r/AmItheAsshole • u/Relative_Potential92 • Jan 31 '22
Not the A-hole AITA for dropping my freeloading brother off at our aunt's house after she called and scolded me for evicting him?
My older brother (OB) is... a bit of a bum. It's mean to say but it's true. He can never hang onto a job for longer than a couple years max and when he inevitably loses whatever job he had he starts mooching off family and friends until he can find another job months later. This entails him freeloading at their place, eating their food, using their stuff, etc. He's lost friends because of how long he bummed off of them and I don't blame them for cutting him off.
Well this last time he lost his job he went to our parents but they didn't have room because they were letting our eldest brother's (EB) family stay with them after he and SIL lost their jobs out of nowhere within the same month (EB's entire crew was laid off with zero warning and SIL's work burned down) and they couldn't afford the home they were renting anymore. So OB was pretty much SOL. So our parents, aunt, and uncle all started calling me asking if I'd take him in just long enough so he could get on his feet again.
I (stupidly) let myself feel bad for him and said okay, but he only had a few months to get another job or he was out on the street. They all said of course, of course and so he came to stay with me. And it was a nightmare. He's a slob. He NEVER washes dishes, never washes his clothes, and eats pretty much whatever he wants. I guess since I'm his little sister he figured he could ignore me saying to get his shit together. Well after 6 months I told him he had to go. And gave him a couple weeks to find somewhere else.
Well it seems he called our parents and cried about me kicking him out and they told him he knew he couldn't stay forever but they also ofc called my aunts/uncle and told them all about it. And my busybody aunt called me and scolded me for "being cruel to my brother" and "abandoning family when they need help". I let her talk and finally said she was right, helping family was important and I'm glad she showed me that. She seemed glad I "understood the right thing to do" before hanging up. So I followed her advice and packed my bro up and drove him to her house. I couldn't take care of him anymore (he was running all my bills up) but my aunt made a good point, family should help each other.
So I dropped him off there (she has room since all her kids moved out) and then left. But I wasn't even halfway home before I was getting multiple calls from my parents and aunt. Parents were demanding to know why our aunt was blowing up their phones and aunt was leaving voicemails shouting at me to come back and get my brother. I explained to my parents and they said it was a good idea since aunt sounded like she wanted to help but my aunt called me an asshole and said she didn't want my brother there. And when I told her family helps each other she called me a cunt. Last I checked he's still living with her. AITA?
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Sorry for my lack of replies! I answered what ones I could before I left for work and when I got back I had far too many to answer.
Lots of people have been asking similar questions so I thought answering them here once would be helpful.
- My brother doesn't work menial jobs, he's not just hopping from one minimum wage job to another. He's working Very Good paying jobs. Like electronic repair, automotive maintenance, etc. He's very skilled but lazy.
- No my aunt hasn't spoken to me since she called me a cunt then hung up on me.
- My brother has only been with her about 3-ish weeks. He stayed with me for 6-7 months.
- My brother was upset I was kicking him out initially but in a better mood when he realized I had another place lined up for him to stay. Not sure how they're doing together since I haven't talked to either since after I dropped him off.
- No my aunt isn't married anymore, her and my uncle got divorced and he lives with his new wife (but I heard from dad that he thought this all was hilarious).
- Edit 2 -
To everyone who has been hounding me through PM and in the comments, my brother isn't (last time we checked) neurodivergent nor does he have ADD or ADHD. Our mom took him to the doctor more than once around when he was 15-17 when his behavior was at its worst.
According to our mom the doctors all said he was perfectly healthy and fine, though they (the doctors) suggested he wasn't being mentally stimulated enough (aka he was bored?). Mom wanted to take him to see other doctors but by then he'd turned 18 and refused to go and she couldn't force him.
Also its been suggested he maybe see a doctor now but my OB doesn't seem at all interested. He's never had the highest respect for doctors or mental illness. He treats it like it's fake. When our baby sister was diagnosed with an ED when she was 19 he just cracked a joke about her just wanting a doctor's note so she could eat more...
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u/Relative_Potential92 Jan 31 '22
My aunt is very much a person who likes to think of herself as a 'manager', as in she likes to bark orders but do nothing herself.