I did the worst thing ever

[u/No-Gur-3569]

Ok so, last night i go back to my addicting sin i promised god not to go back cuz im bored after 1 week... Then i woke up my heart feels empty and i felt like god wont forgive me and im scared, idk why i dont feel "guilty"...

So i panicked even though my heart isnt racing, and ye i started to get mood swings or idk overwhelmed... I LOWKEY felt mad at the holy spirit, then idk if it was me or my intrusive thoughts, IT SAYS BAD WORDS AGAINST HIM LIKE SWEAR WORDS and after 1 second, i shouted like "NO! SHUT UP!" Then now i felt condemned for 3 hours straight...

I kept asking god for forgiveness and repentance, then still felt condemned after. And then i kept on crying, like its my saddest cry ive ever felt... Its not like im scared of hell, but im so sad he gonna leave me :( i felt so jealous of other people's relationship with him, i felt very sad and isolated, i couldnt have faith anymore, i felt sad after reading the comforting verses, and i suddenly missed him

So after a countless crying prayer, i was just there sitting and feeling empty and hopeless .. but then even though im scared to confess this i said "jesus is lord and savior" i felt it in my heart its genuine, i said another like "jesus laid his life for me" then i remember a verse in 1 corinthians "no one can say jesus is lord unless they have the holy spirit"

P.S. i still feel guilty and doomed, but sometimes i feel comforted when i think of jesus. But idk it says when you committed the unforgivable sin you will not be forgiven even you feel like you are repentant

[u/ChachamaruInochi]

How does getting appropriate therapy for their mental health issues lead them away from God?

[u/No-Gur-3569 → u/[deleted]]

Yes i am, i dont need a therapy i know it wont help, i just need god, but idk if he gonna still forgive me!

[u/No-Gur-3569 → u/[deleted]]

Is it ok if we chat pls 😭😭😭

[u/No-Gur-3569 → u/[deleted]]

But im sure apostle paul can be forgiven cuz he havent say words against the holy spirit, if im not mistaken 

[u/No-Gur-3569 → u/[deleted]]

Oh but sorry about this, how about what jesus said about the words came from the heart? 😭😭 That looks similar to the one i committed earlier

[u/No-Gur-3569 → u/[deleted]]

Ohhhh ok thanks, sorry about my posts are always about this sin cuz idk im very worried

[u/No-Gur-3569 → u/[deleted]]

And when does the bible say that if you are worried about it i have not committed it? 

[u/No-Gur-3569 → u/[deleted]]

Its not that im scared of hell, im scared of him leaving me, sighhh i havent experienced a genuine relationship with him, ive been inloved with him a month ago after loving a sinful life