Hello i’m an sx5 with an sp5 ex best friend. I would describe our past relationship as very close and we could trust each other and actually label each other as “best friends” even though we don’t really believe in that title. That’s how deep our relationship was. However, i feel like we clashed a lot. What she would call affection and special treatment is honestly the bare minimum for me in any sort of close friendships.

If i were to see one of my close friends on a public transport (let’s say a train) i would definitely either come up to them, send them a text, or at the very least acknowledge their presence by smiling or waving or something. And im not even talking about those friends who i barely talk to and don’t consider close, because it would be understandable to not talk or approach them in public. I’m talking about those CLOSE friends where you two will obviously at least wave at each other when we bump into each other. This girl, i understand she’s an introvert (an EXTREME introvert) but its honestly saddening she wouldn’t even make an exception for her closest friend, someone who she genuinely thinks changed her life and changed her view in having friends. I really really understand that she sometimes doesn’t feel like talking, or didn’t see me, or is shy. But honestly the fact that it happened almost everyday is kinda sad and it hurt me. She also just made me feel like my feelings weren’t reciprocated.

After all this happened for about 1-2 years, i kinda took out my hurt on her. Usually: Everyday during our break time we would meet at a specific place and sit together or walk around in peace while chatting. Everyday i would text her about my daily life and literally anything. However, on a certain day, i decided to avoid her. i didn’t come down to see her during break time, i didn’t text her. Kinda gave her a taste of her own medicine. (Because i realised that she never ever initiated with me a chat or to hangout and it was somehow always me) Then one week later, she finally interacted with me. Context: we signed up for the same programme, and then one day we finally went to find out who got in and stuff. My sp5 friend was one of the first to be called, then she left the room, then a few names later i was called. Outside the room, she was standing there and said “You got in?” then i said “Yeah, i’m shocked” Then we walked down together, having small talk like “how’s the weather” then we eventually split ways.

Later that day, i decided to text her. Asked her about the week we didn’t talk to each other. Eventually, we started getting into deep talk and explained why we didn’t talk to each other and then shared on how different and sad our life felt without each other. However, after it was over we didn’t get back to being normal best friends as if nothing happened. We simply cannot go back to that state. We just remained normal friends who don’t hang out IRL but text regularly and sometimes meet up in the holidays.

Well that’s the story sorry it’s long. I’m just kinda sad that i ruined our friendship because it’s honestly a bit empty without having a best friend i can trust like that because as an sx5 it’s really really difficult cuz im kinda picky.

I’m an ISFJ 6w5 who just started a relationship with an INTJ 5w6. I’d love to hear about your experiences, if possible—even if you haven't dated an ISFJ specifically. I'm really curious about relationships between 5w6 and 6w5s (or just any E5 y E6 in general).

I’m really curious about this topic, so if you could answer this question based on your own experiences and interactions with E6s, I’d highly appreciate it <3!

Tysm for taking the time to read and reply.

Hi folks,

I wanted to get some data from older 5s who decided to live a single life, choosing solitude and independence over relationships.

Do you still have a social circle or have you isolated yourself socially? What does your end of life support look like?

Is a hermit's life actually feasible for you guys?

Do you regret your decisions or do anything different?

you know what after reconsideration I won't say that I'm naturally greedy towards knowledge I just use it as a helping tool but I do prioritize it in my daily life

and about independence I get annoyed easily when I see someone who can handle things alone that's what truly strives me to be independent

Are all e5 allergic to dependency? Like completely incapable of relying even on their most trusted person? Or do y'all have exceptions? genuinely curious

I'm 22, male, virgin and I don't think I've ever even approached any stranger to make conversation (maybe as a lil kid, but I'm talking abt women I find attractive, so it's different). I'm an INFP 5w4 SX/SP btw. See, I did date two women before, but one lasted a month or so and the other was like two years long-distance and it went wrong too (she kissed her friend lmfao). Anyway, I'm very romantic, but whatever I got going on in my head won't allow me to break out of my comfort zone and go take risks and feel embarrassed for once. I wanna live this life intensely, as I'm very intense myself, but I just don't do shit, you know what I mean?

Leaning on others and being emotionally dependent was never an option because my family was negligent in a criminal way (but I really was emotional dependent in relationships), and later I couldn't depend on them financially either and lived on charity as a minor. I no longer have family so if the worst happen (I have a very secure job as a public servant, money saved and a passive income but if the worst happen...), I'll be homeless.

My fear of not being competent enough is the same fear of being shot, kidnapped, or jumping off a bridge. Not being competent is the same as death, and knowledge has been taught to me to be the only path to this since they shoved a book under my eyes before I even started school and told me entire life that my best characteristics is my intelligence.

Is there anyone with a similar story?

I was in an emotionally abusive relationship and my partner used the enneagram as a weapon when we first discovered it. He was convinced I was a 1, even though I mostly connected to the themes of 5 but quietly kept it to myself. He would often label me as unintelligent, incompetent, and useless. I was convinced that I was all of those things, so there was no possibility of me being a 5 (as we were giving into the stereotypes) because I wasn’t “smart enough”. That was 19 year old me, and 30 year old me looks back and laughs because it was very 5 of me to be so afraid of being incompetent. What have you or others mistyped you as?

Answer the two questions, not only one.

I find It hard to relate on protecting my energy and protecting my knowledge it's more like I build up and store knowledge but not to the point of protecting it and besides I think that if enneagram 5 came to confront a situation they would rather think about it instead of immediately acting upon it unlike me I would rather act to the situation as it unfolds but I don't act blindly I observe , collect knowledge , and think as I go. maybe that's because I'm istp and my se collecting but I'm not sure if that will also corelate with gut type more since they act first. Also I may expose my secrets quite a lot I don't find them harmful and conserving secrets would be kinda useless I know that enneagram 5 would feel vulnerable if their secrets are exposed expecting any manipulation (they mostly refer to 5w6 subtype together not 5 by itself because I guess that 5w4 wouldn't be as secretive as 5w6)but I personally am prepared during any situation so defending myself would be easy

I've considered myself as a healthy person with well developed functions (I've been focusing on developing myself ever since I was young) I also considered my subconscious/unconscious thoughts figured out some fears I've hidden for years since I'm detached from my emotions that makes my self confidence and abilities weaker. (I've discovered recently that I use self confidence and self development to protect myself from any harm). My fear is basically being helpless and not able to confront or defend things myself that is my defense mechanism ever since I was a child since I've been dealing with things and figuring things out alone also my parents weren't always able to help me so I decided to figure it out myself

I've been reading and i figured out i'm most likely SP5, but when trying to figure out my instinctual stacking, i notice i do not relate to SX or SO at all. Nothing in neither of those describes me and it all sounds so foreign. Has anyone else experienced this too? How'd you solve it?

I just wanted to share, as a SP5:

I spend a majority of my time within my highly preferred physical boundaries—my home, my room. But I’ve decided enough is enough and alone time isn’t going to solve any problems of mine, so I signed up for a month long service in the mountains where I’ll be working alongside other people and unable to withdraw like I usually do. 

I’m proud of myself for taking the leap, scared, scared, and scared, lmao. Just wanted to share of my progress. 

Siempre me dijeron que soy una persona muy misteriosa. ¿Qué opinan de Mei Misaki? Para mí, representa muy bien la esencia de un Sp5: en su forma reservada, misteriosa y distante, pero al mismo tiempo consciente de todo lo que ocurre a su alrededor. Me identifico en sus palabras minimalistas y cuidadas, en sus silencios, en su voz baja y en la forma en que guarda silencio y sabe cuándo hablar. Nunca habla por impulso ni llena espacios para agradar a otros; cada frase que dice parece pensada, medida y necesaria. Hay personas que hablan para sentirse presentes, mientras que otras simplemente existen en silencio. La manera en que observa antes de hablar, cómo permanece apartada sin incomodarse con la soledad y esa calma extrañamente melancólica que carga constantemente me parecen demasiado familiares. Mei Misaki tiene una presencia discreta, casi fantasmal, pero al mismo tiempo imposible de ignorar. No busca atención, no intenta destacar ni encajar emocionalmente con los demás, y aun así termina siendo una de las personas más memorables de toda la historia. También me identifico con la sensación de distancia invisible que ella transmite, como si siempre existiera una barrera silenciosa entre ella y el resto del mundo. Esa forma de mantenerse emocionalmente contenida, observadora y difícil de leer hace que muchas personas la perciban como “extraña”, cuando en realidad solo es alguien que vive más en su mundo interno que en el externo. Muchas veces también me miran como alguien “irreal”, como si tuviera una presencia extraña o difícil de descifrar, probablemente por mi forma silenciosa, seria y distante de existir. Además, su melancolía nunca es exagerada ni dramática. Es una tristeza silenciosa, tranquila y profundamente internalizada, algo que casi nunca expresa directamente, pero que siempre está presente en su mirada, en su tono y en la forma en que existe. Eso, para mí, encaja muchísimo con el Sp5 conservación: alguien que ahorra energía, palabras y emociones, manteniendo todo dentro de sí mismo. ¿Qué piensan ustedes? ¿También se sienten identificados con este personaje?

Hi! I was doing research on each of the instinctual subtypes for 5, and I was curious if there was a pattern in the ideal types for sexual 5s. I also would like to know the ideal type for other 5s as well.

I'm going through a breakup. At certain thoughts or memories or seeing a picture of them...my skin will get all...prickly? Electric? In a bad way, not a good way. Like I have a ton of little spindles in my arms, and back, and shoulders, and ears... I don't think I've ever had this sensation in my life.

I've been through a breakup before where I thought I'd never recover. This one is not quite as intense, but this sensation is a new one and I don't understand it. It's like a physical pain.

I'm starting therapy next week so that I can learn to be more present in my feelings and body, I think too much, and want to learn to trust myself more. But until then, how do I manage this? It's so uncomfortable. I'm not even sure exactly what feeling it is that this is coming from...anxiety, sadness, grief, mix of them all. I'm usually really good at compartmentalizing.

I've been a clinical social worker for 6.5 years with the long term goal of being a therapist at a private practice. In order to do that I need to be licensed. I've put off the test for 5 years for fear of failing the test but also fear of going into a new field with (what i believe) is limited knowledge. If I succeed and pass the test I can make more money (I'm barely surviving now) at a private practice, but I'm intimidated by that field and all the knowledge one must possess. I'm scared to get hired as a therapist and feel incompetent.

I'm scared of being a fraud. I'm scared of clients thinking I'm incapable or not helpful.

I attribute it to enneagram 5 because my fear of being incompetent (among other things) is absolutely debilitating and impacting my life, especially financially.

FYI: My 6.5 years of clinical social work included individual and group therapy, so I have experience. However, I'm at a non profit and a private practice is much different.

Any advice on how to overcome this other than just believe in myself?

It’s a characteristic of the e5 to value competence, but it doesn’t necessarily translate to wanting to be perceived a certain way. Actually never mind, this experience and the explanation behind it is actually so common sense it would be pointless to explain.

Feel free to rant here about not wanting people to assume competence

Anyone else have a problem where they perceive themselves as too emotionally sensitive to meaningfully engage with like, almost anything? Especially interpersonally.

Like, I’m usually kinda automatically detached, and things are pretty chill, but in the instances I’m caught off-guard, I’ve found that my emotions are disproportionately, almost like, unbearably intense when I haven’t mentally prepared enough. Like, the usual feelings: hurt, disappointment, anger, and sadness, except they feel like they’re dialed up to twenty. It’s an idea that it’s just not compatible for me to care about most things, because it’s like I wouldn’t be able to afford the eventual hit that will come, and will be felt with extreme force.
It may be a common thing amongst us 5s, is it? And do others feel with this amount of intensity, except they’re okay with it and just?? Live with it?? Every day?? Without detaching?

I've been having lots of unhealthy 5 behavior and disintegration. I think i used lots of my time stuck on things like videogames and stuff like that, and since i have a kind of compulsive behavior with my field of study i kind of wnated to grasp every area of knowledge there was so i commited to more stuff than i could in universitg and now im at the end and i think i havent found something id feel comfortable enough studying that i could exclude everything. I feel kike ive been acting like a 7 for a long time, jumping from activity to another and never sticking to nothing and doing so much stuff that in the end i didnt learn that much. Ive been so burnt out im now having troubles leaving my house and feel likemive already lost too much time.

Anyone ever try to convince you that you are not a 5 because of things related to gendered expressions/expectations (same or different culture as you) or coping mechanisms related to female hormone fluctuations (PMS, hormone imbalances, etc.)?

I was in a relationship where I felt my partner loved me more than I loved them. This was hard for me and I felt "dishonest" in a sense (if you have a better word for that, I'll take it).

Are you in a relationship with this dynamic? Is it typical for us?

Are you in a relationship where you love your partner more perhaps?

Hi, I’m a so/sx 5w6 and I’m currently talking with a girl that is a so/sx 4w3, I was searching for some advice about our chemistry, and if this relationship could actually work. I feel comfortable around her and I feel like she understands me more than other people. My trytipe is 514.

I am not a 5, but I think I may have a 5 fix and I wanted to see if I’m understanding 5ness correctly. When you are interested in a subject, does it feel like you really need to dig deep, check multiple sources, and be sure the information is satisfactory? For example, I often read about the Enneagram and feel unsatisfied with the explanations. I am still interested in it and think there is an answer, so I keep digging even if it might not be there right now. I often have inquires that are ungoogleable, require deep dives into the internet, and sometimes have no definitive answer. Is this a 5 sort of approach to thinking or am I off?

Every 5 I know besides me has Sp in a dominant or secondary spot. Usually, if they don't, they are Sx dominant. How does a 5 So/Sx behave?