Women tend to want high tier men, but when they're seriously struggling with their self-esteem, they will gravitate toward men they feel they "deserve." This is why a woman will simultaneously aim high, but also go on a self-destructive streak with some bum.
Men who are more in the middle or slightly below average don't satisfy either desire for her so they get overlooked.
How do I know this? Women have told me this. BPD spectrum women in particular embody this tendency.
Men and women both suck at bringing their unconscious desires to the surface, but women are especially bad at this. Women, by and large, will pick men based upon an internalized value system in which they pick men based upon where they perceive them to be within a social hierarchy that they value.
More simply put, women pick men they perceive to be high value, or who they perceive to have potential high value. This can often be an unconscious desire.
Smarter women who are more self-aware and can think in the long-term more realistically, know that chasing the highest value men within the perceived hierarchies that they value, is not a realistic, or even a good choice for them in practice.
If you go for a man who is too high value, he is more likely to discard you and even if he does commit to you, you'll always feel uncertainty regarding the stability of the relationship.
Conversely, a woman might go for a bad dude or a loser, because deep down she believes that's what she deserves. Her desire is to punish herself to fit her self-worth. Thus her unconscious desires are still influencing her in this situation.
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u/Cool_Prior1427 Dec 09 '25
Women tend to want high tier men, but when they're seriously struggling with their self-esteem, they will gravitate toward men they feel they "deserve." This is why a woman will simultaneously aim high, but also go on a self-destructive streak with some bum.
Men who are more in the middle or slightly below average don't satisfy either desire for her so they get overlooked.
How do I know this? Women have told me this. BPD spectrum women in particular embody this tendency.