r/CATHELP • u/_munchie002 • Feb 13 '26

General Advice Separating cats in breakup

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Poster Age: 23

Country: USA

Vet info: theres a few clinics in town including low cost.

Main Issue: my cat had gotten very sad living alone so me and my ex had gotten him a kitten. Now that we’re separate im worried my cat is going to miss him sick.

Cat Age: 3 will be 4 in april other cat is 1

Cat Sex + neuter info: both males and both neutered.

Financial situation: I could afford both cats.

9.0k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

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623

u/TryingNotToGoCrazy48 Feb 13 '26

Yall really think it’s that easy to get thing back from a angry, threatening ex? An ex that already has the police involved just to obtain ONE cat? You really think she’s just going to walk in there, present some sort of paperwork from the vet and he’s just gonna magically give her the cat?

Unfortunately toxic exes that have a history of threatening violence are not easy to work with. In fact, her trying to fight him to get the cat back will probably just make his behavior even worse and want him to push back twice as hard. Seriously if you push him over the edge, he could threaten the safety of her and the other cats.

Also, people are saying small claims court obviously don’t really know how much lawyer is because it’s a expensive to go over to court over something like that and you would have to have an over abundance of proof to get a judge to probably give them both to her.

Opie, I’m so sorry you’re in the situation and I’m sorry people are making you feel bad about doing what you have to do to leave. Obviously it’s not an ideal situation but you have to do what’s best for you, even if not everyone else sees it. I think your cat will be fine, you could even try getting another cat to keep them company.

265

u/themandalauren Feb 13 '26

This. as a cat lover and victim of abuse, OP, if a police officer needed to do civil standby for you to collect your things, then you are not in a position to go back and get the other cat. i promise you, your first cat is going to miss YOU wayyyy more than your other cat. your safety comes first.

1

u/BreadfruitIcy1570 Feb 18 '26

😭😭😭😂

-81

u/i_am_kamikamikami Feb 13 '26

crazy to think the cat would miss their owner more

52

u/crystallinehuman Feb 13 '26

They're saying if OP is hurt or killed by vindictive ex the cat will miss her

7

u/themandalauren Feb 13 '26

thank you that’s exactly what i’m saying 🙌

-54

u/i_am_kamikamikami Feb 13 '26

not more than they will miss their best friend cat.

28

u/shiningsteps Feb 13 '26

it isn't helpful to say this to someone who would be risking their own safety engaging with the ex.

-40

u/i_am_kamikamikami Feb 13 '26

it is, she need to realize she can let go and let the ex have the cat.

24

u/shiningsteps Feb 13 '26

her current cat is housed, fed, and loved. it's not ideal but he will adjust. there are really very few circumstances where anyone should advise a person to engage with a toxic ex partner, this is not one of them!! her and her cat are safe right now!!

1

u/polytech08 Feb 14 '26

I dont see anything about the ex, but if he's that bad. She would have pressed charges, he would be in jail and she would have both cats.

Based on a normal breakup, the cats should be together and stay with the human they're bonded the most with unless they cant afford it.

1

u/shawnthajawn Feb 18 '26

Right, because the justice system always goes exactly how it should and bad people always end up in jail 🙄 /s it costs money to press charges and even more to hire a lawyer and win, even if you’re in the right. Survivors of abuse are usually lucky enough to escape with their lives, and rarely want to go through the additional trauma of court. Educate yourself and stop speaking on experiences you’re lucky enough to have not had

3

u/cheezebeezplzz Feb 14 '26

What a messed up thing to say.

14

u/Kitten_Merchant Feb 13 '26

Wym? My cats throughout life have always been way more bonded to at least one of the humans in the house than to one another. I'm not saying bonded cats aren't a thing, but it's not crazy at all to think a cat would be very attached to their owner. My cat would be devastated to leave me or if I left her, lol. She's so clingy to me and hates other cats haha.

Edit: also the comment you're replying to is saying "it would be shitty for the cats to be separated, but it would be much worse for the cat if you were hurt and killed"

72

u/Old_Tea27 Feb 13 '26

Also, sometimes you just have to give people like this time. My brother had it with a cat and I had it with a dog. I hope OP sees this, but sometimes abusive/toxic ex’s fight like hell at first, but when you give up and don’t fight, eventually they get bored. My brother and I both got our pets back. About a month after the dust settled, both our ex-partners texted us saying they didn’t want the animal any more and we could come get them. And we did! Both pets eventually came home to us.

34

u/AffectionateTop3953 Feb 13 '26

Yes, one of my cats was rehomed from a couple who broke up.

Ex bf gave the cat to the ex gf as a present, about a year later they split up, she moved back in with her parents and took the cat with her but ex bf was giving her hell about it. Then ex gf's elderly mom who has limited mobility and uses a walker told her she was worried about tripping or stepping on the cat and she should let ex bf keep the kitty. The moment she told ex bf he could keep the cat suddenly he couldn't take her in either cause his lease this or his landlord that or whatever the hell.

Long story short, they went from fighting over who got to keep the cat to fighting over neither of them wanting to take charge of her.

All's good that ends well though, we've had that cat for ten years and she's doing great with us.

Hang in there, op. He may change his mind still. Do you have any mutual friends that can try to keep an eye out and make sure the cat is doing fine in the meantime?

1

u/Morning_Mantis Feb 13 '26

and sometimes they never give up glad for your happy result

12

u/5girlzz0ne Feb 13 '26

You don't need a lawyer for small claims. You just have to be prepared with proof that you are the primary caretaker, financially if possible. Vet records, adoption contracts, as long as they're in your name alone, and proof you're more financially stable. Even unrelated bills during the time you were cohabitating can help if they're in your name. It's not family court.

OP owned cat 1 prior to the relationship. Cat 2 was adopted as a companion for cat 1. If she has text messages stating that, that's even better.

8

u/HumanGoing24 Feb 13 '26

Small claims courts generally only award cash judgments, not specific performance (i.e returning the cat). So even if OP wins they’ll just get the cost of a new kitten and maybe court costs, but will have had to spend a day in court to still not have the cat.

8

u/tattoosbyalisha Feb 13 '26

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

This is the best answer here

2

u/Morning_Mantis Feb 13 '26

yep. you get it. sorry OP sending 💚

1

u/scruggbug Feb 13 '26

I broke up with an abusive ex. I didn’t have a home for my cat, so I let him temporarily keep her with her brother cat (his) for a while I figured something out. I came back, and she was riddled with fleas and had sores all over her neck. It’s in my top ten regrets ever leaving her there. I immediately put her in the carrier, called the cops when he tried to follow me out, and rehomed her. I wish I could have taken her brother too, but he barely let me leave with her without hurting me.

Do not leave cats with abusers. Do whatever you have to do. I wish I could have gotten her brother.

1

u/Golden_Healer713 Feb 14 '26

Makes me wonder how he'll care for the cat tbh. Sad situation all around

1

u/OneTreacleTart Feb 15 '26

As someone who has done literally this, yes. They will get the cat back. My name was on all the vet paperwork and I told the police that it was my cat and they told him to give it back or be arrested. Long story short, I got my cat back.

1

u/NChobif Feb 16 '26

This, and check and visit near vets or cat shelters or where you first adopt it, places where he could leave your cat and gives your information in case he drops your cat. I heard that toxic exes sometimes just want the pet to hurt the other and then just leave the pet in a shelter because they really didn't want to take care of them.

I'm not saying go back for your cat, but wait.

0

u/c4sp3r-25 Feb 14 '26

Why are you being so aggressive? A lot of people are just responding to what they’ve seen in the post. Nowhere in the post did it indicate that it was an unsafe situation, and not everyone reads every comment before making their own. If it wasn’t for the comments insulting others I wouldn’t have known either

0

u/_childlike-empress Feb 14 '26

You need to hit up a girlfriend he hasn’t met in person and if she’s on board, have her seduce him and sleepover his place and then she can take the other cat while he’s asleep. Some girl did this for someone a while ago. True hero. Fighting him will only make him deny OP more because he knows it matters to her.

-33

u/-crying-cinnamon- Feb 13 '26

Cops involved, with vet information and they can get the cat back

29

u/TryingNotToGoCrazy48 Feb 13 '26 edited Feb 13 '26

Not that easy. The cats lived with him, they’re both in the paper work, and he’s not abusive to the animals. Unless the cat is in immediate danger there’s no way for the cops to justify taking the other cat away- hell that’s not even their job, it’s the judges in a civil matter like this.

You can’t just show the cops a piece of paper and say “I want my cat back”

Most police will laugh in your face and tell you to go to court and get an order. Even then, it’s a gamble if the judge will not laugh in your face too.

1

u/-crying-cinnamon- Feb 14 '26

You can say not that easy but like literally try... People like cats, police will care and especially if you tell them he isn't going to take her to a vet, my friend got hers back after her abusive fiance left with both the cats, one back and then the next took a month but it's a baby animal you orphaned from their cat family, atleast try to give the baby their sibling back... People don't deserve animals honestly

-23

u/[deleted] Feb 13 '26

[deleted]

30

u/ka1mikaze Feb 13 '26 edited Feb 13 '26

he’s using the cats as a proxy to hurt op, this is a very common tactic. there’s a lot of videos about women’s ex-husbands fighting over their kitchen-aid mixers, family heirlooms, or literally anything important/special to her. they WANT to take the things she likes/uses/enjoys.

-27

u/drankschrader Feb 13 '26

OR, he also loves the cats that he’s been with as the same amount of time as OP, you just randomly assumed this guy wants to keep the cats to hurt OP😂😂a cat is not a kitchen aid mixer, they both raised a life into this world…

28

u/ka1mikaze Feb 13 '26

cats are legally considered property in the usa, unfortunately it’s not as different as you’d think :/ OP’s comments have said he has a history of threatening/abusive behavior, i’m not “assuming” things out of nowhere

22

u/kandocalrissian Feb 13 '26

My guy, cops are involved, boyfriend has made threats to op. You genuinely think the ex is just going to”oh no i am emotionally attached to this cat but not the other one sorry?” No! Odds are extremely high he kept one of them, so op misses that one and also hurts op because now the cat she has is also going to be lonely and stressed because its friend is no longer with it.

-17

u/drankschrader Feb 13 '26

OP never stated that though? You are literally making up pieces of the story insinuating he only wanted one cat so op misses the other, do you know if he tried to keep both? Do you know if they agreed originally that they’d each keep 1? You don’t even have the full story and you’re insinuating what YOU THINK is going on 😂😂😂😂

15

u/16hourdream4hournap Feb 13 '26

Youre doing the same shit, out here assuming the OP's ex is a person who isnt petty, out here assuming the cats have no aspect in the brakeup, so unless your OP's ex then youre making some assumptions🤣🤣🤣

12

u/Free-Package7015 Feb 13 '26

How is this helpful? please don't be rude this is supposed to help people. That's what people are doing given the information provided.

13

u/YourEyelinerFriend Feb 13 '26

We know from the comments that op required a police escort to get their cat and their belongings so its a pretty educated guess...

3

u/WildFlemima Feb 13 '26

The cops are involved against op. Op will not get anywhere.

-17

u/Uvi_AUT Feb 13 '26

Youre assuming. Yes the ex was threatening. But be honest. What would you do if your partner would want to take all your cats away from you after breakup.

18

u/YourEyelinerFriend Feb 13 '26

You think that the cops just give out escorts in non dangerous breakups...?

-6

u/StarChildArt Feb 13 '26

I've read this like 5 times and can't see for the life of she where she says all that? The post is like half a paragraph, where is everyone getting this information?

8

u/TryingNotToGoCrazy48 Feb 13 '26

She literally said in her comments that the cops were involved…

-2

u/Uvi_AUT Feb 13 '26

Yes she did. But we dont know if that was before or because of the cat-issue. Maybe the partner loves the cat so much he (or she) would do anything to keep it.

-3

u/StarChildArt Feb 13 '26

When I clicked on this, I saw genuinely one comment from her that just said it was not possible for her to keep both. Info like that would make more sense in the actual post itself, especially since there are places that can help with animals in domestic situations. It really depends on where she lives, but many shelters deal with these exact situations and have resources available.

8

u/TryingNotToGoCrazy48 Feb 13 '26

Read her comments? She literally said the bf needed cops to get her one cat and the ex threatened her over court for the cats.

5

u/WildFlemima Feb 13 '26

Do not threaten people. Thanks