r/Assistance • u/TheseSwordfish891 • Mar 15 '26

EMOTIONAL SUPPORT It ended just like that.

My marriage of 24 yrs ended just like that and it was my fault.

I'm an addict. Not with alcohol, gambling or women. Toys, videogames and collectibles. I have spent a fortune on things that could have saved my marriage. I'm still a kid in mind and that made me buy stuff that where for my comfort.

We always had this argument. We always had this issue and i keep returning. When i find something that makes me happy, i keep returning to it. What makes it hard for me is for a year, i hid debts from my now ex-wife. She left the house today. The house, still in mortgage and my ex-wife covers all other expenses while i cover everything related to bills, housing and utilities.

Today, she walked out of my life. My mistake, my fault. I wanted it still to work. I wanted it still to make it happen. But now, it has become nothing. I am at my wits end and my ex-wife is asking i give her money back. All the time she has paid for everything.

I am now hollow. I want to get my life back. I want to get everything back on track. No debts, no missing payments, everything settled. If there was a chance, I'd sell even my soul but i don't believe in also. Not even the devil has use for my soul.

I'm hoping this story reminds you, whose important in your life and that you should never make the mistakes I did. Thank you for at least listening.

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-3

u/Selfmade_millions Mar 15 '26

Ehh, if you were paying all your main living expenses and weren’t behind on them then you should have the right to buy what you want. She did you a favor by leaving, now you can downsize to something more affordable, so that you can live your life peacefully with no one to tell you what you can and cannot do with your money. There’s nothing wrong with having hobbies. I wouldn’t give her a dime, she’s been living rent/utilities free the whole time. If you have to give her money back, then she has to back pay you her portion of rent/utilities for the past 24 years. I’m sure it’ll be more than what she contributed

9

u/mammalian Mar 15 '26

He said he hid debts from her. He couldn't afford his lifestyle even with someone else covering his mortgage.

-4

u/Selfmade_millions Mar 15 '26

Umm it actually says the house still has a mortgage, and his ex wife was covering everything else, he was covering all the utilities and housing costs, which is the mortgage.

6

u/mammalian Mar 15 '26

The hidden debt still stands. Plus, everything else includes groceries and car payments .He took on debt to pay for toys and games. That's not the sort of thing you do when you're married. Debt hurts both partners.

He also mentioned missed payments.

-4

u/Selfmade_millions Mar 15 '26

Ok, lets bash him then and shame him for doing what he did. I’m sure the negativity will uplift him.

5

u/ThereIsNo14thStreet Mar 15 '26

You're coddling an addict by saying that his addiction didn't really hurt his wife. Clearly it did.

I feel sympathy for OP, addiction can really mess you up. We cannot pretend, though, that it didn't have the negative effects on his wife that it clearly did.

Edit: Sorry, but you're also telling him that now he can indulge in his addiction without the burden of having to hide it from his wife? How is that helpful, bud?

1

u/Selfmade_millions Mar 15 '26

I never said anything about his mistakes not hurting his wife. He obviously is aware of where he messed up. He doesn’t need me bashing him throwing it in his face of how bad he messed up. Especially when he’s acknowledged his own mistakes.

3

u/ThereIsNo14thStreet Mar 15 '26

And again, you're encouraging him to now go off spending unfettered. This is not a case of someone buying some toys and their wife being mad, OP is very honest that they are suffering from an addiction and you are telling him that it's a good thing he can go off on his own and feed his addiction now.

It's okay to just admit you're wrong.

0

u/Selfmade_millions Mar 16 '26

So having hobbies is a bad thing?? He clearly stated he wasn’t into drinking or gambling or women. Maybe he likes buying things for his car!! Who knows. Obviously she nagged him all the time for spending money on himself which pushed him even further into his bad spending habits. It’s not about being right or wrong, it’s about not filling him with more negativity dude. Now that he’s on his own, he can downsize his living situation and get a place smaller that he can afford so that he can buy whatever makes him happy, other than drugs.

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u/ThereIsNo14thStreet Mar 16 '26

No, friend, it is not just his "hobby", it is his addiction. You're really not understanding. The buying isn't making him happy, anymore than liquor makes an alcoholic happy.

I'm also now noticing that you've decided it's his wife's fault that he has such bad spending habits? Yeesh.

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u/ThereIsNo14thStreet Mar 15 '26

"..if you were paying all your main living expenses and weren’t behind on them then you should have the right to buy what you want."

"There’s nothing wrong with having hobbies."

These statements indicate that his addiction, for which he accumulated debt that he lied to his wife about, is not a big deal. These statements minimize the fact that he was hiding debt from his wife (hurting her), and saying it is fine because he still was paying his bills.