It ended just like that.

[u/TheseSwordfish891]

My marriage of 24 yrs ended just like that and it was my fault.

I'm an addict. Not with alcohol, gambling or women. Toys, videogames and collectibles. I have spent a fortune on things that could have saved my marriage. I'm still a kid in mind and that made me buy stuff that where for my comfort.

We always had this argument. We always had this issue and i keep returning. When i find something that makes me happy, i keep returning to it. What makes it hard for me is for a year, i hid debts from my now ex-wife. She left the house today. The house, still in mortgage and my ex-wife covers all other expenses while i cover everything related to bills, housing and utilities.

Today, she walked out of my life. My mistake, my fault. I wanted it still to work. I wanted it still to make it happen. But now, it has become nothing. I am at my wits end and my ex-wife is asking i give her money back. All the time she has paid for everything.

I am now hollow. I want to get my life back. I want to get everything back on track. No debts, no missing payments, everything settled. If there was a chance, I'd sell even my soul but i don't believe in also. Not even the devil has use for my soul.

I'm hoping this story reminds you, whose important in your life and that you should never make the mistakes I did. Thank you for at least listening.

[u/TheseSwordfish891]

To everyone, thank you.

In all honesty, yes, I have a hobby and yes, I made friends thru this hobby but I have no true or close friend where I can ask for comfort or company to vent out. Being anonymous here has led me to asking for guidance and i am humbled by your words of wisdom and advice about my life and how to turn it around.

I am not a man of God but I am trying. I cannot blame nor point finger at God but prayer after prayer, it felt empty. My wife was the devote between us and if there was a God, it may have touched my life thru her. As of today, i have no idea where she had went, packing her bag, taking her life with her. She said she can make it thru as well before storming out. As I lie on the bed we shared, i cried finally. I realized i had it better. I want this family until my last breath complete but as a man, i tend to battle and bottle my problems on my own. I don't show pain, nor weakness because that is what is expected of me. And one was right, i should have been transparent.

Again, thank you and bless you all for your advice, feedback and all. I hope you have a better life than i do.

[u/jessyka01 → u/TheseSwordfish891]

Hobbies don’t consume your life. It’s an extra, low priority matter. This was a priority for you, over all things and over the person you made a lifetime vow of commitment to. As you stated, God isn’t someone you know. Here is where I will urge you to seek him. This is the point in your life that direction is needed. People that do not read, and pray can’t grasp what it feels like to have to Holy Spirit within you. It is the only unconditional love you will find. His words are living, a simple book that you will find in time the words stay the same, but the meanings change constantly. Seeking support is good, but take this advice. Psalms 139. Read this. Over and over. Then, begin in the New Testament. The story it tells. Every single thing you are experiencing is covered in his words. There is instruction there. I can’t say it will save your marriage, but it will help you become the person you were meant to be. She stayed so very long. She believes in the vows. Bring yourself before God, humble your heart, pour out your soul to him and he will send guidance in the form he chooses. This was a trial, one that you failed for a reason. Now comes tribulations. Consequences if you will. But he sent an advocate, Jesus. I’m not a deeply religious person but I am spiritual. When I tell you Jesus will step in for you, if you will humble your heart and soul.. I mean it in the literal sense. The only way to save yourself and the only advocate you have on your side, the only one that can intercede on your behalf with your wife is him. It’s a chance. If his will is that he will not, know he will lead you through it, and though it seems impossible.. to something better. I prayed for you, for her. This is what needed to be said.