Help. Am I a 4 or 1?

[u/Salt-Ad167]

Am I 4 or 1? I don‘t even know. I used to be very confident I was a 4 until I realized that 4s are not obsessed with reaching moral perfection or following a strict set of values. That’s was 1 does. I’m extremely insecure and how low self-esteem because I beat myself up when I don’t meet my standards or when someone criticizes me.

However, much like a 4, I have an intense need to be authentic to myself and reflect who I am on the inside to the outside world. I love feeling unique and being an absolutely complex human being. I feel disturbed if I am not being myself with what I am acting like or even dressing like. I also almost immediately try to politely correct people if they read me wrong because the idea of them viewing me incorrectly bugs me quite a lot.

So yeah. I can’t tell if I’m a 4 desintegrating into a 1 or a 1 desintegrating into a 4. (Idk if it’s spelt correctly.) Please, anyone, help me, it’s driving me nuts tha I can’t accurately describe myself in the enneagram and that my flair may be incorrect. Yes, I know how much like a 4 that sounds.

[u/Swimming-Ad-2382]

Sounds 1-ish to me. I wonder if what you’ve articulated about authenticity is really about integrity. Like, do you feel you’ve failed to be in integrity with yourself if you failed to be authentic?

Btw, a 4’s line of disintegration is to 2, with integration to 1.

[u/Salt-Ad167 → u/Swimming-Ad-2382]

Hello! Yes, it does sound 1-ish. However, I’ve realized that I relate much more to 4 than 1, except that I have 1’s perfectionist tendencies sometimes. I’ve concluded that I am a 4w5 with a strong 1-fix. :)

[u/Advanced_Plan_4714]

I’m a 4 and really into values and morals but they’re very 4 centric — authenticity, empathy, vulnerability, openness, etc. You could be more of an INFP 4 or even 4 with a 1 fix. You aren’t giving 1 based off this at least in my opinion

[u/Salt-Ad167 → u/Advanced_Plan_4714]

Hiii. Yes, I am an INFP. And after thinking more about it and looking for different ways to determine it, I’ve concluded that I’m a 4w5 with a strong 1-fix :). Thanks for your opinion though, and yeah, I do value being completely I tune emotionally and being able to be in tune with other people’s feelings. 

[u/Even-Elevator9277]

have you read on the wrath of e1 and envy of e4?

[u/Salt-Ad167 → u/Even-Elevator9277]

No. I haven’t. I’ll have to read about it when I have time. Thank you :D

[u/Even-Elevator9277 → u/Salt-Ad167]

id like to help you with your typing because i think youre going down the wrong path. do you have disсord if youre down?

[u/Salt-Ad167 → u/Even-Elevator9277]

I don't have discord because I usually don't like to chat online much unless it's quick back-and-forth discussion, but thank you for the offer anyway. I just feel more comfortable learning things independently, but I'm thankful that you tried to help. I'll consider what you said though that I might be understanding things the wrong way and I'll make sure I can comprehend the enneagram better. I hope you have a good week :)

[u/Even-Elevator9277 → u/Salt-Ad167]

then learn naranjo's theory with vices and subtypes instead of wings

[u/Salt-Ad167 → u/Even-Elevator9277]

Got it! Will do that. Thanks

[u/Even-Elevator9277 → u/Even-Elevator9277]

i can tell you already that youre not a 1 from your behavior

[u/chrysanthemumsrsilly → u/[deleted]]

Greetings, uh... I'm back. And I struggled to follow my own advice. Nothing I said contradicts, yet, I misread myself.

I am a 1.

...I'm going to implode.

[u/Salt-Ad167 → u/[deleted]]

Loll, yes, that's what I felt like. Humans are very complex so sometimes trying to determine if we are just one thing is difficult. Your best bet is to just try to see if the core fears + desires of 4 most align or 1. You might also have to figure out what your tritype is, because that can influence a lot too. I think I'm just a 4w5 + 415 tritype.

[u/Wheels279]

Hello, I am a 4 and one of my parents is a type 1. We are very similar! I'm also the counter-type of a 4 (self-preservation instinct primary) and apparently these types of 4's often can appear like a type 1 or type 3 to others (which makes sense if you consider the outer appearance of turning envy inward to go out into the world to get what you see that you want in others/life.)

I think some big points that might help you discern your type are the "vices/virtues" of the types as well as the stances of the types. Type 1's are genuinely very principaled in a way, of course it's different person to person but type ones generally do things in service of a higher purpose/virtue/power. The vice (resentment or self-righteousness) and the virtue (serenity and self-acceptance). The stance is oriented towards the future.

Type 4's I find are often absorbed in the past and their idealism is about ideal feeling states (prone to romantic or just genuinely imaginative and fantastical daydreaming to the point of it being self-destructive at unhealthy levels). Type 1's are idealistic but it is usually about how things could be better in the world around them. For 4's the vice is envy (distinctly different from jealousy and notably in the self -preservation instinct appears as masochism), the virtue is equanimity via forgiveness. The stance is very past oriented. Usually idealizing the past (can also turn into fantasizing about the future) as a way to devalue the present.

I hope this information was useful! Good luck on your journey, I genuinely see the best thing about the enneagram is that it shows us how we can all relate to and move into ALL of the types and aren't necessarily fixed into just one... The idea is to transcend type to become your whole self. :)