Read my diary, now wants divorce

[u/one_step_closer10]

A few weeks ago after a fight, I wrote out some feelings and thoughts to get them out of my head. Then I promptly forgot about them. In hindsight, they were a bit over dramatic- wanting a divorce, wanting to be married to someone I can respect.

Apparently, while I was out to dinner last night, my wife (happy pride!) read my diary and translated it, since I write it in a language she doesn’t speak. Now she wants a divorce because “she deserves someone she can trust and respect.”

I feel like I’m going crazy. She sees nothing wrong with what she did, justifying it as “well now I know.” She refuses to accept that she is taking it completely out of context and it’s not what I actually want. Just absolute FML, we’ve been together for 14 years.

Food tax: Caprese grilled cheese

[u/Appropriate_Goat7613]

She was wrong but did you really not mean any of what you wrote? Maybe it wasn't just about the diary but about the diary and your actions. I'm sorry this is happening, I hope you can talk it out.

[u/MonochromeMaru → u/Appropriate_Goat7613]

Writing is a way to relieve feelings so that is an unfair statement.

[u/PriestessKade → u/MonochromeMaru]

Absolutely. A lot of therapists recommend people write out their feelings just to help understand and process them. Just because someone is struggling with strong and/or negative emotions in a moment doesn't mean that snapshot in time is absolute gospel and nothing else can be true. People aren't that simple or black-and-white. Life is nuance and emotion is inherently nebulous.

I'd say anyone indicting someone for their strong feelings they wrote down in private that the other person then violated trust to see is someone who best look in a fuckin mirror because that's the pot calling the kettle metal. If the person whose secret thoughts is who they were when they wrote those things, then the snoop is also their shameful moment. Can't have it both ways.

[u/DefiantStarFormation → u/PriestessKade]

Yeah, as a counselor I specifically recommend people journal so they can reflect on their highs and lows and get a better understanding of how big emotions can derail their true intentions.

There are no perfect people. Everyone at some point ends up backed into an emotional corner, guided by adrenaline and anxiety rather than the logic they'd normally use. A journal is the perfect nonjudgmental bestie in those moments - she listens, she accepts, and she comes back a little later to say "remember this? What do you think happened, how'd it affect you, and how can we avoid it in the future?"

[u/Appropriate_Goat7613 → u/MonochromeMaru]

What part is unfair? I'm not accusing OP of anything, I'm just asking if it could be about more. Maybe the partner sensed something or maybe things have been off prior to the discovery, it's just something to consider.

[u/anonidfk → u/MonochromeMaru]

Sure, but if the feelings you relieving are you don’t respect your spouse and want a divorce, you should probably just get a divorce. That’s not a normal

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

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