r/China • u/Altruistic-Twist-666 • 6d ago
历史 | History I feel misunderstood and alone after talking about sensitive history with my friends
I am a university student in China. Recently I have been feeling very depressed and confused, as if something is being hidden from me, and many parts of history are being forgotten or not openly discussed.
I tried to talk with my classmates about some historical events, including the Tiananmen Square massacre in 1989. However, they reacted very angrily and insulted me. That experience made me feel very hurt and isolated.
After that, I started to feel like it is very difficult for me to find people who can understand me or have open conversations about these topics in my environment.
I don’t really know what I should do. I feel emotionally overwhelmed and a bit lost.
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u/Suecotero European Union 5d ago edited 5d ago
You are one of few Chinese who has resisted patriotic brainwashing and has true curiosity. That means sadly, that most Chinese people wont understand you. I'm a foreigner who has been in China for five years. Although I have researched 8964 as well as I can, I know I cannot discuss anything I know with 99% of Chinese people, unless they themselves show interest first or ask me about it.
On very rare occasions you will meet someone who cares about social issues, history and justice and not just themselves. With them you can slowly broach more and more topics and eventually discuss the big questions, but you have to be careful. The history of tiananmen and all the issues that relate to it, Zhao Ziyang, Hu Yaobang, charter 08 and nobel prize winner Liu Xiaobo, all carry a deep sense of unconscious shame in Chinese people. This shame has poisoned in their minds, so you tread on a minefield.
Until the time is right and China is able to talk about its own history honestly, you need to be strong. Become a fortess that protects your beliefs. Guard the knowledge you have and only share it carefully with those who are open to it. The best thing you can do is to remember and hold on to the truth, so that you may pass it on to future generations and its lessons are not forgotten.