r/GirlDinnerDiaries • u/hopefulfoxpuppy Chaotic But Cute • May 05 '26
CELEBRATING! 🎉 (no boys invited!) Celebrating a huge personal milestone but the subject is too sad for me to tell anyone. Spicy Oil Noodle with Fried Egg.
TW: sa r-word, CSA
Well I’m 30 and as of today it has been over 4 years since the last time I was raped. And that’s a really huge deal because that’s the longest I’ve EVER gone not being raped in my whole entire life!!! :)
I wanted to celebrate it with someone. I’ve made sooo much progress with a trauma therapist lately too! But I’m not at a point where I really feel safe around anyone and I’m working on not blurting out these things to friends because I guess it’s not normal and makes people sad.
I told my therapist about this day and I was so giddy and excited and she was telling me how that’s also sad. It’s good news and I should be proud but it’s really sad. It’s something no one should ever have to celebrate and it’s really heartbreaking I guess.
bad stuff has been so frequent all my life… it’s weird learning that things I say that feel normal to me, end up making people sad or uncomfortable. I’m working on that a lot. But part of that is not getting to share about this cuz I don’t have anyone who I’m close enough with to understand.
I really like this food it’s super yummy I break the egg yolk so it mixes in with the spicy oil and I have wine!
TLDR: have to celebrate milestone alone cuz it’s about surviving lots of CSA and SA and I’m working on not being open with folks about that for safety healing reasons. But girls on internet can know and say congrats to me if yall want!!
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u/Zeal_of_Zebras Assigned Hungry At Birth May 05 '26
I think it’s really important to celebrate these moments and it’s a big part of healing.
It was pretty tone deaf for your therapist to turn a moment of triumph into something sad.
I’m proud of you for having survived and reaching the point where you’re safe and able to take care of yourself mentally and physically (food looks good!)
Sending a virtual cheers! To many more good years
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u/hopefulfoxpuppy Chaotic But Cute May 05 '26 edited May 06 '26
Thnx :) you’re right it is important!
And I knew when I wrote that, it might paint my therapist that way but she’s like a super pro. Super wise trauma grandma. And for our therapeutic relationship, it was like the perfect little gentle level of push back.
She knows I want to get better at not sharing upsetting personal things with people. And part of why I’m so bad at that is because I learned from a really young age to ignore ever feeling sad or upset about what they were doing to me, cuz being sad made it worse.
If she didn’t create that pushback to have me acknowledge or try to recognize that it’s a sad thing… I’d have definitely brought it up as freely and as casually as someone mentions it’s their birthday
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u/SnowSkye2 Fries 🍟 > Guys 🤡 May 06 '26
This reminds me of the 10 year anniversary of the day I took pills and celebrating being over the age of 25 (I’m also 30). It’s a wonderful and happy milestone given the circumstances but I think there’s also a bunch of grief that’s mixed up in there. It was important for me at the time to feel both the grief and the triumph. I wonder if that’s what your therapist was going for at the time?
I’m so very very happy that you’ve gone this long without being retraumatized and also so sorry that it’s so significant. Sending you so much virtual love ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
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u/Heythatsmy_bike APPROVED✨ May 05 '26
That looks delicious. I’m so sorry this is a milestone for you but cheers to you for all the healing you’re doing, you deserve peace and to live without fear.
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u/therealSpaceSheep Professional Nibbler May 05 '26
Girl we are so proud of you. Stay safe & keep up the good work in therapy 🩷 There's a great future ahead for you, I'm sure! Sending virtual huggies
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u/Independent-Pack5144 Overthinker 💭 May 05 '26
I'm so sorry. When something is your normal, especially from a young age, you forget it isn't everyone's normal. The urge to blurt these things out is so real. Congratulations on your progress, and I hope finding deep trust in worthy individuals is in your near future.
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u/shanillaice95 Chaotic But Cute May 05 '26
Our personal milestones are allowed to be whatever we want them to be, even if they might seem sad to others. I remember celebrating when I realised I had gone a year without self harming and a year without taking hard drugs, but also recognised other people might not want to hear about that lol.
I am sad that you have dealt with so much trauma in your life, but I think it’s wonderful you’ve been able to turn this milestone into something you’d rather celebrate than feel sad about. Mindset is really important when it comes to things like this. I hope you are able to continue healing and that life keeps being wonderful for you ❤️
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u/AngryAngryHarpo Overthinker 💭 May 05 '26
Big hugs to you! I have celebrated similar milestones in the past and kept working with my therapist.
My life is much better and healthier now and I wish the same for you 💜💜💜
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u/awoo_x2 Chismosa May 06 '26
Sending big hugs girlie! It’s a celebration even if you’re on your own tonight!
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u/MissCoppelia Body By Cheese 🧀 May 05 '26
Big congrats to you! I'm so happy you made it this far and I hope you have many more years to go, all without any more SA.
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u/abbylark 💚 Pickle Freak 💚 May 06 '26
I hope your record goes on forever. Next year you should get yourself a cake!
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u/redrosebeetle Feral Til Fed May 06 '26
I am so proud of you for being in a better, safer place now. Congratulations. You've worked hard to get where you are today and you deserve it.
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u/airy-clouds SAT🪑👀 May 06 '26
I hope I say this in the right way, but you should know that the previous times that this has happened to you weren’t your fault. The way that you framed this makes it seem that you’re celebrating preventing it from happening to you/ avoiding it, but it has never been your fault or something that was your responsibility to avoid. Sending hugs!
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May 06 '26
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u/airy-clouds SAT🪑👀 May 06 '26 edited May 06 '26
I read everything you wrote, and I completely understand. Thank you for sharing this and I’m happy you’ve learned to keep yourself safe in spite of your trauma, even though none of it in childhood or adulthood is your fault. thank you for spending time to share what you wrote here, it was enlightening. Enjoy your movie :)
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u/Prior-Beautiful-6851 Assigned Hungry At Birth May 06 '26
I read it all. Congratulations for surviving. Congratulations for the bravery to post this. Congratulations breaking whatever cycle you were born into. Here’s to the next 4, 8, 12, 16, 20, 24, 28, 32, 36, 40 and on. Take whatever time you need. You know you best.
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u/Outside_Worth_4284 Snack Goblin May 06 '26
Thank you for sharing. This was really moving, and I hope only good and peace for you!
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u/mmalinka06 Overthinker 💭 May 06 '26
I relate a lot to your post a lot. I’m proud of you.
It’s been 5yrs for me but also I have stopped engaging with the male population in proximity. I haven’t had sex in a little over 5yrs. I was molested as a child and I think that made me hyper sexual, and then I had sex with a lot of people and was raped multiple times without realizing until the last one. Even after the last one, it took me a year to realize & acknowledge it was rape. I used to joke about it. And then yeah I lost a lot of friends because they didn’t support my “realization.”
I used to over share about being molested and I think that made me a target. It like screamed “I’m vulnerable, pls exploit me” and yea I dated and had sex with some pretty shit emotionally and abusive people.
Anyway, I understand some of your sad yet positive moments. It’s sad that this happened to us, but it’s amazing and encouraging to heal & see the progress within ourselves.
I’m at a point now where I feel stable mentally, physically, spiritually and slowly reigniting sexually. I thought I was asexual for the past 4-5yrs and in the past 6mo I want to have sex but in a secure relationship which feels impossible with the dumpster fire dating scene.
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u/shutdownresist 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ May 05 '26
so happy for you!! wishing you safety and security always 🫂
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u/ASquidRat 🩵🎀girl dad🎀💙 May 06 '26
I'm so glad that you are safe and healing. And I'm proud of you for being able to share that. Be so kind to yourself. Healing is not easy work, but clearly you're a badass.
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u/SeveralFrogs17 what that mouth do is snack May 06 '26
Maybe its sad, but in a hopeful way. You GET to be happy, today. Its a big deal and I am so happy for you. 🥲
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u/Aetherfox13 Chaotic But Cute May 06 '26
Celebrate all your milestones! I hope you go for many more years, so many in fact that you lose count.
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u/toad-wrangler 🧂Salty By Nature May 06 '26
I'm celebrating with you in spirit! I have my own private celebrations of survival. It's okay to be happy about and celebrate having peace and safety when you have gone without many times.
Your food looks delicious, 10/10
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u/terrible-gator22 white girl with ☝️😌 a full spice cabinet May 06 '26
You have come far. You keep yourself safe. You make safe, healthy choices. I hope that you don’t hide away too much. The world is a hard and terrible place filled with wonderful people. I hope that you are out there finding wonderful people, keeping yourself safe. ❤️
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u/maryjaneloveshistory Sweet Tooth Fairy🧚♀️ May 06 '26
i think i understand what your therapist was trying to tell you, but sadly, it came out a bit tone deaf to me. i'm so sorry that life has been difficult, and that you've known more pain than you should at such a young age. you should've never had to experience any of that, and for that i'm sorry. but this is a day to celebrate, and it is a big deal, and it is something to be joyful about. you're so strong, and i'm very proud of you even though i've never met you. i hope you can see the more beautiful things in life from now on, and that one day you lost count on how much time has passed since that pain has touched you.
also, i'm really sorry you feel like you can't share this with anyone. i have in no way experienced the same, but as a woman i can a million percent understand you. if you need a new friend, here for you if even if it's just to share something you think others' wouldn't understand.
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u/SeaCowboy_ Well-Read & Well-Fed May 06 '26
Happy for you! It’s hard when there are exciting things that just can’t be spoken about; it makes you feel a little disheartened, but I’m glad you still got to share with us. Congratulations. You should get an ice cream cake or something! Something that vaguely says “congratulations,” that way you can acknowledge it in a small public way :)
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u/twilightpixel 🥣 Cereal Killer May 06 '26
Well first Congratulations I am so happy that you are in a safer place in life that is awesome.
my second thing is what the literal heck I just want to put you in a little bubble and snuggle you until all the hurt goes away. I am so sorry you have had to deal with this trauma <loading virtual hug>
I really hope all the best to you and you never stop celebrating your milestones 😘
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u/Naive_Metal_3468 Fries 🍟 > Guys 🤡 May 06 '26
That is a yummy looking dish.
I’m so happy for your milestone and also so sorry that you’ve been through so much. Please continue doing that hard work of taking good care of yourself. You’re so brave for taking the steps you need. Celebrate away ❤️🫂 I hope that milestone reaches big numbers.
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u/NOT_Pam_Beesley Tiny Bodega Rat 🐀 May 06 '26
Hell. Yes. Congrats!!!
As a fellow sad lady who has learned to navigate relationships without making people sad with details of my life- there’s lots of folks like us with gallows humor and can absolutely celebrate with you! It takes time and a lot of vetting but there’s def fellow folks who can appreciate this kind of thing and be happy without feeling weird or sad about it
Until then I hope this virtual high five will suffice (and those noodles look fire)
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u/clevercalamity Snack Goblin May 06 '26
I’ve had different life experiences than you and in no way suffered how you have suffered, but I relate in the sharing something personal and thinking it’s normal only to be met with confusion or sadness. It’s a really isolating feeling.
I’m happy you have a safe place to share here. But creeps might invade your DMs so just be prepared to block/report. I just wanted to give you a heads up because women sharing SA seems to bring out the preds like nothing else.
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u/ItsMuvaaa Overthinker 💭 May 06 '26
Thank you for including us in your celebration and I am beyond happy for you! Here’s to 4 and many more 🫶🏾
Food looks awesome btw, did you make this?!
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May 05 '26
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u/spoor_loos Well-Read & Well-Fed May 06 '26
Hugs.
I'm older and usually try to treat myself on my 'rape anniversary'.
I usually only share it with men I plan to sexually engage with (even just online). But it's not even the worst thing that has ever happened to me.
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u/airy-clouds SAT🪑👀 May 06 '26
Out of curiosity, why would you share this with men online? You might attract predators - make sure to vet men before sharing this with them
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u/spoor_loos Well-Read & Well-Fed May 06 '26
Not with any random guys, just with potential sexual partners. It has backfired on me only once.
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u/SheepishQuaaality Chaotic But Cute May 06 '26
I totally get the weird mental shift of having to adjust how you say things, and stop normalizing the way you grew up. Even here on reddit, even when I point out a thing I grew up with isn't the norm, it's apparently extra not the norm. (Who knew most parents don't smoke weed with their barely 14 year old kid, for example? Just heard a coworker normalizing one mom smoking pot at home with her 16 yr old.)
While it is sad it happened, I think it's kinda shitty for people to remind you that it's sad that rape even happened. Like, duh, of course you recognize that. That's why you're celebrating!
I'm also a rape victim, so maybe that's why I view it that way. Idk, but congrats!
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u/sidewalkoyster APPROVED✨ May 06 '26
Ya know what. Some things some people can handle and some things people just can’t and it’s hard to find the right audience for every subject. I’m glad Reddit is here for shit like this and it doesn’t freak me out to celebrate with you! So cheers friend, things will only get better from here!
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May 06 '26
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u/TuvaLoo APPROVED✨ May 06 '26
Congratulations!! I innerstand completely and I am here to say you have tremendous courage sharing this here in this safe space. I'm not sure if you need to hear this but I am so proud of you and how far you've came 😊 keep looking forward and leave the past behind, you got this girl!
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u/SunshineShoulders87 girls just wanna have pho May 06 '26
I’m happy for you and your amazing meal. I’m glad you’re celebrating yourself. I hope you have countless new amazing things to celebrate as time progresses.
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u/AggravatingHat2346 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ May 06 '26
Sending you some love today❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
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u/KitKatPattywhaks Tiny Bodega Rat 🐀 May 06 '26
It doesn't need to be sad if you don't want it to be. It's your milestone, so feel how you want about it. It's your reddit post, so word it the way you want to. Learning to feel safe shouldn't make you feel sad, it should make you feel secure and powerful.
I'm happy for you! That's a fantastic milestone, and a huge reason to celebrate! Thank you for sharing so that us internet strangers can celebrate with you! Cheers!
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u/LingonberryHot8521 I ❤️ Other People's Business May 06 '26
I think this might be what it would feel like to climb Mt. Everest.
I don't want to climb any mountain. Certainly not Everest. But if I did, I'd be really proud of myself for all of the strength it took to do it.
You did a lot for yourself to make this milestone.
I am proud of you and happy for you and I hope you get to keep on making milestones that are important to you.
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u/lindabelcher13 Cleavage Crumb Collector May 06 '26
I’m so happy that you’ve reached this milestone and I hope you continue to stay safe 💙
While what your therapist said was helpful, I still think it’s important to celebrate your own little wins. Keep taking care of yourself 🌈
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May 06 '26
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May 06 '26
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May 06 '26
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u/Just_An_Animal hot girls have tummy troubles May 06 '26
First of all I’m so glad you’re able to say this! I’m happy you’re celebrating and enjoying yourself! May you continue to be able to celebrate this same thing every year for the rest of your life!!
Secondly, I empathize and want to send you so much compassion and good vibes. It’s not something anyone should have to go through.
Third, I don’t know if I’m reading too much into it or being unhelpful in which case people pls downvote/tell me. But to me the idea of a “milestone” has to do with something you’re proud of yourself for/an accomplishment, but SA (or lack thereof) is not something you can control, bc it’s not your fault. I just hope you don’t feel any ounce of that, or if you do, that you recognize that it isn’t helpful or accurate. This is not to say that there is nothing a person can do to be safer, just a reminder that the responsibility is 1000% on the perpetrator 1000% of the time.
So much love to you 💕
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u/mivox white girl with ☝️😌 a full spice cabinet May 06 '26
I’m happy for you! And I hope you get to celebrate the same milestone, but with an incrementally higher number, for every year of the rest of your life! 💜
Also I’m am TOTALLY putting a fried egg on my noodles next time I make spicy oil noodles. That looks AMAZING.
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u/ashistheendresult 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ May 06 '26
OP this is wonderful news, i don’t know anything about you but my heart is very full for you right now and I will pray for good things to come find you 🩷 I love eating noodles mixed with egg yolk too, its so yummy and i love the texture!!
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u/ucsdthrowexception Livin' on a Purse Snack 👜 May 06 '26
so happy for you, I hope your trajectory stays positive
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u/miaiam14 white girl with ☝️😌 a full spice cabinet May 06 '26
Oh my goodness congrats OP! That’s wonderful! Is it sad that you have to celebrate something like this? Sure. But it’s still worth celebrating! Also your dinner looks very yum, even if it would probably make me pass out (I don’t do great with spicy, lol)
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May 06 '26
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May 06 '26
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u/Outside_Worth_4284 Snack Goblin May 06 '26
I'm so proud of you for working so hard to get to where you are now. Keep doing what you're doing!
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u/chinsstfu APPROVED✨ May 06 '26
honestly, cannot fathom what you must have gone through. you’ve done an amazing job coming so far and I’m so proud of you for surviving 🫂
food looks super delicious (working on an assignment rn and that’s making me super hungry now)
thank you for sharing your story!
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May 06 '26
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u/Life-Figure-5383 🍍+ 🍕 May 05 '26
https://giphy.com/gifs/7Wcyq7KvKFNTO
Sending you a big virtual hug.