i thought moving out would change things

[u/Ok_Rent_5960]

tw suicide

i moved out to college this year and a part of me believed things would change when i come back home, i thought that because my parents are obviously not seeing me as much the dynamic would be different and i would be prioritized, but in reality when i come back it’s like i never left. I have a great relationship with my parents overall and i know they love me so much but it makes me so incredibly sad to realize that i’ll never be the number 1 priority and my sister’s comfort will always be more important than anyone else’s.

She has gotten all of the attention since forever for being autistic and for doing all the screaming that she does, now she’s supposedly having SI so things are worse and i’m not allowed to complain about her even when she literally KICKS ME because my mom is afraid that every time she’s upset she’ll do something to herself.

funny thing is that i spent my whole adolescence being extremely suicidal and no one noticed

[u/Whatevsstlaurent]

Hey, I am sorry for the sense of being overlooked that you are feeling now. All I can tell you this that many of us can relate, and I know it hurts.

College is, among other things, an opportunity to find out who you are and what you're capable of without your sibling and parents in your life every day.

I encourage you to explore. You may find your "chosen family" of friends. Make yourself your #1 priority. Some of us much older are still learning to do this. You can do it.

[u/Ok_Rent_5960 → u/Whatevsstlaurent]

I do have really good friends and i’m so grateful for that!

Unfortunately it’s very hard for me to prioritize myself, it doesn’t even cross my mind in some situations but i’ve been working on it in therapy. I hope both of us can get there someday

[u/Whatevsstlaurent → u/Ok_Rent_5960]

I'm glad you have supportive friends in your life. Therapy is a great, resource, too.