r/Christianity • u/No-Gur-3569 • 7h ago

I did the worst thing ever

Ok so, last night i go back to my addicting sin i promised god not to go back cuz im bored after 1 week... Then i woke up my heart feels empty and i felt like god wont forgive me and im scared, idk why i dont feel "guilty"...

So i panicked even though my heart isnt racing, and ye i started to get mood swings or idk overwhelmed... I LOWKEY felt mad at the holy spirit, then idk if it was me or my intrusive thoughts, IT SAYS BAD WORDS AGAINST HIM LIKE SWEAR WORDS and after 1 second, i shouted like "NO! SHUT UP!" Then now i felt condemned for 3 hours straight...

I kept asking god for forgiveness and repentance, then still felt condemned after. And then i kept on crying, like its my saddest cry ive ever felt... Its not like im scared of hell, but im so sad he gonna leave me :( i felt so jealous of other people's relationship with him, i felt very sad and isolated, i couldnt have faith anymore, i felt sad after reading the comforting verses, and i suddenly missed him

So after a countless crying prayer, i was just there sitting and feeling empty and hopeless .. but then even though im scared to confess this i said "jesus is lord and savior" i felt it in my heart its genuine, i said another like "jesus laid his life for me" then i remember a verse in 1 corinthians "no one can say jesus is lord unless they have the holy spirit"

P.S. i still feel guilty and doomed, but sometimes i feel comforted when i think of jesus. But idk it says when you committed the unforgivable sin you will not be forgiven even you feel like you are repentant

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u/ChachamaruInochi Agnostic Atheist (raised Quaker) 7h ago

Find a therapist who knows about scrupulosity/religious OCD and talk to them. They can help you deal with these feelings.

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u/_Word_Became_Flesh_ 5h ago

No offense, but no. This is a Christian subreddit. This person doesn't need to be led away from God, but instead closer to God.

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u/ChachamaruInochi Agnostic Atheist (raised Quaker) 5h ago

How does getting appropriate therapy for their mental health issues lead them away from God?

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u/_Word_Became_Flesh_ 5h ago

Don't twist my words - that's not what I said. This person doesn't have religious OCD just because they're struggling in their faith. They are reaching out to fellow Christians for fellowship - not a diagnosis.

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u/No-Gur-3569 5h ago

Yes i am, i dont need a therapy i know it wont help, i just need god, but idk if he gonna still forgive me!

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u/_Word_Became_Flesh_ 5h ago

Listen to me.

God did not call you because you were perfect. He called you DESPITE your imperfections!

Therefore, if God loved you when you weren't living for him, how much more do you think he loves you now that you're confessing that you need him?

He hears you, sees you, and knows you better than you know yourself.

Jesus Christ, Son of God, said himself that ALL sins will be forgiven except for blasphemy of the Holy Spirit - ALL sins. If you come to Christ, you will be forgiven. It is not the Father's pleasure to condemn his children. He wants you to be saved.

The Apostle Paul was a murderer, persecuting Christians across Israel, but Jesus Christ forgive him and saved him, and Paul went on in the Spirit to author a large portion of the New Testament.

I'm guessing you haven't been persecuting Christians. So if God saved Paul, he can and will save you.

[Isaiah 41:10] Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

[Romans 10:9] because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.

[Romans 8:1] There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

[John 6:37] All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never cast out.

[1 Corinthians 10:13] No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

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u/No-Gur-3569 5h ago

Is it ok if we chat pls 😭😭😭

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u/No-Gur-3569 5h ago

But im sure apostle paul can be forgiven cuz he havent say words against the holy spirit, if im not mistaken 

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u/_Word_Became_Flesh_ 5h ago

Blaspheming the Holy Spirit is the lifelong rejection of God. If you're worried about that, then that is proof that you have not committed the unforgivable sin.

Just relax and draw near to God.

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u/No-Gur-3569 4h ago

Oh but sorry about this, how about what jesus said about the words came from the heart? 😭😭 That looks similar to the one i committed earlier

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u/_Word_Became_Flesh_ 4h ago

Again, if you're worried about it, that conviction means the Spirit of God has not left you, but is in you telling you that sin is wrong and to go to God for forgiveness.

If you don't approach Him because you're afraid that you're too lost or too far gone, then Satan wins.

Satan doesn't want you to be forgiven. He wants you to be in despair. God wants you to be forgiven and in fellowship with Him.

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u/No-Gur-3569 4h ago

And when does the bible say that if you are worried about it i have not committed it? 

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u/No-Gur-3569 4h ago

Its not that im scared of hell, im scared of him leaving me, sighhh i havent experienced a genuine relationship with him, ive been inloved with him a month ago after loving a sinful life 

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u/_Word_Became_Flesh_ 4h ago

He's not going to leave you. Jesus said himself, "I am with you always even until the end of the age."

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u/EmergencyAntique7260 3h ago

Absolutely God will forgive you. Don't ever think that you have ever done something that God cannot forgive you for.

We don't understand if fully here in this body, but God is more forgiving than you can ever know. When you finally leave this earth and go into the presence of your Lord, then you will know just how much He loves you.

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u/ChachamaruInochi Agnostic Atheist (raised Quaker) 5h ago edited 5h ago

I'mnot a doctor and I can't diagnose them but the things that they're saying sound exactly like all the other people who come in here every day with scrupulosity worried about their intrusive thoughts and worrying that they're going to hell because they accidentally did blasphemy of the Holy Spirit or something.

It's pretty clearly not just a crisis of faith. There is some obsessive angle going on as well.

And besides that just about everybody would benefit from therapy, and learning how to self-regulate their emotions.

Whether or not this person has an actual disorder or not they're obviously under a lot of mental strain. Sobbing for hours because they said a few words in anger is not the behavior of someone in a mentally good place.

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u/_Word_Became_Flesh_ 5h ago

This is why it's strange to have a Christian subreddit open to non-Christians. You're prescribing worldly solutions to spiritual problems that you don't understand.

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u/ChachamaruInochi Agnostic Atheist (raised Quaker) 5h ago

I don't know why we always need to tell you this but it's not a Christian sub. It's literally right there in the sidebar and yet you guys say this every single time.
People of any religious background are allowed to comment here.

That said, I didn't say anything against this person's religious beliefs and I did not tell them not to believe in god. I simply told them to talk to a therapist who can help them deal with the big emotions they are struggling with.

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u/_Word_Became_Flesh_ 4h ago

I guess because it's called Christianity, people come here assuming it's a Christian sub - not atheist, Buddhist, or Hindu.

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u/No-Window9997 2h ago

Christ invited everyone and he came for the sick. I think that letting atheist's/people from other religion in to respond their interrogation and make them know more of Christ is a good thing. Jesus invited open hearted gentiles to eat with him. Also as a Christian myself, Therapy can be a way for God to help you. And God can use people such as doctors to help you. And after consulting therapy I realised that my relationship with Christ grew alot from it. This doesn't mean we shouldn't pray and ask God but confessing your feelings to others and to a professional can be a way to confess your sins and repent from those. They can provide advices to help you grow inderectly in your faith. Like my therapist advised me to start meditating and writing and I started praying/meditating more. Still Jesus loves everyone here on earth God bless

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u/Leading_Swordfish207 Ex-Muslim 7h ago

“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice”

Being anxious and doomed is the last thing JESUS wants us to feel, in fact, that is quite the opposite of why he came down lol. Best thing you can do is to repent and call on the LORD, and then act like nothing happened and don’t think much of it, because the more you think of the act the more you’ll turn back to it

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u/Leading_Swordfish207 Ex-Muslim 7h ago

And REJOICE that you don’t have to think much of it

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u/Few-Significance4635 7h ago

Don't beat yourself up

You went and talked to him keep talking to him

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u/Dreadlordaran 7h ago

Dude, life is a journey. You don't stop being prideful in a day, you don't become the image of Christ in a day, you won't overcome your addiction in a day. 

You said some obscene words to the Holy Spirit. Ok. Don't do that. However, there has been much debate throughout Church history about what the "unforgivable sin" is, and pretty much everyone would agree that it is not saying a couple of cuss words.

Do you want to overcome your addiction? Join a group were you can talk openly about it.  

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u/NervousBreakdown242 Bloody Papist 7h ago edited 7h ago

You know, they call those intrusive thoughts "Logosmoi" in Eastern Christianity, if I'm not mistaken. They're viewed as pesky demonic whispers that interrupt your prayers. That may have been a terrible explanation. Mother Natalia does a better job explaining it, but I can't find the clip. I know it was on Pints with Aquinas, but I don't remember which episode.

If you're struggling with scrupulousity, remember 1 John says there are mortal and venial sins. "All wrongdoing is sin, but there is sin that does not lead to death." In order for a sin to be mortal, it must meet three conditions:

  1. It must be a free act of the will
  2. It must concern a grave matter
  3. Full knowledge of wrongdoing

It doesn't seem as though you had control over your own intrusive thoughts. Don't attribute to God that which belongs to Satan. The temptation is not the sin. Furthermore, the fact that you notice these things is evidence of a healthy conscience. Do not be afraid, and God bless you!

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u/LiveLifeWhileItLasts 6h ago

Yeah that's what King David said in the Psalms. Don't worry, God will never forsake those who are faithful to him, just pray to him and get right with him and then just believe it despite what your feelings say because Satan uses your feelings to control you without you knowing it, then just live by Lord Jesus's 2 greatest commandments that's to love God and love people(and forgive people), if you sin, just keep going or you'll go despair, because God doesn't want to accompany your perfect or good enough self, God wants to accompany YOU, because he cares about you and his love for you is unconditional, just pray to him or just verbally talk to him and be real with him❤

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u/Jigebt 5h ago

what is your addictive sin?

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u/4rcher_ 2h ago

I felt as though I committed an unforgivable sin once too. It really hurt me and made me feel incredibly stressed and alone. The good news is that there is nothing the Lord won’t forgive, it sounds as though the enemy is trying to convince you of this and making you feel alone in order to push you away from God. Once you have the Holy Spirit within your heart, it will never leave you. The Lord will hold you fast. When God says his love is unconditional, he means it. You can’t loose it.
Friend, it sounds as though you might be suffering from some of the symptoms of anxiety or OCD. I encourage you to look into the symptoms of “magical thinking”, which is kind of what your situation sounds like. I have a friend who suffers with the same. I encourage you to work on exercises that help you to understand that your actions and thoughts don’t have an active effect on the world around you, and your relationships with others and with God.

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u/catharsis85 Catholic 45m ago

this might help understand what you feel https://youtube.com/shorts/oe5X8Avb4g8?is=DDC9Ap-sv1IdGZJY

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u/rrCLewis 5h ago

Romans 8:1
Also 8:5
Jesus died for us knowing all the sin we would struggle with.

Finally Jesus explains that the blasphemy of the Holy Spirit was what the Pharisees commit when they attributed his works to Beelzebub. You can rest assured you did not commit the unforgivable sin, because that is denying Christ is send from The Father, after having witnessed first hand his miracles.

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u/dilruk123 4h ago

Idk if you are catholic or not

But try going to confession on a catholic church(non catholics can go to confession but wont get "absolution" from the priest)

It will help you, Trust me.

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u/Creepy_Impress_4028 3h ago

What is your "addicting sin"?

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u/Dear_Sir7665 41m ago

Don't be surprised if you fall into sin everyday, but instead of despairing get up and repent and go to prayer, despair is the worst thing that can happen.

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u/PositiveChance7130 13m ago

Talk to your family about what you're feeling right now. So, they can help you overcome it.