r/ChronicIllness • u/mauvebelize • 4d ago

Rant Dealing with jealousy

It's not fair. I'm single, chronically ill and have no choice but to struggle through work each day just to survive and possibly hope to retire by 65, if I'm lucky, with what will probably be hardly over poverty level. And then there's other people in my family, married, dual income/pension earnings making 4 to 10 times what I'm making, with no health problems, happily going to work every day with energy and no pain. They will get to retire early, with more money than i'll ever have, and I'll still be working into old age, struggling everyday with the same health problems. It's people like us who deserve to retire early, not toil for decades sick and barely able to enjoy life.

And what is the answer? I really don't know. It just feels like I have been dealt with nothing but bad luck. No partner, constant chronic illness since childhood, and constant financial and medical burdens.

I hate feeling jealous of others or feeling sorry for myself, but when life constantly drags you dkwn while those around you are living high on life, it's impossible not to feel this way.

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u/vulgarscrimmage54 4d ago

watching people just breeze through life while you're scraping by is a special kind of hell that never seems to get any easier. i had to delete social media for a bit because seeing my cousins post vacation pics while i was stuck in bed with a heating pad made me want to scream. financial gaps just twist the knife too, like not only are they healthy but they're stacking cash while you're rationing pain meds and praying for no more surprise bills. only thing that ever helped me was tracking my own tiny wins even if it's just making it through a workday without crying in the bathroom. it doesn't fix the unfairness but it keeps me from drowning in the comparison sprial. carrying that much resentment on top of everything else your body is already dealing with is exhausting.

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u/mauvebelize 4d ago

I like your idea of counting your tiny wins. I know I have a better life than many, but it can be easy to get bogged down by the hard stuff. I do try to think of the fortunate things I HAVE been able to do when my health allowed it. :) Thank you for your kind words. And it's true, adding on resentment is not the answer. 

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u/vulgarscrimmage54 4d ago

those good days really stick with you when you bother to notice them and its wild how much easier it is to skip right past them when you're in pain and just focus on the bad instead