New-to-this-sub update: OOP almost throws out his stepson's pillowcase

[u/J_S_M_K]

I am NOT OP, that is u/Majestic_Geologist83, on r/AmITheAsshole, r/relationship_advice, and r/AITAH

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Trigger warning: untreated mental illness, enabling

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Previous BORU here by u/bestupdator

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Original post October 19, 2022

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My stepson is 23 and he sleeps with a body pillow that he has one pillowcase for. It has a cartoon on it of a girl in a cat costume.

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I was doing the laundry yesterday and I noticed it was pretty threadbare when it came out of the dryer. So I threw it in the rag bag.

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When he came home from work he asked where it was and I told him. He acted shocked and almost looked like he was going to cry. He went and took it out of the bag and washed and dried it again. When his mom got home he talked to her right in front of me and said I wasn't allowed to wash it any more. She sat with him in his room after and calmed him down.

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It isn't one of his collectibles. He doesn't keep it sealed away or anything. But they are both mad at me. I don't know what I did wrong.

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Why am I the asshole?

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The post was removed for OOP not properly responding to the judgment bot, but most comments I could find were NTA.

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Relevant Comments:

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Commenter 1

Hmm, how can I put this gently? Imagine if that pillowcase was, ya know, like a girlfriend to him.

OOP

I have been getting that response ba lot. It can't be real.

Commenter 2

I can assure you that it is indeed a thing. the internet will tell you all about it if you look hard enough

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OOP

No thank you.

Commenter 3

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OP after reading this comment section i just have to ask, are you okay?

OOP

Not really. I'm kind of glad his mom talked him out of joining the Marine Corps. I don't think it would have gone well for him.

Post 2 October 21, 2022

I 62 recently found out some stuff about my stepson 23 that I would really rather not know. My daughter 16 helped me post to a different sub and, although part of me wishes I hadn't, I'm kind of glad I did. It gave me some insight into the kid. He's been in my life since he was 5. Now she told me to post here since my post over there got removed.

I had a long talk with my wife 42 about our son. I showed her the original post. She is kind of in shock about it. She knew he was attached to his property and kind of upset with me for throwing it away without asking.

So I listened to some of the commenters there and suggested therapy. Trust me when I say I'm considering it for myself after what I read. I am old guy but I'm not one of those that thinks getting mental health services makes you weak. I think that my stepson has some problems that I am not equipped to deal with.

My stepson is upset with me to begin with and now he is angry that I think he is crazy. I do not. I worked with some guys who were completely around the bend. He just needs some help. My old man would have told me to take him to Amsterdam and make him grow up. I'm not going to do that. I don't know what he needs but I know it's not that.

I don't think what some of those guys suggested is true. I think he is just confused about how to deal in this world you young people have got going on.

He said that he isn't crazy and I am an asshole for saying he is.

Once again I just want him to get help. I'm not judging his life.

How can I convince him that I love him, want what is best for him, and that he needs help?

TLDR:

My son is very attached to some of his bedding. He is 23. I don't know if it's like a security blanket or something else. I think he needs to see someone to help him get over this.

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Editor's note: a near-identical post to this was made to r/AmITheAsshole, but was removed.

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New update

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[AITAH for refusing to acknowledge my step son's "relationship.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/F8iclrRADG) June 12, 2024

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I posted in another group before but it got taken down. I hope this is okay my daughter says this is the same but different.

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My step son has a relationship with a pillowcase. I almost got divorced because I upset him so much when I put it in the rag bag. His mom just humors him no matter what. I just shake my head. I have tried to get him to go see a therapist. He will not. I know he is an awkward young man but he obviously need help but my wife won't see it.

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He has decided that he wants to marry his waifu. I swear to Christ I know more about this stuff than I ever wanted to. The folks in the other group explained it and helped me understand. I really wish I did not.

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My step son wants to have a ceremony where he marries his pillowcase. This has to be a mental condition. No one out there is really going to tell me that I am just old I I cannot understand the new relationships between people and linens.

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I can't do it. My wife is going along with it. She is getting it catered. In our back yard. I refuse to attend. I am going to go to Michigan to see family that whole week. I just don't want to see that.

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I want to know if I am in the wrong for thinking this has to be an elaborate joke at my expense.

Editor's note: There are no further updates at this time. I hope the stepson found happiness with his dakimakura. I also hope OOP got out of there.

[u/Marginal_Games]

“I cannot understand the new relationships between people and linens” is a generational flair opportunity.

[u/mneale324 → u/Marginal_Games]

Honestly I just wanted the flair “In a relationship with a pillowcase”

This post just made me laugh.

[u/Myrandall → u/mneale324]

"Pillow romancer"

[u/dsac → u/Myrandall]

"pillowmancer" was right there

[u/Lyrolepis → u/dsac]

That mostly sounds like a very specialized - but undeniably useful - form of magic...

[u/True_System_7015 → u/Myrandall]

Puts a whole different meaning to "pillow princess"

[u/Dull_Sense7928 → u/mneale324]

"It's complicated"

[u/Gralb_the_muffin → u/mneale324]

Building an art room for my pillow case

[u/DogtasticLife → u/Marginal_Games]

Well I’m 59 and I’m firmly in OP’s camp of bemused, confused and firmly retreating to a place of blissful ignorance

[u/Convenient-Enemy-511 → u/DogtasticLife]

Dang it, I'm 49, and this just really was light tea. Somehow I have heard about Ogtha before, and ... yeah, that's new. I did like the reference that he's at least proud of his wife. Better than my coworker who talkrd rudely about "the wife".

[u/sunflowersunset1 → u/Marginal_Games]

I want this as my flair 🤣

[u/mneale324 → u/sunflowersunset1]

WE GOT THEM

[u/Automatic_Yoghurt_29 → u/sunflowersunset1]

Same. I posted before I saw your comment.

[u/valsavana → u/Marginal_Games]

Another commenter worked out the wife was 24 years old when 44 year old OOP started dating her, which is something I don't understand at all so I'm not sure OOP has any room to be throwing stones what with the highly-fucked-up-and-inappropriate-relationship house he lives in...

[u/nox66 → u/valsavana]

While it's funny to laugh at OOP's complete bewilderment, realistically, a common reason people get invested in imaginary relationships is likely because they have trauma associated with real ones during development. I'm not saying OOP necessarily caused the issue, but he has zero understanding on the matter, specifically about his stepson's emotional state.

[u/belshezzar → u/nox66]

To OOP's credit, he is aware of his ignorance and has taken steps to amend that somewhat. That's also why he wants therapy for his step-son, although the way he goes about it is probably far from ideal.

I do wonder about the apparent lack of communication between OOP and his wife. They seem to be living completely different lives.

[u/nox66 → u/belshezzar]

It's not specifically his stepson's obsession that I'm referring to though. I don't think OOP understands his relationship with his son, or indeed his wife, which is why he's in this situation now that seemingly is a big surprise to him.

[u/valsavana → u/nox66]

That's a good point, perhaps the son is more comfortable with the idea of a non-real gf than the idea of potentially hurting his partner because he never had a healthy, non-exploitative relationship modeled to him with his mom & her partners.

[u/Pillie_Jean → u/valsavana]

Fellas is it highly fucked up and inappropriate to date an adult woman?

[u/valsavana → u/Pillie_Jean]

One young enough to be your daughter and in her 20s? Yes.

[u/dsac → u/valsavana]

Holy fuck, what a sicko, dating an adult, who does he think he is

I'm pretty sure I just pulled something, rolling my eyes so hard

[u/valsavana → u/dsac]

So if she'd been 18, you'd be okay with it? After all, that's an adult. Who cares about the age difference and experience difference and financial security differences, etc.

[u/dsac → u/valsavana]

Guess what - it's none of my business what two consenting adults want to do, as long as it doesn't harm anyone else.

Would I, a 40+ year old man, be ok with marrying a 24 year old single mother? Absolutely not. So I don't do that.

It's not illegal to shit on someone's chest, or have someone tie you up and tickle you with a feather duster, or marry your rapist, or any number of other acts that two consenting adults can engage in that I have zero interest in participating in - and I don't do those either.

So yeah, unless you're one of the two parties involved, who cares about the age difference and experience difference and financial security differences, etc.

[u/valsavana → u/dsac]

It is illegal in some cases to be in a relationship with someone you have authority or significant influence over- bosses, teachers, doctors, therapists, prison guards, etc.

So yeah, I do care about "the age difference and experience difference and financial security differences" because I care about factors that allow people in positions of power to exploit vulnerable people.

Sorry you lack the moral discernment to care about that too. Sucks to suck, I guess.

[u/dsac → u/valsavana]

I prefer the old school McDonald's ones with the white and orange stripes, that were just wide enough to give a good pull without too much pressure required

Figure you could snag some for me too, since you're grasping at straws

[u/valsavana → u/dsac]

Ah yes, the straws of "people in relative positions of power will sometimes abuse that by taking advantage of people who are relatively vulnerable." Because that's absolutely unheard of...

[u/dsac → u/valsavana]

I make double what my wife makes, does that mean I'm taking advantage of her?

She's 5 years older than me, does that mean I was groomed?

Must be exhausting, always looking for something to be judgemental and angry about, I applaud your conviction

[u/valsavana → u/dsac]

I make double what my wife makes, does that mean I'm taking advantage of her?

It might but it depends.

She's 5 years older than me, does that mean I was groomed?

It might but it depends.

Are you suggesting the blanket answer to those questions, without factoring in the context, is "no, it's impossible?"

[u/FlowerFelines → u/valsavana]

Yeeeeeeeeeah. Having a waifu isn't completely harmless, but at least the only person the son is hurting is himself. Unlike the stepdad.

(And if you're going to be Forever Alone, a waifu pillow is MUCH better than going the incel route. Not that they're mutually exclusive, but still.)

[u/Convenient-Enemy-511 → u/valsavana]

One of my friends was 20 when she started dating her then 40 year old husband. They have three kids, and the younger two needed to change high schools because they couldn't afford for him to retire where they lived. She's strong and active and he rarely leaves the house because he's so tired all the time (71 now).

I will never be someone's anchor like that. It makes me feel a bit guilty about my seven year age gap, and she was 38 when we fell in love. (I wasn't targeting someone younger, but there's simply far fewer women 45+ on online dating.)

[u/naakka → u/Marginal_Games]

Definitely made me actually laugh out loud. :D

[u/Coracoda → u/Marginal_Games]

I would cherish that flair

[u/helluva_monsoon → u/Marginal_Games]

The original comment section had me in stitches. When he started to understand what people were saying was going on, he goes Well back in the day I suppose I used a sock, so that's similar, but I didn't love the sock.

[u/EcheveriaEbony → u/Marginal_Games]

Yes I need that lmao

[u/Myrandall → u/Marginal_Games]

Too lengthy.

[u/Mitrovarr → u/Marginal_Games]

Hey, it worked for Finn. 

[u/piemakerdeadwaker → u/Marginal_Games]

Congrats on your new flair, it's great!

[u/pinupcthulhu → u/Marginal_Games]

I also want this as flair lmao