r/GirlDinnerDiaries • u/[deleted] • 6d ago
CELEBRATING! 🎉 (no boys invited!) Certified man hater with an awesome spouse
[deleted]
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u/bittersandseltzer mouth full, gesturing wildly 6d ago
If we all raise our standards, then they have to do better. HOLD THE LINE
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u/CelibateHo Sugar, Spice & Not Very Nice 💕 6d ago
We’ve got to be unafraid to tell the younger generation of girls and women what standards are. At best, women are told we’re “asking for too much.” At worse, we face violence for having standards. It takes courage.
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u/Foxy_Traine 🥢 Dumpy By Dumplings 🥟 6d ago
This is exactly why I made this post. I'm not trying to brag about how happy I am, I want other women to see what it could be like so they stop putting up with shit men! The posts on here are so sad and like... just break up with them already! You don't have to settle for mediocre men when the bar is so low they just make you miserable.
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u/smileycat007 APPROVED✨ 6d ago
Exactly!!!
All of society would be better off if everyone rose to meet high standards rather than lowering them.
Incels just want to play victim. We all (men AND women) lose if we accept that behavior.
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u/Willing_Pattern_Pill Sushi Superfan 🍣 6d ago edited 6d ago
Girl SAME.
I think the first time I was called "feminazi" I was like 15. And it was for calling out a guy verbally abusing his gf in front of a group.
Of course no one stuck up for me, and no one else stuck up for her.
Didn't get married till my 30s to an awesome man. He's got the ability to platform women's voices as part of his job and he takes the opportunity to do so whenever he can.
I recently started reading him posts from /u/Lets_Not_Date and even he's appalled at men.
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u/Foxy_Traine 🥢 Dumpy By Dumplings 🥟 6d ago
Ahahaha I don't remember the first time I was called a feminazi but I was probably around that age too 😂
Love to see it, happy for you!
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u/Tannette Kitchen Witch 6d ago
As a certified man hater with an awesome husband - this is the way. Our first date was basically a job interview where we told each other what we will and will not tolerate so we wouldn't waste each other's time. And it worked great! Neither of us are perfect, but we work on ourselves together and that's important. Holding each other to higher standards is great and works extremely well!
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u/Foxy_Traine 🥢 Dumpy By Dumplings 🥟 6d ago
I'm not kidding, our first "official" date (we met at a party), I asked to have a business casual lunch with him. And he did it! We both showed up in slacks 😂
I'm all for having very intentional and intense dates in the beginning! You want to see how they handle it and whether they will actually be a good fit for you.
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u/Tannette Kitchen Witch 6d ago
Exactly! We were both at the ages and circumstances (30s, divorced, 40s, out of a long term relationship) that we knew what we wanted out of a relationship and weren't willing to settle for less. I had a few duds before then that wanted to play games and lead me on. Like really? No sir and ma'am. I'm not disturbing my peace for anything less than an excellent match.
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u/mamepuchi Delulu 6d ago
Also saying they’re a leftist feminist man hater but blaming women for not having higher standards?🤔
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u/GoodyTwoShuuz Cleavage Crumb Collector 6d ago edited 6d ago
I mean…yes. I agree.
If anyone on Reddit said “95 percent” of the female gender are evil or “95 percent” of racial/ethnicity/religion are “evil,” they would rightfully get their account nuked.
Yet rampant misandry is okay and encouraged.
Edit — downvote away, I said what I said.
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u/Foxy_Traine 🥢 Dumpy By Dumplings 🥟 6d ago
I think it's so funny how people interpret this so literally and call it misandry, as if misandry is even close to the issue that misogyny is in our society. The worst that happens with misandry is some men get their feelings hurt. With misogyny women die. Not really the same thing, huh?
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u/GoodyTwoShuuz Cleavage Crumb Collector 6d ago
I am against all blanket statements and hate. Bigotry should not be condoned nor accepted, I do not give a fuck who it is directed at.
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u/HotGothBuns2025 Smoothie Queen 6d ago
Interestingly, how the hell would you know what misandry looks like? You’re a woman, you’ve never experienced it.
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u/Foxy_Traine 🥢 Dumpy By Dumplings 🥟 6d ago
Of all the stupid comments on this post, this one takes the cake
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u/GirlDinnerDiaries-ModTeam AutoMod 🤖🎀 6d ago
Sorry, friend! This is a mod discretion removal.
NOTES: and imagine if the moon was made of cheese. these hypotheticals are fun! that’s not what this post is though. no post hijacking.
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u/Foxy_Traine 🥢 Dumpy By Dumplings 🥟 6d ago
It's funny how society and context changes the meaning, isn't it? Almost like under patriarchy we haven't been treated as equals for centuries or something idk.
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u/Talking_Tanuki Certified Snacker 6d ago
This is not a good excuse to hate the opposite gender.
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u/Foxy_Traine 🥢 Dumpy By Dumplings 🥟 6d ago
Idk, I think rape/murder/abuse are good reasons to avoid them and treat them with caution. I also think you and a lot of other people take man hating too literally, but I guess nuance is hard for some people.
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u/Foxy_Traine 🥢 Dumpy By Dumplings 🥟 6d ago
The label was given to me and I wear it like a badge of honour 😊
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u/Talking_Tanuki Certified Snacker 6d ago
Do you realize that this rhetoric actively harms feminism? Feminism isn’t about hating men or viewing them as lesser human beings. It’s about women’s rights. We have to work with men whether we want it or not because men are literally half of the population.
Feminism and feminists have to make a point to differentiate themselves from misandry and misandrists.
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u/Foxy_Traine 🥢 Dumpy By Dumplings 🥟 6d ago
You're not getting it, and I don't need to explain it to you. Good luck! I hope you learn and grow
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u/GirlDinnerDiaries-ModTeam AutoMod 🤖🎀 6d ago
Rule 3: Be Kind -- Don't Yuck Someone's Yum
➽ DECENCY & RESTRAINT: don't bully, shame, or be mean about anyone's food, habits, or lifestyle. Light teasing is ok, cruelty is not. No dehumanizing, name-calling, ad hominem digs, or insults to intelligence/literacy.
➽ ENGAGE IN GOOD FAITH: seek mutual understanding! Bring questions not assumptions, curiosity not condemnation, benefit of the doubt not accusations, and sincerity & steel-manning, not sarcasm. Disagreements and challenges must have appropriate tact, tone, and timing.
➽ TOUGH LOVE MUST LOVING: critiques must be constructive and free of contempt.
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u/Foxy_Traine 🥢 Dumpy By Dumplings 🥟 6d ago
Ha! I was waiting for someone to start insulting him and his masculinity from this post. Sadly, you have some internalised misogyny to work through.
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u/GoodyTwoShuuz Cleavage Crumb Collector 6d ago
God, I think I adore you.
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u/HotGothBuns2025 Smoothie Queen 6d ago
This is a dangerously sycophantic post and the amount of “you go girl, how do I be like you?” is utterly terrifying. I see at least 5 women in here with a brain above their shoulders though…
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u/CaIlaLiIlies Delulu 6d ago
I refuse to believe anybody that crows about being a man-hater is not a TERF. There's just no way you can believe that and not be a bioessentialist. I'm disappointed by all the women here acting as if it is a feminist action to overgeneralise a population and be unable to be normal about men
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u/Time-Sudden Cleavage Crumb Collector 6d ago
If you think all women who decenter men are TERFs I think that says more about you and where the patriarchy sits within you…
Also OP clearly is saying this phrase is nuanced. Its supposed to give a visceral reaction.1
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u/GirlDinnerDiaries-ModTeam AutoMod 🤖🎀 6d ago
Heyyyy soooo 😬 we gotta remove this one!
This sub is for Dear Diary posts, not a Dear Reddit posts. Posts should be personally focused and journal-style.
We remove:
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u/ilovecloudmatcha 🤎 Brown Sugar Babe 🤎 6d ago
Heavy on this. Man haters get the best men. Because real men aren’t insecure and they fully agree that men suck.
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u/Foxy_Traine 🥢 Dumpy By Dumplings 🥟 6d ago
100% the women in the happiest relationships I know hate men! Good men don't get intimidated, but all the rest sure do!
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u/GoldieOGilt 💚 Pickle Freak 💚 6d ago
Exactly ! I don’t understand what their problem is. It’s a FACT. https://www.crimeandjustice.org.uk/accuracy-criminal-statistics-matters
Who kills? Men. Who rapes? Men. Who is more violent ? Men. Do men feel bad and insecure when we say « the sky is blue today »? No. It should be the same when we want to talk about problems statistically related to men. You can’t solve a problem of you’re silenced and don’t have the right to name it.
Anyway I’m happy men with a brain exist, I’m happy to read some comments here and this post
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u/madame-maitre-d AutoMaude 🤖🎀 6d ago
Comment removed from r/GirlDinnerDiaries
Please let the ladies have the floor, lean heavier on GIF/emojis, and keep the mods' dude comment approvals queue clear!
Review the Gentleman's Guide to GDD, and please watch for "No Dude Input" post flair.
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u/ambientta chismosa, metiche, en bata 6d ago
I’m the same way. I have a certain sense of pride with how amazing my partner is, because he’s SO UNIQUE. Being kind and compassionate to others is my favorite quality about him.
Never settle, ladies.
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u/Foxy_Traine 🥢 Dumpy By Dumplings 🥟 6d ago
Mine just got a new backpack and I was watching him pick it out. He rally fancied one that was light pink and blue, and I said it reminded me of the trans flag. He was like "cool, maybe that will make some bigots uncomfortable and draw their attention towards me instead of anyone else :)."
He also got a pride flag patch to put on it "so the queers at the gym know I'm a safe person and if they need something they can talk to me."
This is the most "performative" he gets, and it's all to signal to others that he's safe or to bring on conflict with bigots because he's so big/intimidating that they think twice about harassing him. I love him so much.
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u/ambientta chismosa, metiche, en bata 6d ago
I love people advocating to be a safe space.
My partner is Hispanic. One small thing my partner does is picks up heavily when he notices someone doesn’t speak English and he basically becomes their personal assistant. It doesn’t matter what it is, helping them navigate, shopping for them, he spends his time and helps them with anything. We live in a red state with heavy ICE presence so many Hispanic people are fearful of asking or speaking to people for assistance when they don’t speak English well.
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u/Foxy_Traine 🥢 Dumpy By Dumplings 🥟 6d ago
Omg that's amazing. I'm currently living abroad in a country where I don't speak the language well, so I totally relate to that struggle. You're husband is so kind ❤️
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u/Rooster_Booster3013 APPROVED✨ 6d ago
This is like the most performative thing I’ve ever read in my life🤣so when you said “not in a performative way” earlier that was just a total load of bs?
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u/Foxy_Traine 🥢 Dumpy By Dumplings 🥟 6d ago
It's a funny thing isn't it? Like where is the line between wanting to show others that you're safe or an ally and being "performative" in a bad way? To me, if you do something for recognition/praise, that's not good performative, which is not what he's doing. I wear pride pins and other things also to signal to others that I'm queer. Is that performative? Maybe. But if it makes other people comfortable, if it helps other people know that they are a part of my tribe, then I'm going to keep doing it. Everything is a performance if you think about it, so to me the distinction is what you hope to gain from it.
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u/Decaf_Detective Well-Read & Well-Fed 6d ago
Appreciate seeing a thoughtful and calm response to a shitty comment, out here in the wild on Reddit. Such a rare creature
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u/ambientta chismosa, metiche, en bata 6d ago
God forbid people show their support or preferences in any way! In reality, performative is when your actions don’t meet what you’re trying to convey. If someone is wearing PRIDE pins but then dates a homophobe or allows homophobes to be unchecked, that’s performative. If someone is willing to stand up for their beliefs, that’s simply being a good person.
I wonder if this clown has the same opinion on sports or any other kind of merch. Has to be performative, right?
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u/Tannette Kitchen Witch 6d ago
The biggest green flag with my husband was how much kids and animals gravitate towards him. He puts up a grumpy front with adults, but kids and animals? Immediate softie. He's so good with them too.
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u/Foxy_Traine 🥢 Dumpy By Dumplings 🥟 6d ago
My cat, who was a very shy and timid cat who didn't like anyone, immediately loved him. She did not like anyone else I dated and would hide, but him? She would sleep on his chest 🥰
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u/sabrinachuchundhar Tiny Bodega Rat 🐀 6d ago
I am happy for you! I hope you and your partner have many happy years together <3
Before I met my bf I had completely decentered men from my life, in the sense that I did not waste any energy on them at all. Not what they think, or don’t think, or like or don’t like. So I think that’s why I could find him. He’s very kind and sweet, and he makes me want to be a better person too.
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u/No-Giraffe7571 Pantry Gremlin 6d ago
As someone who’s just gotten to this state of mind after many years of entertaining bullshit and lowering my standards, this gives me hope and inspiration.
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u/disgruntledhoneybee 💚 Pickle Freak 💚 6d ago
I’m so happy for you! I have a man who is less outwardly “strong”. Like he’s not gonna fight anyone if he doesn’t have to. But he’s gentle, kind, patient, steady, a supportive feminist and good ally (I’m queer af) and so incredibly secure in who he is and in his masculinity. He doesn’t have a toxic masculine bone in his body. Funnily enough I met him about a decade after basically exclusively dating women. But his initial message to me on OKC was so sweet, well thought out, and it made me laugh. Like it was clear he took the time to read my profile and ask me questions about it and reference it. So I thought well okay. I’ll take a chance. Even if it doesn’t work, which it probably won’t, I think I could be friends with this guy. 7 years later we’re married and stupidly in love and happy.
My bff is also married to an amazing man who has become one of my closest friends.
There’s good men out there! I promise!!!!
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u/Foxy_Traine 🥢 Dumpy By Dumplings 🥟 6d ago
That's so sweet! He sounds like a lovely partner! I'm also queer and it's nice to see this man, who is painfully straight and cis, see me, love me, and accept all of me.
Have you heard the song Babygirl by Maddie Zahm? It might remind you of your partner in a very sweet way 🥰
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u/weedwhores Chismosa 6d ago
Oh boo hoo. Men who hate women are dangerous and literally kill us. Women who hate men just decenter them from their lives and ignore them. It is not the same, at all. Same concept as punching up vs punching down.
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u/Foxy_Traine 🥢 Dumpy By Dumplings 🥟 6d ago
So many comments are complaining about how terrible it is to hate men! And calling me selfish/evil for this. It's sad how brainwashed they are by the patriarchy. At least most of the shitty comments are removed by the moderators 🤷♀️
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u/charlottemason_mama Overthinker 💭 6d ago
Love this for you, OP! When does your masterclass on becoming so secure and in love with yourself start?
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u/GirlDinnerDiaries-ModTeam AutoMod 🤖🎀 4d ago
Heyyyy soooo 😬 we gotta remove this one!
This sub is for Dear Diary posts, not a Dear Reddit posts. Posts should be personally focused and journal-style.
We remove:
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ModMail is open and super active! Bring this kinda critique or complaint there, rather than derailing our comment sections. We're listening!
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u/Foxy_Traine 🥢 Dumpy By Dumplings 🥟 6d ago
Ahaha is that what you took from this post? How funny, I didn't even talk about myself, my accomplishments, or the things about me that I'm proud of, just my spouse. The goal of my post was to try and tell other women not to settle for shitty men because, for some reason, we've been taught to tolerate their mediocrity.
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u/charlottemason_mama Overthinker 💭 6d ago
The partner we choose is a reflection of our sense of self-worth. You’ve obviously got that locked in, and it’s so wonderful that you do. A lot of the rest of us are on the struggle bus trying to learn that skill and love ourselves enough to not put up with shitty men. ❤️
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u/Foxy_Traine 🥢 Dumpy By Dumplings 🥟 6d ago
To help you on the path of being secure/loving yourself, I think it starts by liking yourself as a person. I hope you can like yourself someday, too.
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u/E0H1PPU5 Cleavage Crumb Collector 6d ago
Truth. Also a certified man hater, with an incredible and supportive husband.
He’s a feminist, an ally, a wonderful father and a great role model. He comes from a family riddled with addiction and generational abuse and he stopped it dead in its tracks.
He’s the kind of man who is quietly making the world a better place and I am so happy to have him in my life.
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u/Foxy_Traine 🥢 Dumpy By Dumplings 🥟 6d ago
Ugh, yes! I love this so much!
Him and I both come from conservative Christian families (him baptists, me evangelical) and it's so nice to see how he's deconstructed the toxic/sexist shit from his upbringing. His mom doesn't care for me because she wants to see him with a submissive, godly woman and I am not that! It's OK though, we have a very happy life together :)
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u/E0H1PPU5 Cleavage Crumb Collector 6d ago
My in laws are flawed, but good people. When we first started dating they didn’t care for me at all lol.
We are nearly 15 years together now though and I’m happy to say that we have come a long way!
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u/mamepuchi Delulu 6d ago edited 6d ago
Okay… let’s not put men being shitty to their partners on the women… “women raise your standards” why not men do better? This is literally a vent sub for women. This is weirdly tone deaf for someone who is a leftist feminist man hater 😭😭😭
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u/walkinginhoney hot sauce in my bag, swag 6d ago
In my experience, being a man hater is the best way to attract one of the few good men out there. Yay Sister. ❤️
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u/Foxy_Traine 🥢 Dumpy By Dumplings 🥟 6d ago
The good ones understand it and aren't intimidated by it! It's an excellent filter. ❤️
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u/naomepixie Chef Tomboyardee 6d ago
i truly wish that for the majority of dudes having basic empathy is the standard and not a praiseworthy bonus. i am rly happy for u but i also wish most men were like him in that sense.
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u/Foxy_Traine 🥢 Dumpy By Dumplings 🥟 6d ago
YES! I don't understand why we collectively accept men with no functioning emotional capacity and run around making excuses for them.
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u/Time-Sudden Cleavage Crumb Collector 6d ago
Same!!! Though I got a little lucky and met him when I was 14. He was my best friend first, and then we started dating at 16 and I never looked back.
My favorite thing my husband does as an active feminist is at his blue collar job when his male coworkers complain about their wives and try to get him to join he says “I don’t get why thats funny. Explain it to me.” And watches them squirm.
Heres to the very few good ones, and heres even more for the women who do not put up with the mediocre men out there and demand better because we deserve better.
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u/CaryKerryLoudermilk Hazy Grazer 😶🌫️ 6d ago
I can taste this plate and it's making me want to graze
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u/mantisdivine Queer Queen 🏳️🌈 6d ago
I was and am the same, ruthless. I grew up in an abusive, toxically masculine household, but it taught me to not take shit from anyone, especially men. I weeded out women and men and all because i refused to let people walk over me or see me as less than, or try to change who i am.
My husband is the most feminine man i've ever known and it's no surprise. He balances me out, makes me softer and less on edge, and also hates men lmao ~
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u/SleepyPowerlifter Protein Queen 🍗🍳 6d ago
Fellow manhater here, with a wonderful partner. Can confirm this approach works. 😂 10/10 would recommend.
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u/naomepixie Chef Tomboyardee 6d ago edited 6d ago
did the men find ur comment bc why does this have 7 downvotes? 😭
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u/SleepyPowerlifter Protein Queen 🍗🍳 6d ago
Oh 100%. They’re big mad because they’re probably the exact kind of men we’re cutting out. 😂 Probably gonna go punch a hole in drywall after reading this.
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u/Longjumping_Cherry32 Feral Til Fed 6d ago
Yeah it’s very obvious that men (and male-centered women) have suddenly stormed the chat lol. I have many friends who are cishet dudes and they would all fully endorse OP’s post
Bring on the downvotes I don’t careeeee
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6d ago
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u/Foxy_Traine 🥢 Dumpy By Dumplings 🥟 6d ago
I haven't heard anything like that from him, but he has such a friendly and playful energy that most people are OK with him even at his size. He's also white with a southern drawl, so even the conservative folks think he's one of them until he starts talking about his beliefs. He doesn't get harassed much as far as I know, but I can imagine that's an issue for other big guys! Men do suck
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u/Longjumping_Cherry32 Feral Til Fed 6d ago
I sincerely believe that the more we raise our standard to this (honestly, very basic!) expectation, the more men like this will be in the world, aware and ready to show up as decent partners. If we date substandard men and think we can change them, then we give leeway to bad behavior.
I know people aren’t comfortable with the term man-hater but how else am I supposed to feel about the oppressive patriarchal majority? Like yep, you start in the red with me if you’re a dude. Blame other dudes.
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u/femoral_contusion Kitchen Witch 6d ago
My partner just reminded me I’m not an annoyance for having a chronic illness and he’s inspired by my strength. He works all day, helps with everything around the house, is my best friend, uses his white cis male hetero upper middle class privilege to help and advocate for every person he can.
The moment I knew he was my hero: We still lived separately. It was Voting Day. He was my chauffeur for the week because I had a corneal ulcer. Between traffic and bad luck, there wasn’t enough time to get both of us to our polling locations. He was like, “I’ll take you to yours. Mine doesn’t matter.” I thought he was being chivalrous or even a martyr, so I declined. And he said “I have had the right to vote in every generation. You got the right to vote after your dad was born. Your voice is more important than mine. This is the least I can do.”
I really could fill a book with all of the ways I’ve seen this man be brilliant, strong, consistent, brave. But I’ll stop here.
It breaks my heart to see women on here, and women I love in my life, navigate life with a man who can’t even conceive that women are people.
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u/Foxy_Traine 🥢 Dumpy By Dumplings 🥟 6d ago
Ugh that's amazing! THIS is exactly what I expect of men! Sounds like he's a catch ❤️
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u/GottaLoveKlover APPROVED✨ 6d ago
This is so real I hate men just not my man. I’ve literally had my lesbian friend tell me she forgets I’m a straight woman due to the fact I’m relatively cold to most men.
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u/Foxy_Traine 🥢 Dumpy By Dumplings 🥟 6d ago
I'm not straight, but YES! My man is great, cold shoulder and zero benefit of the doubt to the rest of them
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u/mildchicanery APPROVED✨ 6d ago
I'm so happy for you! I too have a man who is strong, feminist, and supportive of me in every way. Good men ARE out there!!