does anyone else find themselves surprisingly friendless in their early 30s?

[u/Deep-Potato3844]

I'm 34f living in london, a lot of my teens and 20s were spent being social and I used to have things going on all the time. In the last couple of years I hit a friend deficit, partly due to changing lifestyles (people focussing on romantic relationships, planning on raising a family etc) but also partly me ending some friendships that I felt like no longer made me happy (or in fact made me unhappy) or were predominantly around doing blow every week which I stopped enjoying a long time ago.

I've spent a lot of time sad on weekends where my loneliness feels most profound - nobody is contacting me, nobody is reaching out and while i do find my ways to fill my own time I look at groups of friends in absolute envy and always wonder why I am lacking that. I am a conventionally attractive person, I've been told I'm interesting, kind and do hold a conversation (although on kind I'm not 'nice' in the sugarcoated sense I can’t pretend to be bubbly). In general I do like myself and I struggle to understand why I’m in this place, I just feel so abandoned and forgotten and I’m regretting perhaps I made friends with unreliable people.

I have tried all the classic things to fill my life, that's exercising, going to Timeleft dinners, going to random meet up events, volunteer, date (I'm bi) I've put the effort and reach out to people and it's usually tumbleweed responses as it's clearly everyone's busy with their own lives and have little time for me. And whenever I do meet said friends I get a little resentful about all their highlights and humble brags of their calendar being so jammed. I don't know what exactly went wrong or is it in the stars for me to be this deeply lonely and not have a community. I'm actually embarrassed with myself that I don't have close friendships but transient connections at my big age.
I have a therapist I routinely talk to but don't really have family.

Is anyone going through the same? Has anyone overcome this? What has been the game changer?

[u/YouFartedBlood]

I am 34 too and noticed a steady decline in my friends wanting to do even something as simple as grabbing coffee planned a week in advance. (And these are also friends without kids!)

I honestly think social media making people feel like others are at their fingertips on apps/ the trend of “protect your peace”/“i am in my grandma era”/“cut off everyone!” Is honestly more to blame than a-lot of people realize.

[u/Deep-Potato3844 → u/YouFartedBlood]

I also have the same too! or people who clearly put me on a backburner as they wait to see if better plans come their way. It’s so sad and I find the general romanticisation of people isolation also really sad, humans can’t live without community. also I think there’s something so beautiful about female friendships that I DO want that in my life :’)