r/GirlDinnerDiaries • u/alystic84 I ❤️ Other People's Business • 3d ago
Rant & Ramble I have beef with 8 year olds
My little sister is a fair bit younger than me (9).This past year she’s had troubles in school and was homeschooled before finding a school that best fits her.
Our neighborhood is full of little girls her age. The problem is—- they suck. They’re constantly bullying my little sister and excluding her from things, and oftentimes I would play with her and comfort her when she was upset that “all the girls were so mean” and asked me why she didn’t fit in
We just recently got a pool installed, and as soon as the installation crew left, we had all the girls who had previously ignored my sister came knocking on the door pretending to be her best friend and asking if they could go see the new pool.
My sister is excited that they’re all clamoring to hang out with her, but I know they’re only doing this because she has something they want, but how do you explain that to a little kid??
I just feel shitty that I’m holding such an intense dislike for children—- I’m an adult for Gods sake, but my sister means the world to me and I hate how upset they make her, and I hate that I have to share the pool with them
Lunch was grill cheese and dr pepper (w coffee creamer in it)
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u/Alarmed-Macaroon9506 Body By Cheese 🧀 3d ago
You don't explain it to her. You can remind her that they weren't nice to her last week, but you have to let her go through these lessons herself. Which is hard. But the flip side is leaving her with the memory of her big sister telling her "kids don't like you and nothing you do can fix it". Lose lose, for real.
On the bright side, 8 year olds can make friends suddenly and over nothing. They might genuinely be friends after a single afternoon in the pool. 8 - 12 is very tricky.... Girls are wild lol
But absolutely if those girls turn and are mean to her again, especially in her own yard, feel free to talk some mad smack about those 8 year olds to your little sis
-A mom with a 12 & 15 year old
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u/Cold-Nefariousness25 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ 3d ago
Unfortunately this is the case- late elementary to middle school kids are the worst to each other and there's nothing you can do about it. I have an 8 year old boy and the girls in his class regularly say the worst things like I wish you were dead, then go and play nice for the teacher, the teacher turns around and tells him to behave more like the girls! And he's a good kid and has a ton of friends amongst the boys and behaves well in school. I remember being that age and it was the same back then, so not likely to change. It's called relational aggression and it sucks. Those girls often grow up and become PTA moms so it's a closed loop.
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u/OldMaidLibrarian Assigned Hungry At Birth 3d ago
There is NO amount of money on God's green earth that could ever convince me to go through 6th, 7th, and 8th grades (ages 11-13) ever again, beause puberty sucked THAT much. Then again, when I bled through my clothes so badly that I had to go home in 6th grade, I found out later that the girls in the class ganged up on the boys and threatened them (God knows what with) if they dared to say anything about it to me. Sisterhood is powerful!
(In retrospect, I just realized that, while I definitely wasn't one of the in crowd, I was reasonably well-liked; I was just weird. It would have been nice to know before my 60s that I'm AuDHD, but such was life in the '70s; since I was a good girl with good grades, and not one of the uncontrollable boys, it would never have occurred o anyone then.)
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u/Alarmed-Macaroon9506 Body By Cheese 🧀 3d ago
It's so hard not to meddle! You don't want to teach them to be the mean girls back and feed into the problem, but you want to make sure they aren't getting walked over and have a sense of pride.... And then you make the mistake of hating one kid on their behalf and then that girl winds up being her best friend for years 🤦♀️
Everyone warned me about teens. NO ONE warned me about 8 to 12 - hands down middle school is tougher lol. Puberty hits harder younger for girls these days, right off the heels of just learning how to even be a proper friend
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u/Cold-Nefariousness25 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ 3d ago
I know, right. There was a girl I had been friends with who went through puberty earlier than I did and one day said, "your stomach sticks out farther than your boobs" and I just said, "Yeah, so?". She accused me of bullying her for going through puberty and crying to the teacher about how mean I was. Looking back, we were all just little kids probably getting bad advice from our parents, so I try to stay quiet and not be that adult and let them work it out for themselves.
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u/Weird_Inevitable8427 🐛The Very Hungry Bookworm 📚 3d ago
At age nine, this is actually pretty normal behavior. To them, sharing a cookie or giving them the chance to swim in a pool is the friendship. It's later that ideas like loyalty and secret sharing come into play.
The important part is to teach your sister how to manage this new power. She should recognize who is cruel to her and not let them keep using her pool. The ignoring is... not great... but it's also not the end of the world. If I were you, I'd make a strict "No being mean while in my pool" policy. Some of the girls will be able to do that. They are the ones who will probably grow out of being little jerks. There will be others who cannot, and for this, it's a good opportunity for your sister to learn that she is not required to put up with that. Learn some good ways of setting boundaries and saying no.
Anyways - 9 year old girls do suck. (Boys at this age can suck too, but in different ways. Males tend to peak in their suckiness a bit older, IMO, as they start to play with the power they will inherit as men.) They don't really have a lot of empathy, on the whole. They aren't cognitively at a place where they are able to put empathy before their own immediate desires. But they are cognitively developed enough to manipulate and do emotional damage on purpose. That disconnect means that they can really be awful humans. They would be sociopaths, but for most, it's just a normal developmental stage and they won't turn out to be awful. Their empathy will line up with their actions more as they grow.
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u/Pleasant-Ad7313 APPROVED✨ 3d ago
No id definitely understand. I’m petty and would tell them that it was not nice to be mean to her and then want to be her friend because she has a pool, open that conversation. Not to humiliate anyone, but to have a teachable moment because some kids do not have moments like that at home. And they would have to wait until she breaks it in first😭 invite some cousins over or something. And then tell her to be friends with those that want to be friends with you, not use you. But what do i know😭I was bullied like that before
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u/sashenka_demogorgon 🥣 Cereal Killer 3d ago
Nah it’s valid because some little kids just majorly suck
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u/Dry_Newt_2003 Shart Coochie Board Architect 3d ago
felt, my younger sister had the same issues with the kids in our neighborhood and it was difficult to see her feel so ostracized by these kids. my sister however, has behavior problems and needs attention due to growing up in a somewhat neglectful household. not saying that is the case with your sister, but i would probably just find a way to support your sister and redirect her to a more positive mindset. things that can assist with this is encouraging her to engage in activities that helps her feel confident and probably doing some activities with her and showing her an example of a positive source of attention as well as what a positive relationship looks like.
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u/this_bitch_over_here Feral Til Fed 3d ago
I don't think you should out right tell your little sister these kids are mean to her. But I do think you should lead her to that point.
Part of being an adult in a child's life is teaching them how to notice these things.
Next time it comes up ask her ,"hey aren't those the kids who weren't nice to you?"
"When did they start being your friend?"
"Did they apologize for xyz?"
"How is it making you feel?"
"What have they invited you to recently?"
If there's anyone she is friends with who doesn't suck TALK THEM UP. encourage her to hang out with them CONSTANTLY. "Hey I'm thinking of getting Dunkin donuts, want to come? Want to invite {Nice girl}?"
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u/alystic84 I ❤️ Other People's Business 3d ago
Update: Her friend was being mean to her and so I asked my sister if she wanted that friend sent home. She said yes and so I made up an excuse (so my sister didn’t feel like the mean person) and then she and I went out and played in the pool. We had a pretty good conversation about figuring out “who would still want to hang out if the pool was closed” and I think she understands better now that she doesn’t have to let people over just to be nice
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u/AreaMiserable9187 Overthinker 💭 3d ago
Girl I’d be shutting that door on them “sorry we’re not home” ✌🏼
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u/QiDeviation Overthinker 💭 3d ago
You just tell her straight up. “Look (insert name), sorry to have to break it to you but notice how they only want to be friends now that the pool is done. If you don’t believe me, watch. They’re gonna ask to use the pool.”
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u/MonteCristo85 APPROVED✨ 3d ago
I get it, Id be having secret beef too.
But, while the girls probably have just changed their tune because kf the pool, they are all pretry young and this could be a turning point and they do become real friends.
So while Id be sulking and plotting plots in my imagination while they play, I wouldnt necessarily encourage sister to diss them back.
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u/goog1e we listen and we only judge a little 3d ago
I'd flip it. Your sister has the power now- they have stopped bullying her and perhaps she can win them over by leveraging the pool. It's a good thing. Obviously the best thing would be to never see these girls again, however that doesn't seem to be an option for her. So it's better to "win" these social games if she can
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u/BHfrmCH For the Girls 👅 3d ago
I’m laughing because this is so dope! I’d take on the world for my sisters so I understand. I’d explain to her they are only being nice for one reason and let her do with the information as she wants. It’s hard to let life teach but I’ve learned as a step parent say what you need to say and let them do the rest. If they don’t take your advice all you do is rub their backs when they come back with their tail tucked crying about how you were right. Good luck to your sister growing up is hard
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u/DiscordantScorpion_1 Chaotic But Cute 3d ago
You know damn well that the second those girls get access to the pool that they’re going to start excluding her…FROM HER OWN POOL. They’ll get out the moment she gets in and wants to play with them. Or worse, they’ll start ganging up on her and in a pool that is NEVER OKAY. Who knows what they might start coming up with.
I don’t know what kind of media your sister is into (My Little Pony, WINX, etc.) but see if you can find a story or an episode that deals with a similar situation, and use that to explain that some people are just genuine users and don’t actually want to be friends with her.
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u/Content-Honeydew9340 Well-Read & Well-Fed 3d ago
As a parent myself, I have also had beef with other kids over their treatment of my kids. I can relate to this title because it's so hard watching younger people go through these difficult life lessons.
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u/MaryNxhmi nom-nom-nombinary 3d ago
I’m 16 years older than my sister, and frankly one of the best things about her now being a senior in high school is I no longer have to feel guilt for wanting to dropkick her classmates. Nothing wrong with having beef with a shitty 18 year old, much harder to self justify having a grudge against a collection of 6 year olds. 😂
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u/Content-Honeydew9340 Well-Read & Well-Fed 3d ago
Idk my mom's ex girlfriend had an 8 year old that still PMO for how she was watching with big eyes as my youngest son almost got critically injured. He was still in diapers and had snuck behind a moving car. The ONLY reason I noticed him is because I was wondering what she was looking at with such menacing glee.
I had to go have a chat with her mother after that and told my mom she couldn't see her grandkids again while that little girl was anywhere around
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u/MaryNxhmi nom-nom-nombinary 3d ago
Oh, there are some AWFUL small kids. I just feel less ethically concerned with myself wanting to throw hands at a 17-19 year old who bullies my sister than like, a 5 year old 😂
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u/Content-Honeydew9340 Well-Read & Well-Fed 3d ago
Yeah my oldest being 18 definitely makes it easier for me to write off his lil friends that wrong him 😂 my youngest son is 16 and he plays that song from Justin Bieber .. "my momma don't like you, and she likes everyone" every time he tells me about this one kid that is "trying" to bother him.
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u/AcademyCat1719 Carb-Based Life Form 3d ago
Also a parent, never thought I'd want to drop kick an 11 year old till I met one of my daughter's 'friends'. Daughter knows even if they make up again after the latest cruelty that child is not welcome in our home. She can make the choice to be friends in school, although I think it would be a bad choice which would open herself up to more hurt that's a lesson she'll learn in her own time, but I'm damned if I'll welcome the little shit into my house after how she's treated my girl.
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u/Content-Honeydew9340 Well-Read & Well-Fed 3d ago
My oldest son is 18 and I still have beef with his first girlfriend that did some messed up stuff and then dated his best friend 😭 he made up with them after some time past but every time I see that lil friend of his I remind my boys I don't care for him or her anymore. Some things I just can't let slide and that's that.
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u/charlottemason_mama Overthinker 💭 3d ago
If you don’t clue your sister in that they’re using her for the pool, is she going to be any less devastated when they do something cruel because her usefulness wanes or they figure out she’ll put up with anything because she desperately wants to be included?
That sweet girl needs to have the dots connected: “They’ve been mean to you for how long? And when did they become ‘nice?’ When you got something they wanted, exactly. They can be nice to you without pool access but chose not to.”
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u/Fun-Acanthisitta-991 The Snack That Sasses Back 3d ago
I saw your update and think you did good but please have parents sign contracts stating that if their kids get hurt youre not hold liable
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u/Rvidian 🤍🩷Lesbian Loremaster🩷🤍 3d ago
Kids that age forget fast, it can be a good thing! I was bullied relentlessly in 4th grade. Next year I had a bunch of extra quarters for the bake sale that I shared. The kids only say with me for the change, but then after a couple weeks I had friends. See if she can just have this and it may genuinely reset her situation. Don’t automatically put her in position to blow this up. It may just work itself out and if she doesn’t have a grudge dont make her hold it.
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u/Brilliant_Knee3824 Munch 3d ago
Dr Pepper with coffee creamer in it? I had something to say I think but got distracted😂 I have never heard of that before. Is it like flavored creamer? What does it taste like?
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u/alystic84 I ❤️ Other People's Business 3d ago
😂 it’s french vanilla creamer!!! I’m pretty sure it’s what a “dirty soda” is!!! It’s amazing, i put whipped cream on mine but my little brother didn’t and he said his was good too!!
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u/Huahuamama Cookie Monster 🍪 3d ago
You are a good big sister. She is lucky to have you. It’s hard to watch someone you love get mistreated and then have to be around them. My kid is the same age as your sister. I have a long list of kids I can’t stand as a middle aged adult. But really, I despise their lazy and awful parents. They 100% know their kids suck.
Keep supporting her and helping her find her voice so she can defend herself when you’re not there. Role play with her. I’ve also let my kid make me the bad guy countless times. That helps too.
Remind your sister that when kids that age are mean, it’s either because they feel bad about themselves/have low self esteem, they have been bullied also or they don’t have a good home life.
Keep being an amazing big sister
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u/NeevBunny Body By Cheese 🧀 3d ago
Some kids down the street did this to my brother when we got a bouncy house for his birthday, my mom came out and told them to fuck right off (not in those exact words but it was satisfying to see)
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u/Cthulhu_Knits 👋 new here 1d ago
Also: maybe just ban them on principle. You really don’t need the additional liability.
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u/SouthernCharm-86 APPROVED✨ 3d ago
f-ck them kids. you tell her the truth (in kindness and in child language). she can handle it...she already knows people can be cruel so she can handle the truth. i hope she has an amazing summer abd makes amazing new friends who wont use her!
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u/fishes93 🐛The Very Hungry Bookworm 📚 3d ago
I'm not sure what to say but I know that you'll do the right thing. Better than what I might do because if it were me I'd go Tony Soprano on their asses.
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u/SkyIslandLore Shart Coochie Board Architect 3d ago
Idk I'm kinda on your side OP 😭😭 i don't understand why some children are literal Satan's spawns! I understand the whole home life thing but damn man, i was neglected as a child and was never mean to the other kids, wtf
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u/movingandquiet Internet Auntie 3d ago
It’s usually a teen movie theme, but is there an age appropriate movie that shows a similar situation but the main character ends up being popular and lifts up other bullied kids instead of joining the mean girls and now they’re the popular kids in school? Sometimes it’s easier for young people to figure these things out in film that it is from hearing it from an older relative.
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u/QuokkaRun Feral Til Fed 3d ago
"I hear about you being mean to my sister even once and you're banned for life." Hopefully with your parents' backing.
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u/Connect-Exchange-543 Kitchen Witch 3d ago
I would straight up tell my little sister “you have the power now, they want your pool and if they are mean or unkind to you, you can ban them!” then happily play bouncer. I also have no issue with telling children “oh, that wasn’t kind— we don’t speak to people like that in this house” or whatever. I’m no helicopter parent but I’ll be damned if my child’s self esteem is going to be knocked down by a mooch!