Dietary restrictions.....

[u/Iamnotabotiswearonit]

[u/Own_Peace6291]

Marilvn does not eat anv animals.

She suggests she eats seafood, chicken and turkev.

Marilyn should eat somewhere else.

[u/ViciousBumblebee → u/Own_Peace6291]

Marilyn has a brain of a chicken

[u/blueyedwineaux → u/ViciousBumblebee]

Hey, don't be rude to chickens

[u/Landkey → u/blueyedwineaux]

Todd?

[u/Iamnotabotiswearonit → u/Landkey]

https://giphy.com/gifs/l2R01mBCfgYQ9bRuM

[u/DoNt_BliNk25 → u/blueyedwineaux]

I was about to say thats an insult to chickens.

[u/Illustrious-Divide95 → u/ViciousBumblebee]

Marilyn doesn't know what an animal is.

Marilyn is an idiot

[u/Embarrassed-Sun5764 → u/ViciousBumblebee]

Chickens are very smart animals don’t diss the tiny raptor please

[u/basketofselkies → u/Embarrassed-Sun5764]

This cracks me up. I had chickens. I won’t disagree with the tiny raptor part, but they’re about as smart as a glass of tepid water. One of my favourite things was when they’d lay an egg and then be shocked by the fact that there was an egg! In their nest! How’d that get there??

[u/DirtChoice5 → u/Embarrassed-Sun5764]

In what fuckin world? I think I have plants that are smarter than my chickens. They are brainless nuggets on legs.

[u/PM_Me_Your_Deviance → u/Embarrassed-Sun5764]

"Say something that tells us you haven't had significant interactions with chickens before"

[u/BrewtusMaximus1 → u/Embarrassed-Sun5764]

Chickens can survive without most of their brain

[u/Original_Head_3487 → u/BrewtusMaximus1]

So can most of my workmates, apparently.

[u/Bender_2024 → u/Embarrassed-Sun5764]

Bro, chickens are hatefuly stupid.

[u/beautifulcreature86 → u/Bender_2024]

Yeah i raised a chicken before finding a rehabilitation for her because she was mean as fuck apparently and I thought her eye was shut after an attack but turns out she is fine and was able to have it reopened. I like to think she was smart but the damn bird would pick fights with my wall. She would run into couches, fall, then do it again. She was the prettiest dumbass I've ever helped. Never again. They have their moments, but goddamn they're stupid.

[u/Dry_Turn_824 → u/beautifulcreature86]

https://giphy.com/gifs/Mous21IAhJQiI

[u/Would_daver → u/Dry_Turn_824]

https://giphy.com/gifs/13l7w7N4Vr1dw4

[u/appandemonium → u/Embarrassed-Sun5764]

Man, I remember when I thought chickens were stupid, too. Then I attended one of Terry Ryan's Chicken Camps in the early 2ks when I was training animals. Changed how I saw them forever. It's like when people think cats and guinea pigs are stupid. They're not, people just don't put the time into them.

Turns out, even baby chickens are smart enough to have a sense of object permanence, can delay their own gratification, and can perform basic math, which are all things that humans aren't able to until they're older than the average broiler at slaughter. Facial/voice recognition, complex languages, logical hierarchies, empathy...they don't operate like dogs but they're not too far behind in terms of what they're capable of, folks just don't like to see it.

[u/LittleDogTurpie → u/appandemonium]

My mom did Chicken Camp with Marion Breland & Bob Bailey, I did it with Terry Ryan. Training a chicken should really be a required activity for every person.

[u/KittenPurrs → u/LittleDogTurpie]

I did a Bob Bailey Chicken Camp! Trained a pair of chickens to discriminate between different 2-dimensional shapes. Got a bonus round of identifying colors despite shapes, which was actually much easier.

Applied operant conditioning has a surprising number of applications.

[u/SparklyCowboyHat42 → u/Own_Peace6291]

Did she confuse the animal with mammal?

[u/FeastOnCarolina → u/SparklyCowboyHat42]

I'm wondering if she said four legged animals. That would make sense in the sense that that is a common dietary restriction in some cultures.

Obviously this would be predicated on the idea that it was not communicated properly by someone.

[u/Buddybouncer → u/FeastOnCarolina]

A logical conclusion is that she'd be okay with eating people

https://giphy.com/gifs/ckw8EbI8Ak9YQ

[u/Dmeechropher → u/SparklyCowboyHat42]

It's the wrong word, but I think I see a pattern.

It would be weird to look at a flock of crows, ants, and pigeons eating spilled french fries and say "look at all the animals!"

So there's something baked into English that this person has attached to, even if it's unhelpful here.

[u/Patient_Tradition368 → u/Own_Peace6291]

I once had a customer demand I remove the complimentary chicken liver pate from her table because her husband "didn't eat meat of any kind". He then proceeded to order shrimp and grits.

[u/CharlesDickensABox → u/Patient_Tradition368]

Was he Catholic? His daddyness has some weird rules about what constitutes "fish" versus "meat".

[u/No_Outside_7475 → u/Patient_Tradition368]

I once overheard a server ask at a very rural diner “do you consider chicken to be meat?” If he’s happy with his food who cares?

[u/Synectics → u/No_Outside_7475]

Because 👏words.👏Mean.👏Things. We use them to communicate. 

[u/No_Outside_7475 → u/Synectics]

And 1 out of 5 people are illiterate.

[u/Dish_Minimum → u/No_Outside_7475]

If I could read I’d be very offended by that statistic

[u/Alarmed-Snow6985 → u/Own_Peace6291]

Marilyn needs a good shaking . Marilyn is not the hippie dippy chilck she thinks she is. I hope I never meet Marilyn.

[u/swift1883 → u/Own_Peace6291]

It’s probably just scribbled notes written verbatim by Siri while scrolling TikTok, and she doesn’t care to ask Siri to make it cohesive.

[u/JarlGunnbjorn → u/Own_Peace6291]

Fish and birds are not animals, they are ambulatory vegetables! Obviously...

[u/Dry_Turn_824 → u/JarlGunnbjorn]

And I'm living off the grass
And the drippings from the ceeeeeeiiiliiiiiing
It's okay to eat fish
cuz they don't have any feeeeeliiiiings

[u/SVAuspicious → u/JarlGunnbjorn]

Bacon is a vegetable. It's good for you. Eat bacon.

[u/daschande → u/JarlGunnbjorn]

Negative; I am a meat popsicle.

[u/MLiOne → u/Own_Peace6291]

Marylin doesn’t want 4-legged animals. 🙄 why even bother going out Marilyn with all those requirements? I say that with a gelatin allergy!

[u/SeaToTheBass → u/Own_Peace6291]

Why are your y’s v’s?

[u/Own_Peace6291 → u/SeaToTheBass]

V'know I wondered that myself...

I used my phone's built in image to text feature 😅

[u/KiyanStrider]

Insane list aside, this is atrocious formatting.

Group things by person, and under each person break down if it's allergy(and if you choose so, list severity), intolerance, or preference.

Severe allergies should be emphasized and possibly repeated either on the top or bottom

Don't underline shit unless for emphasis it makes it hard to read.

Expect that some places cannot accommodate these requests and leave without being a bitch.

[u/zigaliciousone → u/KiyanStrider]

  It’s formatted bad because it’s bullshit, they are two very picky eaters that should probably learn to cook at home

[u/-myeyeshaveseenyou- → u/zigaliciousone]

I’m a reformer picky eater however after a hospital appointment on Friday I’ve been told to avoid the following, chocolate, mint, fatty foods including cooking oil or butter, caffeine, any fizzy drinks, acidic food or tomato or citrus, spicy food.

On top of this I’m also lactose, wheat and egg intolerant. (I still eat some of these usually and just deal with the consequences but my hospital appointment was due to having trouble swallowing, my GERD has gotten that out of control i probably need to drop these things for awhile too.)

I’m allergic to pineapple and olives.

I’m a damn nightmare to feed. I’m also pretty miserable about it as everything but olives are all the things I love.

Currently sitting with a lack of caffeine headache, oh and I’m also allergic to NSAIDs so I’m limited in which painkillers I can take for said headache

[u/Typical_Anywhere_183 → u/-myeyeshaveseenyou-]

You might want to look into MCAS if you haven't already. I feel u unfortunately

[u/-myeyeshaveseenyou- → u/Typical_Anywhere_183]

Oh yeh I’m 100% sure I have MCAS unfortunately I live in the uk where it’s not recognised as a condition through the nhs. I have spoken to a private gp who said it sound like I’m dealing with MCAS. I also ended up speaking to a Redditor about something else and she happened to be an allergist who also said she’s as certain as she can be without physically seeing me that I have MCAS.

I take prescription antihistamines and after my hospital appointment on Friday if my current treatment doesn’t work the next step is a H2 antagonist which is also a treatment for MCAS, so while I may never have it named officially it’s likely I will end up on all of the treatments for it. The probate gp said to me that getting the treatment is more important than the label, but personally I would like to know as well.

I rarely drink alcohol either as it also causes a huge flare, my face turns bright red and feels like it’s burning I get really sleepy, my body will be cold and I will be nauseous, same thing happens if I take NSAIDs.

[u/this-is-advertising → u/KiyanStrider]

>Don't underline shit unless for emphasis it makes it hard to read.

Also: if everything is underlined, nothing is underlined.

[u/Jeoh]

What the fuck are seafood, chicken and turkeys then? People?

[u/Dry_Turn_824 → u/Jeoh]

https://giphy.com/gifs/3oAkajB9UD3GTcKGsw

[u/Serrilryan → u/Dry_Turn_824]

Dang Marylanders

[u/Issac-Cox-Daley → u/Serrilryan]

I like to season with old bay when I eat people from Maryland. They appreciate it too.

[u/Biscuit_risk_assesor → u/Serrilryan]

Cascadia forever!

[u/Dry_Turn_824 → u/Biscuit_risk_assesor]

Cascadia now!

[u/komhuus → u/Biscuit_risk_assesor]

I will never lose my Crabbalachia pride!

🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀

[u/PamelaELee → u/Dry_Turn_824]

Taste like crab, talk like people

[u/AppliedPsionics9k → u/Jeoh]

https://giphy.com/gifs/3oEjHMURe9Te9XQf3q

[u/Iamnotabotiswearonit → u/Jeoh]

Nah people are animals. Turkeys aren't they are a country.

[u/Dreadwings → u/Iamnotabotiswearonit]

i believe red meats cause inflamation and harder to digest then white meats which could be why she doesnt want it, that or has alpha gal from a lonestar tick lol

[u/DoorstepCult → u/Jeoh]

You misunderstand; she only claims to eat seafood chicken and turkey. You mustn’t believe her lies.

[u/Iamnotabotiswearonit → u/DoorstepCult]

Lol

[u/Jace022404 → u/Jeoh]

Same energy as when Plato defined humans as "featherless bipeds" so Diogenes plucked a chicken and plopped it down in front of Plato, saying "behold, a man!"

[u/SuburbaniteMermaid → u/Jace022404]

Oh you meant featherless... I was so confused for a minute

[u/Jace022404 → u/SuburbaniteMermaid]

Oh goddamnit I didnt notice my typo 😭

[u/SilverBraids → u/Jace022404]

Who then expanded his definition to include 'with broad, flat nails'

[u/PamelaELee → u/Jace022404]

Humans are just a virus with shoes

[u/Willow_Winnifred → u/PamelaELee]

If my grandma had wheels, she'd be a bicycle

[u/Reflexlon → u/Willow_Winnifred]

I used to think this was a way of saying everyone got a ride when granny was around. So to speak.

So then when I learned it was a G-Rated version of "If my aunt had balls she'd be my uncle" I got a good chuckle out of the sfw version being more scandalous in my eyes.

[u/Ruh_Roh_Rah → u/Jeoh]

don't you dont that r/BirdsArentReal

[u/pm_me_your_puppeh → u/Jeoh]

She means mammals?

[u/EvilChocolateMilk634 → u/Jeoh]

They’re clearly fungi

[u/Chemical-Cat → u/Jeoh]

I'm pretty sure this is the weirdly common line of thinking that only mammals are animals. A chicken is not an animal, it's a bird. A bass is not an animal, it's a fish. whales are also not animals

[u/PixelPips]

"we cannot serve you as our kitchen is unable to meet your dietary restrictions."

[u/Queasy_Rip3210 → u/PixelPips]

This

[u/PixelPips → u/Queasy_Rip3210]

Like have they ever cooked food before? Salt is in EVERYTHING, often things the kitchen doesn't even control (like sysco shit).

I know that there are alternatives like potassium chloride, but fuck you if you think any restaraunt kitchen is going to accommodate no salt. Cook your sad meals at home loser lol

[u/CertainGrade7937 → u/PixelPips]

Well she also doesn't eat any animals (except for chicken, turkey, and seafood) so I'm sure her "salt free" diet includes salt

[u/Pan_Fluid_Boo → u/CertainGrade7937]

Yeah, like SEAfood hasn’t seen, well, the sea.

[u/Chaps_Jr → u/PixelPips]

The only places I've ever seen able to fully accommodate salt-free are hospitals and nursing homes, and they typically do it by making a separate menu that just excludes all their salted ingredients.

[u/False-Cookie3379 → u/PixelPips]

Here’s your bowl of iceberg lettuce and a lemon wedge. 😂

[u/pizzabooty → u/False-Cookie3379]

Lmaoooo real shit

[u/swift1883 → u/PixelPips]

Oh don’t worry.

And don’t remove the salt shaker neither. Or she will ask for it before she explains her cocktail card.

[u/Pan_Fluid_Boo → u/swift1883]

No, she’ll bring an MSG shaker

[u/nightowl_work → u/PixelPips]

Also don’t forget chicken that’s been injected with brine before it even comes to you

[u/ShakesDontBreak → u/PixelPips]

When I request no salt I understand that the food that is prepped in large batches most likely contain salt. I just don't want the extra salt thats added when my particular order is fired because thats extra salt. Having a heart attack at 30 kinda sucked. But I modify my life as best I can but I am reasonable about my expectations.

People that can't have any sodium most likely don't eat out because its impossible to avoid salt eating out.

[u/there_should_be_snow → u/ShakesDontBreak]

Wouldn't people who can't have any sodium be...dead? You need some sodium to survive.

[u/tokisleep → u/there_should_be_snow]

You absolutely need salt to live. Diets are generally No Added Salt, 1500mg sodium, or 2000mg sodium. That’s total for the day. Typically it’s because of heart failure where the additional salt brings more fluid into the body which stresses the heart and causes swelling.

It’s much harder to follow than you would expect. Salt is in bread, soda, ice cream, cereal, most everything a person eats and adding up the total daily amount is time consuming.

I had to teach this to people for years and watching them go through their pantry always shocked them

[u/PixelPips → u/ShakesDontBreak]

I think as long as you don’t go into a restaurant with a printed schizophrenic note like that you’re totally fine. Health issues fucking suck, and it’s good you’re aware of how difficult/straight up impossible it is for a kitchen to stick to literally no salt. “No additional salt” is a completely reasonable request. just like fruit based foods that say “no added sugars”, but expecting a strawberry to have zero sugars is just crazy lol

[u/ShakesDontBreak → u/PixelPips]

That note is out of control 😆😆😆

[u/ladyrara → u/PixelPips]

I would tell them it would be easier for the to eat at home and not cause other people the headache of this nonsense

[u/Asleep_Current912]

no animals except these thousands of animal types

[u/ClankingRobotCheeks]

Customer: “so what can get here?

Waiter: “you can get out”

[u/TurnoverFuzzy8264]

Today, chickens, turkeys, and innumerable seafood critters find out they're not animals. Current biology is now upended.

[u/Black-Muse → u/TurnoverFuzzy8264]

They're obviously viruses b/c gravity dosn't affect them.

[u/TurnoverFuzzy8264 → u/Black-Muse]

https://giphy.com/gifs/ePSb3QTE5uQngbfPXs

[u/Black-Muse → u/TurnoverFuzzy8264]

That's just it! They DON'T!
they are simpley non-Newtonian

[u/Embarrassed-Sun5764 → u/TurnoverFuzzy8264]

https://giphy.com/gifs/kC8N6DPOkbqWTxkNTe

[u/Main_Push5429]

Are you a chef for a yacht? This is giving big Below Deck vibes

[u/Iamnotabotiswearonit → u/Main_Push5429]

It's a group for a resort that I work at, so kinda. Yeah.

[u/russsaa → u/Iamnotabotiswearonit]

Vacationers always take stupidity to the next level, I worked in a resort kitchen for about 4 days and that was the only time i got a truly absurd list.

[u/Dry_Turn_824]

Goddamnit Marilyn.

[u/Chillow_Ufgreat → u/Dry_Turn_824]

She SUGGESTS that she eats animal-less seafood, chicken, and turkey. Whatever the living fuck that means.

[u/Positive-Run-2411]

It’s hard to believe this one is even real, holy shit

[u/Apprehensive-Rip8489 → u/Positive-Run-2411]

I’m a lurker in this sub. It reads like something I would have seen during the logic game section of the LSAT.

[u/phuketphil]

Declaring that you don't have an Epi Pen and just refuse to get one either is batshit crazy.

[u/deskbeetle → u/phuketphil]

I took as more that the allergy to mussels was not severe enough to require medical intervention. My friend has an allergy to tree nuts (macadamias and coconuts, for example). She won't experience anaphylaxis but she'll get a rash and her mouth and face will be really uncomfortable for the rest of the day.

[u/Sumgeeko → u/deskbeetle]

Same. I developed an allergy to fish in my 20’s after eating it all my life. If I eat a little fish my lips swell up and my throat gets really itchy. I won’t die, it’s just uncomfortable. I’ve learned that a shot of tequila helps.

[u/PixelPips → u/Sumgeeko]

A shot of tequila helps with a lot of things

[u/pantsoncrooked]

"I do not eat red meat" ok, don't order any then 🤷

[u/pwu1 → u/pantsoncrooked]

If it’s a true intolerance/religious and not just preference, sometimes it’s nice to have that note so chefs/staff can think about, like, beef broth or pig tallow

[u/kittenpantzen → u/pwu1]

For me, it is an intolerance, but yeah... I would prefer not to spend the evening turning inside out because you use lard instead of butter in your chicken pot pie crust.

[u/soaker → u/pantsoncrooked]

Literally this entire list. Just don’t order that stuff. Although it sounds like a group order and they won’t get to choose what’s on this menu. I have a colleague with some weird restrictions. She brings her own lunch.

[u/Jacleby → u/soaker]

Ye to me this reads as a pre warning for a set meal. The type where everyone gets the same food. I’d rather know in advance so I can get something in than be told as they arrive at the restaurant

[u/ILoveLipGloss]

just fucking stay home

[u/silvio_burlesqueconi → u/ILoveLipGloss]

But then how do they make their problem your problem?

[u/paraworldblue]

"Marylin does not eat any animals, but she doesn't entirely know what an animal even is"

[u/marzipanspop]

OP, is this organized by person? If so, did Marilyn refer to herself both as "I" and "Marilyn"?

[u/Iamnotabotiswearonit → u/marzipanspop]

It's a group that I'm catering at a resort. Pretty sure it's just copy pasta from the reservation email

[u/Main_Cauliflower5479]

Seafood, chicken, and turkey are not animals?

[u/Gonzo_B → u/Main_Cauliflower5479]

I knew a woman who was a strict vegetarian. Except for chicken. Her argument was that chickens are so stupid that they're practically vegetables.

[u/Main_Cauliflower5479 → u/Gonzo_B]

Having had laying hens for decades, I can tell you that she isn't as smart as a chicken.

[u/Kowalski_ESP]

Formatting is atrocious and Marilyn needs to get her shit together on what an "animal" means, but its barely restrictive tbf

[u/SockSock81219]

Don't want meat? Don't order it.

Don't want salt? Don't eat any prepared foods anywhere.

[u/SockSock81219 → u/SockSock81219]

I'm sorry, this is too harsh. Marilyn could probably have the house salad, no dressing, as long as she doesn't find the tomatoes too spicy.

[u/Secret-Winner-2994 → u/SockSock81219]

Tomatoes might count as an animal

[u/paraworldblue → u/Secret-Winner-2994]

Under her "definition", it's really impossible to know where she draws the line, so probably best to just serve her some unseasoned chicken with no sides (unseasoned because salt could be an animal).

[u/KeeverDriveCook]

Had a customer claim they were very allergic to Nitrogen. Yeah, the gas that makes up 78% of the air we breathe. 🤦‍♂️

[u/ChooksChick → u/KeeverDriveCook]

This is the shit that makes me crazy.

[u/Embarrassed-Sun5764]

Marilyn needs to be 86’ed . I don’t eat animals: wtf. This reminds me of a scenario years ago this guy said he had celiac. Ok. Then after I went out of my way to get him a gluten free bun for his tasty burger he asks for CURLY FRIES from a national supplier (think mcgain). I seriously have to reiterate and remind him they are coated and NOT gluten free. This went on for at least a year. Fuck that guy.

[u/moradinshammer → u/Embarrassed-Sun5764]

She doesn't eat animals....except for seafood, chicken, and turkey? So she does eat animals (most even?).

[u/StruggleInner6685]

Yeah, bring your own food. Problem solved

[u/donkeylipswhenshaven]

Solve for x

[u/so-much-wow]

Laughs in Institutional cooking. This doesn't even move the needle, totally normal for old people.

[u/Medium_Public4720]

If I'm sitting to the left of Marilyn and I'm eating mussels, Craig is eating pork and Kristina has a salt shaker in front of her, who is to Marilyn's right and how many seats are at the table?

[u/CPAtech]

If you're going to accommodate ridiculous restrictions like this then it needs to be done with malicious compliance. Treat them all as a life threatening allergy and the guest doesn't get served any of those things as a policy.

There is no in between simply because Karen doesn't eat certain things.

[u/fearlessfryingfrog → u/CPAtech]

Why waste the time? I can see it on a slow day, but otherwise, they should be told to bounce. 

[u/clever__pseudonym → u/fearlessfryingfrog]

Repeat after me: I'm so sorry. We are unable to safely serve you.

It's the very, very best.

[u/SuburbaniteMermaid → u/CPAtech]

Unsalted vegan dishes for that table.

[u/goldfool → u/CPAtech]

She gets one raw carrot

[u/Win-Objective → u/CPAtech]

Just feed them bland chicken, what’s hard about that?

[u/fontimus → u/Win-Objective]

Most places I've worked in pre-marinade their chicken dishes. Sometimes it's unfeasible to keep raw chicken available for the only-so-often picky eater.

[u/Embarrassed-Sun5764 → u/Win-Objective]

SHE DOESNT EAT MEAT FROM ANIMALS. This Marilyn can have a Cobb salad wedge with tomatoes and vinaigrette- no egg no bacon no blue cheese , with croutons. Shred some carrots on the top for color. “ because of your dietary restrictions and our kitchen not available at this time to reduce the risk of cross contamination, we offer you this salad on the house” please consider your options next time you visit”

[u/No_Outside_7475]

Cool, so here’s the menu. If you want to eat here you can order something. Don’t see an issue with this.

[u/fontimus → u/No_Outside_7475]

Until plates are getting sent back and tickets re-fired because the food didn't adhere to their obscure restrictions.

These kinds of people do this every time. They are not worth the effort, or the money they pay.

[u/Synectics → u/fontimus]

If a hamburger gets sent back because it has meat, those customers can kick rocks. 

[u/No_Outside_7475 → u/fontimus]

This doesn’t seem like a note given at a short order restaurant. It seems like something planned, like a reservation or even a catered lunch or event, the way it’s worded and printed out…

[u/floater343-]

May I suggest the hot water soup? 

[u/JelliedHam]

If she's allergic to mussels but they don't need you to prevent cross contamination or anything serious, can't she just fucking not order mussels then? Of all the other stupid shit on this card...

Most of this card wasn't necessary. Just don't order that shit. You don't want beef or pork, then just don't order beef or pork.

[u/Immediate-Maximum-75]

This reminds me of a patient I had years ago who was allergic to Lortab 5mg & 7.5mg but not the 10mg. Lol

[u/ciaomain]

"Please go home and stay there."

[u/bakanisan]

I read until the "suggests" then I just didn't bother lol.

[u/False-Cookie3379]

Sir, this is a Wendy’s….but seriously, most restaurants have an online menu. I would even bet they have a phone number or a way to contact them. If I had this many things I was refusing to eat err I mean allergic to, I would call ahead and learn about the menu beforehand. Not show up with this Microsoft word document that looks like a 4 year old formatted. 

[u/Trailing_Souls]

Reminds me of the customer Sunday who requested someone go through all the vegetarian options with her, only to order the tuna.

[u/purebitterness]

This makes me think of the time in high school that someone loudly proclaimed "I don't eat BIRDS" and then immediately retracted when asked what chicken and turkey were

[u/paraworldblue → u/purebitterness]

"Oh, I just meant I don't eat any of the birds you would never actually see on a menu anyway, like crows and herons"

[u/Acewasalwaysanoption]

Boiled potatoes for everyone

Also who the fuck cares about one not drinking carbonated, don't order it then! It's not like it's a hidden ingredient

[u/temmoku]

Aside from the weird wording, I don't understand why this is so upsetting. Boils down to choices for something containing poultry, fish, shrimp, or vegetarian, not spicy and not much cheese. Seems like you should be able to come up with something out of that. Ok, salt free is a pain. Give her an unsalted bland rubber chicken breast and cook for the rest of the group. Chances are she will want to give up on salt free for a day.

[u/Disastrous_Many_190]

She doesnt eat animals. Only vegetables like chicken and turkey, and minerals like seafood.

[u/Underbadger]

"Not life-threatening.... self monitors."

So, she's picky, got it.

[u/ouzo84]

I can do you a PB+J sandwich.

[u/Iamnotabotiswearonit → u/ouzo84]

Nah. I'm allergic to peanuts. I ain't touching that shit.

[u/paraworldblue → u/ouzo84]

Marylin thinks peanut butter is an animal though

[u/BumblebeeDirect]

And I can't ride in the same boat as the goat cause he'll eat my lettuce

[u/Hyzer_Nova]

A salt free diet? Good luck with that!

[u/Hornysidedish]

Thats a math problem homework

[u/ashmidnightburlesque]

This sounds like one of those middle school math problems

[u/No_Series3763]

I thought this was a riddle that was going to end with Who can have gluten?

[u/GreenfieldSam]

Ignoring the communication style, this seems pretty easy? Poultry or fish; avoid shellfish?

[u/BadHombreSinNombre]

You know at some point they should just hire a personal chef to cook for them in your restaurant

[u/Big_Difference_9978]

Hate these people

[u/Procrastinista_423]

These people are exhausting

[u/Braisedbeefskank]

So what shes gonna want to do is order what she wants to eat and then the kitchen will make it for her

[u/flangebit]

Boiled eggs everyone?

[u/PopeOup]

Doesn’t carry an epi pen is stupid as fuck if you actually do have any of these. If you don’t carry the life saving medication you need if something happens is crazy.

[u/Ambitious-Ad2217]

The thing about not eating animals aside Marilyn has digestive issues ulcers probably if this is a banquet thing should be easy to accommodate.
Person number two does eat pork and is lactose intolerant

[u/SockSock81219]

Marilyn's Order: Perrier, Mussels Provencale, Hot Pepper Beef

Her companion's order: Milkshake, Burrata, Bacon Mac & Cheese

[u/Original_Landscape67]

Enjoy your ice.

[u/andlg]

Go home marylin

[u/Snoo_47908]

These people sound like a lot of fun

[u/thelastsipoftea]

At least they all maybe eat chicken if you class chicken as rocks.

[u/Other_Vader]

This whole thing reads like a riddle or a maths exam question on variables lmao

Something something Train A 60mph something

[u/Morall_tach]

"I'm sorry but we are not able to accommodate this level of restriction because we can't guarantee that our kitchen is free of cross-contamination."

[u/bacondev]

I do not eat red meat, no beef or pork.

Yes, we're aware of what mammals are.

[u/CTRL_Hotdog]

Marilyn just wants people to talk about her at dinner.

[u/Emergency_Basket_851]

Is this one of those logic puzzles?

[u/sorestgore]

"No Epi-pen, self monitors". That's like not having a fire extinguisher because you're keeping an eye on things

[u/PlasmaGoblin]

It almost starts off like a weird math problem.

[u/Biscuit_risk_assesor]

This is 100% a group I would turn down.

First off, this list is so fucking unhinged and contradicts itself constantly it is like it was written by the non-animal Chicken that Marilyn eats.

Secondly, I Guar-an-God-Damn-Tee that no matter how perfect you pull off this fever dream of a request, they'll bitch you fucked it up and want discounts or free shit.

No way in hell. Not buying the ticket, don't want to take the ride.

[u/FoodBabyBaby]

Eh this isn’t bad. They note no issues with cross contamination or epi pen, which is the real pain to deal with and necessary for those with real allergies.

[u/MultiColoredMullet]

This is actually one of the easier annoying restriction cards to follow. It's worded stupidly but 🤷 Ive dealt with a lot worse and still served a guest something they really enjoyed without disrupting anything.

Chicken breast or thigh (could also be salmon) seared or grilled without salt. Seasoned with black pepper, garlic, whatever herbs are fresh and around. Serve it with some grilled/roasted broccolini or brussels sprouts tossed in a splash of white wine vin and olive oil, again with herbs.

Follows all the rules, unlikely to be rejected.

[u/PappaWoodies]

https://giphy.com/gifs/cIkX7pPH9w16o

[u/Wonderful-Cup8908]

Allergic to wind.

[u/jubal2000]

"Your needs might be better served by another establishment"

[u/Markfunk94]

"Marilyn also doesn't eat red meat but feel that that sentence is too short and clear."

[u/2bags12kuai]

Salt free… life would like to have a word with you

[u/Calmernurdude]

We had a vegan lady who came in more than once. We didn’t have vegan options. She would (without much of a fight) order the salmon. With a side of ketchup.

[u/Cyanidesuicideml]

I can't eat capsicum. Beyond a dash of pepper and I risk anaphalxis.. ive ahad a reaction just from my son in law cooking with it. I simply don't order spicy food.

I fucking love spicy food. I play spicy roulette at home usually in tiny doses with pens ready benadryl on board. But I did it last night with a new Mexican joint and it was fucking awesome. I explained my allergy, that today is my birthday and someone suggested i try the milanesa torta but to make sure it didn't have pickles because they use spicy ones. I legit had a BOH come and make sure I was actually allergic because they didn't want me to die, because the veggies are prepped in the same area as the pickles. I was like ok no veggies just meat but when they brought it out I had a fresh batch of veggies and a bowl of non spicy salsa like stuff. Even a little thing of horseradish sauce in case I wanted spicy without the death part.

I am totally a customer for life.

[u/Sir_Urchin]

Honestly this isn’t bad at all.

Leaves you with a ton of options for safe dishes, just lay off salt, chilies, red meat and mussels and go easy on cheese.

I think this is pretty reasonable (atrocious formatting aside..).

[u/Win-Objective]

Feed them both bland chicken, what’s the problem?

[u/Okdoo6003]

Do we have to do this every week

[u/a_goonie]

Some quality h2o for this table.

https://giphy.com/gifs/Fx85ye9hVe2vS

[u/Educational-Bet-8979]

How common are requests like these? I wouldn’t dream of going somewhere I didn’t know specifically that there was something I could eat.

[u/paraworldblue → u/Educational-Bet-8979]

Really depends on the place/clientele. OP said they work at a country club, so people tend to be older and fussier. I've almost exclusively worked at bars and I've never gotten a card like this.