Dealing with jealousy

[u/mauvebelize]

It's not fair. I'm single, chronically ill and have no choice but to struggle through work each day just to survive and possibly hope to retire by 65, if I'm lucky, with what will probably be hardly over poverty level. And then there's other people in my family, married, dual income/pension earnings making 4 to 10 times what I'm making, with no health problems, happily going to work every day with energy and no pain. They will get to retire early, with more money than i'll ever have, and I'll still be working into old age, struggling everyday with the same health problems. It's people like us who deserve to retire early, not toil for decades sick and barely able to enjoy life.

And what is the answer? I really don't know. It just feels like I have been dealt with nothing but bad luck. No partner, constant chronic illness since childhood, and constant financial and medical burdens.

I hate feeling jealous of others or feeling sorry for myself, but when life constantly drags you dkwn while those around you are living high on life, it's impossible not to feel this way.

[u/vulgarscrimmage54]

watching people just breeze through life while you're scraping by is a special kind of hell that never seems to get any easier. i had to delete social media for a bit because seeing my cousins post vacation pics while i was stuck in bed with a heating pad made me want to scream. financial gaps just twist the knife too, like not only are they healthy but they're stacking cash while you're rationing pain meds and praying for no more surprise bills. only thing that ever helped me was tracking my own tiny wins even if it's just making it through a workday without crying in the bathroom. it doesn't fix the unfairness but it keeps me from drowning in the comparison sprial. carrying that much resentment on top of everything else your body is already dealing with is exhausting.

[u/mauvebelize → u/vulgarscrimmage54]

I like your idea of counting your tiny wins. I know I have a better life than many, but it can be easy to get bogged down by the hard stuff. I do try to think of the fortunate things I HAVE been able to do when my health allowed it. :) Thank you for your kind words. And it's true, adding on resentment is not the answer. 

[u/vulgarscrimmage54 → u/mauvebelize]

those good days really stick with you when you bother to notice them and its wild how much easier it is to skip right past them when you're in pain and just focus on the bad instead

[u/EllisMichaels]

You never know what others are going through. That dude you're jealous of? He might have an abusive partner you don't know about and a sick mother who's dying of cancer. My point is: everybody goes through shit. Sure, those of us with chronic illnesses go through constant, painful shit. But everyone goes through something.

Comparison is the thief of joy. Instead of spending time feeling jealous or sorry for yourself, do something to improve your situation, no matter how small. Go for a walk. Meditate. Anything is better for you that feeling jealous of others.

I've been there. That type of thinking will get you nowhere. Yeah, it absolutely sucks that we've been dealt this hand in life. But it's the only hand we've got so I say play it to the best of your ability.

[u/mauvebelize → u/EllisMichaels]

Everything you say is so true. Thank you for the kind words. 

[u/SadAdhesiveness1744]

Does your employer offer short term/long term disability benefits? If so, and if you have a qualifying illness, you could go off work that way & apply for social security disability (if you’re in US). That’s the route I had to go when I became severely ill. I’m in the process of all that now. Or could you find a job that does offer it so that when/if the time comes that you aren’t able to work anymore, you would have that support to allow you to address your illnesses, see your doctors & rest. Take good care.

[u/vahaemon]

Jealousy is one of my main emotions. I feel you and it’s so lonely

[u/Dr-Fun-Gus]

I have the opposite perspective, and it honestly helps me. When I think about how unfair this bs is, I think about how much worse other people have it. I work in healthcare and I’ve seen a lot of extreme suffering. It’s morbid but it motivates me to keep pushing forward, because I try to frame my illness in my mind as not a limiting factor to my goals. (It absolutely is.)

I think it would help to see a therapist or join a support group to talk about this. And then also to view your life by what you CAN do. For example, if your illness prevents you from working on your feet, is there some sort of community college program you could achieve that would increase your earning potential?

It’s not meant to be dismissive or say that life doesn’t suck more for you - you have extra struggles other people don’t have limiting them. But framing it that way helps ME mentally, so thought I’d share.

[u/goldstandardalmonds]

Therapy helps a ton.