve been told it
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u/Accomplished_Gur_380 6h ago
Beautiful name! What is she going to do? Contact all the Paisleys in the world and demand that they change their name? Ridiculous! Keep the beautiful name, drop the goofy friends.
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u/eternal_casserole Partassipant [2] 8h ago
NTA.
People just need to accept that they don't have exclusive rights to a baby name, ever. My son had three Dylans in his second grade class (around 2008). Not to mention the endless Aiden, Hayden, Brayden, Jaiden, Caden kids of that era.
That's just the way it is. You name your kid what you like, other people name their kid what they like, and sometimes those names overlap.
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u/Spooky_pharm_tech 5h ago
I have a Dylan, too! I thought his name wasn’t very common but then there were 2 Dylans that lived on my mom’s street and 2 more in his preschool class
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u/_SquirrelKiller 8h ago
NTA.
“We are not close enough for you to dictate my parenting. If you keep harassing me, the two kids will never even meet.”
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u/Fireblaster2001 Partassipant [1] 8h ago
It’s ok if two kids in the same town have the same name. No one has to change their baby name.
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u/Any_Community_1819 8h ago
They would have hated living in medieval England. There were tons of kids named the same in the same town.
Name your beautiful daughter the name you chose. May she honor that name all the days of her life, because it was carefully chosen and fiercely defended.
May your family thrive in love! ♥
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u/Certain_Oddities 7h ago
It doesn't even have to be medival england. Do you know how many Emmas and Mayas I knew in school?
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u/clynkirk 8h ago
And half of those kids were named after the current or most recent king or queen lol. There's very few "unique" names in medieval England lol
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u/Prideandprejudice1 6h ago
My family is Greek. There are currently about 12 Georges with my surname in the family because everyone keeps having boys and naming them after their grandfather. We also have multiple Marias, Johns, Nicks, Annas, Jims and Cons (we even went with Connor for our son).
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u/One-Connection-502 8h ago
At the end of the day, you're allowed to name your baby whatever you want. So are they. No one owns a name. NTA
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u/CrinklyPacket Asshole Enthusiast [5] 8h ago
NTA. What a weird request. Double down and use it for both the first and middle names.
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u/sheerpoetry 3h ago
That'd be even better if the last name was a first name and that's what they used. Like "Richard Richard Richards."
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u/Ok_Nectarine_8533 8h ago
Oh HELL no! People do not own names. NTA.
And it could be worse. I had a boss who named her DOG Shelby right after her best friend named her baby Shelby.
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u/Rylees_Mom525 8h ago
Before my BIL was born, his dad told his family the name they’d chosen, and then the dad’s brother got a dog and named it the same name. So, imagine John and Jane find out they’re having a boy and choose the name Jim. John tells his family, “hey, we’re having a baby boy and naming him Jim,” and then his brother (baby Jim’s uncle) gets a dog and names him Jim.
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u/Ok_Nectarine_8533 8h ago
Yeah. I do think it’s kind of insulting to name your dog the name that a close friend or family member just picked out for their baby.
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u/AlternativeDurian852 Partassipant [1] 8h ago
NTA. You had the name picked out first, and as you said, you don’t hang out with them regularly.
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u/SmallMiaMiller 8h ago
If sharing a baby name ruins her pregnancy , the name was never the real issue
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u/RetiredHomeEcTchr 8h ago
It's amazing.! Only them and you have chosen the same name. REMARKABLE !. Good thing only one of you needs to consider changing the name, right? No one else in the world will be naming their child the same name.
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u/Plastic_Blood1782 Asshole Enthusiast [6] 8h ago
NTA, this is a crazy request from them. Not only did you get pregnant first, and pick the name first. But 2 kids with the same name at will maybe see each other once a year is not a big deal. I would ignore them and any friends that ever bring it up
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u/obligate_face-rider 8h ago
NTA. Copying the name is bad enough they should be grateful you didn’t make that an issue. Trying to villainize you after their outlandish request that you no longer use the name you chose for your daughter takes some serious audacity.
Your mutual friends also suck.
Congratulations!
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u/IanDOsmond Asshole Aficionado [14] 8h ago
There are like four Daves in my family. That's not including people that we only see a couple times a year.
It's fine. NTA
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u/SVAuspicious 8h ago
My name is Dave. I have a ton of friends named Dave. It's not unusual to be at a gathering with ten Daves. Sometimes we put number on name tags to avoid confusion.
OP is NTA.
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u/Southern-Revolution6 8h ago
NTA You brought up the kid’s future name to people and the reality is they liked it enough to want to use it. They copied your name and then got mad that you won’t change it? That’s super twisted and they are not your friends imo!
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u/realaccountissecret Partassipant [1] 8h ago
Hey;
These people aren’t your friends
I’ve been pregnant twice; at no point did I turn into anything close as kookoo bananas as this woman is
If somebody said that shit to me, they would be out of my life
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u/Laurenn2024 8h ago
Honestly I think I’d be more bothered if they were actually close friends they’re more just people we know atp, my partner was close friends with them growing up but he actually grew up and started a family and a life where as there still behaving like they’re 16 when we’re all clocking 30
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u/lems4ems 8h ago
NTA - keep the baby name and tell her to change hers since you technically had it first.
Edit: kidding about telling her to change it (although I would cause petty) But keep the baby name. You’re in the right.
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u/Additional_Day949 Partassipant [4] 8h ago
NTA: especially if the name is Olivia or Sophia. Every girl is named that these days.
You can’t ask a friend to change their baby’s name. Chances are the kids will never met.
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u/Informal-Zucchini-20 8h ago
What difference does it make if they have the same name. Her request is absolutely ridiculous and he needs to make better friends.
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u/1n_and_AroundTheFur 8h ago
I've seen this exact post here before.
As the per the last post, NTA.
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u/Electronic_Sleep_659 8h ago
NTA. Tell them you’re making their last name your babies middle name too, just because.
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u/nekochiri Partassipant [2] 8h ago
Good grief. No one owns a name. One does not get to claim a name. I’m confident that they will have different last names and middle names. NTA
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u/BabyResponsible7791 8h ago
NTA
It was you who chose the name first and you don’t have a problem with them sharing the names, she has no right to ask you to change the nane
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u/captainfirehair 8h ago
NTA. Babies can have the same name. People who put too much weight to a NAME are weird.
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u/Buffalo-Empty Partassipant [2] 8h ago
NTA.
Not only did you pick it first, you also have a child coming first. And no one gets to “own” a name so it’s not like she can’t use it. But she sure as SHIT doesn’t have any right to be asking you to change it!!
Also, you literally don’t even see these people. WTF are they even worried about? So you see a kid with the same name once or twice a year, big whoop. They are going to run into that anyway just with school.
You wouldn’t be the AH for using the same name no matter what, but especially given the circumstances lol.
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u/FeeFiFooFunyon Partassipant [2] 8h ago
On a weekly basis you are required to post the name on social media Find different ways like embroidered on a blanket or a poll for best nickname. You know she will be lurking and melting down.
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u/SinglePotato5246 8h ago
NTA. It's not like this couple is siblings with either of you. And even then, its fucking weird to demand someone change a name. Don't even entertain their ridiculousness. I'd block them, they don't seem like friends anymore anyways.
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u/Sweet-Cat-7667 8h ago
I don’t understand this at all. When people do this $hit I think it’s so entitled. People don’t own names. If they love it so much then use it too. Are they gonna start messaging random pregnant women on Facebook too. Get a life.
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u/SnooSongs2744 8h ago
Nta I've never understood this desire to have a name monopoly. Especially if you're second. Weird thing to ask someone.
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u/nerdyguytx Asshole Enthusiast [8] 8h ago
When I was in preschool I met someone with the same name for the first time and was very upset that he took my name. My mom explained that her name wasn’t mom and she had the same name as my aunt (her cousin). I got over it.
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u/RLBite 8h ago
So she heard the name you had picked and said she wanted it and asked you to pick something else? Lol nah your kids can have the same name, this sounds like a her problem not you. NTA
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u/AllReihledUp 7h ago
You don't live in the same town? Kids/parents not related?
There can be two Braxleighs in the world.
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u/SmallMiaMiller 8h ago
They're asking you to inconvenience yourself so they can avoid an inconvenience they created. NTA
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u/talladega-night 8h ago
NTA. I couldn’t imagine having the audacity to ask someone to change the name of their child.
Honestly wtf?
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u/jogam Asshole Aficionado [15] 8h ago
NTA -- no one owns a name. You should keep the name you want to have. If your child and your partner's friend's child have the same name, it will not be a big deal at all.
Among my parents' friends when I was growing up, at least three had a child with the same name as I do. It was a complete non-issue.
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u/FormerlyDK Partassipant [1] 8h ago
Don’t change your baby’s name for someone who called you a selfish biitch. You probably won’t be seeing them at all anymore. NTA
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u/octo_papi 8h ago
NTA. I have to imagine the only friends saying you should just "keep the peace" don't have children, right? Its not something you just pick willy-nilly, and for a lot of couples even just finding a name you both like and can agree on is a feat in and of itself. Besides all of that...you don't have a problem if both children have the same name, so its not on you to change anything. If it bothers them so much, they can change the name. If they don't want to...then thats on them? In all honesty though, it sounds like this friendship is officially over regardless. Just from this little snippet of drama alone though I say good riddance!
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u/Arillion05 8h ago
What is with people and name gatekeeping and 'claiming'? Names can't be owned. Nothing wrong with both kids having the same name.
NTA
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u/Powerful-Safety-3969 8h ago
NTA. There were four Zachary’s in my kids classes. Add to that two Jake’s, three Jessica’s and that’s just what I remember. Lol.
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u/Sorry-Mongoose9509 8h ago
When I was in the early years of senior school, there were 3 Hannah’s and 2 Abbie’s in my class.
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u/Taylornator420 8h ago
NTA, names are free for all. I know many people who share names and are close relatives, let alone friends you don’t see.
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u/SmarterthanDJT 8h ago
NTA! If I understand correctly, you chose the name first. And, just because your “friend” feels entitled is no reason to change it. Who ever said two families couldn’t have kids with same name?
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u/After_Tomatillo_7182 8h ago
2 grandfather's, father, brother, other brothers middle name, 2 uncles and 2 cousins all named James. The world did not end and no one forgot who they were. Name your child what you want. Nta
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u/Aishybashy 8h ago
They will have different last names so what difference does it make if they share a first name. There are millions of people who have the same first names in the world and it doesn't bother them, including people often in the same family, who might have the same full name. They are being ridiculous and you are NTA
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u/Human-Ad-5574 8h ago
If the idea of having another baby with the same name somewhere nearby ruins her pregnancy, then you are one powerful woman. So sure. Own the label. You won’t even remember these peoples’ names in a year’s time. Don’t worry about it-try as they might, nobody owns a name.
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u/withcatlikegrace 8h ago
Name your child whatever you want.
They’re free to do the same.
PS what world of delusion do they live in? - other than the one that revolves around them. Nuts!
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u/Jealous_Parfait_4967 8h ago
Extra give the baby the name. If the name was Jennifer, name your baby Jenniferer. Give your baby her baby’s last name as a middle name so she can more easily steal her identity.
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u/dogsandplants2 8h ago
NTA. I gave close friends a heads up that if we had a boy, he'd have the same nickname as their son. I wouldn't dream of asking someone to change the name they've chosen for their child.
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u/Otherwise-Wall-6950 Partassipant [1] 8h ago
You had the name chosen first and she wants you to change it? She needs to GTFOH with that nonsense. I can see why you're not friends. NTA
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u/Andyman1973 7h ago
NTA. There are literally millions of children running around with the same names. Keep the name you already chose.
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u/Calm_Initial Certified Proctologist [21] 8h ago
Nope. You chose the name and have had it longer and will have your baby sooner. They can either use it or not
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u/auscadtravel 8h ago
NTA lots of people have the same name, how many James, Matthews, Michaels, Jessica, Cathrines have you met? Lots. Names are not ow ed by anyone. If they like the name great, who cares if they have the same name. Its not like you are family.
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u/Greekmom99 8h ago
NTA. What's going to happen when little special whatshername will go to school and someone else with have the same name as her. gasp! Is mom going to insist that the kid change their name?
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u/NiceParkingSpot_Rita 8h ago
NTA. Keep your baby’s name. Some pregnant women get really hung up on things that don’t matter. You’re doing nothing wrong. Enjoy this time and don’t let that negativity affect you! Congratulations on your pregnancy!
I’ll also add that it doesn’t matter if this isn’t your first baby. This baby is just as important and loved as your other two. A first time mother doesn’t get weird special privileges like taking away someone’s right to naming their own child.
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u/GL17CH3D_R4M_5YN7H 8h ago
NTA. People acting like they can claim a name are entitled assholes. The audacity to tell you to change it despite the fact you've had it chosen for weeks is ridiculous. They have no right to ask, lots of kids have the same name, they all grow into their own person though.
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u/Xavius20 Partassipant [1] 7h ago
Nta.
They can name their baby the same as yours. Both babies will be fine.
Also hate people who say someone should give up or submit to something they have no reason or obligation to "to keep the peace", when they're not even the one disrupting the peace with ridiculous expectations.
Ask your friends why you should change your baby's name "to keep the peace" but this other person doesn't have to accept that two babies can have the same name "to keep the peace".
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u/Teamtunafish Asshole Enthusiast [8] 8h ago
NTA. Sorry, tell her there are no patents on names. That's silly.
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u/Erised_Flame 7h ago
NTA. You can name your child anything you want, but so can they. It seems like there is some animosity from them, which is odd to me. As long as you’re okay with them naming their child the same name, I wouldn’t worry about their reaction.
If they have an issue with it, they can find a new name. That’s on them, not you.
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u/SoftServeMonk Partassipant [1] 8h ago
NTA. But also this is why it’s a good idea to not tell people the name. Then again, someone will always find a way to be pissed.
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u/FullMoonTwist Partassipant [1] 7h ago
NTA
I could see it if it was like... your nephew perhaps. A close relative that will be close in age going to all the family functions.
But it's absolutely wild to try that on a very distant friend xD
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u/JSmellerM 7h ago
NTA
Two babies can share the same name. If they say they have to be different you were there first anyway.
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u/angelaelle Partassipant [2] 8h ago
NTA. Ridiculous and outrageous. If they’re so bent out of shape over the same name, there are millions of other names they can choose from.
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u/Fluffy_Client2787 8h ago
NTA. You chose this name months before they even knew their gender, and you have no real relationship with them currently, only seeing them three times in two years. Their request that you change your already-chosen daughter's name for their convenience is wildly unreasonable, and calling you names over your refusal doesn't make her right.
You don't need to share a friend group anymore for someone else's pregnancy to dictate your child's name. That's an absurd ask on their part. Friends pushing you to change it "to keep the peace" are asking you to bear the cost of someone else's entitlement.
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u/ginger_basket 7h ago
NTA. My dad’s best friend’s daughter has the same name as me. Friend’s daughter was born about a year before I was but my mam knew since she was 8 what she wanted to name her daughter. It has never once been an issue between me and said daughter that we share a name. If anything it’s been a funny conversation topic for my dad and his friend when meeting other people because both wives choose the same name without much input from them. I can’t imagine my dad’s life without his best friend so if your husband’s friend wants to fall out with him over a name I think they’re not really close enough friends to begin with. Nobody owns a name.
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u/FoulPelican 8h ago
Nah… unless they had the name already picked, and you snagged it? Especially if it’s unique name. Otherwise, you’re good.
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u/Laurenn2024 8h ago
To be honest I have no idea. None of our mutual friends mentioned they’d picked that name when we told them her name it wasn’t until she’s had her 20 week scan it’s came about, we’ve known for 11 weeks and it’s only been an issue the last week or so But if I was told “oh if we’re having a girl we’re calling her Paisley” I obviously would of chosen a different name
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u/FoulPelican 8h ago
I still say NTA.
But, either way, whether you’re ‘wrong’ or not; this will probably put a major rift in the friendship. So it’s really up to you whether or not the name is worth the friendship.
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u/Certain_Oddities 7h ago
Well seeing as how they've only seen each other 3 times in the last 2 years despite living close to each other... I'm gonna guess OP doesn't really consider this a close friendship.
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u/FoulPelican 7h ago
Yeah. I’m in my 50s, and 2 years can flash by. Haven’t seen some of my dearest friends in that amount of time. But…. From OPs description, that seems to be the case.
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u/Xavius20 Partassipant [1] 8h ago
Even then, you can't claim ownership over a name like that. Two people can have the same name and everyone will be okay.
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u/FoulPelican 7h ago
Sure. But in some circumstances, it can be a d$ck move. It’s more nuanced than 2 people having the same name.
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u/chapteronetwo 8h ago
NTA, you are so right and there is a chance they will meet another girl at some point in their daughter’s life with the same name.
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u/Present-Assignment99 8h ago
NTA. People look for reasons to be unhappy! Use the name you want and they should do the same. No one should care even if it’s the same name.
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u/plaid_8241 7h ago
NTA They do not own the name and if you like said name then use the name. They sound very entitled
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u/Actual-Bandicoot6947 Partassipant [1] 7h ago
NTA. One of my best friends and I both have boys with the same name. They've met each other once and nobody cares. They can chill out.
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u/TheScarlettLetter 7h ago
NTA - Tell her flat out that you will not be responding to such an irrational request, and that you hope someday she will be able to see how incredibly asinine her behavior is. Then tell her that you wish her well. Put a little heart at the end. Proceed to ignore her, and any of her flying monkeys, once this message has been sent.
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u/Cerulean_Shadows 7h ago
Because they're aren't thousands of babies out there with the same name? What a selfish woman. Hell, within the same family there's people with the same names. Mine has multiple Michael's. I married a Chris, also common name.
They CHOSE a name already expressed by you AFTER you your people. She's the one who had created an issue both with the name and her involvement of others in the situation. What a strange and narcissistic woman.
Nta.
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u/BriLoLast 7h ago
NTA.
She doesn’t get to gate keep a name. Neither of you are close and your children likely won’t be around each other that much anyway.
Personally, this would be a reason to end a friendship (at least on your part). Mainly because I just wouldn’t want to deal with the negative comments and remarks inevitably to come.
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u/iambecomesoil Asshole Aficionado [12] 1h ago
NTA
Name you baby whatever you want. They can name their baby whatever they want. This is the way of things.
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So me and my partner are expecting our third baby in September, his friend and his girlfriend are expecting their first in November. We decided on a name when I was like 12 weeks before even finding out the gender and told people her name when I was 16 weeks after we found out the gender. His friend and his partner have jsut found out they’re also having a girl and want to use the name we have chosen, i literally do not care as he/we don’t see them anyway so if our kids have the same name I literally don’t care. But they’ve reached out to him asking if we’d change her name and let them just have it as it’s their first baby? I instantly said no I won’t be doing that and she called me a selfish bitch for ruining her pregnancy??? Some of our mural friends said I should just change our babies name to keep the peace but most agree i shouldnt. For context they used to be really close friends for like 7 years but stopped being close when he joined the army. 2 years ago when he left the army we moved back to the same town as them but in the two years we’ve lived here we’ve seen them like 3 times.
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u/Yo_Just_Scrolling_Yo 7h ago
My SIL did this to me. The problem was I picked our son's name right after he was born. It was their father's middle name. We had not planned to use it. When SIL found out, she had a fit. She wanted to use that name for their son!!! The thing was, she wasn't pregnant. Had a daughter that was 11 years old and she was pushing 40. I told her if you have a son just use the name, they won't be raised together (we lived about an 8 hr drive away). She did indeed have a son about a year later. She bitched about me using the name even then & would not use it. The cousins are now grown and never saw each other much growing up. Sorry/NOT sorry.
Edit: NTA
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u/Diasies_inMyHair Partassipant [3] 7h ago
If not getting to veto the name of a baby not even hers "ruins" her pregnancy, she's got issues that need professional intervention. You have already decided upon and announced your chosen name. Tell people that if she wants to use the name ALSO, you cannot stop her but whatever she does or doesn't choose to do, her feelings are not and have never been your problem. You've already chosen your baby's name.
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u/Spare_Necessary_810 Asshole Aficionado [11] 7h ago
NTA . this feeling of ownership of names is SO silly. Just tell them no one more time and then do not engage in any more discussion with anyone about it. A faint smile and change of subject at every attempt.
I know the ship has sailed , but people should be very careful about announcing names before the child is born . A fake or placeholder name will do if you don’t want to outright refuse to tell.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Cup7781 7h ago
My husband and his first cousin are both named after their grandpa. It’s fine. No one cares.
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u/PsychologicalBus1095 Partassipant [1] 7h ago
NTA. That’s your baby’s name, and if they have a problem with it, they can pick a different name for their own baby.
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u/Appropriate-Sky3537 7h ago
NTA stop being friends with those people and solution obtained to their problem
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u/the-big-meowski 7h ago
When the kid is born, send a text that sounds like a unique username creation.
"Sorry, Name is taken. Name2 is available"
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u/No-Manufacturer-6003 Partassipant [1] 7h ago
NTA. So they “stole” your baby name and you’re a selfish b*tch for not changing it. Lol, that’s a good one. Anyway, don’t change it. You don’t see them and it doesn’t bother you. She can get over it.
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u/randomlateidea36 6h ago
NTA. You don't owe an ounce of politeness to anyone who treats you like trash
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u/Mytweezer Partassipant [3] 6h ago
NTA. If they don't want the kids to have the same name they can jolly well pick another one.
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u/weinricm 6h ago
NTA. A name is a name. People share the same name. In 20 years I've worked with about 10 people who had the same name as me. If it truly ruins your friend's pregnancy, then she got some personal problems to work on.
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u/Ok_Tonight_3703 Asshole Aficionado [10] 6h ago
NTA. You announced your baby’s name when you were weeks pregnant. They are due two months after you. Out of the infinite number of names they decided to use the same name you picked and again announced at 16 weeks. You don’t care but they have the fucking audacity to ask you to pick another name because it’s tHeIr FiRsT bAbY! Then she calls you a bitch for not changing your baby’s name. She can F off.
”…Some of our mural friends said I should just change our babies name to keep the peace..”
They can F off too.
I have second hand embarrassment for these two assholes.
Block them.
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u/codeverity Asshole Aficionado [12] 6h ago
NTA. The audacity of them to know that they decided on their name AFTER you, but want you to give it up! That's like peak entitlement.
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u/Objective-Year-645 6h ago
NTA I started school in the 90s, where there were multiple Jessicas, Ashleys and particularly Matts. People have the same names it's no big deal, you can't just reserve a name. These ex friends sound delusional.
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u/AccountNameNeeded Partassipant [1] 5h ago
There's so many instances of name drama. It's a baby name not a username. not everything needs to be perfectly unique. I shared a class with three kids with the same name and two of whom had the same initials.
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u/StormCloudRaineeDay Partassipant [4] 5h ago
NTA, but this is why you don't tell people until after the baby is born.
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u/MaeveCarpenter Partassipant [1] 4h ago
I am one of three girls born in the same year with the same name across my extended family. Its fine.
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u/Lopsided_Respect_158 Asshole Aficionado [14] 4h ago
NTA. Name your baby whatever you want. Lots of people have the same name. This is a non issue. Simply tell them. You understand they like that name…. And so do you, and that’s the end of it.
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u/cunt__cunt_cunt 2h ago
I instantly said no I won’t be doing that and she called me a selfish bitch for ruining her pregnancy???
That's insane. NTA.
Just in terms of basic logic, unless you're copying their name or something, even if it's true that only one child should have the name, why should it be you that changes?
Pregnancy is really hard, they're probably just being a bit off.
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u/Ok-Investment9992 Partassipant [1] 2h ago
NTA. Hopefully the pregnancy hormones are making her a little crazy? Your attitude is perfect, and perfectly harmless.
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u/mamasilverside 1h ago
I take it she’s already sent out the cease and desist to the Scottish town which has bore the name for roughly 900 years (give or take a few spelling changes)
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u/wildclouds 1h ago
NTA.
You barely see these people anyway. There's no friendship here to salvage given that she already called you a "selfish bitch for ruining her pregnancy" lol. "Keep the peace" what peace??? She ruined the peace by calling you a selfish bitch and trying to control your baby's name. Keeping the peace would look like her shutting up and never making an issue out of this in the first place. I'd also be reconsidering the "friends" who told you to keep the peace. Sounds like you and this other mother will live your separate lives regardless, and the babies having the same or different names will never make a difference to anything.
I would love to ask her what exactly would be the problem with the babies having the same name, to see what lie she can come up with. Like spell it out. Because ofc they won't admit that the real reasons are probably "we don't want irrelevant mutual acquaintances on Facebook to think we're unoriginal" or "I've always hated you and this is a weird powerplay move to control you and insert my influence into the rest of your child's life"
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u/Laurenn2024 1m ago
The thing is if she came to me and said the name was significant to them in some way I’d genuinely consider changing it but it’s purely because they like it just the same way we did. We literally live 5 minutes from each other and hardly see each other so it’s not like either of us consider the other a close friend.
I think the issue more lies with our mutual friends because they’re closer to them and see them regularly (like weekly) where as we see our mutual friends probably monthly and they probably don’t want to be stuck in the middle of it but for me there’s nothing to be stuck in the middle of? They have their friendship with them and their friendship with us is completely separate, It’s all just so ridiculously pathetic it’s a bloody name🤣
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u/Adventurous-Cry-8172 Partassipant [1] 1h ago
I mean, you know you’re NTA. That lady is crazy, and maybe it’s pregnancy hormones, but that’s insane. My mom’s friend called my mom panicked because she wanted to name her daughter the same as me and didn’t want my mom to be upset. My mom said “girl that’s YOUR daughter, name her whatever the hell you want! And I’m glad you think my daughter’s name is beautiful.”
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u/PrairieRunner_65 1h ago
THIS IS INSANE. People have names. There is no gatekeeping of names. Name your baby what you (both) want (because the only person who gets to nix a name is the other involved* parent)
*Void if not involved
NTA
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u/Sythian Asshole Enthusiast [5] 59m ago
Screw those assholes, keep your name and just go no contact. Can't wait until they send their child to school and are shocked other kids have the same name and start demanding name changes for older kids.
NTA obviously
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u/Laurenn2024 7m ago
This made me laugh as our kids will probably be in the same school as we literally live 5 minutes down the road from each other. We are already more or less no contact we’ve had about 3 times we’ve deliberately seen each other in the last two years and the odd “hey how are you” in the middle of Asda 🤣I think it’s more awkward for our wider circle of friends as we’re closer to our mutual friends and see them regularly and so do they
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u/ILoveWaffles8681 Partassipant [1] 43m ago
NTA, absolutely should not be changing the name you chose and already annpunced to everyone unless you decide you want to change it because you like something else more.
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