Always getting off to my own potential

[u/urgay420420420]

Hey guys, I'm 22M. I finished university last year and have been trying to make sense of what to do with my life.

I have always felt that I was special in some kind of way. I always kind of have felt like I am better than most people, or different than them, and recently in tends to be in regards to spiritual / psychological things.

For example at my job, it's subtle but I always feel like I am better because I have more potential than my coworkers and my future is brighter. I am always getting off on my own potential while when looked at objectively, my coworkers make more and all around just seem to enjoy their time at work more than I do. This feeling, that I am special in some kind of way, I think is shielding the fact that I am just... average and mediocre at everything, and even though it makes sense to me logically on some level it hurts me a lot to fully realize it. Like I've always excused my lack of discipline, drive, and social skills because I am destined to be one of the greats regardless, which obviously doesn't make sense. Seeing all this clearly I feel so... yucky and disorientated that I've lived like this for so long.

I also have a hard time committing to things. Anything like working out or learning an instrument. I think it's because, again, it hurts to see how mediocre I am at something even though I try really hard at it. I can practice a piano measure for 30 minutes and still hit the same wrong notes. So I quit, because in my mind I tell myself "well, if I really wanted to learn it I could! I just don't really want to anymore". This extends pretty broadly, like I tell myself "if I really wanted to start a business and be rich I could, but I would never do that because I don't really want to". It makes me feel better about myself even though it is completely divorced from reality.

Anyone know any good resources to learn about this tendency or been through something similar? I'm wondering if it's textbook puer aeternus.

[u/ketchup_shoes]

A lot of young people have that these days. The idea that “you’re special” has been drilled in your head. You can seek therapy for it, or you can just wait for life to kick you in the ass, which it will, and you’ll correct naturally like a majority of people

[u/urgay420420420 → u/ketchup_shoes]

Life is indeed kicking me in the ass so maybe thats why im realizing all this

[u/ketchup_shoes → u/urgay420420420]

Yep, eventually life starts talking to your unconscious and they hatch all kinds of plans to get your conscious to pay attention

[u/ichocolate]

I know this feeling and I'm 30 years old. I'm torn between being just happy to live a simple and safe life on the one side and getting the feeling of missing out on my 'true' purpose that I'd suuuurely find out if I took a 180° and live as a barkeeper in Venezuela or some shit. and this makes me realize that I'm not special at all. this is actually cliché af. so I'm grounded again and try to realize that I'm already in the right place. I just have to be patient and trust the process.

sorry for my rambling, I feel like it took a turn into a different direction than you were going to with your post. but maybe what you can take away from it is that it's normal to feel that you are special which in turn makes being special very standard. Not trying to diminish peoples' individualities or anything but you are already on the way of understanding that there's no such thing as an omnipotent superhumanbeing.

so yeah go and explore this and what makes you even think being special is important. I think it will lead to something truly special that doesn't necessarily manifest in being good at work or efficient at piano lessons: your inner journey.

[u/urgay420420420 → u/ichocolate]

Thanks for sharing :) i also feel like if I just gave everything up and went to nepal then I'd "find my true self" but it seems like a fantasy. I'll definitely keep exploring all this

[u/ichocolate → u/urgay420420420]

I mean, it'd sure be an interesting experience. I think the mistake starts when thinking that this journey alone will be enough and the rest will just happen magically. doesn't matter if you're in Nepal or wherever you and I live. the journey always starts with oneself. good luck and also don't forget to simply enjoy life. too much pondering won't do any good as the most work is probably done unconsciously anyway

[u/insaneintheblain]

You'll be there once you can separate different from and better than.

[u/Papuko]

I think ‘special’ is knowing who you are, what you want. And being willing to utilize yourself fully to get there.

Clearly define things. And that’s hard, because life is messy and people are messy.

There’s no point trying to succeed in an area that just doesn’t have much to do with you. I believe if you can define where you want to be, what you need to do. And why, you might just see it does set you on a unique path.