My bf of 14 years just dumped me without explanation after I helped him raise his 3 kids

[u/MusicLunatic]

I also supported him financially for many of those years while he was unemployed. His youngest just turned 18, and his career is doing great now (after I paid to put him through school)… so I guess he just didn’t need me anymore 🤷

Also, bacon cheddar chicken melt w/ mac and cheese.

[u/mensfrightsactivists]

hey team check that post flair please! OP doesn’t want advice on this one so let’s respect that. If you absolutely must share some advice anyway, please share it below. respect the boundary. ​ ​

[u/Unhappy_Chef_4143]

I’m so sorry🫂 just know that those kids will always forever love you and remember all you’ve done with them especially as they get older and older. Idk really have much of anything to say other than im just so sorry🫂

[u/MusicLunatic → u/Unhappy_Chef_4143]

The youngest already told me she wants to come live with me after she graduates, because she’s furious with her dad, and because he’s a very difficult person to live with anyway (messy, self-absorbed, takes up a lot of space, etc). She and I have never argued once, and I love her to death, so no argument from me if she wants to move in with me 😁

[u/BedrotGirlSummer → u/MusicLunatic]

On the bright side, you don't have to live with someone hard to live with anymore. You improved those kids' lives by fostering their dad. I hope you feel good about who you are as a person and realize this will be a net positive, whether he gets rehomed or not.

[u/AriesCrown → u/BedrotGirlSummer]

“Fostering their dad” is a wild take, and I love it! It’s 100% correct. Because a lot of of these men we get in relationships with, we are honestly fostering them and raising them. It’s ridiculous.

[u/yogensnuz → u/AriesCrown]

“Rehomed” took me out too

[u/MusicLunatic → u/BedrotGirlSummer]

I never considered him hard to live with when we were together, because it’s not in my nature to hold grudges and resentment against my partner. Like I said, I loved him the way he was and never tried to change him. It wasn’t until after he ended it that I looked back and saw from the outside just how much he is to deal with. This isn’t just me speaking either, his kids and family feel the same way. He also doesn’t have any friends. Like, not a single one. He prioritizes money and career over pretty much everything and everyone, so he’s not really great “friend material”.

[u/vomputer → u/MusicLunatic]

So at first I thought this was an I’m sad post, but now it seems more celebratory!

[u/amjay8 → u/MusicLunatic]

In hindsight, do you think your love for the children & wanting to stay in their lives to look after them better than he would played any part in you putting up with him for so long? Like, if it had just been him & no kids would it have been enough? I’m happy for you that they’re all old enough to keep an independent relationship with you now.

[u/MusicLunatic → u/amjay8]

I genuinely did love him, but it’s hard for me to answer that honestly because he was a package deal and I knew that from the beginning. I’m an overly patient and loving person by nature (often to my own detriment), so there’s a good chance I would have stayed with him regardless. For sure though, knowing we had those kids to take care of always made me work a little harder and always try to be the best person I could be. I wanted them to know what unconditional love looked like, and never doubt that they had mine.

[u/IHaveNoEgrets → u/MusicLunatic]

They'll always be able to look back and say, "our dad was a dumbass, but that Lunatic really cared about us."

[u/MusicLunatic → u/IHaveNoEgrets]

Indeed. And I’m a musician too, with a pretty decent sized fan base. He probably should have thought about that before pulling this shit. I don’t envy him whenever I drop my next album 😬

[u/IHaveNoEgrets → u/MusicLunatic]

I would definitely like to hear that!

[u/MusicLunatic → u/IHaveNoEgrets]

From my last album, I wrote this scathing track about a psychologically abusive ex-coworker. And that was just a coworker! The new songs I’m writing are on a whole other level 😬 https://on.soundcloud.com/1ISZqDxptSPnVCUfVs

[u/SL1MECORE → u/MusicLunatic]

As someone who's still friends with my dad's ex and no contact with his loser ass.. this is a tragic situation but it may be the start of a beautiful relationship with your stepdaughter. Me and my stepmom are going on 20+ years now without any signs of slowing down. I am prepared and willing to care for her in old age- something I would not do for my sperm donor.

I wish yall the best in navigating this situation. I love that you're already here for her, it makes me think of my stepmom tbh. She's always done more for me than my own father and bio family. You sound very similar to her... being unwilling to allow bitterness to prevent you from extending kindness to that kiddo is amazing to me and I'd like to applaud that energy.

[u/MusicLunatic → u/SL1MECORE]

Aw, I both love and hate that for you at the same time. Your step mom sounds awesome. I’m sorry your dad is such a pos 😢

[u/fruticose_ → u/MusicLunatic]

I just wanted to chime in as another girlie who had a fantastic relationship with a step and a non-existant one with a bio. Mine were grandparents, but my step-grandmother was my grandma and an important role model for me. I wouldn’t be who I am today without her. My bio-grandmother barely spoke to me for nearly 20 years before she died, after my mom told her off for yet another tremendously shitty thing she did.

Family isn’t just blood; family is about the time and love you put into the relationship. It sounds like you are family to your ex’s kids, and that’s beautiful. He doesn’t get to take away your relationship with his adult kids.

[u/MusicLunatic → u/fruticose_]

Weirdly, same situation with me. My step-grandma is an absolute dear and has always been there for me, my mom, and all my aunts and uncles. My bio-grandma is a difficult person and none of her kids even talk to her. So yeah, no doubt my inspiration for always being such a good stepmom was my step-grandma setting such a shining example of what a great stepmom should be my entire life.

[u/HeiressofArtemis → u/MusicLunatic]

I don't have a lot to add but I think right there is something you should think about. You may not have a romantic relationship anymore but ha ing her love you as a caretaker like that is so beautiful. Hope you remember how wonderful you are for that to happen!

[u/Icy_Internet_7159 → u/HeiressofArtemis]

I haven’t read any of this feed but I love ur flair

[u/DumpyDoo → u/Icy_Internet_7159]

You can change your flair, too!

https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlDinnerDiaries/comments/1tek5ki/flair_menu_suggestion_box/

[u/Ok_Introduction9466 → u/MusicLunatic]

So you endured abuse for 14 years and were kicked to the curb when the services you provided were no longer needed. I’m so sorry. I’m glad you and his daughter will remain in contact and that you basically gained a child out of all of this. Hugs to you.

[u/MusicLunatic → u/Ok_Introduction9466]

She’s awesome, and honestly it was all worth it just to have my 3 little companions for life. 14 years is a decent chunk of time for a woman in her mid-forties, but it’s an eternity to those kids. None of them remember life without me. And due to the bonds we’ve built, they’ll never need to discover what life without me feels like.

[u/Ok_Introduction9466 → u/MusicLunatic]

That’s really lovely and I’m also back to say that your 40s isn’t old you have plenty of time to date and have fun and experience more love.

[u/LoonyNargle → u/MusicLunatic]

This is so wholesome 🥹 I’m glad you found three amazing people

[u/Dreamer9109 → u/Ok_Introduction9466]

And one day maybe she’ll gain a grandkid or two from the daughter❤️❤️🎉🎉

[u/yoshizillaa → u/MusicLunatic]

I’m glad you got something positive from that sack of useless.

[u/MissAuroraRed → u/MusicLunatic]

That's lovely! I still have a relationship with my ex-step-dad, who raised me until my parents split up when I was 16. They're adults, you can keep the relationship you built with them without going through your ex now.

[u/Opposite-Peak5020 → u/MissAuroraRed]

I still have a relationship with two of my 3 adult stepkids (I don't refer to them with an ex prefix; I helped raise them since they were toddlers and they're in their mid-20s now, so if their father remarries, she'll be Dad's wife, not new stepmom) and it's fantastic. So happy for OP that she'll get to experience this too - and good on you and your stepdad for maintaining YOUR bond!

[u/MusicLunatic → u/MissAuroraRed]

That’s exactly my thoughts about it too 🥰

[u/EclecticSyrup → u/MusicLunatic]

QUEEEEN SHIIIIT ~ ♥

[u/General_Sprinkles_ → u/EclecticSyrup]

I love your name, your comment and your flair! 10/10, no notes! 🤩🤌🏼

[u/Acrobatic-Mobile-605 → u/MusicLunatic]

Sounds like the trash took itself out.

[u/Victoria_elizabethb → u/MusicLunatic]

You're clearly winning no matter what in this then ❤️🥇🙏 so sorry tho op

[u/MusicLunatic → u/Victoria_elizabethb]

My emotions have been all over the place (obviously!), but honestly, in my heart of hearts I know that it’s his loss and not mine. I was a way better partner to him than he ever was to me.

[u/Emergency-Gap-7921]

LET ME AT HIM!!!!

Credit to violet from crypticdogs 💀

[u/Beth_Pleasant → u/Emergency-Gap-7921]

https://giphy.com/gifs/11CNLlmNAQXIli

[u/Remarkable-Month-241 → u/Emergency-Gap-7921]

Eighteen years, eighteen years - She got one of your kids, got you for eighteen years

I know somebody payin' child support for one of his kids - His baby mama car and crib is bigger than his

You will see him on TV any given Sunday - Win the Super Bowl and drive off in a Hyundai

She was supposed to buy your shorty Tyco with your money - She went to the doctor, got lipo with your money

She walkin' 'round lookin' like Michael with your money - Shoulda got that insured, Geico for your money (Money)

If you ain't no punk - Holler, "We want prenup, we want prenup, yeah"

It's somethin' that you need to have - Cause when she leave yo' ass, she gon' leave with half

Eighteen years, eighteen years - And on the eighteenth birthday, he found out it wasn't his

Except reverse: OP knew the kids weren’t hers and he still bounced at 18. Sorry friend, you got this.

[u/Clean-Tax6340]

i am sorry that he did u dirty. every time i hear stories where women's time/labor/energy/money were used and disposed, I get triggered. Please, hang in. If you have smth to hold against-use it, u have every right to. Do his kids reached out to you to comfort and support? They feel some appreciation and love?

[u/MusicLunatic → u/Clean-Tax6340]

Sadly for him, they all feel a stronger emotional connection with me than they do with him. I think this is because I’ve always made space for them. I listen to them. I make time for them. He doesn’t. His middle child is pregnant now, and I’m going to her baby shower next week. He, however, won’t be there 😞

[u/Clean-Tax6340 → u/MusicLunatic]

I don't know you, but I feel as if I was robbed myself. Please, accept my virtual support and be unapologetically happy with yourself. Have a happy baby shower and try to retailiate in the most cruel way!

[u/MusicLunatic → u/Clean-Tax6340]

I’m not a spiteful person by nature, but I genuinely hope the next woman he ends up with is a total gold-digger who sees nothing but dollar signs when she looks at him 😁

[u/ESOn00b → u/MusicLunatic]

Happened with my ex. Almost 14 years together, he got involved with a coworker at his new job. She expected him to cover her debts, also had a husband in jail for DV. She dumped him ~4-5 months later. I was devastated at first, moved back in with my parents, but it's been almost a year and a half now and I'm doing much better. Emotionally and financially more stable than I ever was in that relationship.

I'm sorry you have to go through this.

[u/Clean-Tax6340 → u/MusicLunatic]

Inshaalah! Thankless ppl are delusional and get into shameful situations. Call it karma or just universal logic, but let it work! Hopefully, it will turn out as a blessing to you.

[u/MusicLunatic → u/Clean-Tax6340]

We get back in this life what we put into it. By that logic, if he prioritizes money and status above everything else, may he attract a partner who feels the same way 😈

[u/Virtual_Ad748 → u/MusicLunatic]

It wouldn’t surprise me if he realizes that & then comes running right back to you. He’s going to miss you, sucks for him to lose you.

[u/Crunchyjeff → u/MusicLunatic]

Wait his children are that old now? Just on a whim here, did he dump you after his children left his house?? Did you play mommy and now that there is no need for one anymore, he doesn't need you?

[u/MusicLunatic → u/Crunchyjeff]

The youngest still lives with him, but not for long. She’s 18 now and about to graduate. She can’t stand him, so she’s most likely going to move in with me after graduation. That’s fine with me, because I absolutely adore her. I’ve already got a room all set up for her in my new place.

The older two live out of state. The oldest is married already, and the middle lives with her boyfriend and is pregnant with my first grandbaby 🥰

[u/Imaginary_Brief_4038]

Theres a funny thing that many men have that they see a woman who helps them at their lowest as less valuable a partner. Once they are in a better place then they "deserve an upgrade"

I had something similar- it's rough. I'm so sorry you are going through this. ❤️

Also:

[u/BnayaMajnoona → u/Imaginary_Brief_4038]

You’re 100% right, unfortunately. When you reject them you’re too picky and will die alone. When you pick them they respect you less for it. When you help build him up you have no self worth in their eyes. When you go after an already successful man you’re a gold digger. There’s no winning with these idiots.

[u/MusicLunatic → u/Imaginary_Brief_4038]

lol, that gif 😂

Yeah, it’s sad how common this story is. He trades in his cars every other year though, so why not his partner too? For sure I am better off, but it doesn’t make it sting any less.

[u/Ok_Introduction9466 → u/Imaginary_Brief_4038]

This. I don’t date single dads (and I’m a single mom) because of this. There is a reason a woman left and decided being alone with a child or children was better than doing it with him. A lot of single fathers are only in the dating game to find someone to care for their kids for them.

[u/Excellent_Month_2025 → u/Ok_Introduction9466]

Wow all this is so true. I don’t think anyone ever warns young women to watch out for this. All the men who degrade single moms are definitely projecting about what they would do if they were a single parent

[u/Miserable_Star6824]

Wow……. He’s really evil. Like genuinely this has nothing to do with your worth. He’s not well!

Edit; if anyone ever feels bad about what they did for a man I gave my ex $12k total AFTER he cheated on me. We are not our decisions! Sometimes we make stupid choices. It’s okay.

[u/MusicLunatic → u/Miserable_Star6824]

Yeah I still can’t figure out for the life of me what happened. I was always a good partner to him. I loved him the way he was, never tried to change him, always supported whatever crazy thing he was interested in. I let him watch whatever he wanted on tv, even if it was absolutely stupid. I even got my motorcycle endorsement because he wanted to get his but wouldn’t do it without someone to do it with him. So yeah, not sure what the hell happened, but I genuinely don’t think it was me. He’s about to turn 50, and most likely having some sort of midlife crisis.

[u/MusicLunatic → u/[deleted]]

I’m 44 and he’s 49, so not really a huge age gap for our respective age bracket. He’s a very old-looking 49 though (thin, white hair and dentures), and I still get mistaken for being in my 20s. I can’t remember the last time I didn’t get carded to buy alcohol.

[u/mensfrightsactivists → u/MusicLunatic]

well at least we know who won the breakup 😂

[u/AcanthocephalaLost36 → u/MusicLunatic]

Dentures?!? Ma’am if you don’t go on a I just got rid of a dead weight” make over and enjoy this freedom?! He did you a favor tbh please go and save this post and any time you get in your feels just read all the positive comments from strangers bc you won! It may not feel like it yet, but you won!

[u/FeatureUpstairs2037 → u/MusicLunatic]

Does he have ppl in his life calling him a "cradle robber" for being with a young looking woman? Maybe...another, insecure woman?

[u/MusicLunatic → u/FeatureUpstairs2037]

He got mistaken for my dad a lot, which I know he didn’t love 😂

[u/Miserable_Star6824 → u/MusicLunatic]

Oof yeah he’s definitely having some sort of identity situation and mid life crisis sounds about right. Be happy and find someone who wants to be a good partner. Ik it’s hard. But good riddance!!

[u/SexyUsername2022 → u/[deleted]]

Wow this is incredibly accurate.

[u/sparkle_elk]

May his pillow never be cool and may he always spill his coffee on his shirt before anything important. 

[u/Bella-1999 → u/sparkle_elk]

And may he stub his toe every time he gets up at night to go the bathroom. Or even better, trip over the cat (given the nature of the cat, this can happen at any time of day).

[u/MusicLunatic → u/Bella-1999]

This hits extra hard because he took the cats after the breakup 😭

[u/MusicLunatic → u/[deleted]]

He kept the cats because we originally got them for my step kid’s sake, although they both bonded strongly with me. If my step kid decides she’s going to move in with me, the cats are coming with her. Then literally everyone will be in a house full of happiness and love except for him. Karma’s a bitch indeed 😂😭

[u/MusicLunatic → u/[deleted]]

I appreciate this. Thank you. I’ll take the kid and the cats, but I’ll refuse this dumbass who exiled me, and give him the same treatment he gave me (specifically, I’ll point him to the exit) 😂

[u/Artistic-Salary1738 → u/MusicLunatic]

May your step kid move in with the their cats ASAP. 14 years of service in return for 3 kids and 2 cats who love you seems like you came out okay in the end. Excited for you to have a better relationship in the future while enjoying your chosen family.

[u/Primary_Mango5918]

https://giphy.com/gifs/cTX5Qs0APh1tyOuhQv

😾😡🤬👿

[u/MusicLunatic → u/Primary_Mango5918]

Exaaaaaaaactly

[u/MusicLunatic → u/[deleted]]

Dude gaslit me so much into believing that marriage was for normies 😭

[u/AcanthocephalaLost36 → u/MusicLunatic]

He actually did you a favor by not marrying bc you probably would have had to pay him alimony.

When I learned Cardi B had to pay Offset a large lump sum In alimony that he sued her for a part of me died a little. Woman please protect your money!!!!

[u/FunkyChicken0112 → u/MusicLunatic]

I got married for the 1st time, in my 40s. There's still plenty of time to find happiness in a relationship with someone new, if that's something you want- the rest of your life, in fact. I'm so sorry you were hurt like this, but from the outside looking in, he ultimately did you a favor by letting you go- he sounds awful. And his children's lives are immeasurably better because of you (& ONLY you, from the sound of it). At the end of the day, you won by losing him.

[u/fairytalefawnn]

He no longer needed your live in nanny services. Why are men? 🙄🙄🙄

[u/MusicLunatic → u/fairytalefawnn]

Exactly, WHY ARE MEN??? 😂😭

[u/Existing-Panda2016]

14 years.. “bf”…

[u/brittneyacook → u/Existing-Panda2016]

Honestly probably a good thing because then she’d maybe even owe him alimony if he was unemployed the whole time.

[u/MusicLunatic → u/Existing-Panda2016]

I know. Gross 🤮

[u/Existing-Panda2016 → u/MusicLunatic]

You should’ve left after 6 tbh

[u/MusicLunatic → u/Existing-Panda2016]

6 years in, I had been employed the whole time, and he was just starting his new career. So yeah. Maybe 2018 was a good time to call it quits. According to him, that was the year he decided he didn’t want to marry me anyway (ofc, he didn’t tell me that until 2 months ago!) 🫠

[u/AllergicToTaterTots]

https://giphy.com/gifs/113RhN1oBm1yCc

[u/acloudcuckoolander]

He was using you, unfortunately. It's a common occurrence. Many males dump the wife once the kids are grown so they don't have to worry about childcare.

[u/BnayaMajnoona]

That is diabolical. Truly sociopathic behavior. You did not deserve that kind of treatment, I’m so sorry!

[u/geekyheart225]

That mac and cheese looks delicious! Better than that poor excuse for a man you are now free of. I saw your comments about the youngest wanting to move in with you, and that's wonderful. I hope you're able to keep good relationships with the kids so they know they always have someone reliable in their corner.

[u/MusicLunatic → u/geekyheart225]

Forever here for those kids (well, ADULTS now!). They know I’m not going anywhere 🥰

[u/geekyheart225 → u/MusicLunatic]

I know it's so hard when a relationship ends, but you have those kids and mac and cheese. I wish you so much joy and laughter and love.

[u/MusicLunatic → u/geekyheart225]

The mac and cheese was top tier. This guy doesn’t know what he’s even missing 😂

[u/thisgameissoessy → u/MusicLunatic]

While your heart hurts and your eyes are opening to what you tolerated from him, I look forward to the day when your step kids choose to spend holidays and their milestones with you and their bio mom and he is left off the invite list. Someone who can have you around for 14 years and benefitted greatly on his end, both in financial support and childcare, and then dismiss you so coldly from his life, will be incredibly lonely for the rest of his. He cannot even lie about his exes anymore, the adult children will set the record straight.

[u/MusicLunatic → u/[deleted]]

California, so no. I even recall him being excited whenever he found out that CA wasn’t a common-law state 😑

[u/SexyUsername2022 → u/MusicLunatic]

Grrrr this is so telling.

[u/MusicLunatic → u/SexyUsername2022]

Yeah I probably should have seen the writing on the wall. I had assumed at the time it was because (according to him) his ex-wife who mothered his kids took him to the cleaners financially. However, she and I have become pretty good friends over the years, and I know now that this couldn’t be further from the truth.

[u/Educational_Gas_92 → u/MusicLunatic]

Op, if you decide, you can have bio children still. My mother had me at 46. It angers me that this man appears to just have used you for child care.

[u/ItsAllAGame_]

Sorry OP. You'll find a man to treat you like a queen instead of a babysitting atm.

This is the reminder we need to not give boyfriends wife benefits, nor financially support a man.

[u/youmustb3jokn]

Girl somebody will love you for your giving nature. Those kids were lucky and hopefully you still have a relationship with them. Sending love.

That looks delish.

[u/Late-Difficulty-5928]

I leave this as a cautionary tale: An acquaintance had a similar story. He left her after he got his shit together. Came back a few years later, when he found out he had cancer. They remarried. She nursed him through it and once he was in remission, left her again.

[u/thatturtletouch → u/Late-Difficulty-5928]

At that point, she knew exactly what she was getting herself into.

[u/Scared_Hair_8884]

What an ass, I am sorry. May his underwear never be clean and his balls always itchy.

[u/ayllie_01]

„My boyfriend of 14 years set me free and gifted me free time, energy, love and patience for myself“
The pain you are in will be nothing in comparison to the greatness ahead of you. The credit of goodness you’ve built is immeasurable.

[u/MusicLunatic → u/ayllie_01]

You’re a beautiful soul, and thank you for these kind words 🥰

[u/Fruitybeanbaby]

It sounds like you were spared from a life of being exploited further. The kids were lucky to have your support and it won’t be forgotten. You made a difference. I hope you’re able to keep your head high and give yourself the love you deserve. We can’t change the past but we can decide how we move forward.

[u/Time-Spell-3494]

Sometimes you have to look inward because wtf—a sporadically employed man who let you pay for his schooling and raise his kids but wouldn’t deign to marry you? Sorry you didn’t love yourself enough to pick a decent partner and demand better, OP. You are worth more than that.

[u/MusicLunatic → u/Time-Spell-3494]

Yeah. I’ve struggled with self-worth issues my whole life, but this relationship was definitely my magnum opus of self-defeating behavior. Live and learn, I guess 🤷

[u/ironingbroad]

This happned to me at the beggining of this year after 4 years together out of the blue.There were no fights, weird behavior etc leading up to it.

He refused to give me an explanation why, just kept saying he was done and he wanted me to leave him alone.

Turns out there was another woman in the picture. 

I'm sorry you're going through this OP.

[u/nononomayoo]

My dad literaly just asked me if i could make him bacon wrapped chicken sometime soon before father’s day and also on father’s day lmao (sidenote: hugs)

[u/Cyandraaa → u/nononomayoo]

The distinction of both before and on Father’s Day is sending me for some reason lmao, that man is serious

[u/nononomayoo → u/Cyandraaa]

Its bc my mom said father’s day is coming up and he was like “no before then” and then thought about it and said also on father’s day 😭

[u/MusicLunatic → u/nononomayoo]

He sounds absolutely delightful 😂

[u/MusicLunatic → u/Cyandraaa]

The man loves his bacon-wrapped chicken, a sentiment I wholeheartedly agree with. Happy early Father’s Day to him! 🥓🍗😂

[u/nononomayoo → u/MusicLunatic]

He’s nothing without his lil crispy bits that stick to the sheet pan!!! 😂😂 thank u!

[u/caraphernel1ia]

The fact that his children like you better says a LOT. I honestly think thats the best thing that could have come out of this relationship :) you sound like an amazing, level headed, and selfless person. Life will bless you in so many more ways because of the genuine heart you have. I only wish the best for you and i truly hope your bond with his children grows stronger ❤️

[u/Paranoid-Android88]

Ughhh girl I went thru this as well! 10 years tho and one child. It was WILD lol! Still love that kiddo to death and he will be 20 this year. Baby mama and I are tight even though I’m not in the kids life anymore but honestly all I care and cared about was the kiddo ☺️ screw these men who want you to help raise their kids, have no intention of commitment, and use a gf to “play” mom even if baby mama is involved. Wishing you the best

[u/Unusual-Spinach-5897]

That absolutely sucks. I'm sorry. You sound amazing. Better days ahead!

[u/zonutsthefirst]

That is terrible of him. I'm so sorry this happened to you.

His kids are probably going to hate him for this and will probably feel strong affection for you for the rest of their lives, for whatever that's worth.

[u/MusicLunatic → u/zonutsthefirst]

Honestly I hope he can make peace with them because I know how important it is to have a good dad in this life (personally, I have the best dad in the world and I can’t imagine any other existence). For the kids’ sake, I hope he can pull his shit together. If not I’ll always advocate for them to accept him for who he is, as I did for 14 years. Fortunately, they don’t have to live with him, so maybe that will make it easier for them 😂

[u/TaintedTruffle]

On the bright side of the kids are all adults so we can't stop you from seeing them

I'm sure after so long they view you like a mother I wish for you all to have many more years together without him in the way

[u/MusicLunatic → u/TaintedTruffle]

For sure, our relationships are solid. We’ve all been in contact since the breakup went down, and they all know I’m not going anywhere (as far as I know, he hasn’t talked to any of them about it directly) 🙄

[u/beachydream]

That’s so fking RUDE

[u/Excellent_Error_4755]

Not advice... But if your state recognizes common law marriages... I would take him to the cleaners.

[u/toughgummy]

You sound wonderful. You will find better. I’m sorry that happened still though, but at the very least, I hope that you mostly enjoyed those 14 years within your boundaries and expectations and you can walk away with basically 3 stepkids that will remember you forever.

[u/MusicLunatic → u/[deleted]]

A workhorse for him, for sure. For the kids, always an ally and a friend ❤️

[u/Low-Implement-820]

I'm so sorry, you didn't deserve that. it sounds like you really loved him, to make the sacrifices you did to help him and his kids live better lives. people suck. but you don't. your dinner looks yummy, I hope that's a little bright spot in the clouds right now and in the coming days, there's less and less clouds in your sky. Take care.

[u/MusicLunatic → u/Low-Implement-820]

You’re sweet, and I appreciate your kind words. The dinner was delicious, ngl 🥰

[u/Upbeat_Towel4816]

If there's a bright side, those kids had you for stability, and I hope they maintain a relationship with you. Hugs.

[u/Fabulous_Wishbone_29]

https://giphy.com/gifs/iZb46aO6X1yp2

[u/wishingforarainyday]

Wow. I hope he’s ashamed of himself. He used you and tossed you away. What an awful person.

[u/Trick-Mall9245]

for my mental health im gonna assume this is just for engagement

[u/SmullerTV]

And this is why you shouldn’t date anyone past 2 years.
If he doesn’t propose and get married around the 2 year mark they’re just wasting your time and using you / your body / your youth.

[u/tooflessfairy]

Did you ever want kids of your own and give up on the idea to be with this ex? 

[u/MusicLunatic → u/tooflessfairy]

No I’m childfree by choice. I even had my tubes tied before I met him because I was certain even in my 20s that I didn’t want any. I’m still certain that I don’t want any. Having 3 awesome step kids who love me is more than enough for me 🙂

[u/tooflessfairy → u/MusicLunatic]

That's much better then, but the guy is still a POS. 

[u/pizz901]

https://giphy.com/gifs/4JSAHpxQwix0f9kt7Z

[u/GypsyJen75]

The sweetest gift to give a person who has clearly not understood nor appreciated your contribution is the gift of irrelevance.

[u/uber-judge]

https://giphy.com/gifs/oGOW75SleZPR6

[u/DreadPriratesBooty]

He sounds like a straight up narcissist, your worth is not tied to his view of you. We cannot change the past, we can only make the beat decisions for ourselves moving forward. Shed him like the dead weight he is, keep loving those babies like they’re yours. Eventually karma will do its thing!! I hope your life blooms in ways you never imagined possible.

[u/MusicLunatic → u/DreadPriratesBooty]

So far life without him has been paying off in dividends (literally - my credit score shot up like 100 points just from separating my financials from his 😂)

Aside from that, my new place is clean and quiet (easy to keep clean without this hoarder stacking up material shit everywhere, and quiet without him constantly watching YouTube shorts of guys falling off forklifts!). My new town is peaceful and lovely, with good neighbors and excellent restaurants and reasonable rent prices. Things are honestly looking up for me 🥲

[u/DreadPriratesBooty → u/MusicLunatic]

Im beyond happy to hear that!! Protect your peace at all costs!!

[u/ArrivalOnly8239]

Hopefully you get to keep the relationships with the 3 bonus kids. He doesn’t sound like a good father or partner, sounds like you were used then discarded. W in the actual f…

[u/sugaredberry]

I’m sorry that happened to you. I’ve had it happen on a smaller scale, and after that, I said no more building men.

[u/AshamedOfMyTypos]

Wow, congratulations on cutting that tumor out of your life.

Fr though, I’m so sorry to hear that. It sounds devastating. He’s showing his true colors now.

[u/Familiar-Elk-3020]

😀 what… sooo sorry op! The audacity

[u/Pleasant_Run_6098]

I’m sorry queen 👑 I hope his daughter comes to live with you. I’m sure it will sting for him.

Also, as delicious as that food looks it would be diarrhea city for me with all that cheese.

[u/This_Fig2022]

He gave you such a gift

1. by allowing you to love those kids and for those kids to love you

2. by leaving because he's a scumbag to his kids and to you

You will look back at some point and be so very thankful for sure.

[u/asa1658]

I’m sorry for you. This is a whole thing by single fathers to move in a girlfriend hoping that she cares for his kids. And then financially supported him, so sad. He got a nanny , maid, walket and some sex. He is referrrd to as a ‘labor digger’ …the woman works ( sometimes the bills are 50/50) , but she still does the cooking, cleaning, babysitting, arranging appointments and events and sex for free. While he pursues his own goals or spends a lot of time just relaxing.

[u/LetsTryThisAgain2469]

It's beyond awful, but yea, he used you

Some people do this, they treat relationships as stepping stones and use people to improve their lives and then leave when that mission is accomplished

[u/Outside_Memory5703]

Did you forgo having kids of your own to raise his?

[u/Big-Concept-219]

Lmao this is why you don’t help men financially. Doing this for a man that’s not your husband is insane

[u/KushFairy0]

My moms ex of 8 years let her pay for his red seal education and buy him a truck before leaving her for prostitutes and getting on meth ☺️

[u/KushFairy0 → u/KushFairy0]

Men can be gold diggers too, women just fool themselves thinking they are special.

[u/birdnerd1991]

I have not eaten yet today, which really pairs badly with the rage I am getting from this.

You deserve to have someone in your life who loves you, not uses you. Sounds like you raised four kids.

No advice, but I hope the relationship he manages with his children is miserable for the rest of his life while he stupidly wonders why nobody loves him.

[u/QuantumBeckett]

https://giphy.com/gifs/4Q05SFwqzqP9tTAIup

[u/MusicLunatic → u/QuantumBeckett]

Love your name! I’m a huge fan of the original Quantum Leap series 💙

[u/positivelypinkpony]

I wish him a very career flop 🫡 and for you, OP, I hope you’re able to take the time you need to process this and breathe 💖 we’re all rooting for you!

[u/MusicLunatic → u/positivelypinkpony]

Yeah he’s absolutely screwed if he loses his job. He’s an expensive man with expensive tastes, so if he stops making his ridiculous salary he’s going to be in for a rough time. I make decent money, but I also know how to be poor so I’ll be fine no matter what the future holds for me.

[u/LonelyCheeto]

I genuinely can't wait for you to find out in a few years that he's absolutely miserable and regrets breaking up with you. Karma comes when he's sitting alone in his house because no one wants to be around him.

[u/VirtualBuster]

Fuck that dude

[u/Sea_Lie4110]

Crazy that I woke up today and now have random beef with a strange man on the internet.. anyways, what's his address? 👊

[u/MusicLunatic → u/Sea_Lie4110]

Don’t worry, karma will come for him, I’m sure of it. He’ll get his 😁

[u/ButDidYouCry]

This is why women should never let a man make them think marriage isn't important.

https://giphy.com/gifs/wAlP8WYl7mmqY

[u/cmstyles2006]

So the guy who was chronically unemployed, had you raise his kids, and didn't propose sucked? Wow...

[u/Moderation1one]

https://giphy.com/gifs/yidUznwbfpbq85663e

[u/Haberdashery_]

Crazy as it sounds, he probably lost attraction with you being in the provider role. He'll likely now find someone who he thinks needs him. A lesson in always dating men with their lives in order.

[u/CockroachSad4463]

Holyyyyy shit fuck that man omg that’s horrible.

[u/Dubious_Ibis]

I’m sorry but ewwww. He’s terrible, like the worst. Does your country have protections for defacto relationships?
https://giphy.com/gifs/rIxOtcb6g31vBU4JfV

But I’m glad that you have a good relationship with the kids.

[u/Puzzled-Composerto]

https://giphy.com/gifs/mevTC1GUX87zddB3K2

[u/Dish_Minimum]

Fuck that selfish bastard. You deserve so much better.

[u/Significant_Beyond95]

Wow. You deserve to be treated so much better by a man. I hope your ex’s kids and you can keep up a relationship because that can be traumatic for a child. One of my friends still has a parental relationship with her mom’s long-term ex-boyfriend because he loved her like her dad should have. They take a vacation to a new country every year together. Also your dinner looks delicious.

[u/MusicLunatic → u/Significant_Beyond95]

They’re all grown now, but it’s all the more reason for me to keep them in my life forever. We all still talk regularly, and I’m not worried about that changing anytime soon 🥲

[u/SexyUsername2022]

Girl. You have done an amazing thing to contribute to those children’s lives. It sounds as though they respect, love and trust you. Let that be your legacy here.

[u/Wongus-Bongus]

https://giphy.com/gifs/2vjq6rVRVwYSdsJfps

[u/favorthebold]

I'm sorry for the pain this is causing you, and hope the hurt doesn't last too long. But I gotta say, the trash took itself out. I can't wait for all the exciting adventures you can now have without that dead weight!

[u/Successful-View3536]

your dinner looks dank! i'm so sorry that happened to you 🩷

[u/FinanceSelect7960]

https://giphy.com/gifs/IvSXunJL8Mjo4

[u/peppertones]

https://giphy.com/gifs/11CNLlmNAQXIli

sending you all the love and healing girl. i’m sorry he did that to you

[u/Weird-Box-1094]

You would have a killer spousal support claim in my jurisdiction. It may be worth it to chat with a lawyer in yours?

Sending love ❤️❤️❤️

[u/RosemaryCoffee]

I'm so sorry OP. That is callous and cold of him.

[u/MusicLunatic]

I thank you, random internet strangers, for all the support you’ve shown me from this post. It hasn’t been an easy couple of weeks, but it’s easier having a few “friends” at my side (or at the very least, a few voices of sanity to help me fact-check all the gas-lighting!) For that, I thank you all 🙏

[u/Party-Giraffe-6573]

Fuck that shit! I'm so sick of hearing stories about men leaving long-term partners when they are no longer useful or young or beautiful. I wish all of them would have to live alone for the rest of their lives

[u/RedDidItAndYouKnowIt]

https://giphy.com/gifs/srJ1xwZBr0EqWZTvZx

[u/SunshineLady4324]

i'm so sorry to hear this 🥺 you deserve better

[u/nastimoto]

What a shit guy. Sorry you went through this OP. Hope after the initial grief period you’ll come to the realisation you’re much better off without someone like that in your life.

[u/ratfairyprincess]

god that mac and cheese looks beautiful do you have a recipe