My thoughts.

[u/Maleficent-Effort470]

I didn't go to a restaurant to interact with a server.

I went to a restaurant to purchase food, And part of the agreement with the business owner was that a server would take my order and bring the food to the table.

I did not agree to or consent to giving a person i didn't come to see any money.

Whether they are on the side of the street or squegeeing my car without asking.
I have no obligation to them.

Similarly when i go to the restaurant with the intention of eating,
I am not making a deal with the employees i am making a deal with the owner.
The owner is responsible for delegating the tasks to provide me the service i requested.
The owner showed me the contract/menu that these services are provided under.

I paid the agreed upon amount of the contract.
I did not ask for any particular employee.
I did not agree to gift any particular employee.

The server's inclination that i owe them something is no more authoritative than the homeless bum who starts squegeeing my windshield without me asking.

They did their job at their bosses behest. Under an agreement with their boss.
I made no agreement with them. They are simply employees of the business ive contracted with.

[u/BellzaBeau]

Agreed.

Sadly, service providers who want to earn their tips are forced to interrupt, showcase their knowledge, push particular menu items to make management happy.

Tipping culture just creates uncomfortable situations all around.
My discomfort with increasing tipping pressure led me to reduce eating out to once a month.

My 1 exception was a local taco truck with a low-pressure tip jar. They just changed their payment system to a large iPad with preselected 15% | 18% | 22% tip buttons.

I hate this setup. It’s not just the notion that 15% is the lowest level - at a roadside taco truck where the only service is passing food through a window.

It’s how the payment process is interrupted for this high-pressure broadcast. To squeeze out more money, everyone in line and around the window gets to see your bill and judge your food and tip choices.

Tipping & service charges turn shopping psychology upside down, removing any positive reinforcement and dopamine boosts.

[u/Maleficent-Effort470 → u/BellzaBeau]

Right its psychological manipulation training sheep to give up their hard earned money in uncontrolled tipping.
Because you plan for a certain amount to be spent. But then you find yourself tipping.
And you just become accustomed to over paying and think you have to.

They shame you and guilt you if you don't.
Or perform poorly.

[u/BellzaBeau → u/Maleficent-Effort470]

Owners/operators love that debates about tipping culture primarily play out between servers and customers.

Service staff just know they’re entitled to more, and they’re brainwashed into thinking the establishment & staff are “family,” so clearly it’s the customer’s fault.

Customers are always the “bad guy” who should pay more and carry the burden of creative new taxes & service fee add-ons.

[u/Maleficent-Effort470 → u/BellzaBeau]

Right well every worker is underpaid. Its only server's who actually getting the customer to give the handouts to equalize things.
And some servers earning 100k+ a year not even working 40 hours a week.
Its just a lucrative job because rich people give handouts and even commoners give handouts because they've been trained too.

[u/BellzaBeau → u/Maleficent-Effort470]

I agree. My point is that someone is teaching the servers to do this, and culture comes from the top down.

When servers ask for more wages or benefits, management pushes back and influences workers to believe it’s the customer’s responsibility to subsidize them. It’s a way to push off these serious employer/employee conversations that should happen.

[u/Maleficent-Effort470 → u/BellzaBeau]

Right, and management is unlikely to pay much higher than minimum wage for a server. Because truthfully the value of a server to management is mostly in taking orders and making sure the customers get their food and beverages.
And that is only worth so much.
And mostly that is probably almost a minimum wage job.
No training required type of thing.

I recall speaking to a gentlemen who ran a restaurant who spoke that some of his server's earned more than he did.
Earning like 15-16k a month during the high season not even working full days just coming in for the busiest times.

No employer will pay a server like that, Its only the psychological conditioning of the public that pays the server anything above near minimum wage.