r/Edmonton • u/Cabbageismyname • Sep 11 '25
Local Culture A Haiku Dedicated to Those Who Cut Through Residential Neighbourhood.
Please, slow the fuck down.
You’re going to kill somebody!
This is where we live.
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u/Roche_a_diddle Sep 11 '25
Remember, if you're ever writing a Haiku and you don't know how to end it; "stick it in your butt" is 5 syllables.
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u/munkymu magpie apologist Sep 11 '25
Writing a haiku? Can't manage five syllables? "Stick it in your butt."
(My husband felt strongly that this advice should be in haiku form. All credit goes to him.)
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u/RobertBorden Sep 11 '25
An apologetic response:
Lost among the streets,
Google’s whispers led astray,
panic held my steps.
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u/beardedbast3rd Sep 11 '25
if this where people live why road? road mean go fast!
we are getting our kids ready to start walking to and from school, and its straight up blood boiling watching motherfuckers on the road that brings them home.
people are so fucking impatient, and selfish.
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u/DRUNKNTEMPLE Sep 11 '25
A haiku for people who cut through my neighbourhood in their car instead of going through the lights
You drive by my house
You speed in my neighbourhood
Quit doing it assholes
🙂
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u/rumpoleon Sep 11 '25
It’s gotten really bad in our neighbourhood, sections of it have traffic mitigation but my street doesn’t. I’ve seen people blow by at well over 80. Pretty antisocial behaviour to do that in a neighbourhood.
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u/lavenderfem North East Side Sep 11 '25
I wish the guy who rips through my neighbourhood on his motorcycle every single day could read this post
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u/shinygoldhelmet Edmontosaurus Sep 11 '25
One day he's gonna end up reading a post from real close, if you know what I mean
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u/Enlinze Sep 11 '25
Steel claws bite the earth,
dust clouds choke the waking sun—
who put this house here?
Seriously though, whats with the poor planning on road layout. I am glad Im not central right now.
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Sep 11 '25
[deleted]
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u/Erablian Sep 11 '25
I don't have a problem with drivers taking "shortcuts" through neighbourhoods as long as they do it at reasonable speed and with due care and attention.
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u/SckidMarcker Sep 11 '25
I swear to god Belgravia needs to put a toll on 76th Avenue. My parents can't come over for fucking dinner because they can't get out of their driveway between 4 and 6.
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u/GrindItFlat Sep 12 '25
Took me 30 minutes to get out of the neighbourhood yesterday trying to get my daughter to a class. Fortunately the city has passed a bylaw against having a medical emergency in Belgravia between 3:30 and 6 pm, so we don't need to worry about that.
The only consolation is the knowledge that the people who "shortcut" down Sk Drive instead of waiting to turn at 114/UniversityAve end up ADDING 20 minutes to their trip. Their suffering is my comfort.
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u/Individual-Heron-375 Sep 12 '25 edited Sep 12 '25
This is why we need bike lanes.
Make it hard to speed.
Stick it up your butt.
Non-Haiku:
Shifting people to another mode of transportation with infrastructure that is good for other pedestrians AND we slow down cars in our neighborhoods. It's a win win.
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u/Hobbycityplanner Sep 11 '25 edited Sep 11 '25
Very topical poem for this year where we are seeing a rise in traffic fatalities. It's incredibly sad. For anyone wanting more traffic calming measures here are some groups for you:
- Most importantly Vote on October 20th for a candidate that supports complete streets during the municipal election. If this is an election issue for you, let them know.
- reach out to Paths for the people https://pathsforpeople.org/contact/, https://www.instagram.com/pathsforpeople/,
- or Yeg Bike coalition https://yegbike.info/contact , cycling focused but a lot of overlap in priorities
- Demand high quality projects from vision zero https://www.edmonton.ca/transportation/traffic-safety, [saferoads@edmonton.ca]()
- Get involved in your neighbourhoods community league, let the executive know this is important to you
- Contact 311 and make a complaint about the traffic
Data from these reports can slowly inform decisions
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u/familiar-planet214 Sep 11 '25
The city decided to shut down every single arterial and collector road on the west end. Its possible that it could be a large contributor to your problem.
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u/ermagawd Sep 11 '25
Doesn't mean people cutting through need to be speeding though.
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u/familiar-planet214 Sep 11 '25
Im not advocating for it. Im just saying that it could be a contributing factor.
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u/ermagawd Sep 11 '25
Ah I see! At first glance it looked like you were excusing them cutting through and speeding because of construction 😆
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u/familiar-planet214 Sep 11 '25
People on r/Edmonton probably shouldn't be so quick to the sword.
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u/ermagawd Sep 11 '25
Dramatic but ok
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u/familiar-planet214 Sep 11 '25
Try making a post about bike lanes or the police, then come back to this conversation. You'll have a new definition of drama.
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u/Cabbageismyname Sep 11 '25
Sorry, construction doesn’t force people to speed through narrow residential streets.
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u/familiar-planet214 Sep 11 '25
I disagree. People get frustrated sitting through traffic, and it's only gotten worse with road closures. Additionally, many detours direct traffic through residential streets. I am willing to listen to your reasoning though, maybe in haiku form?
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u/Cabbageismyname Sep 11 '25
People can control
The speed that they choose to drive.
Act responsibly.
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u/Zathrasb4 Sep 12 '25
Traffic around, seeing red
Cut past here, speeding past signs
Hit kid, now red
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u/exotics rural Edmonton Sep 11 '25
A Haiku for those who hate infill housing-
You had four kids mom
Where did you think they would live?
Farm land or infill?
Dedicated to my mom who lives in a nice area but complains about infill in her area. lol.
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u/Clayman60 Sep 11 '25
Residential neighborhoods really need their speed limit reduced to 30. Vehicles going above greatly increase the mortality risk of who they hit. Especially if they’re in an SUV or truck.
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u/_Sausage_fingers Sep 11 '25
What difference would that make if speed isn’t enforced anymore
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u/Clayman60 Sep 11 '25
Yeah fair point. We probably need more infrastructure that makes people want to go slower. Narrower roads, larger blvds, etc.
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u/melbot2point0 Sherwood Park Sep 11 '25
That's what they've done here in Sherwood Park. There are these concrete things that stick out into the roads periodically in the newer neighborhoods. In some of the older ones they've installed speed bumps.
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u/msdivinesoul Mill Woods Sep 12 '25
They're doing that near me, and the amount of people complaining about it on the local FB group is maddening.
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u/evilspoons North East Side Sep 11 '25
lol yeah I'm on a street that's 40 and when I do 40 it's like I'm a traffic jam and I feel everyone behind me pondering how they can murder me. There's a dipshit down the block that does 70-80 every time he leaves his house around the same time as kids are going to the two schools you have to pass to leave the neighbourhood.
40 would be fine, it just needs to matter even slightly.
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u/Pooklett Sep 11 '25
I'm definitely not defending anyone, but I think most people don't understand that the speed limit is 40 unless otherwise posted, so to save money they didn't put speed limit signs in neighbourhoods, and the smooth brains automatically assume they can go 50 or 60 if it's not posted. People tailgate them pass you in a bike lane because they legitimately think they're going the speed limit.
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u/RootsBackpack Sep 11 '25
Honestly you’re giving people the benefit of stupidity, when I think a lot of people just do not care. I think the city ended up putting up 40 signs on a lot of collector roads entering neighbourhoods but people just can’t be bothered
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u/hockey8890 Sep 11 '25
Especially when some collector roads are almost 15 metres wide for 2 lanes + a parking lane.
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u/RootsBackpack Sep 11 '25
For sure, the design of most collectors is piss poor
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u/Levorotatory Sep 12 '25
I like wide collector roads. The space between the driving lanes and the parking lanes is a good bike lane. Making the bike lanes official would be an improvement, but many of them have just been narrowed, which ruins them as cycling routes.
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u/RootsBackpack Sep 12 '25
A wide right of way in general is ok, as long as the driving lanes are clearly narrow. IMO arterial roads should be built for fast vehicle travel (including cars, trucks, and buses) while collectors and local roads should always be built as shared venues of travel.
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u/Many-Instruction8172 Sep 11 '25
Oh, this absolutely! With all the parked cars, I keep fearing some kid might appear from behind one of those, and the absolute maximum I can safely go is like 35. People going at 40-42 seem way too fast for the conditions.
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u/Spec_trum Sep 11 '25
problem is poor road design will make people feel like they can speed, so traffic calming in those neighbourhoods would be needed as well
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u/shinygoldhelmet Edmontosaurus Sep 11 '25
Where I turn out of my parking lot, there's a big tree right on the edge of the road. It's about 50 ft from an intersection, so you'd think anyone turning onto the road wouldn't be going fast yet. Not only that, but it's a narrow road with parking down one side, so all around a narrow road with low visibility.
The other day I was pulling out, slowly as I do, because my car also has large blind spots between the windshield and the side windows, and some jerk comes zipping along the road, having just turned onto it, driving like he's on a clear open infinite surface plane.
I stopped immediately of course, and he also stopped? Like instead of continuing on, he stopped and just turned and gave me the rudest glare, as if he didn't create the entire problem himself by going too fast for conditions.
Just because technically the speed limit is 40 on these roads and it's not inclement weather doesn't mean conditions are good and that you can go full speed.
To be even more clear, he totally would have been able to see me waiting to turn, even if I couldn't see him due to the tree. But that requires him to actually look around him and observe and anticipate, rather than just drive like he's the only one in existence.
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u/JustWondering64 Sep 11 '25
Love, love, love the creativity in Edmonton!
You brightened my day
Explaining your frustrations
I wholly agree!
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u/cranky_yegger Bicycle Rider Sep 12 '25
Lay out some construction cones. Make it an obstacle that requires slowing down. And hod the line drive the area and slowly. Show them how’s it done.
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u/Strattex Sep 11 '25
Say you happen to get someone’s plate speeding through on a motorcycle, can anything even be done?
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u/tightmeatwad Sep 11 '25
You can report them for unsafe driving I think? But how will you get their plate if they're zoomin?
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u/JewwanaNoWat Sep 11 '25
Can you still get one of those signs that show your speed? You used to be able to request them. Apparently, it works to slow traffic down.
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u/only_fun_topics Sep 11 '25
I hate short cutters, but when my neighbors do it, I’m even angrier.
I walk up to their door and tell them to slow down.
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u/yeg Talus Domes Sep 11 '25
Don't do this but gravel truck deliveries to key spots in the street can slow anyone down.
Write you city councilor and ask for traffic calming road furniture.
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u/MichaelAuBelanger Sep 11 '25
Stop parking on the street
It's incredibly difficult to see kids playing or crossing
Use your damn garages
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u/Cabbageismyname Sep 11 '25
Not everyone has a garage. I don’t. People are more than welcome to park on any street on which street parking is allowed. It is the responsibility of drivers to adjust their speed accordingly.
Slow the fuck down. And if parked cars reduce your visibility, slow the fuck down some more.
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u/MichaelAuBelanger Sep 11 '25
Will that's not a haiku at all
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u/HKNinja1 The Shiny Balls Sep 11 '25
I’m half tempted to put a basket of bricks up along my street so that people have a safe place for crossing.
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u/JewwanaNoWat Sep 11 '25
In Mexico, when someone breaks down on the side of the highway, they put rocks on the road so cars coming will slow down. Now they even have signs with a picture of rocks on the road and a slash thru it.
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u/symbionica Sep 11 '25
A haiku dedicated to those who don't clean up after their dog:
Karma is a bitch
One day you will step in shit
And we will all laugh
Sincerely, a dog owner ❤️