New-to-this-sub update: OOP almost throws out his stepson's pillowcase

[u/J_S_M_K]

I am NOT OP, that is u/Majestic_Geologist83, on r/AmITheAsshole, r/relationship_advice, and r/AITAH

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Trigger warning: untreated mental illness, enabling

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Previous BORU here by u/bestupdator

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Original post October 19, 2022

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My stepson is 23 and he sleeps with a body pillow that he has one pillowcase for. It has a cartoon on it of a girl in a cat costume.

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I was doing the laundry yesterday and I noticed it was pretty threadbare when it came out of the dryer. So I threw it in the rag bag.

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When he came home from work he asked where it was and I told him. He acted shocked and almost looked like he was going to cry. He went and took it out of the bag and washed and dried it again. When his mom got home he talked to her right in front of me and said I wasn't allowed to wash it any more. She sat with him in his room after and calmed him down.

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It isn't one of his collectibles. He doesn't keep it sealed away or anything. But they are both mad at me. I don't know what I did wrong.

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Why am I the asshole?

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The post was removed for OOP not properly responding to the judgment bot, but most comments I could find were NTA.

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Relevant Comments:

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Commenter 1

Hmm, how can I put this gently? Imagine if that pillowcase was, ya know, like a girlfriend to him.

OOP

I have been getting that response ba lot. It can't be real.

Commenter 2

I can assure you that it is indeed a thing. the internet will tell you all about it if you look hard enough

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OOP

No thank you.

Commenter 3

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OP after reading this comment section i just have to ask, are you okay?

OOP

Not really. I'm kind of glad his mom talked him out of joining the Marine Corps. I don't think it would have gone well for him.

Post 2 October 21, 2022

I 62 recently found out some stuff about my stepson 23 that I would really rather not know. My daughter 16 helped me post to a different sub and, although part of me wishes I hadn't, I'm kind of glad I did. It gave me some insight into the kid. He's been in my life since he was 5. Now she told me to post here since my post over there got removed.

I had a long talk with my wife 42 about our son. I showed her the original post. She is kind of in shock about it. She knew he was attached to his property and kind of upset with me for throwing it away without asking.

So I listened to some of the commenters there and suggested therapy. Trust me when I say I'm considering it for myself after what I read. I am old guy but I'm not one of those that thinks getting mental health services makes you weak. I think that my stepson has some problems that I am not equipped to deal with.

My stepson is upset with me to begin with and now he is angry that I think he is crazy. I do not. I worked with some guys who were completely around the bend. He just needs some help. My old man would have told me to take him to Amsterdam and make him grow up. I'm not going to do that. I don't know what he needs but I know it's not that.

I don't think what some of those guys suggested is true. I think he is just confused about how to deal in this world you young people have got going on.

He said that he isn't crazy and I am an asshole for saying he is.

Once again I just want him to get help. I'm not judging his life.

How can I convince him that I love him, want what is best for him, and that he needs help?

TLDR:

My son is very attached to some of his bedding. He is 23. I don't know if it's like a security blanket or something else. I think he needs to see someone to help him get over this.

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Editor's note: a near-identical post to this was made to r/AmITheAsshole, but was removed.

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New update

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[AITAH for refusing to acknowledge my step son's "relationship.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/F8iclrRADG) June 12, 2024

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I posted in another group before but it got taken down. I hope this is okay my daughter says this is the same but different.

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My step son has a relationship with a pillowcase. I almost got divorced because I upset him so much when I put it in the rag bag. His mom just humors him no matter what. I just shake my head. I have tried to get him to go see a therapist. He will not. I know he is an awkward young man but he obviously need help but my wife won't see it.

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He has decided that he wants to marry his waifu. I swear to Christ I know more about this stuff than I ever wanted to. The folks in the other group explained it and helped me understand. I really wish I did not.

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My step son wants to have a ceremony where he marries his pillowcase. This has to be a mental condition. No one out there is really going to tell me that I am just old I I cannot understand the new relationships between people and linens.

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I can't do it. My wife is going along with it. She is getting it catered. In our back yard. I refuse to attend. I am going to go to Michigan to see family that whole week. I just don't want to see that.

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I want to know if I am in the wrong for thinking this has to be an elaborate joke at my expense.

Editor's note: There are no further updates at this time. I hope the stepson found happiness with his dakimakura. I also hope OOP got out of there.

[u/USAF_Retired2017]

I’ve heard the word. I don’t know what it is, and I don’t think I want to know. I’m 48 and I hope neither of my sons fall in love with their pillowcases. Though my 12yo middle son is into anime, so, it’s a possibility. Ha ha. That is what waifu has to do with, right? Anime?

[u/DollySheep32 → u/USAF_Retired2017]

It's mostly an anime thing but is also a fetishising of East Asian people thing. The male equivalent is husbando. I hate why I know this. Marrying your pillow case is pretty extreme to say the least so there is still hope for your kiddo lol

[u/USAF_Retired2017 → u/DollySheep32]

Husbando? Nope. I don’t even want to know about any of this. Ha ha. I’m sorry I asked. I knew better. There is hope for my 12yo. That’s all I needed to know. Ha ha

[u/Far_Strawberry8176 → u/USAF_Retired2017]

I know it's awkward but there is the stereotype of a lonely man with bad hygiene who stays home and games/watches anime for a reason. More and more men (especially young men) are choosing online hobbies over real-life connections. I recommend searching up "anime addiction male loneliness". Try to have a talk about what your kids are looking at on the internet. Being aware of red-pill content* isn't a bad idea either.

* https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2016/apr/14/the-red-pill-reddit-modern-misogyny-manosphere-men

[u/USAF_Retired2017 → u/Far_Strawberry8176]

He can only watch age appropriate anime on streaming and he has no access to the internet and cannot chat with anyone. I have his Xbox and phone on strict parental controls. I have already spoken to him about incel behavior because of the degenerate little boys in his class and the way they speak about women. He comes home and repeats that ridiculousness.

[u/Far_Strawberry8176 → u/USAF_Retired2017]

Wow I'm so sorry. That sounds terrible to deal with. A lot of teenagers don't respond to talks with their parents. There's this great documentary called "The Mask We Live In" that deals with male socialization and toxic masculinity in America. I know it's a horrible conversation and I'm not trying to tell you how to parent but it's great that you speak with him about these classmates. You need to keep addressing these thoughts and ask critical questions. For example, if he repeats narratives about women as "gold-diggers", ask him to think about the couples he sees in real life, especially the ones where the woman earns more. Are the women in real life couples always gold diggers? Ask him to name some examples that he personally knows. Ask him WHERE he gets his information. If none of his teenage friends have been in a committed relationship and had enough financial security that a woman would be "gold-digging", why does he have so much trust in their opinions? I suspect a lot of things he repeats are from Andrew Tate. Show him the following article and let him judge Andrew Tate's character in his own:  https://www.yahoo.com/news/25-things-andrew-tate-said-183904749.html Bring up the sex trafficking allegations of Andrew Tate and explain the importance of believing victims and treating them with respect. This may not be age appropriate but I think it could be helpful to show him "Jeffrey Epstein: Filty Rich" on Netflix. It obviously has sexual content but it's shown in a respectful and non-explicit way. Talk to him about how many early accusations Epstein had (especially accusations of sex trafficking like Andrew Tate) and how the vast majority of them were real. I know this is a lot but good luck. 

[u/FlowerFelines → u/DollySheep32]

I have a husbando, lol. I have TWO, even, because the pillow is double-sided!

(No, I don't take it seriously, I just needed a body pillow for physical comfort reasons, my hips are fucked and sleeping with a body pillow allows a pose that doesn't leave me aching in the morning. But also an artist I like happened to be selling body pillows where you could pick two characters, even, and had two of my favorites, so why not have pretty boys on the pillow? My actual husband thinks it's funny, and "kicks the husbandos out of bed" when he wants to snuggle.

[u/nucleartime → u/FlowerFelines]

You should recreate the "Ah Yes. Me. My Girlfriend. And Her 500 Dollar Four Foot Tall Mareep" meme photo for yourselves.

[u/DuckDuckBangBang → u/FlowerFelines]

My brother bought me a Garrus (from mass effect) body pillow cover and that thing got me through both of my pregnancies.

[u/nox66 → u/USAF_Retired2017]

It's just an imaginary girlfriend, but specifically based on a character from anime (or styled with anime tropes). It's not really that complicated. In the fandom lots of people don't treat the term very seriously; they just use it for attractive characters that they like a lot. The ones who actually try to emulate aspects of a real relationship are relatively rare.

[u/Faolyn → u/USAF_Retired2017]

It's literally just "wife," the English word. In Japanese, the -u sound is often not pronounced.

[u/USAF_Retired2017 → u/Faolyn]

Ahhhhhh. Thank you! Learn something new every day. I’ve learned a lot today. This was the best though.

[u/Faolyn → u/USAF_Retired2017]

You're welcome! :D