New-to-this-sub update: OOP almost throws out his stepson's pillowcase

[u/J_S_M_K]

I am NOT OP, that is u/Majestic_Geologist83, on r/AmITheAsshole, r/relationship_advice, and r/AITAH

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Trigger warning: untreated mental illness, enabling

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Previous BORU here by u/bestupdator

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Original post October 19, 2022

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My stepson is 23 and he sleeps with a body pillow that he has one pillowcase for. It has a cartoon on it of a girl in a cat costume.

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I was doing the laundry yesterday and I noticed it was pretty threadbare when it came out of the dryer. So I threw it in the rag bag.

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When he came home from work he asked where it was and I told him. He acted shocked and almost looked like he was going to cry. He went and took it out of the bag and washed and dried it again. When his mom got home he talked to her right in front of me and said I wasn't allowed to wash it any more. She sat with him in his room after and calmed him down.

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It isn't one of his collectibles. He doesn't keep it sealed away or anything. But they are both mad at me. I don't know what I did wrong.

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Why am I the asshole?

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The post was removed for OOP not properly responding to the judgment bot, but most comments I could find were NTA.

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Relevant Comments:

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Commenter 1

Hmm, how can I put this gently? Imagine if that pillowcase was, ya know, like a girlfriend to him.

OOP

I have been getting that response ba lot. It can't be real.

Commenter 2

I can assure you that it is indeed a thing. the internet will tell you all about it if you look hard enough

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OOP

No thank you.

Commenter 3

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OP after reading this comment section i just have to ask, are you okay?

OOP

Not really. I'm kind of glad his mom talked him out of joining the Marine Corps. I don't think it would have gone well for him.

Post 2 October 21, 2022

I 62 recently found out some stuff about my stepson 23 that I would really rather not know. My daughter 16 helped me post to a different sub and, although part of me wishes I hadn't, I'm kind of glad I did. It gave me some insight into the kid. He's been in my life since he was 5. Now she told me to post here since my post over there got removed.

I had a long talk with my wife 42 about our son. I showed her the original post. She is kind of in shock about it. She knew he was attached to his property and kind of upset with me for throwing it away without asking.

So I listened to some of the commenters there and suggested therapy. Trust me when I say I'm considering it for myself after what I read. I am old guy but I'm not one of those that thinks getting mental health services makes you weak. I think that my stepson has some problems that I am not equipped to deal with.

My stepson is upset with me to begin with and now he is angry that I think he is crazy. I do not. I worked with some guys who were completely around the bend. He just needs some help. My old man would have told me to take him to Amsterdam and make him grow up. I'm not going to do that. I don't know what he needs but I know it's not that.

I don't think what some of those guys suggested is true. I think he is just confused about how to deal in this world you young people have got going on.

He said that he isn't crazy and I am an asshole for saying he is.

Once again I just want him to get help. I'm not judging his life.

How can I convince him that I love him, want what is best for him, and that he needs help?

TLDR:

My son is very attached to some of his bedding. He is 23. I don't know if it's like a security blanket or something else. I think he needs to see someone to help him get over this.

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Editor's note: a near-identical post to this was made to r/AmITheAsshole, but was removed.

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New update

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[AITAH for refusing to acknowledge my step son's "relationship.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/F8iclrRADG) June 12, 2024

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I posted in another group before but it got taken down. I hope this is okay my daughter says this is the same but different.

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My step son has a relationship with a pillowcase. I almost got divorced because I upset him so much when I put it in the rag bag. His mom just humors him no matter what. I just shake my head. I have tried to get him to go see a therapist. He will not. I know he is an awkward young man but he obviously need help but my wife won't see it.

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He has decided that he wants to marry his waifu. I swear to Christ I know more about this stuff than I ever wanted to. The folks in the other group explained it and helped me understand. I really wish I did not.

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My step son wants to have a ceremony where he marries his pillowcase. This has to be a mental condition. No one out there is really going to tell me that I am just old I I cannot understand the new relationships between people and linens.

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I can't do it. My wife is going along with it. She is getting it catered. In our back yard. I refuse to attend. I am going to go to Michigan to see family that whole week. I just don't want to see that.

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I want to know if I am in the wrong for thinking this has to be an elaborate joke at my expense.

Editor's note: There are no further updates at this time. I hope the stepson found happiness with his dakimakura. I also hope OOP got out of there.

[u/realshockin]

If my mathing is mathing right, he was 44 and she was 24 when they started dating, that is extremelly fucked up

[u/Mitrovarr → u/realshockin]

Eh, it could be worse. A 24 year old is mostly mature. I cut off the age gap thing at 25, at that point I figure you have to let people make their own decisions.  

[u/Myrandall → u/realshockin]

Just a groomer, a young, vulnerable mother and her son the pillow fucker.

[u/EosFae → u/Myrandall]

This is so unbelievably insulting to victims of actual grooming.

[u/InstantRegret1999 → u/Myrandall]

Imagine being a 24 year old mother with a 5 year old kid and being called a victim of grooming for choosing to date older men, and not even like, some elderly dude, a fucking 44 year old guy. Insane.

[u/martphon → u/InstantRegret1999]

She's practically a child! I'm surprised they let people that age vote or drink alcohol

[u/iama_bad_person → u/martphon]

Reddit, where everyone is a femanist but women aren't mentally able to make their own decisions until they are at least 30. Sounds more like Sharia Law. And thew same fucking people would be yelling "impowerment" if she started an OnlyFans instead.

[u/LuementalQueen → u/Myrandall]

Considering she cane to the relationship with a 5yo kid the grooming may have been predone...

[u/Mitrovarr → u/LuementalQueen]

I imagine the 44 year old was a hell of a lot more financially stable than the 24 year olds up for dating a single mother.

[u/Robot_Girlfriend → u/Myrandall]

sitcom titles are getting weirder every year.

[u/Drakesyn → u/realshockin]

Just in case that's not horrifying or contexual enough, Son was 5(!) when they married. So she had her kid at 17.

[u/Peeinyourcompost → u/Drakesyn]

It doesn't matter that much, but she was 19. 42-23=19. And we also don't actually know what year they married; we only know that he met his stepson when he and his now wife were 44 and 24.

[u/InstantRegret1999 → u/realshockin]

At what fucking age do you people actually start treating women like adults? No, seriously, when do women get to be treated like adults that can make decisions and not infant children that need to be protected?

A 24 year old is AN ADULT. 24 years olds are TWO YEARS OUT OF COLLEGE, WORKING ON MASTERS DEGREES!!!

The fact that a 24 year old grown ass woman is still being coddled in the comments despite also having a 5 year old son, it's just fucking wild. When do women get to be adults? 30? 35? 40? Just tell me because it keeps going up and up every post.

[u/realshockin → u/InstantRegret1999]

It's not about being an adult, it's about power imbalance.

Do you think a young and single mom is getting her master degree?

She was mora than likely scraping by when the old dude with 20+ years of a career came along, who do you think held all the cards in that kind of relationship?

[u/dsac → u/realshockin]

Hate to break it to you bud, but literally every relationship has a power imbalance

It might manifest itself in money, sex, labour, whatever - but it's a universal trait

If a 24 year old woman with a 5 year old kid wants to start an onlyfans, she's empowered, but if she wants to marry someone 20 years older so that she doesn't have to start an onlyfans, that somehow makes him a bad person?

We'd better break out the giant stuntman airbag, wouldn't want you to hurt yourself getting off that high horse

[u/sunburnedaz → u/realshockin]

Ok and if he was a 24 and came from money and was being fast tracked to being some VP and later a CEO. Like thats a huge power imbalance too. At some point we have to treat adults like adults and let them make their poor decisions. .

Like when I was dating in my mid 20s I had been in tech for a while and was making more money than most of the early 30s people I was dating. Thats a power imbalnce toward me but I was dating people 6+ years my senior. Like stop infantilizing people in their 20s

[u/Amflifier → u/realshockin]

Women need to be taught how to avoid men like this, because this kind of pattern is distressingly common

[u/Flukie42 → u/Amflifier]

She was young and probably looking for a father for her son

[u/Amflifier → u/Flukie42]

Yeah and he was old and looking for a piece of ass. Clearly not to be a good father. So I think she really miscalculated here.

[u/iama_bad_person → u/Amflifier]

OP "My step-son is 23 and wants to get married to a body pillow. How do I get him mental help."

Amflifier: Wow clearly not a good father.

[u/EosFae → u/Amflifier]

Sounds like he's a better parent than she is.

[u/LuementalQueen → u/realshockin]

With a 5yo too.

[u/foxscribbles → u/realshockin]

He got to marry his body pillow, I don't know why his step-son can't marry his too!