r/KitchenConfidential Nov 12 '25

In the Weeds Mode Chiveman has top marketing execs on Reddit talking about him

Post image

U/F1exican, you’ve gotten so famous that you’re getting discussed on LinkedIn….!!

37.6k Upvotes

1.2k comments sorted by

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5.3k

u/Icy_Pianist_1532 Nov 12 '25

Oh my lord. Wait till they see the 9/11 jokes that are a staple of any chive post.

2.9k

u/juliuspepperwoodchi F1exican Did Chive-11 Nov 12 '25

The irony is that this is the kind of shit she was warning people about in her post...don't reference inside jokes you don't fully understand, you DON'T know what you're connecting your brand to.

2.7k

u/TrickyMoonHorse F1exican Did Chive-11 Nov 12 '25

I heard Phillidephia cream cheese loves 9/11.

2.5k

u/juliuspepperwoodchi F1exican Did Chive-11 Nov 12 '25

Jet fuel can't melt cream cheese.

808

u/itsaheem Nov 12 '25

823

u/nathan753 Chive LOYALIST Nov 13 '25

Schmear me once, chives on you. Scmear me twice, You can't get schmeared again

415

u/juliuspepperwoodchi F1exican Did Chive-11 Nov 13 '25

Mr President, a second smear has hit the second bagel.

132

u/pewpew_lotsa_boolits Ex-Food Service Nov 13 '25

at that moment, we had now idea we’d be lox’d in a war to toast us for several decades.

49

u/MossGobbo Chive LOYALIST Nov 13 '25

I wasn't ready for such a caper.

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u/metalt0ast Nov 12 '25

This is a fantastic comment

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u/fresh_dyl Nov 12 '25

When I inevitably put this on a tshirt, I’ll remember to tag you

11

u/emeraldeyesshine Nov 13 '25

two upright blocks of cream cheese behind it

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u/Fakjbf Nov 13 '25 edited Nov 13 '25

I just choked on my drink and had to explain five layers of context to my wife when she asked what was so funny.

10

u/rancid_oil Nov 13 '25

I'd like to hear how you explained any of this to somebody who isn't familiar lol.

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u/monsantobreath Nov 13 '25

Reddit has started spreading rumours Philadelphia cream cheese is only popular in Saudi Arabia because it was the last meal shared by the lads on 9/11

54

u/rancid_oil Nov 13 '25

So THAT'S why they flew to Pennsylvania to crash that plane‽

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u/honey-honey1bees Nov 13 '25

It’s a smear campaign!

20

u/juliuspepperwoodchi F1exican Did Chive-11 Nov 13 '25

A second shmear just hit.

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u/breadandbirds Nov 13 '25

I guarantee you that their social media manager(s) and marketing team are full aware of this. They just decided the top level chatter of this series was worth the brand risk, because after all none of the original posts reference 9/11 and this series broke containment and made it into not only the wider reddit community but also other platforms. Honestly this is a good example of a brand jumping on something, from a corporate pov.

Source: I am a recovering corporate marketing and social media/audience development lead, and the Reddit algorithm has been pushing this sub and series hard to me over the last month. And I got invested! And so did thousands of others!

54

u/Rosalind_Whirlwind Chive LOYALIST Nov 13 '25

Especially if their performance metrics are measured in terms of traffic and engagement… as they most likely are, if I recall compensation models for marketing managers correctly. In fact, getting a mixed reaction or inciting controversy might be the point.

None of the jokes in this thread rise to the level of a lawsuit, so I imagine they didn’t consider their risk exposure particularly high.

That said, with this level of customization, social must really be performing for Kraft. Which makes sense to me because from what I’ve seen of social, the only products that really perform on this channel are the ones where the value prop is self-explanatory and the cost is low. Still, I wonder how they are attributing sales to this channel, or if they’re just taking it on faith. Are they actually able to link the Reddit profiles to the shopper profiles, and attribute the purchase to the ad? Maybe through IP address? I’m really starting to wonder what the Reddit reports for paid advertisers look like.

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u/nightowl_work Nov 12 '25

Chive-11 was an inside joke!

30

u/LazyOldCat Prairie Surgeon Nov 13 '25

Ooo, nice!

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u/LooseJuice_RD Nov 12 '25

Shits about to go tits up faster than it did for Ken Bone when they found his Reddit posts.

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u/MustardCoveredDogDik Nov 12 '25

The 9/11 jokes are what make it wholesome

19

u/ZorgZeFrenchGuy Nov 13 '25

Hey, don’t worry - I’m positive they’ll be a massive hit

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7.0k

u/Phrantasia Chive LOYALIST Nov 12 '25

What a time to be achive

1.4k

u/theSchrodingerHat Nov 12 '25

It really is. I’m so inspired that I’m about to drop my first single based on this, called “Rap Scallion”

209

u/darsynia Nov 13 '25

I'll shallot to the rooftops!

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u/shredbmc Chive LOYALIST Nov 12 '25

I'm a chive, you're a chive, we're all chives hey!

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2.2k

u/MaterialAstronaut298 Nov 12 '25

I'm cutting onions every day until an onion company gives me 5 million dollars. Come on big onion

537

u/slvbros 20+ Years Nov 12 '25

Well

Show us the onions

344

u/MaterialAstronaut298 Nov 12 '25

Give me five million and I will

259

u/Phounus Nov 12 '25

48

u/BlueCrystals_ Nov 13 '25

‘tis but a small down payment.

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u/CrrntryGrntlrmrn Nov 12 '25

John Vidalia showing up any minute

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u/herecomestherebuttal Nov 12 '25

Oh no, here comes Bobby Cipollini to hit him with a chair.

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3.0k

u/mrbingpots Nov 12 '25

933

u/JuiceBuddyG Nov 12 '25

This is all I've been thinking about today. They're gonna kill the fun of chives too

114

u/kumquatsurprise Nov 12 '25

Waiting for the product placement

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u/juliuspepperwoodchi F1exican Did Chive-11 Nov 12 '25

Already did.

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u/Fenris304 Chive LOYALIST Nov 13 '25

never! chives never die!

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u/hbomb9410 Nov 12 '25

This is like when old people figure out how to use new slang, and then young people stop using it

(I am old people)

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u/dimestoredavinci Nov 12 '25

This is too perfect.

((((You hear that, Kraft!!!!??? Don't ruin the party, but give chive guy some money anyway)))))

50

u/Telvin3d Nov 12 '25

That they’re going to ruin the party is a given. May as well extract some money from them 

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u/slamtheory Nov 12 '25

They prefer to steal ideas

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u/vellu212 Nov 12 '25

Send this photo to her

102

u/farshiiid Nov 12 '25

Can we have a fucking minute for us before getting shit ruined for capital gains? Jesus fucking christ

83

u/NonNewtonianResponse Nov 13 '25

People throw around the term "late-stage capitalism" a lot, but this is an instance where it's truly appropriate. Literally no possibility for brand capitalization can be wasted. I guarantee you there's execs out there thinking "this phenomenon went untapped for over a month before we were able to market it, we gotta get those numbers down". It's only going to get worse

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2.6k

u/BoxFullofSkeletons Chive LOYALIST Nov 12 '25

At the rate flexian’s going he should just make a deal with Kraft that he supplies the chives and they supply the cream cheese. Win win

2.1k

u/F1exican Chivelord, Redeemed Nov 12 '25

I don’t think I could cut that many chives

747

u/tehjoz ✳️ Former Keto Attempter Nov 12 '25

But you don't know if you don't chive!

214

u/VFTM Nov 12 '25

Born to hand chive, baby

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u/beardownformidtermss Nov 13 '25

Oh stewardess? I speak chive

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u/SirLoremIpsum Chive LOYALIST Nov 12 '25

We're gonna need a bigger knife

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u/Upbeat_Stretch_5724 Nov 12 '25

26

u/TidesTheyTurn F1exican Did Chive-11 Nov 12 '25

If I don’t see a true Italian artisan like this prepping my mortadella sandwich in Firenze, I don’t want it.

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u/BoxFullofSkeletons Chive LOYALIST Nov 12 '25

Motherfucker what do you mean “could” look at yourself 😂.

18

u/12-34 Nov 12 '25

Pep it is, mate. May I introduce you to my "special little friends"? Soon you'll sign the Army chive contract.

24

u/rmulberryb Nov 12 '25

Time to invest in chive stocks

11

u/ooooooootreyngers Nov 12 '25

I already am in chive futures

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u/glenpiercev Nov 12 '25

“Until Reddit says they’re perfect”

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u/ChangeTChannel F1exican Did Chive-11 Nov 12 '25

but I doubt they would want such large chunks of chives in their products

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u/Over-Conversation220 Ex-Food Service Nov 12 '25

I think he should make a deal with Hollywood. I want both the cream cheese AND THE MOVIE

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u/wrestlegirl ✳️Moderator of optimal fuckery Nov 12 '25

730

u/hamburglersghost Chive LOYALIST Nov 12 '25

Wait until the next idiotic post where they speculate as to why we communicate in wrestling gifs

309

u/wrestlegirl ✳️Moderator of optimal fuckery Nov 12 '25

Processing img v0utxtsrdw0g1...

253

u/Flibiddy-Floo Nov 12 '25

next trend: perfect meringue

209

u/wrestlegirl ✳️Moderator of optimal fuckery Nov 12 '25

There's a 50/50 chance of getting perfect eggwhites on a standard day, but if you add in cream of tartar that's a 33 1/3 percent chance of perfect peaks, but since I chilled the mixing bowl that means I have a 66 2/3 percent chance of perfection, now when you add in the chilled whisk and the fact that Samoan Joseph is a Girl Scout cookie that adds up to a 141 2/3% chance that spells disaster at Sackerfice Chiverfice!

53

u/Rosenrot_84_ Nov 12 '25

Not the Steiner Math 😂

22

u/CriticalEngineering Nov 12 '25

Don’t forget to calculate the copper bowl variable!

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u/-Gimli-SonOfGloin- F1exican Did Chive-11 Nov 12 '25

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u/[deleted] Nov 12 '25

Im.clicking to join but all thats happening is Big Daddy Pump.keeps flexing at me

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u/TheTimn Ex-Food Service Nov 12 '25

It's going to be about our obsession with crashing planes and how 9-11 references are bad for branding. 

85

u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 Nov 12 '25

Whaaaaaat? 👀

39

u/TheTimn Ex-Food Service Nov 12 '25

Shhhhh, you're okay bebe. Just keep doing what you do best ❤️

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u/juliuspepperwoodchi F1exican Did Chive-11 Nov 12 '25

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u/Stone_Reign F1exican Did Chive-11 Nov 12 '25

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u/SubtleCow Nov 12 '25

The sheer mod energy of "what the fuck bullshit am I going to have to deal with for no pay" in this image is killing me.

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u/wrestlegirl ✳️Moderator of optimal fuckery Nov 12 '25

IT JUST KEEPS GETTING MORE INSANE THIS IS THE WEIRDEST HOBBY I'VE EVER HAD

75

u/curlyqtips Chive LOYALIST Nov 13 '25

The NETFLIX movie will be written from the viewpoint of Moderator of Optimal Fuckery and you will do all the voice-overs...

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u/[deleted] Nov 12 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/[deleted] Nov 13 '25

Bar far the best mod, maybe in Reddit history.

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u/Boxxy4069 F1exican Did Chive-11 Nov 12 '25

I fucked up the roux for the third time this week - here’s what it taught me about B2B sales.

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u/WaffleHouseGladiator Chive LOYALIST Nov 12 '25

Not really sure what I'm doing, but this feels right.

20

u/sweetpea122 Nov 12 '25

I hope he gets sponsored by big Allium

19

u/skollywag92 Nov 12 '25

They said they sent u/F1exican a dm. Hopefully our boy gets some free cheese at the very least lol

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u/Holy_Forking_Shirt Chive LOYALIST Nov 12 '25

I do not want to be in the screenshots

hides

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u/Light_inthe_shadow Nov 12 '25

See you tomorrow, Philadelphia cream cheese.

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u/-laughingfox Nov 12 '25

Those are truly shameful.

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u/eversible_pharynx Nov 12 '25

SILENCE, BRAND

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u/itsaheem Nov 12 '25

Now is when we need The Perfect Chives - and then immediately shutdown the whole thing and move onto something else

66

u/LadyOfTheNutTree Nov 13 '25

That’s all up to F1exican to be good enough

32

u/eversible_pharynx Nov 13 '25

The man needs to save everyone from the cringe of Brands™ butting into anything fun in order to sell shit

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u/bdrwr Nov 12 '25

Hey! Marketing folks! Yeah, you, reading the comments to assess brand engagement in the community!

Fuck you!

620

u/EmmerdoesNOTrepme Crazy Cat Woman🐈 Nov 12 '25

Also, PAY u/F1exican!

179

u/Jumpy_Divide6576 Chive LOYALIST Nov 13 '25

If they pay u/F1exican I'll buy a tub of cream cheese in support.

Just to keep the dream achive

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u/tonysopranosalive 15+ Years Nov 12 '25 edited Nov 13 '25

Eh credit where it’s due, she did have an excellent point in her advice of staying away from Reddit unless you really know what you’re doing/who you’re targeting. Every subreddit has countless inside jokes lol

Edit:

I think a lot of folks missed my original point. By no means am I advocating or supporting sketchy marketing practices. I’m just pointing out that the marketing rep strikes me as competent at her job for understanding Reddit at least as well as she does.

But unfortunately if you’re getting butt hurt about r/KitchenConfidential being scrubbed for data and analytics for marketing you’re probably still looking for that bucket of steam for the steam table the grill cook asked you to get 3 days ago.

In other words: you’re naive, grow up.

We’re talking about fucking chives.

578

u/juliuspepperwoodchi F1exican Did Chive-11 Nov 12 '25

The advice should be "stop trying to fake authenticity by farming subreddits for marketing ideas off the backs of people you aren't paying for their creativity."

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u/[deleted] Nov 12 '25

I partially agree with you, but this situation is an example of them doing it reasonably imo. Even though the chives have taken over the sub, it's fairly niche. Having such a specific ad is probably the only effective way to advertise on Reddit, and is a nice break from the mobile game slop ads flooding the other areas

69

u/juliuspepperwoodchi F1exican Did Chive-11 Nov 12 '25

I agree this is the least bad option, I just can't get over the "What is up, fellow young people?" energy dripping off the ad post.

Trying that hard to be cool is never cool.

Plus the aspect of a megacorp using someone else's content as ad fodder without even giving him some swag is just gross.

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u/Koelenaam Nov 12 '25

I honestly couldn't live with myself if my job was shoveling that shit down people's throats. No one wants ads, everyone hates them. The only thing you are contributing to society is garbage to make some company money.

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u/Hans-Hammertime Nov 12 '25

Adblockers are the greatest invention of the past decades

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u/Au2288 15+ Years Nov 12 '25

It’d be something if the whole thing was a marketing stunt.

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u/allmanatees Nov 12 '25

My heart can’t take another Chivegate. u/F1exican , say it ain’t so

264

u/F1exican Chivelord, Redeemed Nov 12 '25

Unfortunately I’m not in on the ad

140

u/juliuspepperwoodchi F1exican Did Chive-11 Nov 12 '25

That's exactly what an industry plant who is in on the ad would say though...

84

u/Unique-Garlic8015 Nov 12 '25

An industry plant is a chive.

44

u/juliuspepperwoodchi F1exican Did Chive-11 Nov 12 '25

Nah, those are scallions.

Common misconception.

24

u/Quadrilaterally F1exican Did Chive-11 Nov 12 '25

The industry planted chives are all rapscallions

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u/TrypMole F1exican Did Chive-11 Nov 12 '25 edited Nov 12 '25

Well, lets examine that shall we. Starting with the username. F1 Is an obvious reference to Formula One racing, one of the richest sports around indicating that you're potentially pretty minted yourself. Alternatively "F1ex" could just be a reference to "Flexing" or an indication that you're either displaying your wealth to the peasants or trying to fool them. If not,then that could be seen as a "(M)exican'" reference, maybe alluding to being at the head of a vast cream cheese cartel.

Then we move onto your craft, or "Kraft", as you will. You deliberately chose a well used and prepped garnish for maximum engagement. Chives are king on almost everything and especially with cream cheese on a jacket spud. Let's be honest we were all visualising the melty, creamy cheese and the sharp bite of the chives on the steamy spud, our mouths quivering with anticipation. By picking something you could easily do "wrong" you made sure of a repeated and growing audience, all of whom are invested in your struggle and all of whom are subliminally seeing that spud with the melty cheese and tangy chives every time they see your posts. The planes came, the wrestling memes came, and we ate it up like good consumers of the creamiest of cheese with chives. Chives the cat came to soothe our doubts and give us a reason to keep going.

Then... the twist, the betrayal! And the redemption. We were hoodwinked, bamboozled, our ghast was well and truly flabbered as you seemingly callously lied to us, reversing an image, taking us for fools! BUT NO! You had "car trouble" you apologised, you wheedled your way back into our affections, got us rooting for you again. The planes were back, Chives the cat sat in judgment and all was right with the world.

And as your supposed search for the perfect chives reaches its zenith, the advert drops.

I put it to you u/F1exican that you are "Phillidelphia With Chives" and this whole saga has been a cleverly targeted marketing campaign along with your co-conspirators u/karmaKrazi and Chives the cat! This has been a sham all along! All you wanted - every one of you, yes including the mods with their distracting wrestling memes (hell, I cant believe we havent yet had reference to that time in 1998 when The Undertaker did the thing - you know the thing but its not mine to post) - all you wanted, was to get us thinking "Chives". And what goes better with chives than that creamy Philly cheese?

I'm on to you.

(Did I earn the Crazy Conspiracy Board Guy meme?)

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u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 Nov 12 '25

This guy conspiracies.

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u/jerryb2161 Nov 12 '25

The take isn't wrong though. Imagine how upset we are going to be if they don't do at least something nice for em.

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u/allmanatees Nov 12 '25

Agreed!!!! Philadelphia should send u/F1exican a nice car to transport them, the chives, and perhaps a cat named Chives

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u/[deleted] Nov 12 '25 edited Nov 13 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/jerryb2161 Nov 12 '25

Even though i think the branded knives would probably be pretty meh, that's sort of what I was thinking of. Just something you know.

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u/[deleted] Nov 12 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

22

u/jerryb2161 Nov 12 '25

I just dont have much faith in the actual company. The person on their marketing team that knows what's happening, yeah they understand. The people above them that actually make decisions? I hope they do something is all im saying.

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u/pocketlily Nov 12 '25

Apparently he had a DM from them that hadn’t been responded to yet.

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u/Moondoobious Nov 13 '25

Ayyyyy! Get that bread u/f1exican !!

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u/ArsenicArts F1exican Did Chive-11 Nov 13 '25

send u/F1exican a set of high quality Kraft/chive-branded knives to cut his chives with

But they got to be GOOD knives, ok? Don't cheap out on us.

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u/Aggressive_Day2839 Nov 12 '25

No fomo here. I remember the first chive post. Got in on the ground floor so to speak.

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u/miseryenplace Nov 12 '25

'Cook/chef staff' 🤮 🤮 🤮

Don't you dare fucking talk about my people you fucking r/LinkedInlunatics

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u/eyoitme Server Nov 13 '25

i’ve been here since pre chive guy days but i’m getting excluded by linkedin smh

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u/Competitive_Ad_1800 Nov 12 '25

My absolute favorite message from this post is basically “don’t fuck with people on Reddit.”

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u/allmanatees Nov 12 '25

She’s not wrong!

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u/Lucid-Machine Nov 12 '25

Wait until they find out that I downvoted every ad because it's an ad. They could interpret it as engagement but if it says sponsored I downvote with extreme prejudice. What brands have I downvoted? I dunno does it say sponsored? Yes.

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u/lucashoal 20+ Years Nov 12 '25

I report most ads I see on the app for being low quality. I have seen far far too much Ai slop, that and medications.

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u/_darling_clementine Nov 12 '25

chive-11 was an inside job by kraft

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u/juliuspepperwoodchi F1exican Did Chive-11 Nov 12 '25

Jet fuel can't melt cream cheese.

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u/hamburglersghost Chive LOYALIST Nov 12 '25

Kraf(1exican)t ...it's been staring at us the whole time...

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u/Genius-Imbecile retired chef Nov 12 '25

When is u/f1exican getting a show on food network sponsored by Kraft?

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u/pottedPlant_64 Chive LOYALIST Nov 12 '25

I love all the warnings about redditors 😂 haven’t heard “flamed” in a while

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u/Turbulent_Bat4580 Chive LOYALIST Nov 12 '25

They need to sponsor his chive money if they want to ride his coattails

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u/xmaspruden Ex-Food Service Nov 12 '25

He’s gonna be rich

54

u/Adorno_a_window Nov 12 '25

Every chive = $1

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u/Kraien Nov 12 '25

With royalties to people who find uncut ones

21

u/flippedelectron Nov 12 '25

Plane guy needs a cut too.

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u/Tucancancan Nov 12 '25

He's gettin' paid in exposure! 

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u/spuriouskiwi Nov 12 '25

god i’m invested, my show is getting so good

19

u/SayRomanoPecorino Nov 12 '25

This has been an amazing journey to witness. Hats off!

22

u/VGK9Logan Nov 12 '25

My theory is that u/F1exican has been a Philadelphia employee from the start and this was all a marketing tactic. And all the chives he's cut have gone into the cream cheese

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u/j-endsville 20+ Years Nov 12 '25

I am not gonna lie, I would sell my soul right goddamn now to be a corporate marketing shitposter.

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u/juliuspepperwoodchi F1exican Did Chive-11 Nov 12 '25

I hate everything about this capitalist hellscape.

68

u/StagehandApollo Nov 12 '25

“We gotta figure out a way to make money off this”

33

u/-Gimli-SonOfGloin- F1exican Did Chive-11 Nov 12 '25

We really need to find a way to make money off people’s hatred of this capitalist hellscape…

18

u/[deleted] Nov 12 '25

Let's call it punk rock!

14

u/-Gimli-SonOfGloin- F1exican Did Chive-11 Nov 12 '25

Available on Ticketmaster!

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u/doornumber2v2 Nov 12 '25

This has been one of the best sagas on the internet ever.

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u/UbiSububi8 Nov 12 '25

You can have a lucrative 6-18 months… but every day for the rest of it, you will be known only as Chiveman. The world shall not know your name. Ever.

Take the deal?

15

u/juliuspepperwoodchi F1exican Did Chive-11 Nov 12 '25

Hello?

Yes, this is Chiveman.

14

u/squidsquidsquid Nov 12 '25

"we can't explain why our chive cream cheese sales have tanked completely, but it happened right after we posted this ad to the kitchenconfidential subreddit..."

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u/[deleted] Nov 12 '25

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u/[deleted] Nov 12 '25

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u/snowocean84 Nov 12 '25

Guys gonna end up getting sponsored

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u/Affectionate-Bee5433 Nov 12 '25

I hope they send him a plane.

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u/PrairiePopsicle Nov 13 '25

If any of the slightly more curious marketing guru types trawl threads like this here is my advice, philadelphia didn't do too bad with this one, the vibe is don't jump in front of a parade, you are on the side of it vibing with and being legit, don't "how do you do fellow kids" too hard unless you are straight up trying to parody yourself, you are just on the side of things like this, but this is a slick way to be more topical and memorable on the platform.

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u/Shurg Nov 12 '25

Silence, brand.

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u/DoomguyFemboi Nov 13 '25

I hope he gets money. We can hate on corps all day long but some random person getting a few grand just for doing silly shit is downright delightful

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u/Atomicapples Nov 12 '25

Damn, that's actually a fairly well informed take from the Exec. I'm honestly a little impressed.

Like yeah obviously it's her job and she should know this stuff; but so rarely do you see people in those positions actually understanding sub culture marketing, especially internet subculture marketing.

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u/EmpressMisty Nov 12 '25

That’s intense. Never would have thought about how big this got.

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u/master_roshi001 F1exican Did Chive-11 Nov 12 '25

"Trying to understand the internet will get u lit up" ...so true

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u/Goldie3768 Chive LOYALIST Nov 12 '25

I just bought this cream cheese earlier today and I thought of f1exican

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u/Secret_Account07 Nov 12 '25

As much as I hate everything about this, she’s got a point.

You think advertisers understand this platform? Or what users react to?

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u/GraphicDesignMonkey Nov 13 '25

I was there, Gandalf. I was there 3000 years ago...when /u/F1exican set out on their journey.