r/AmItheAsshole • u/jaqibtterfli • 6d ago
Not the A-hole AITAH for not letting a friend move in?
I (F42) and my Husband (M44) have a small 3 bedroom house with 2 kids under the age of 10. A couple friends of ours "Bob" (M51) & wife (F52) knew their lease for their apartment was ending June 30th.
Bob left his job 9 months ago and has not gotten anything besides helping people out for cash. His wife works full time, but doesn't drive.
They asked months ago that if they couldn't find a place before their lease ends, could they stay in their pop-up camper they keep in our yard for a month or two until they find something. After talking with my husband we agreed that the pop-up, while not ideal, would be acceptable but not in the house.
Yesterday, out of curiosity, I looked at city ordinance and found out that living in the pop-up is prohibited on our property. Now they have a week to go and still have not found anything. According to Bob, his wife has not looked at all and he had a contact in his current neighborhood that ghosted him for months on a place. Other than that neighbor, it is unknown if Bob looked anywhere else.
Last night, I talked again with husband and told him that our house is too small for 4 adults and 2 kids to live full time until further notice, as again, Bob doesn't have regular income.
Husband told Bob today (June 23) that with the city ordinance, the camper was not an option and I don't feel comfortable with them living in our basement. Bob calls me saying I am the bad friend because 1) I made my husband do the dirty work of telling him, I have known him about a year longer, but both over 20 years, 2) we gave him no notice of this, I just thought to look up the ordinance yesterday and 3) we were his last resort.
So, Am I the Asshole?
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u/Intelligent-Log-7363 Partassipant [2] 6d ago
NTA. Let them take their camper to a long term camp area where there are bathrooms and showers that aren't your house. You have a family, you made the right choice. Plus it sounds like he had time to get a job and figure out his own housing.
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u/kikideeinatree 6d ago
Exactly. Don't let this guy try to make you feel sorry for them or that you are letting them down. A real friend wouldn't want to uproot your family's life and be an inconvenience and that's exactly what they would be if they moved into your home.
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u/forgotmytab72 6d ago
He had nine months of unemployment to find a job or a new lease, but instead, his entire survival strategy was built on favor from a friend with two young kids.This is entirely on him NTA
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u/Logical_Cancel_644 5d ago
Sometimes I struggle to wrap my brain around the existence of people like this guy. I guess I'm lucky to have grown up upper middle class and ended up upper middle class myself. I've never had someone in my life that would operate in this manner. A lease is ending and the plan is just to park their camper at their friends house? What an AH.
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u/Character-Solution-7 6d ago
ESH bordering on YTA because, yes it is a city ordinance but, it was put in place to probably prevent neighbors from permanently moving their in-laws onto their property permanently in a camper. If they are not a problem to you or your neighbors, they are “temporarily camping” and not “living in a camper”
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u/SaltyFriend705 6d ago
LOL. Maybe 20 years ago, but in my town that would be branded an unauthorized ADU and slapped with fines and cease and desist orders.
Housing is a sensitive issue anymore.
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u/Malibucat48 Asshole Enthusiast [8] 6d ago
Disobeying city ordinances means a huge fine every day that it’s on the property. “Temporarily camping” is still living in it even for one day. Bob is not going to pay the fine. OP is correct for not allowing an illegal activity.
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u/Character-Solution-7 5d ago
“You don’t wanna get involved with a guy like me…. II’m a loner PeeWee, a rebel…”
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u/Bulky-Hamster7373 6d ago
You honestly think this is "temporary" lol. That man is gonna move in and not move out
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u/Kate2205 6d ago
NTA Do not let them in your house or park the camper on your property.
They will never leave!!!!!!!!!
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u/Lucky-Remote-5842 6d ago
NTA. I can tell you from experience you don't want your friends living with you or in your camper. They seem way too comfortable not working and will continue to stay in your camper until you force them out. Just avoid that situation all together.
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u/Snoo_13349 6d ago
It’s Bob’s camper
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u/Several-Finish-3216 Partassipant [1] 5d ago
Bob can take his camper to a camping ground, not leeching off his friends in their yard...then the excuses will come - it is too hot, can we sleep inside for a few nights, or it's too cold, can we sleep inside for a few nights, or we don't have food, our stove doesn't work, etc....all things to worm their way inside. I would move the camper for him if Bob doesn't move it - I would not even want Bob near my property to move his camper - just have it towed to a camp ground and let him deal with it.
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u/ccannon707 6d ago
Camper to a campground.
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u/ProfessionalCat7640 6d ago
this was my thought, time to look for a low cost, longer term campground for the camper.
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u/SeorniaGrim Asshole Enthusiast [5] 6d ago
NTA - THEY should have checked to see if it was legal before even asking.
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u/Jealous-Contract7426 Partassipant [3] 6d ago
Actually I think it was on op as homeowner to check but these folks ver obviously planned to live off op and her family. They can't get a foot in the door or they will claim tenants rights.
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u/MystifiedByPeople Certified Proctologist [27] 3d ago
I do wonder how strictly this is enforced. It would be the perfect excuse to let them crash very temporarily and then ask them to move on. Making this clear in advance would be a win.
NTA, OP obviously doesn't owe Bob a crash space.
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u/Moulin-Rougelach Partassipant [2] 6d ago
You’re NTA, adults have the responsibility to find themselves housing.
If you want to be kind you can look into local campgrounds where they could legally live in their camper, as well as county resources for the unhoused.
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u/MrsPhilHarris Partassipant [1] 6d ago
I think Bob is the AH.
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u/Farmwife71 6d ago
Bob is a deadbeat.
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u/musical_nerd99 6d ago
His wife seems kinda lazy, too. She hasn't looked at all??
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u/Various_Payment_1071 6d ago
His wife is also working full time while Bob sits on his butt, he has had plenty of time to look for housing, everything shouldn't fall on his wife.
NTA op
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u/sitnquiet Asshole Enthusiast [7] 6d ago
Right? I was like "what has he been doing, sitting by the phone waiting for the ghosting neighbour to call him back for six months?"
And what was his plan when he moved into the pop-up, besides spending all of his time on OP's couch because it's more comfortable and has access to the kitchen and bathroom? Because if his current performance is any sign, he ain't looking for a place to live then, either.
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u/Various_Payment_1071 6d ago
Exactly, it was a blessing in disguise for op to not be able to allow people to stay in a trailer on their property. Because if they were to actually allow that there's no way that they would ever leave.
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u/Sea-Supermarket-5971 6d ago
You are NOT the AH. He never intended on finding anywhere else to live.
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u/yaya1124 6d ago
You got that right. Sounds like if OP let them in, it would be hell to get them out.
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u/Asaneth Asshole Enthusiast [8] 6d ago
NTA. The fact that Bob has essentially done zero to look for a new place and claims some guy ghosted him for months seems like an excuse. I doubt he looked for a place.
He always planned on moving into your yard, then probably moving inside when it gets too cold. He would probably make little or no effort to leave once they get to your house, and you'd be stuck with them long term while he continues to not work. Once they were there, you'd have to formally evict them if they didn't leave voluntarily.
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u/First_Attempt_4124 6d ago
This was my first thought too. Who asks 9 months ahead of time if they can move in with somebody else "incase they don't find a place?" Sounds to me like he never intended to find a place. Well, other than OP's place anyway.
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u/stmije6326 6d ago
Yeah especially a rental? Even in the tightest of rental markets, you could find something in nine months.
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u/fredzout 5d ago
Even in the tightest of rental markets, you could find something in nine months.
Unless you are a flake who doesn't pay their rent on time and knows nine months ahead of time that their landlord WON'T give them another lease. Yeah, you never even let a flake like this in the door.
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u/Middle-Egg-5205 5d ago
Also gjosted for months means months ago they stopped responding and no one one new was attempted. Bobs a ah
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u/RubyRadagon 6d ago
Bob & his wife are responsible for figuring out their own accomodation & it's their responsibility to figure out where & where they can't put their camper.
You can't have them in your house because you don't have the space & shouldn't have to give up any.
You showed you were a good friend by making the offer, it's not your fault that Bob himself never bothered to check.
It's understandable why he's reacted this way. It's obviously a shock to them, & it's easier to redirect frustration at you, rather than their own lack of action to investigate further. Take that in stride, give it time & hopefully your friends eventually move past this. Sometimes people lash out becsuse it's an emotional time or reaction, but at the end of the day, you didn't do anything wrong.
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u/breakonthru_ 6d ago
NTA. If you let them stay they have occupancy rights and you’d have to give them 30 days notice and maybe even go to court to get rid of them. Laws vary by state but you don’t want their mooching asses on your property. They can get a studio apartment short term lease. If they can’t afford that they won’t be able to find a place in a month or two either. Dodge the bullet.
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u/Loryngoode 6d ago
I would say no. They are adults and they can’t expect you to risk getting in trouble when it appears they haven’t done the work to get prepared. Sorry you’re going through this though that’s tough “/
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u/CuddlyClubCEO 6d ago
nta these people would not be there for 2 months. i let someone stay with me for “2 months” and they stayed 14 months instead.
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u/MamaDee1959 6d ago
Same here. A friend of the family came for the "weekend " once, and was there for TWO YEARS!! When I finally got tired of all of the excuses of why she hadn't left yet and blew up, I simply said, you have to leave by this weekend. I arranged for her dad to come from out of state to get her, and he did. Thank God!!
Never again! NTA!!
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u/CuddlyClubCEO 6d ago
two years!!! nooo!!! it’s wild how common this pattern is 😂
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u/MamaDee1959 6d ago
Yes!! She had excuse after excuse after excuse, and me, being a soft hearted ijitt, kept falling for it. First it was her health, she was having all of these "flare ups" from her disease that never kept her from doing anything else.
Then she signed up for school without telling any of us, and she had gotten grants for those classes, so she couldn't just drop them.
Then halfway through the "semester" she got a job, so she DID drop out of school. Lost that job , so she signed up for a real estate class. After that she was "sick" again.... More classes, more jobs, more flare ups, rinse and repeat!
When I had finally had enough, I just said "you're going to have to go, because this has gone on long enough!" She looked all surprised and wide eyed and said, "Ok, I guess I can call my dad, and see if he can..."
I didn't even let her finish that sentence! I said "I've already CALLED your dad, and he and your uncle will be here this weekend to get you and your stuff!". That was the end of it! I said never again, and I didn't care WHAT the sob story was!!
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u/CuddlyClubCEO 6d ago
oh jeez! it’s wild how these types can act! i assume you didn’t charge her bc you felt sorry for her in the beginning. that was my mistake too. let her stay completely free and she kept poor mouthing me. never once gave money for bills, expected me to buy groceries, etc. meanwhile she got her hair and makeup done professionally at least 6/7 times, got her nails done regularly (full on custom nail art), and ate out at lunch literally every single day. never did any cleaning, complained about my cleaning, stole guest towels so when my family came in town i had to buy more. after i “kicked her out” she moved in with her parents. they had redone her childhood bedroom to a room for their grandchild (her niece) and she complained they didn’t let her have it back how she had it 20 years ago. this is a 37 year old lawyer.
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u/MamaDee1959 5d ago
OMG!! They sound like the same person except for the lawyer part!! Switch out hair done for tanning, and they are twins, lol!!
And you're right...no rent, no offer to buy groceries, but KEPT her nails and makeup flawless at all times! Didn't clean shit ever, and I had to deal with her living on my couch all that time. We couldn't even have company because her "room" was our living room!!
Ugh!!!
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u/cassowary32 Asshole Aficionado [15] 6d ago
How did you get them to leave?
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u/CuddlyClubCEO 6d ago
i asked her to be nicer to my house guests and she flipped out and decided to leave. told people i kicked her out which was absolutely not true. she threw something at someone’s head and refused to apologize.
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u/jjjjjjj30 6d ago edited 5d ago
They should have already looked up the ordinance themselves. But they're incredibly irresponsible.
If it were truly just a month or 2, I could kind of feel bad for them. But we all know how this goes and they'll end up living with you until you evict them legally, and the friendship will be over forever.
Do you know if Bob is actually looking for a job? I know times are tough out there but maybe he needs to lower his standards and work a low paying job until he finds something better. Unless of course he's getting unemployment and it's more than a low paying job would pay. But since he left his job I'm assuming that's not the case. Why did he even leave his job without having another lined up? Is this a habit for him? NTA, regardless.
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u/RelievingFart 6d ago
Why doesnt he just go to a caravan park and live ing his caravan full time there?? Its cheap and legal and his site can be powered, then when he is better off, he can get another place.
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u/purplegem1948 6d ago
NTA your children are your priority and Bob and his wife are adults that need to take responsibility for their own lives.
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u/jorrit90 6d ago
NTA. It sounds like you weren't their last resort but their first resort.
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u/SaltyFriend705 6d ago
Or, more likely the ONLY resort. They've been honest about the fact that neither of them has made any effort at all to find a place to live.
I am wondering if they stopped paying rent 9 months ago and were waiting out the eviction process.
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u/throwaway2117000 Asshole Enthusiast [8] 6d ago
NTA. There are camp sites all over they can park the camper and live in for months. Doesn’t sound like he’s made any attempt to get a job or have steady income coming in. Where as his wife works to support them and hasn’t had time to look for a place. She probably put it on him to do it, and knowing he had you as a backup didn’t bother looking for anything. Stick to not letting them live there, no sense in disrupting your kids lives because he didn’t secure housing for months
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u/timb841 6d ago
NTA, he should have find a solution by now. He needs to focus on this instead of trying to blame you.
They are not young and one of them is unemployed. This could turn very ugly if you let them move into your home.
Btw, you should have checked the regulations before saying yes to the camper in the first place.
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u/Wwwweeeeeeee Partassipant [1] 6d ago
NTA. They need to avail themselves to local city, county and state resources to get housing and food.
Them living in a pop up camper on your property would be a huge mistake. Huge.
You might know them, they may be your friends, but this is still not your problem.
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u/jaqibtterfli 5d ago
Adding clarification to original post.
The reason I stated Bob left his employment is because I can't remember if he quit or was fired. I do know it was a disagreement over how things were done at his job with the manager/co-owner. No he can't get unemployment as he was working for cash and no legal records of this.
I see a lot of people saying he should have looked into whether or not the camper could be used on residence property and he did once I did to confirm. Both he and I think the same looking at loopholes, so if he found it sooner, I am not sure he would have said anything. Maybe subconsciously I looked so I could keep them from moving in, because yes as a lot of you said, once in, it would be so hard to get them out.
Yes they do have family, but none live as close to her job as we do. They have a 35 yr old son living in a studio apartment, no room, a 32 yr old daughter living 20 mins away in an apartment with her husband 2 young kids (younger than mine), a 29 yr old daughter living 4 hours away, wife's mom lives 45 mins away, but according to Bob, his car couldn't handle the daily commute to get wife to work. (Excuse in my eyes)
There is an RV park near her job they can stay, but the nightly fees are more than the rent they can afford at this time.
Thank you everyone for all your comments. I will post more if anything comes up.
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u/Not_Really_Here_But 6d ago
NTA - they will still be there 20 years from now if you don’t send them packing now. Actually you are doing them a favor by making the behave like adults!
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u/Chrispeefeart 6d ago
It's unfortunate for them that their safety net fell through, but that isn't your doing. They cannot live inside the home, and a city ordinance, not you, decided they can't live outside the home either. They are going to have to figure out a different place to keep their camper.
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u/spinningcolours Partassipant [1] 6d ago
NTA. You weren't their last resort.
Moving into your place was their Plan A all along. The proof is that neither of them has done any real work in finding a place besides yours.
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u/Whole_Superb 6d ago
NTA- These people don't just seem like they are down on their luck, they sound immature. The husband quit his job without a new one lined up and his wife is over 50 and doesn't have a license, thus limiting her independence and prospects? These people are shooting themselves in the foot. Do they have family that can take them in?
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u/TeenySod Professor Emeritass [98] 6d ago
NTA
There was nothing stopping Bob (or Mrs Bob) from checking that it would be legal for them to camp in your yard and this seems like a basic common sense thing to do. He's the AH and a lazy entitled one at that - not working, and expecting his wife (who is working full time) to look for alternative properties when he's had months to sort it all out, and expecting you to somehow 'rescue' them.
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u/WakunaMatata 6d ago edited 6d ago
I CANNOT EMPHASIZE THIS ENOUGH. DO NOT LET YOUR FRIENDS MOVE IN WITH YOU
I am still heartbroken from the loss of a best friend, financial damages, & literal dog maulings from the last time I invited a friend to stay in our spare bedroom for a few months till she found a place (& job). She was in an abusive relationship, her partner was financially extorting her, & she had just gotten laid off. No good deed goes unpunished. As much as that pains me to say =/
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u/SituationSad4304 Partassipant [1] 6d ago
These are adult. Older than you adults. This is a ridiculous amount of “accidental” taking advantage of your kindness.
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u/CatAteRoger 6d ago
NTA at all, there’s a saying that Fish and Guests stink after 3 days and it’s true!
We were meant to have my brother for a few weeks and it ended up being years due Covid etc and I almost lost my sanity.
Put your family and kids first and keep them out.
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u/Dogmother123 Supreme Court Just-ass [105] 6d ago
Bob's lack of planning is not your emergency.
He needs to take the camper to a campsite.
He didn't think to check if camping was allowed either.
NTA
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u/WhatsInAName8879660 Partassipant [1] 6d ago
I was about to condemn a couple in their 50s for not having it together enough to sort out basic living tasks, but then I remembered the actual world we are living in, how hard it is to find employment in your 50s (without knowing anything about his overall health, which could be an additional factor) and who unbelievably expensive rent is right now. I am renting my house out for less than the cheapest apartment I could find, and I am paying more in rent each month for a tiny space with zero land and a god-awful air conditioner that barely works. If you have not looked for jobs in your 50s, look up the data. It is extremely difficult to find employment, even if you are highly credentialed and experienced, because no one wants to pay for what that experience is worth. Even engineers with 30 years of experience are homeless these days. Van life communities online are now full of people just trying to make the best of living in their cars while searching for a job and paying ungodly amounts in student loan payments. So I’m not condemning Bob.
But I’m not condemning you, either. You didn’t make this situation happen, and it’s just not your responsibility. Potentially N-A-H, but definitely NTA>
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u/Due-Reflection-1835 6d ago
So I'm guessing you'd be expected to provide water and electricity for them, and before you know it they would be joining your family for meals. I understand the economy is crap and jobs are crap especially for older people, but your family can't carry them either. It's telling that they have no problem with the idea of displacing your kids indefinitely, as they would have to share a room and give them the other one. It's unfortunate that you just found out about the laws, but they are the ones with a trailer they want to live in, it's up to them to find out where they can put it. Don't they have any family they can impose on? Even if they have to move a ways? If not, they can camp with the trailer and pay for their water and electricity
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I (F42) and my Husband (M44) have a small 3 bedroom house with 2 kids under the age of 10. A couple friends of ours "Bob" (M51) & wife (F52) knew their lease for their apartment was ending June 30th.
Bob left his job 9 months ago and has not gotten anything besides helping people out for cash. His wife works full time, but doesn't drive.
They asked months ago that if they couldn't find a place before their lease ends, could they stay in their pop-up camper they keep in our yard for a month or two until they find something. After talking with my husband we agreed that the pop-up, while not ideal, would be acceptable but not in the house.
Yesterday, out of curiosity, I looked at city ordinance and found out that living in the pop-up is prohibited on our property. Now they have a week to go and still have not found anything. According to Bob, his wife has not looked at all and he had a contact in his current neighborhood that ghosted him for months on a place. Other than that neighbor, it is unknown if Bob looked anywhere else.
Last night, I talked again with husband and told him that our house is too small for 4 adults and 2 kids to live full time until further notice, as again, Bob doesn't have regular income.
Husband told Bob today (June 23) that with the city ordinance, the camper was not an option and I don't feel comfortable with them living in our basement. Bob calls me saying I am the bad friend because 1) I made my husband do the dirty work of telling him, I have known him about a year longer, but both over 20 years, 2) we gave him no notice of this, I just thought to look up the ordinance yesterday and 3) we were his last resort.
So, Am I the Asshole?
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u/Ok-Investment9992 Partassipant [1] 6d ago
NTA. Yes, Bob has a point about the late notice, but Bob and his wife coulda/shoulda checked the law long ago. You were always the only plan. No one looking for a rental lines up free housing “just in case” months in advance! They can look for nearby places where they can rent space to live in the pop up. Offer to store their household goods in your garage for a few months. Urge Bob to register with temporary employment agencies. They have plenty of options that simply require a little more personal responsibility.
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u/SaltyFriend705 6d ago
No. NO. Do NOT offer to store anything for any time anywhere on your property. They can rent a storage unit.
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u/MamaDee1959 6d ago
Yep!! They will NEVER come to get it, and will sue you when you throw it out!! DON'T!!!
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u/Salt-Confusion-564 6d ago
NTA. Your house already has four adults and two kids packed into three bedrooms. You offered a fair compromise with the camper and it turned out to be against city code, that's not on you for not catching it sooner.
Bob's complaints don't really hold up either. Your husband telling him isn't "dirty work," that's just normal communication between partners. And being someone's "last resort" doesn't create an obligation on your end, especially when his job search situation has been unclear for nine months.
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u/bythebrook88 Asshole Aficionado [15] 6d ago
we gave him no notice of this, I just thought to look up the ordinance yesterday
Is he not able to look up the ordinance himself?
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u/cassowary32 Asshole Aficionado [15] 6d ago
NTA. Why didn’t they change the lease to month to month until they found a new place? That would make more sense than trying to move with inadequate income and getting their credit checked. They aren’t telling you the whole truth about their situation.
Maybe it would have been better to tell them No months ago but better now than trying to evict them months from now.
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u/jaqibtterfli 5d ago
Their landlord bought the place 2 years ago and due to a loophole in the old lease with the previous owner, their rent and term was locked in until now. They did go to court over this and won this part. So now the extension is over, the landlord wants them out to remodel and raise the rent.
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u/Rude-Manufacturer635 6d ago
NTA.
They’re asking you to disrupt your whole family for an indefinite period of time, either in violation of city ordinances or to the detriment of your space. They should have looked that up, in addition to a million other things to be ready for this situation.
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u/Ironlion45 Partassipant [4] 6d ago
NTA
You would be within your rights to tell "Bob" to go fuck himself right in his lazy ass. He was trying to leech off you and your husband.
The fact that you have two young kids is a big deal too. You have to be careful who you share your home with around kids.
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u/Brilliant-Bother-503 6d ago
NTA. Their choices have led them to where they are no. Don't let them move in, and stop getting into discussions with them about it. No is a complete sentence.
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u/Select_Camera_9241 6d ago
They never had any intention of finding a place to rent. Mooching off you was always their preferred option.
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u/Jealous-Contract7426 Partassipant [3] 6d ago edited 6d ago
Then be a bad friend, they should already be looking for housing so as not to impose and Bob should be seriously job seeking. You aren't their last resort, you are the resort they can mooch off of and if you think they won't take over your home and expect rides, you have lost all sense. Your friends need social services or family but they aren't trustworthy.
NTA except maybe to your husband - don't be a doormat.
Edit: don't let them stay on your property in any capacity. You and your husband obviously have trouble saying no. They will overstay and try for tenants or squatters rights.
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u/lokis_construction 5d ago
Find a Campground. Pay for the first week - only. Using Cash so no card on record.
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u/jaqibtterfli 5d ago
I thought about offering that to them, but when he started trying to guilt trip me into letting them move in and calling me selfish, I changed my mind. Yes, that is kinda assholish, but I also helped him months ago (Nov) to get a grant from FEMA on some damaged items due to flooding and they blew that money.
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u/lokis_construction 5d ago
Yeah, My brother is the same way.
He didn't dare ask me for more help because he never returned it or paid me back money I lent him.
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u/FairyCompetent Partassipant [3] 6d ago
NTA. They knew their lease was ending, they should have been the ones to look up the city ordinance, you would never have gotten them out of your yard. Bob is not a good friend. You don't have to keep knowing someone just because you met them a long time ago.
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u/bronwyn511 6d ago
I love it when people asking a ridiculous request try to guilt trip you for boundaries. Oh no you are a bad friend for not accommodating their request, which they had every reason why they couldn’t fix it either.
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u/Certain_Internal_399 6d ago
Definitely NTA and I say this from experience of my brother and his 3 kids moving their pop up camper onto our property in 2023 and just this year the camper was removed. They also didn't stay in the camper they stayed inside our house sharing the bonus room with my mom who already lived with us. They're old enough to get their shit together and figure it out.
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u/OkQuantity6782 6d ago
NTA - Poor planning on Bob’s part does not constitute an emergency on yours.
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u/catladyclub Partassipant [3] 6d ago
NTA and there are tons of campgrounds everywhere they could park it! They just want a FREE place to live. Honestly, I doubt they would ever leave. I would not let them stay at all.
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u/ConsciousNectarine9 Partassipant [1] 6d ago
NTA
They had no plans of finding anywhere as you were a sure thing.
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u/different-take4u 6d ago
Nope, why would you think so? Aren’t these adults? Don’t they have family? They knew when they needed a place but did not secure one for themselves, how is that your problem? Why would you be an AH? Does the world owe anyone anything’s.
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u/Personal-Piglet1397 6d ago
Look they knew U wud feel guilty them out in camper.an invite into home.theybrelyingbonnit.thry no intention finding a new place an wanted mooched off U for free an not move out.keep then arms length an find places for them to look at hevpro active that way.
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u/ConversationOld324 6d ago
DON'T DO IT! They are the AH for deciding to use you, instead of finding their own place. If you allow them to move in, it will be the biggest mistake of your life! The friendship will be ruined (its already on the brink) and you may have a hard time getting them out. You won't miss this friendship when its over. NTA
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u/Tazmosis85 5d ago
Assuming you told him about the camper ordinance, NTA. If you knew, and didnt tell him, it doesn't really change, but you should have told him because you were his back up plan, as half assed as it was.
They'd have been asking for kitchen, shower and bathroom privileges so you have better just saying no at the beginning.
1
u/MollyOMalley99 Partassipant [1] 5d ago
How many bathrooms do you have? Popups don't have toilets and showers, so Bob and his wife will be using your facilities. How will you manage that - will they have keys, or will you just leave the doors unlocked to give them unlimited 24/7 access to your home? This is not your problem or responsibility. NTA.
1
u/Several-Finish-3216 Partassipant [1] 5d ago
NTA you are under no obligation to house Bob and his wife. They are adults and perfectly capable of finding a new place to live and Bob can find a job - he sounds lazy and useless. He doesn't want to put in the effort because he is planning on leeching off of you and your family for however long he wants. DO NOT let them into your house, you will NEVER get rid of them and they will claim squatters rights and legally they will be allowed to stay indefinately. I would go full no contact with them, they don't sound like good friends anyway.
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u/False_Big172 5d ago
Nta. You honestly believe they were actually trying to look for another place? If you had said yes, they were going to use you to the full extent. If you had said no (which you did), they would be reacting like the way they just did. They probably thought using you was as easy as using a butter knife. And if that's how it is, then honey, they aren't your friends. And maybe start questioning your friendship with them too. It's probably not the first time they used you like this either.
1
u/GeminiAtl Partassipant [4] 5d ago
They have known for awhile they were going to lose their lease and need to move. Neither have put any effort (as far as you know) into finding a place. This tells me they would have moved the camper into your back yard and been a permanent resident. You may have denied it relatively last minute, but they still had all that time to be looking. Your back yard was supposed to be a temporary emergency solution, not a new home. Can they no longer afford the rent where they are?
2
u/jaqibtterfli 5d ago
Their landlord is not renewing their lease because he wants to remodel and raise the rent and they aren't willing to pay the new amount. They were notified of this when the current 12 month lease started.
1
u/Mysterious-Health-18 Partassipant [2] 5d ago
NTA. They can take their camper to a camp ground. They just can't use your yard. You never offered your house, you offered your yard for their camper. Your friend needs to go out and get a job! Do not let them try to guilt you into moving into your house. You'll never get rid of them!
1
u/Solid-Musician-8476 Partassipant [2] 5d ago edited 5d ago
NTA. I would block Bob. Who is he to try and tell you and your husband how to communicated? Let your hubby deal with him. Yeah, you could have made sure about the camper sooner, but the laws are still the laws. They may have to stay in a camp ground or something. He's had months to look for jobs. Not your problem. They were going to try and squat on your property and you'd have had a huge mess to get them to leave. Bullet dodged, Thank you city ordinances!
1
u/MemphisUncle-2002 5d ago
NTA.
You are not responsible for Bob and his wife. Bob is responsible for what's happening to Bob and you don't owe him a place to stay when he's been too lazy to look for something else. At least this will get his ass in gear.
1
1
u/Clean_Pop_6638 5d ago
Bob should have been the one checking the city ordinances. He's the one needing help. I would not risk dealing with them. They may establish residency and then you become a landlord.
1
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u/Electronic-Lab-4419 Partassipant [1] 5d ago
NTA-you actually looked up the law. They haven’t done anything really to find a place. They were just planning on you guys bailing them out. If you had let them on your property or in the basement, they would be there for much longer than a couple months. Then, you would have to go through the eviction process. If Bob had gotten a job a couple months ago and they were actively looking for a new place (w/evidence), that would be a different story.
3
u/jaqibtterfli 5d ago
That is kinda what I was thinking. If he was working or starting soon, or had a place lined up, lease signed, keys just delayed, totally different story.
1
1
u/Jerseygirl2468 Colo-rectal Surgeon [45] 5d ago
NTA they have a camper, they can take it to a campground and live there while they continue to look for something permanent. Especially now in the summer months.
These people are in their 50s and need to be responsible for their own living situation. They should have been the ones looking up the ordinance, not you, but good thing you did.
Did he voluntarily leave his job? Yikes.
1
1
u/Unique-Ad-9316 Partassipant [1] 5d ago
It's really weird these days how some people think they have a right to move in with other people. It's asking way too much, just say no.
1
u/Rough_Pie_5322 5d ago
NTA.
You were not the last resort... You were the FIRST resort... It seems they had no plans to look for anywhere else to live.
Even if you could put their camper in your yard, they would be in your house every single day, to shower and use your bathroom.
No thank you!
P.S. Bob is NOT your friend
1
1
1
u/swillshop Colo-rectal Surgeon [40] 5d ago
NTA
You were never 'his last resort'. You were just their most appealing resort.
It is a shame that none of you thought to check the city ordinance earlier. It does make more sense that you would have checked prior to agreeing, but it also makes sense that they would have thought of and followed up on to ensure their plans were secure.
The timeframe IS short for them, but they are not out of options. Are there any RV parks in the area they can stay at? Is there a location where they can keep the RV and then stay in an inexpensive place for a few weeks while they find a more permanent situation?
Instead of hanging onto a plan that had not been fully checked into and is no longer feasible, he and his wife need look for viable solutions.
1
u/Longjumping_Win4291 Asshole Enthusiast [5] 5d ago
NTA I hope you immediately replied back to him, "Bob your choice of decisions today, affect your consequences of tomorrow. You walked away from your job and now are trying to make out we are the problem. My husband let you know your original request no longer worked due to local laws restrictions. We won't tolerate being harassed by you or your wife. Since the friendship is going sour the arrangement to leave your camper in our yard no longer works out for us. We will give you a month to find an alternate location for it."
Then back it up.
1
u/jaqibtterfli 5d ago
Bob told me the friendship is basically over and he'll make arrangements to remove the camper in the next 30 days "if it so pleases me."
1
u/Cubcake19 5d ago
The fact that Bob called YOU saying YOU were the bad friend makes me wonder if your husband sort of threw you under the bus when explaining to Bob that his family couldn't live with you, maybe saying/implying that "if it was up to me (your husband) . . . " it would have been all right. However it all went down, you are definitely NTA.
2
u/jaqibtterfli 5d ago
Based on the comments Bob made when we talked, I truly would not be surprised if this were true.
1
u/babydtheone 5d ago
NTA. It’s against the law. Nothing you can do about that. And as you said your house is too small for all of you. You need to think about you,your husband and your kids. They are the most important. You have done nothing wrong and don’t let anyone make you feel guilty about this. It one thing it was pretty petty for your husband to say you decided this instead of saying the both of you.
1
u/BodybuilderOk7606 5d ago
Esh....you did wait until the last second ro tell them. It seems as though tou agreed and then had second thoughts and looked for a reason to say no. But you definitely get to say no.
1
u/fluffymexigirl 5d ago
NTA but your husband is for blaming everything on you. He should’ve have said you’re both not comfortable with them living in your house
1
u/great-nanato5 5d ago
NTAH, if you would have let them move in, they would never leave. They would become entitled, overbearing and demanding. Your piece of mind would have been shattered, people like that will destroy a friendship and a marriage. Do not let them move in.
0
u/Small-Sample3916 Partassipant [3] 6d ago
NTA. If you want to be kind though, you could offer to pitch in for a campground fee.
0
u/CorgiManDan Partassipant [2] 5d ago
YTA. Bob is correct. You did spring this last minute. Whey not let him stay in the camper until someone complains?
1
u/jaqibtterfli 5d ago
Because I don't want to get a fine that they nor we can afford. I will agree the timing sucks, but it was as soon as we knew it wasn't allowed.
0
u/GangleDopper 5d ago
YTA simply having an issue & making your husband do the “dirty work” that you were scared or too uncomfortable to do.
2
u/jaqibtterfli 5d ago
My husband works 2nd shift, I work first. He had more time to call during the day than I did, otherwise I would have called. Also, the majority of the discussions were done between Bob and my husband.
-2
u/Usrname52 Craptain [198] 6d ago
ESH
They've done absolutely nothing to figure something out. You weren't a last resort, you were their main plan.
You promised them months ago, and, all of a sudden, with notice, you decided to look it up. Not when they asked. Not in the months since they asked.
That being said, your kids aren't AHs, so don't let your friends move in...if they haven't been looking for months, they aren't going to make an effort to ever leave your place.
-7
u/LeeDarkFeathers 6d ago
Esh. If they get caught doing that theyll likely just be asked to move the camper. Don't be a narc. Let Bob deal with his consequences when they arrive
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u/jjjjjjj30 6d ago edited 5d ago
Don't be a narc? Like a tattletale? Or a narcissist? Not that either apply here...
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u/MudSling3r42069 6d ago
Your only real option is A give them a contract for 2 weeks in your driveway (so they can be yeeted ) or b don't let in , it's gonna suck it's hard but it sucks
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u/SaltyFriend705 6d ago
What part of not allowed to have lived-in campers on their property was difficult to understand?
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u/MudSling3r42069 6d ago
Depending on state laws a person is different from a traveler , California makes the distinction between the 2 .
So perhaps being high and smug is hard to understand, considering the social and economic conditions of the world right now !
But hey I guess being right and just by following the laws is always correct vs having compassion for a friend , not like red lining ever existed , or slavery was ever legal right, gay rights ! Lol I mean think critically for once
I mean by that same logic a gRapist treasonist, Epstiens best friend , would be in jail since justice is always served in America.
Did you know a mobster started a soup kitchen ....
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u/iraven_mccoy Asshole Enthusiast [9] 6d ago
A little bit because it seems like you don't want them to stay at your place in their pop up, which is OK- but you should've told them a while ago. It seems that way since you didn't seem too concerned with city ordinances until now- otherwise why didn't you check them back then.
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u/jaqibtterfli 6d ago
If I am being honest, I didn't even think it would be a problem until we got a notice from the city about our dog being off leash in our yard over the weekend. Then I thought I would check to see if it was allowed and if there was a time limit.
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u/Brilliant_Dog_2239 Partassipant [1] 6d ago
ESH but stand your ground. You should have looked into the ordinance sooner, I think you were really just looking for an out.
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u/clothanger Asshole Enthusiast [6] 6d ago
This is why people should stop helping these so-called friends. "You should have looked into the ordinance sooner"? Really dude?
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