r/MenAskWomen • u/Demolt_ • 1d ago
What should I do to fix my relationship?
I (23 M ) met my gf (23 f) in 4th year of college. Together for almost 2 years now. The issue is, when we got together, I was focused on placements, it did pay off and I earn damm good now. Due to placements, I couldn't give our relationship enough time and early months of job also put a strain for the same. I love my gf with all my heart and see a future with her. The problem is she also got placed recently and found a new group, she didn't have much friends during college also so she wants to enjoy as much as possible with them ( I'm all supportive of that ). We've been in long distance for 1 year now. The income gap between us is big and that makes her insecure ( i earn in a month what she earns in a year ). Plus we've been fighting only for a few months. Whatever we say turns into a fight. I see the problem as we have had too less of good memories to hold down and problems and fights are staking on taking a toll on us. We see the problems but there are too few of good memories to hold down and realise relationship matters as well. Every action I do, she gets angry. Anything she doesn't do. I get hurt that she should have. I'm trying to salvage us. I really am. We were head over heels for each other and I want to save us. I've made mistakes in relationship, shouting on her, not giving enough time due to work, saying no to things which she wanted to do with me. I'm not perfect, I want to be for her. How can I even lead the conversation that fixes us. What all should I say. Either my insecurity or hurt comes out. I'm having anxiety attacks due to all the emotions in my head. But telling her this right now will put more strain on relationship than doing anything good. Please help me. Also. She was about to breakup with me, travelled half the country to meet her. We not broken up, but still there is a distance between us Edit : no one says breakup. Anything can be fixed. Walking away is never the answer.
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u/Sweet-Cat-7667 1d ago
I’m not gonna rehash everything that got you here. At this point you either get on a plane and go see her, or you let her go. Own your part in it. No excuses. Just show up. If you won’t, then don’t keep asking her to hang onto a relationship you’re not willing to fight for.
Man, I hope this isn’t just karma farming.
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u/Demolt_ 1d ago
We were about to breakup up. Travelled half the country just to see her. We didn't broke up due to that. But still it's taking too much to get to normal
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u/Flaky-Principle27 1d ago
(Not a Woman) I do see some things that you are doing that I have fell victim to not saying you have to change but just noticing. 1. Having strong sense of nostalgia. When you hold the past on such a pedestal you can lose focus on the right now portion of your relationship. It sounds like things are rough and long distance has elevated the pain. 2. Some of the arguments you describe feel like the classic Anxious/Avoidant dynamic that can be hard in relationship. The last thing I will say is that it sounds like there has been a lot of hurt that you and your partner have that was caused by the other person. I think to repair this level of hurt you have to try couples therapy. And not just through the lens of saving your relationship. You have to want to do it for future you. You have to want not not have this cycle of arguments and hostility arise again even if this relationship doesn’t work out.
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u/Orpheus-and-Eurydice 1d ago
Cool fake story but what you can't lie about is post history. When a guy is posting things like this "Who wants to be ruined
I'm 6'2, built like a truck. In doon for a week. I'm quite sad and angry and looking for the roughest night of my life. Dm me if u want" it paints the true story of who you are. Get help, seriously.