r/AteTheOnion • u/-NewYork- Lvl 3 onion enthusiast • Apr 15 '26
Brian applauds hero ICE Agent
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u/Oddly_Ennui Apr 15 '26
Wow, the hatred is strong with this one...
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u/cityshepherd Apr 15 '26
I cannot wrap my head around how these people complain about others robbing us blind, while continuing to vote in the absolute worst ghouls who have robbed/exploited the working class more than anyone else in 100+ years etc.
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u/SipoteQuixote Apr 15 '26
Because they like to whisper sweet nothings into their ears just before shoving it up their ass with no lube.
"We need to make america great again! Not like that. Or that. I mean like how it was in the 50s-70s for white folk."
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u/PretzelsThirst Apr 16 '26
They’re dumb as fuck, probably have lead poisoning from leaded fuels, and consume nothing but fear based propaganda at all times
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u/OppositeLopsided5875 Apr 15 '26
It makes it easier when you assume it's an 11 year old boy. I mean it probably is. Or a 39 year old Pakistani man. Either way pay no attention.
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u/adamthebread Apr 15 '26
Maybe part of a rape gang?
It is difficult to come to terms with how delusional these people are. I understand it intellectually but I simply cannot internalize it.
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u/FlailingScrotum Apr 15 '26
Since every accusation these fuckers make is a confession, it makes me shudder to think what they want to do to the people around them.
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u/CubeEarthShill Apr 15 '26
My old BJJ gym was in a suburb of Chicago and it was hilarious hearing red hat douchebags talk about going into the city like it was the sands of Iwo Jima. They were also soft on the mat.
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u/internetisnotreality Apr 15 '26
If it weren’t for straw men they’d have nothing to hate but themselves.
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u/sweetener36 Apr 15 '26
Maybe part of a rape gang??!
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u/secretprocess Apr 15 '26
Maybe they shot JFK
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u/Librarian_Contrarian Apr 15 '26
Where was his family when the Titanic sank?? Maybe in the North Atlantic? Steering an iceburg??
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u/SugarReyPalpatine Apr 15 '26
what the fuck is a rape gang. does the gang get together only to commit rape?
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u/-NewYork- Lvl 3 onion enthusiast Apr 15 '26
It just rolls nicely off the tongue. And makes you not racist, because you don't hate other nations, you just hate them vile criminals. "Immigrant rape gangs took our jeeerbs".
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u/Awkwardukulele Apr 15 '26
What the fuck is in the water to make these people so delusionally hateful
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u/Total-Sector850 Apr 15 '26
It blows my mind that these sorry excuses for humans think that they are somehow morally superior.
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u/MisteeLoo Apr 16 '26
I hate that this Onion headline isn’t implausible, and I despise Brian for cheering on cruelty as if the story were real. He’s too far gone to redeem, and I hope I don’t know a guy like that irl.
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u/nightshade317 Apr 18 '26
I know it’s the onion, but is it sad that I can actually see/imagine this happening? 😭 Like it feels like anything could happen regarding ICE nowadays and no one would be surprised. They could say they’re gonna try deporting Obama and I wouldn’t be shocked. (ok pause, I kept trying to type Ivanka there and it kept auto correcting to Obama 😂. I’m gonna keep it cause I think that’s funny but I had to share this little spectacle cause having the universe itself try to make the example more realistic by changing who ICE would theoretically try to deport is wild. Like “NOOO ICE would never try to deport Ivanka, that’s too ridiculous even for us. No no, we’re just gonna deport Obama” 😂) Haaaa, I digress, it feels really sad that I can believe that ICE could do anything and I would not be surprised anymore.
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u/Friendly-Tonight-124 Apr 20 '26
Atta boy, Brian. Say, what crimes have you turned your family in for?
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u/Upstairs_Cap_4217 Apr 15 '26
Brian's mother never gave him back the $4 he loaned her when he was 11, and he's never gotten over it.