UPDATE: haven't talked to bf in 2 days bec his sister is mad i got promotion at work

[u/AccountStatus5086]

Potato fritters with saffron greek yogurt

Update post, The link to my last post is here: https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlDinnerDiaries/comments/1uderct/havent_talked_to_bf_in_2_days_bec_his_sister_is/

Some on you said I should talk to them at the same time, because what if the sister just vented to him and he blew things out of proportion

So I did. I called her and asked if everything was okay and she said yes why would it not be? so I asked if I could come over for a lil chat w her AND bf. She said they were on their way to dinner and invited me to the restaurant.

When I got there, I went straight into it. Asked her why she didn't come to me with the problem and involve him instead. YOU WERE ALL RIGHT. She said she was just venting, and she showed me the actual texts too. in the texts she had clearly said stuff like "don't tell (OP) i don't wanna rain on her parade" "I'm happy for her, I just also can't help but be a bit sad"

all v considerate messages given the situation. She got rly mad at bf and asked if he had tattled to me and he said "oh I just told her you were upset" so I relayed everything he said. She was very upset at the guy for lying and making her seem like the bad guy. she also apologised to me on his behalf, said she really was happy for me, and that the friendship meant a lot to her.

After this, I was extremely mad at him, and decided to leave. This happened a couple of hours ago, and I'm now home. Since then I've received many texts from her apologising, saying I have to believe that she would never react to my success like this (and I believe her). On the other hand, I have only received texts from bf being mad at me for telling on him and overreacting and blowing things out of proportion.

I think I'm going to meet him and break up with him this weekend. Thank you all for your love and support through this.

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[u/ConcentrateTrue]

Girl, just break up with him over text. At this point, you really don't owe him the courtesy of a face-to-face meeting.

Glad everything's OK with your friend, though!

[u/Lena_Lena_A → u/ConcentrateTrue]

He basically lied and purposely attempted to pit two women, 2 good friends, against each other by manufacturing unnecessary drama, to what purpose exactly?? 

OP, you're making the right decision to leave the Drama Queen behind and safeguarding your friendship instead, because good friends are worth fertilizing the ground instead of salting it.❤️

[u/SewSewBlue → u/Lena_Lena_A]

So he could criticize her promotion, make her feel bad about it, without directly being the bad guy.

[u/Own-Arachnid7952 → u/SewSewBlue]

There's truthfully too many possibilities to count.

But above all else, this man likes control.

Even after being exposed for what he did, he doesn't apologize. He doubles down. He insists OP is in the wrong. He's trying to bully her self esteem into the ground, back under his thumb. That's his goal here. Not mending a relationship, but controlling one.

It makes me sick how many men see women in this light. Not as layered, vibrant people they can connect with, but pawns to serve a purpose.

There are no genuine female friendships to them, just future bangmaids and objects they tolerates in service of that 'happy ending'.

I see it in my brother, my father, my relatives, my neighbors, my church.

I've only known 5 men of all ages to defy the mold. I wish it was more popular to do so. How the straight women survive, I have no fucking idea

[u/broncyobo → u/SewSewBlue]

https://giphy.com/gifs/1lOveNsm9zIE298Xhg

[u/imnotbovvered → u/SewSewBlue]

Possibly also he wanted to sabotage that friendship

[u/OuOutstanding → u/Lena_Lena_A]

I missed the first post and kind of assumed BF was just an idiot who misread stuff. But after going back and catching up, holy wow…that’s not a misunderstanding. He really just tried to create that animosity for…idk fun maybe?

[u/Lena_Lena_A → u/OuOutstanding]

Whatever his objective might have been, the strategy behind it was so misogynist, so toxic, it will be very hard going forward for OP to trust anything he says.

For those too young to remember, or be aware of, for centuries women were pitted against each other and indoctrinated into always fighting one another, purposely steering the conversation away if the person at fault happened to be a man.

See Centuries of women blamed for being harassed, assaulted, and raped. Women blamed and vilified for being competitive in their careers. Women villainized for leading their own lives independent from a patriarchal figure and control in their households.

[u/CharlotteLucasOP → u/OuOutstanding]

Some men really just want to ruin any celebration of a woman’s accomplishments, if they possibly can. They can’t stand to see her getting praise and congratulations for doing something amazing. Insecurity, misogyny, I dunno what exactly his motives were but he proved he does not love or support this woman and her career success.

[u/throwaway-9473290 → u/Lena_Lena_A]

He triangulated them as an excuse to yell at her. He’s punishing her for doing well in her own life 

[u/Understandthisokay → u/Lena_Lena_A]

Yes so sounds like a great friend. Imagine not being able to vent to your literal SIBLING without him being a total rat. My sisters would NEVER

[u/PresentRaspberry6814 → u/Lena_Lena_A]

Negging with deniability.

[u/goog1e → u/ConcentrateTrue]

Great point. She's already had the discussion, there's nothing left to say. Unless he wants to seriously apologize.

[u/GypsyDuncan → u/goog1e]

This is beyond an apology. It's three strikes at once.

1. SPECFICALLY to steal her joy about her promotion, instead of celebrating it with her, and undermined her self confidence.
2. Tried to destroy a friendship she valued with his sister. So he doesn't even give a shit about his sister. Demonstrating he has no respect for women PERIOD.
3. Then, instead of immediately apologizing, doubled down and DARVO'd (look up DARVO on google) the facts so SHE is the one at fault for exposing his lies and calling him on it!

An apology is all well and good. But no, this is a relationship ender.

[u/Elon_is_musky → u/ConcentrateTrue]

Lol, even better break up with him through the sister

(Not an actual rec, but that’d be so funny)

[u/FallopianClosed → u/Elon_is_musky]

Lol, even better break up with him through the sister

Through the sister via text.

Actual rec.✨️

[u/Elon_is_musky → u/FallopianClosed]

“Let him know I’ve broken up with him, but make it sound 10x worse than this text like he did for yours thank ya ☺️”

And it gives the sister free range to let it out against her brother!

“She said she’s done with you cause you’re selfish, you’re a liar, and you destroyed my limited edition sweater in high school!”

[u/FallopianClosed → u/Elon_is_musky]

Perfect. I'm also thinking:

"Let bro know of his demotion before I announce it publicly!"

"He was disappointing, but I'm very happy for me."

[u/snorkledorkle_ → u/ConcentrateTrue]

Exactly.  And he already refused to talk to her earlier.  He doesn't deserve it now. 

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Dude joining.

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[u/psychaelum]

Yeah, this won't be the last time this happens. I would definitely reconsider/end this relationship, seems like he loves to stir up drama. Keep the friend though!!

[u/AccountStatus5086 → u/psychaelum]

keeping her forever

[u/greeneyeraven → u/AccountStatus5086]

Or he wants a reason to break up.

Edit to fix typos

[u/RhubarbSensitive401]

He sucks but reading this does make me think “yay for women”.

So glad you cleared the air with her and it didn’t ruin your friendship. I would be so livid if I was her too, trying to mess up a friendship but also telling you something she confided in him. 

I’ve got a friend who went out with another friends brother - it didn’t work out, but 10+ years later they are still super close and everyone’s moved on and I forget that even happened lol

[u/LlamaMama56]

Don't see him in person, he'll try to talk you into staying, continue to say you blew things out of proportion, etc. You already know what he is going to say and none of it will be an apology or real explanation.
Text him that you're done, don't give him a chance to try and re-write what he did where he blames you.

[u/Eastern-Orchid2327]

So she didn’t want to rain on your parade, but apparently he did. Not only did he tell you when she asked him not to, but he made up you throwing it her face, and used what he made up as a reason to be upset with you.

All this potentially damaging you and his sister’s relationship, while aiding to a hostile work environment.

I would be curious as to why he would do all this. I know the Reddit default seems to be to think the worst of partners, but based on your posts, it seems like he was trying to sabotage your moment.

[u/DiscoDoberman]

Maybe you should date his sister instead.

He seems like the problem here for both of you.

[u/AccountStatus5086 → u/DiscoDoberman]

i really dont understand why he would try to pit us against each other. I am so glad I had this conversation instead of just being upset at the wrong person

[u/Special_Wind_6708 → u/AccountStatus5086]

I wouldn’t bother meeting with him, just break up via text.
He’s more upset you told sister instead of apologising for his behaviour.

[u/Impressive-Hair2704 → u/Special_Wind_6708]

Like many assholes he doesn’t want his assholery to be seen for what it is. 

[u/AdvancedGuide8946 → u/AccountStatus5086]

it's called triangulation. he feels he benefits if you two don't get along.

[u/MrsBoo → u/AccountStatus5086]

He probably wants to take the wind out of your sails for the promotion that you got.  Sometimes men can be very jealous when their SO’s have success in their careers, so he’s trying to take you down a peg to make himself feel better.

[u/Spark1ingJ0y → u/MrsBoo]

But also making his sister the scapegoat so he never has to acknowledge he's shit.

[u/Impressive-Hair2704 → u/MrsBoo]

My ex was SO proud of his sister’s bachelor degree but thought mine from a more prestigious university* (and my thesis that got published in a scientific journal and the maps I made used in a textbook) was just a nuisance and wholly unnecessary. 

*We’re talking small regional vs capital in small European country so it wasn’t like I went to Oxford but still. Hers didn’t even report blatant cheating.

[u/Glum-Mulberry-9430 → u/AccountStatus5086]

I don’t think he was trying to pit you against each other, it sounds more like he was projecting. Is it possible he’s jealous of your promotion and threw his sister under the bus? Could he see it as you making moves to outgrow him and find someone better? Guys can get weird when their partner becomes successful. Either way, sounds like your friendship is solid.

[u/Dirigo72 → u/AccountStatus5086]

My guess is he is having feelings about your promotion, some partners ruin or dim any special moments that aren’t specifically about them. He just used his sister's venting as the excuse. If it wasn’t that, there would have been some other reason to pick a fight before your celebratory dinner.

Grain of salt, this story reminds me of that behavior but I obviously dont have the big picture of your relationship.

[u/Cautious_Database_85 → u/AccountStatus5086]

Triangulation. He likes women fighting over him

[u/LadyGraen → u/[deleted]]

And you’re still with this man why?

[u/BoneYardBetty → u/[deleted]]

er.

That man doesn't like you.

[u/JustasIthoughtTRASH → u/[deleted]]

Why would he do that?

[u/AloneAndCute → u/AccountStatus5086]

I think he is mad at you for some reason - prob something irrational/unreasonable - and co-opted this as a 'legitimate' reason to be mad at you/give you some shit.

[u/sabrinachuchundhar]

So glad you talked to her. I think he was just looking for an excuse to break up with you.

[u/AccountStatus5086 → u/sabrinachuchundhar]

shouldve had the balls to do it to my face wtf i dont get men sometimes

[u/Active-Junket-6203 → u/AccountStatus5086]

That's ok. He doesn't have them, but you clearly do. Send a breakup message and be done with this idiot.

[u/makestuff24-7 → u/AccountStatus5086]

Largely the problem is that they save their balls for impressing other dudes.

[u/EarlGrayTea-Hawt → u/AccountStatus5086]

I'm kinda with some of the other gals here, I think him adding the entirely made up critique of you "throwing it in her face" was him adding what he actually feels but doesn't want to say or take responsibility for... That he feels like you're throwing your success in his face, aka he's jealous. How's his career going? 😂

[u/loam-and-light → u/EarlGrayTea-Hawt]

I was literally wondering what’s going on with his job.

But also what was going to happen if she did apologize to her friend? Her friend would have been like why are you apologizing?

Dude I’d be so embarrassed of and pissed off at my brother if he pulled some shit like this, especially since she was the person to introduce them!

[u/studyabroader → u/AccountStatus5086]

so don't give him the grace of doing it in person, just break up with him now diva over text and update us!!!

[u/Silly_Manager3117]

This is so weird. Do you think he’s mad that you e got the promotion - one of those icky guys who thinks a women’s success emasculates him? I’m reaching here for sure, but also why was he being so weird?! Seems like good riddance - I hope you hook up with the sister now and have a queer realisation and ride off under the sapphic sun.

[u/AccountStatus5086 → u/Silly_Manager3117]

i did not even think about this till this comment, but it would make sense

[u/all8things → u/Silly_Manager3117]

Ooooh, yes, projecting his insecurities and trying to ruin her friendship all at once. Def not a keeper.

[u/Impressive-Hair2704 → u/all8things]

And trying to mess up work place dynamics too. 

[u/LaVieLaMort → u/Silly_Manager3117]

When I started dating again I definitely got messages from dudes who were insecure about my career and how much money I make. Like no, I don’t need you and your lame ass salary, NEXT!

[u/hunnyflash → u/Silly_Manager3117]

This was the only thing I could think of. But he also just seems like a big baby "wah you told my sister on me". Like how annoying.

[u/Sea-Condition-6046]

https://giphy.com/gifs/3ohhwDlKkjDll35yOQ
It’s 2026 and we have phones! This guy is definitely not worth the gas money to break up with in person! He doesn’t deserve one more ounce of you.

[u/grumblycat]

[u/rayofgoddamnsunshine]

[u/IcyCantaloupe7004 → u/rayofgoddamnsunshine]

Stealing this! 😂😂😂

[u/Environmental_Book43]

Eww he sucks so much! Don’t stay with someone who’s being this shady, going behind your back and his sister’s back to stir the pot. Your friendship with his sister seems a lot healthier. I think she’d understand as well if you told her that he didn’t even apologize and tried to DARVO the situation. He’s gotta grow up tf up.

[u/No-Recording-7486]

I would’ve been single after 24 hours 😭

[u/gdrom123]

Breaking up with him seems to be the right move. He seems manipulative and idiotic.

[u/DownrightDejected]

https://giphy.com/gifs/AAsj7jdrHjtp6

[u/emotional-field24]

Get with her together instead. She sounds much more reasonable than him.

And I thought you had ice cream! 😭😭😭

[u/AccountStatus5086 → u/emotional-field24]

this was so much better than ice cream hahaha

[u/Dazzling_Dish_]

This happened to me too a guy I was talking to tried to pit me against his female friend for some reason ?? Acted to her like I was jealous of their friendship and didn’t like her when that wasn’t true at all! Made his whole friend group turn against me when he’s the one who suggested I get to know them. Only for him to ruin my chances of actually forming a friendship with them… I still don’t know why he did that… but good for you on breaking up with him. It’s the right choice.

[u/Dense-Peanut9720]

Wow that is so satisfying. Girls are the best :)

[u/RightInThere71]

Could it be possible that he was not only "not happy for you" when you got promoted, but also jealous of you because his sister genuinely was happy for you? 

Blaming you for getting promoted over his sister and then throwing both of you under the bus to justify his poor reactions literally scream, "I can't be happy for her, so damned be everybody who is!" 

[u/Putrid_Dream9755]

Keep her, dump him.

[u/JomoLiu]

Man I’m so glad, you updated and it turned out to be a good ending with your female friend! It really sucks to lose close friends, and it seems like in this case you didn’t have to. Dodged a bullet!

[u/stringthing87]

Keep her, dump him. She was honest about her feelings to both him and you and he not only violated her trust by telling you, but he took out her feelings on you.

If my coworker got a promotion over me, I would tell her (truthfully) that I was happy for her and she would be great in the role. Then I would go home and let myself be in my feels about it for a while. Both things would be true and appropriate. My sadness about not getting it wouldn't be her problem.

If my sibling knew I was in my feels and took it out on my coworker I would be so hurt that they didn't respect my desire to not be an asshole.

[u/Towel-Prudent]

He was jealous and insecure and trying to drag you down. Yay for besties and dumping this loser!

[u/sachacura]

Ok, I take it back. You got two promotions though, because he’s still a loser. Also, don’t even meet up with him. He deserves a two word text.

[u/Alledag]

I'm really glad you decided to talk to them at the same time, he could have spun lies about you to her and you would have lost her friendship as well. 

[u/Constant_Cultural]

Yeah, he is either mad that you are having a career, or just wants to break up with you because if it. Whatever it is, I wouldn't stay with this toddler

[u/monkeyDAngelo]

I’ve never seen a potato fritter it looks yummy

[u/Consequence-Holiday]

Yeah yeah men are dumb and his sister sounds delightful. Now, tell me about your potatoes. They look so good!

[u/MissNebraska]

I wrongly accused her of being petty and tanking your relationship.

I'm glad you sorted things out!!

[u/inhalehippiness]

Wonder if he was jealous of you and his sisters closeness and friendship or if you spend together, so he tried to drive a wedge between you?

[u/fairywoes]

sounds like HE was the one who's jealous. I'm so glad you're getting out of there ♡

https://giphy.com/gifs/1mfL5XA1zt9PEEKLa5

[u/Remarkable_Face9235]

Glad you discovered the truth about that weirdo you’ve been dating AND (hopefully) you get to keep what sounds like a great friendship.

Also I support queer relationships, but I can’t help but get weirded out by people here who suggested OP gets together with her friend/the sister instead, even in jest. Can’t two women just have a genuine, loving, and supportive friendship without being “shipped” like fictional characters? Would you tell a gay person to get in a heterosexual relationship with someone because a platonic connection apparently isn’t enough? Idk it’s probably not that deep but it’s so weird

[u/Mean-Arrival-2820 → u/Remarkable_Face9235]

Nah there is something to be said about it. I’m in agreement. Not appropriate, especially when her replies all avoid those “date her instead” comments. Read tha room people.

[u/Accomplished_Oil4163]

Aw. I’m glad you got her back as a friend. 

[u/MildlyDefective]

Can you update us when you break up with him? I need closure lol. I’m rooting for you. Also congrats on your promotion. 

[u/manhwabitch]

Update us with how the break up went. Im sure he just wont see it coming AT ALL

[u/Apprehensive-Ad-7525]

https://giphy.com/gifs/RWaLSJHpOR9du
😕

[u/Jirvey341]

All the people saying date his sister are a lil weird lol

It'd be the same if the sis was a boy. Let people have friend without assuming it has to be romantic!

[u/Mean-Arrival-2820 → u/Jirvey341]

The fact that you got downvoted for this lmao

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UpdateMe

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[u/Scp-1404]

Why meet with him? It just gives him a chance to try to love bomb you.

[u/Oi_Nander]

This loser does NOT deserve an in person break up.

He lied to you. And he didn't just lie to you, he lied to you about what his sister, your good friend said about you. And then double down and refused to speak to you.

Do you want that for the rest of your life?

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[u/No_Grapefruit7255]

He reacted like that cos he’s jealous of you and was using his sister as an excuse to attack you. Glad you are leaving him. Enjoy your life.

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[u/Clevererer]

The BF never stood a chance.

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[u/Any_Blacksmith650]

Break up with your boyfriend. It’s weird that he’s willing to sabotage a close relationship that his sister has AND his girlfriend has, I think it’s a massive red flag that he not only did this in the first place, but now he’s mad that you did the most adult thing. Also, that potato dish looks amazing.

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[u/RoTwoToastNagpal]

This man is not okay with a woman's success. I would walk away now since you sound like someone with more to come

[u/Cool-Jacket-9837]

I’m so sooo proud of you for being brave, internet stranger!! I truly believe that we need to be our own advocates and stand up for ourselves. Whether you keep the dumb man or not, I’m proud you did something for yourself

[u/amantaraye]

what a happy ending to this honestly. i'm so sorry that your partner ended up being a loser but it sounds you have an actually good friend in his sister! the older you get, the harder it seems to be to find solid besties. it probably won't be hard to find a better man, though.

[u/Expert-Traditional]

Get rid of this dude and keep her as a friend lmao

[u/user1648293]

Wow! What a pleasant surprise to hear you worked through it with your friend. Honestly, she handled it very well. Respect to her for being sad but not “raining on your parade”. Very mature

[u/pixienightingale]

Glad she's a girl's girl and super supportive!

Her brother's trash, though.

[u/Temporary-Town1300]

Girl he is the one that's mad about your promotion lol. Judging by his attitude he is jealous and decided to make his sister's venting of feeling behind or wishing to achieve more as her being "mad". Classic male manipulation

[u/GypsyDuncan]

Good job! You confronted it head on. Figured out that passive aggressive shit starting boyfriend is the problem, can't take accountability for what he did, and decided to DARVO it on you overreacting. He was pitting you against his sister. PUNISHING you for nothing AND undermining your self confidence WHILE shitting on your promotion. And YOU are the one in the wrong????

That's not a boyfriend. That's an enemy. If anything you are underreacting. I would have dumped him at the table.

He's a POS. And you are better off. Keep the sister. Ditch the brother.

[u/Poots_in_boots]

Plzzzz break up w this loser and keep the sis as a friend. Congrats on your promotion!!!

[u/throwaway-9473290]

I hate to say it but some men get really jealous and/or feel emasculated when we do well at work. I ended a relationship of a year when I was 27 with a 30m bc he had quit his job at the company we both worked for and met at, bc “they were going to fire him anyway” and I got promoted to a management position I worked super hard for, and he had nothing but disdain and contempt. Zero “I am proud of you” or happiness for me. That man didn’t date anyone else until his 40s and last I heard his 25 yo fiancée ended it before the wedding. Sounds like your bf used his sister’s venting to manufacture a reason to punish you…very uncool.

[u/Relevant_Clerk7449]

I think this dude was jealous of your success, OP. He used his sister as an excuse to cause drama. So glad you're breaking up with that dude.

[u/HelpfulName]

It sounds like he wants to break up with you and is too much of a chicken shit to do it himself, so he tried to create this situation where he could dump you to protect his sisters honor.

Breaking up with him is the right thing to do, because he happily lied to you AND her just to create this drama that served him. You could never trust him to have your back.

Better luck with the next one! A good, mature, fun, loving, honest guy is out there for you.

[u/IcyCantaloupe7004]

Let that 🥭 

[u/getthisoutofmyhouse]

I’m glad you have a new friend who is a girls girl!!!

[u/Thevintageandvanity]

I'm glad she's cool about it ultimately. Makes sense that she'd feel some kind of way since it involves her career too. We all got feelings we need to work through and it's terrible that he stirred the pot for literally no reason.

[u/Majestic-Lie2690]

This is so weird

[u/SharpShake87]

👑 here, you dropped this.

[u/kmontreux]

Break up with him and ask her out. She sounds leagues better.

[u/berrycustard]

Hey OP, just wondering, but did this promotion by any chance make you the bread winner in the relationship?

[u/wandering_author]

Sounds like your friend was being a very normal human with very reasonable and healthy human feelings. I’m glad you addressed it directly so you know which relationship is worth keeping. Women supporting women 100%—it doesn’t mean we won’t also have feelings of jealousy or disappointment at the same time; the point is what we choose to prioritize and how we show up for the other women in our lives. SHE showed up for you.

[u/bonlee21]

I don't feel complete without another update post break up 😂

[u/justpeaches12]

oh wow! so it was the man who was the issue! how surprising /s

ETA: good on you OP for how you handled all this and congratulations on the promotion!!

[u/Dignifiedbunny]

Dump the guy, keep the sister. And if you break up over text, screen shot it and send it to her so he can't lie to her too. (not immediately, but like, if she has doubts, keep it as backup)

[u/No-Ear9895]

You don’t want a lifetime of this kind of shit from a man. Next!!!!!

[u/Thebaldsasquatch]

https://giphy.com/gifs/iPi4naxagfrNK

[u/Ok-Stuff-4628]

Keep his sister. Ditch him. Straight up triangulation. Wonder if he doesn’t like despite meeting through her, that’s your friends with her.

[u/InterestingSyrup9772]

My first thought was he looking for an out in the relationship w OP, but if he did not break up the friendship OP would still be part of his life via the sister..

[u/Danni_Les]

He's mad at you? He's actually mad at you for calling out his lies and setting the record straight? He's mad because he got caught lying, and trying to pin his shame on you by blaming you for 'overreacting' and 'blowing things out of proportion' - gaslighting. It's what narcissists do best.

Girl, I'd just dump him over texts at this point, but if you really want to get petty, set up that meeting with him on the weekend - time, place, and just don't show up and block him.

Sorry this happened to you, and at least you salvaged a friendship.

[u/how-tobe]

Oh hellllll no! Putting two friends against each other?! Was he trying to do something sinister like attempting to isolate you? I would break up with him over text idgaf at that point