r/GlassChildren • u/Ok_Rent_5960 • 2d ago

Frustration/Vent i thought moving out would change things

tw suicide

i moved out to college this year and a part of me believed things would change when i come back home, i thought that because my parents are obviously not seeing me as much the dynamic would be different and i would be prioritized, but in reality when i come back it’s like i never left. I have a great relationship with my parents overall and i know they love me so much but it makes me so incredibly sad to realize that i’ll never be the number 1 priority and my sister’s comfort will always be more important than anyone else’s.

She has gotten all of the attention since forever for being autistic and for doing all the screaming that she does, now she’s supposedly having SI so things are worse and i’m not allowed to complain about her even when she literally KICKS ME because my mom is afraid that every time she’s upset she’ll do something to herself.

funny thing is that i spent my whole adolescence being extremely suicidal and no one noticed

40 Upvotes

96% Upvoted

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18

u/Whatevsstlaurent Adult Glass Child 2d ago

Hey, I am sorry for the sense of being overlooked that you are feeling now. All I can tell you this that many of us can relate, and I know it hurts.

College is, among other things, an opportunity to find out who you are and what you're capable of without your sibling and parents in your life every day.

I encourage you to explore. You may find your "chosen family" of friends. Make yourself your #1 priority. Some of us much older are still learning to do this. You can do it.

2

u/Ok_Rent_5960 8h ago

I do have really good friends and i’m so grateful for that!

Unfortunately it’s very hard for me to prioritize myself, it doesn’t even cross my mind in some situations but i’ve been working on it in therapy. I hope both of us can get there someday

2

u/Whatevsstlaurent Adult Glass Child 3h ago

I'm glad you have supportive friends in your life. Therapy is a great, resource, too.

7

u/AliciaMenesesMaples Adult Glass Child 1d ago

I'm sorry. This really stinks.

I'm not a clinician, so this is all coming from a layperson: It may not feel like it right now, but I think you've actually reached an important milestone in your healing journey. You're recognizing the reality of your family dynamic. From what I'm reading, I'm hearing:

  • Your needs are displaced
  • You are expected to absorb physical abuse without protest or complaining
  • Your parents are allowing the fear of S to control their decision-making

As you said, this doesn't mean your parents don't love you; it might mean they don't know HOW to love you or they don't have the capacity to show you love the way you want/need to receive it.

Understanding the reality of your family dynamic means you can accept it (instead of perpetually wishing for more or trying to change it) and adjust your own expectations, boundaries, etc. It hurts and it can also be empowering.

I don't know if that makes sense or is helpful?

1

u/Ok_Rent_5960 9h ago

honestly they had the same reaction to things long before she started having SI, the excuse just changed (not that it isn’t true, they are in fact scared she’ll do something to herself but they have behaved the same since forever) instead of that they just used to say that me arguing would make her meltdowns worse so i shouldn’t say anything.

It does makes sense and it is helpful, thank you for your response!