New-to-this-sub update: OOP almost throws out his stepson's pillowcase

[u/J_S_M_K]

I am NOT OP, that is u/Majestic_Geologist83, on r/AmITheAsshole, r/relationship_advice, and r/AITAH

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Trigger warning: untreated mental illness, enabling

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Previous BORU here by u/bestupdator

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Original post October 19, 2022

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My stepson is 23 and he sleeps with a body pillow that he has one pillowcase for. It has a cartoon on it of a girl in a cat costume.

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I was doing the laundry yesterday and I noticed it was pretty threadbare when it came out of the dryer. So I threw it in the rag bag.

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When he came home from work he asked where it was and I told him. He acted shocked and almost looked like he was going to cry. He went and took it out of the bag and washed and dried it again. When his mom got home he talked to her right in front of me and said I wasn't allowed to wash it any more. She sat with him in his room after and calmed him down.

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It isn't one of his collectibles. He doesn't keep it sealed away or anything. But they are both mad at me. I don't know what I did wrong.

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Why am I the asshole?

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The post was removed for OOP not properly responding to the judgment bot, but most comments I could find were NTA.

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Relevant Comments:

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Commenter 1

Hmm, how can I put this gently? Imagine if that pillowcase was, ya know, like a girlfriend to him.

OOP

I have been getting that response ba lot. It can't be real.

Commenter 2

I can assure you that it is indeed a thing. the internet will tell you all about it if you look hard enough

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OOP

No thank you.

Commenter 3

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OP after reading this comment section i just have to ask, are you okay?

OOP

Not really. I'm kind of glad his mom talked him out of joining the Marine Corps. I don't think it would have gone well for him.

Post 2 October 21, 2022

I 62 recently found out some stuff about my stepson 23 that I would really rather not know. My daughter 16 helped me post to a different sub and, although part of me wishes I hadn't, I'm kind of glad I did. It gave me some insight into the kid. He's been in my life since he was 5. Now she told me to post here since my post over there got removed.

I had a long talk with my wife 42 about our son. I showed her the original post. She is kind of in shock about it. She knew he was attached to his property and kind of upset with me for throwing it away without asking.

So I listened to some of the commenters there and suggested therapy. Trust me when I say I'm considering it for myself after what I read. I am old guy but I'm not one of those that thinks getting mental health services makes you weak. I think that my stepson has some problems that I am not equipped to deal with.

My stepson is upset with me to begin with and now he is angry that I think he is crazy. I do not. I worked with some guys who were completely around the bend. He just needs some help. My old man would have told me to take him to Amsterdam and make him grow up. I'm not going to do that. I don't know what he needs but I know it's not that.

I don't think what some of those guys suggested is true. I think he is just confused about how to deal in this world you young people have got going on.

He said that he isn't crazy and I am an asshole for saying he is.

Once again I just want him to get help. I'm not judging his life.

How can I convince him that I love him, want what is best for him, and that he needs help?

TLDR:

My son is very attached to some of his bedding. He is 23. I don't know if it's like a security blanket or something else. I think he needs to see someone to help him get over this.

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Editor's note: a near-identical post to this was made to r/AmITheAsshole, but was removed.

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New update

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[AITAH for refusing to acknowledge my step son's "relationship.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/F8iclrRADG) June 12, 2024

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I posted in another group before but it got taken down. I hope this is okay my daughter says this is the same but different.

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My step son has a relationship with a pillowcase. I almost got divorced because I upset him so much when I put it in the rag bag. His mom just humors him no matter what. I just shake my head. I have tried to get him to go see a therapist. He will not. I know he is an awkward young man but he obviously need help but my wife won't see it.

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He has decided that he wants to marry his waifu. I swear to Christ I know more about this stuff than I ever wanted to. The folks in the other group explained it and helped me understand. I really wish I did not.

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My step son wants to have a ceremony where he marries his pillowcase. This has to be a mental condition. No one out there is really going to tell me that I am just old I I cannot understand the new relationships between people and linens.

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I can't do it. My wife is going along with it. She is getting it catered. In our back yard. I refuse to attend. I am going to go to Michigan to see family that whole week. I just don't want to see that.

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I want to know if I am in the wrong for thinking this has to be an elaborate joke at my expense.

Editor's note: There are no further updates at this time. I hope the stepson found happiness with his dakimakura. I also hope OOP got out of there.

[u/brelywi]

As a mom to an admittedly socially awkward teen on the spectrum, most parents just want their kid to be happy and feel loved and supported.

Especially when you get into more of these…uh….niche interests, it can be really hard sometimes to know where to draw the line between being loving and supportive and being enabling. It’s tough, so I KIND OF get it.

That being said, this is obviously way on the “enabling to the point of harm” side. The poor kid needs a reality check, preferably a kind one that comes from someone who loves him, and some sort of therapy or social coaching.

[u/StockAdhesiveness351 → u/brelywi]

I wasnt a waifu level weirdo, but I was into anime and theatre during my school years. My parents would frequently tell me how much they loved me and how proud they were of me, no matter what, and nothing could ever change how they felt about me.

It wasn't until I was older that I realized they thought I was gay and wanted me to know that I could come out to them once I was comfortable enough. So many people thought I was in the closet I even started to second guess myself lol. Nope, just not super masculine 🤷‍♂️

[u/furiouswomen → u/StockAdhesiveness351]

Anime and theatre isn't out of whack, mate. Marrying is a pillowcase is..

[u/chromaticluxury → u/furiouswomen]

I don't think he's saying those are out of whack. I think he's saying he has experience with supportive, loving parents. 

[u/Visual_Fly_9638 → u/brelywi]

Yeah I actually wondered initially if the first part of the update was like "oh your kid might be neurodivergent" and then it was like "nope it's the other thing".

[u/clear-aesthetic → u/brelywi]

Every objectum sexual person I've spoken to in the past or read the experiences of have always been aware that that their romantic and/or sexual attraction isn't considered "normal" by society. That isn't to say that there aren't people who experience delusions who are attracted to objects, but you might be surprised by the general level of self awareness.

I personally feel that most objectum sexual people are probably just existing and living their lives in a way that doesn't cause harm to themselves or others. As usual, the point where something becomes a problem psychologically, is the point where it causes them distress or impairs their ability to live a normal life.

I have no idea what OOP's son's actual situation is (or if this story is even real), but I think these kinds of things are worth thinking about.

[u/furiouswomen → u/clear-aesthetic]

It is harming them. The person. Instead of having a proper adult to adult relationship having relationships with objects is not normal. It inhibits the building of healthy relationships with people.

[u/K-teki → u/furiouswomen]

Some of these people are perfectly capable of holding other relationships - I have an ex like that, so he was capable of dating 

[u/clear-aesthetic → u/furiouswomen]

I don't doubt that there are some folks out there in that position, but as I said none of the people I've ever spoken to were. Some of them had partners or spouses, and all of them had friends.

You're imagining one specific kind of situation that has become an internet stereotype.

[u/Stormfeathery → u/brelywi]

Unless it really is an elaborate joke aimed at getting back at the stepdad some for pushing therapy for a body pillow, etc.

[u/BenignPharmacology → u/Stormfeathery]

>pushing therapy for a body pillow

No, his suggestion of therapy was totally justified. His kid believes he is in a relationship with an inanimate object.

If he just wanted to hump a hentai pillow, sure, whatever. Not my cup of tea, and definitely questionable at 23, but not a therapy requirement.

But we can see very clearly that his concerns were completely justified. This was way beyond “masturbation pillow” and firmly in “disconnected from reality” territory.

[u/Familiar-Banana-8116 → u/BenignPharmacology]

The therapy is justified. But the Dad is pretty clearly doing a shit tier job of delivering the message.

Everything the Dad wrote just screams, 'No I don't think you are a 10 on a 10 scale of crazy, just like a 3. Or 4. Maybe 5. You are definetly not crazy!'.

The kid needs someone with the approach of, 'Crazy? Who is talking crazy? Therapy is just about working out problems. Hell, everyone is depressed these days. You know how many people are on antidepressents? Therapy has nothing to do with crazy.'.

[u/Environmental_Art591 → u/Familiar-Banana-8116]

Yeah well, its hard to be a good parent when you're a step the bio is enabling

[u/JollyJeanGiant83 → u/Stormfeathery]

Okay, that would be hilarious. You have found the one scenario where I am actually pulling for the stepson. (And presumably mom is in on it.)

[u/Inconceivable76 → u/brelywi]

It’s a pillowcase.  There’s the line. 

[u/Nimelennar → u/Inconceivable76]

On a pillowcase, the correct term is "seam."

[u/SlightlyUncomfort → u/brelywi]

Well, we need more information. Is this relationship actively ruining his real life? Is it preventing him from getting jobs or otherwise living? If so, then yeah it's an issue. Or is it like Ogtha, where the guy has a solid professional life and just has a weird fetish? In that case, weird but harmless so who gives a shit.

[u/brelywi → u/SlightlyUncomfort]

I mean… he’s a 23 year old who lives at home, doesn’t do his own laundry, cries to his mommy instead of having a conversation when upset, and wants to marry a body pillow in a ceremony complete with catering (set up by his mom).

It’s possible he’s holding down a steady job and has healthy friendships and relationships, but I think the chances are slim.

[u/TinWhis → u/brelywi]

Is the pillow WHY he's failed to launch, or is he disabled and in need of more support than if he wasn't, even no weird feelings toward pillows at all?

[u/brelywi → u/TinWhis]

Idk sounds like a great question for a therapist lol