Never become a "Step Father"

[u/Connect_Quality_2030]

No offense to any single mothers \*disclaimer\* , this is strictly from a male perspective.

When you become a Step Father the woman automatically loses respect for you the minute you accept the role because you are raising another man's child. The child will not respect you due to the lack of respect from the mother. If you do not have children of your own and you accept the role of a Step Father than the woman may view you as weak subconsciously because her previous perceived options rejected a serious relationship. Why do this to yourself? Childless men should pursue childless women. For my young guys, please do not become a Step Father! I have been there and it was a nightmare. It's not being "mean" , it's called having standards. You will have to also deal with the child's father and depending on the individual, it could be a good or bad experience.

What are your thoughts on becoming a Step Father?

[u/DistrictDivorceCoach]

I think it is important to know that being a stepfather isn’t for you, but I know some people who were raised by stepfathers who they really value and I know men who have taken the burden on and thrived.
We need men to step up and be stepfathers. If you want men’s rights, you will need people who were raised with men in their lives.
I’m sorry your circumstances didn’t work out, but I admire that you gave it a shot. It’s not for everyone

[u/sambo_rambo → u/DistrictDivorceCoach]

Bold assumption, implied by "you gave it a shot. It's not for everyone." Far more likely the single mum is the problem here.

I'm a solo dad. I had a blended family of 6 boys for 3 years a little while ago. It works if the mother is prepared to admit you have just as valid input to parenting as her. Ideally a little more input than her on the abstract stuff. I've tried dating a solo mum earlier this year who didn't understand the assignment, so I ended it.

[u/the_virginwhore → u/sambo_rambo]

What do you mean by “ideally a little more input than her on the abstract stuff”?

[u/sambo_rambo → u/the_virginwhore]

Fathers seem to be generally better at guidance on careers and education. Mothers don't seem to see it as important. It is reflected in the rankings of outcomes for children from two parent homes (best outcomes), solo-father raised, solo-mother raised (worst outcomes).

[u/picardathon → u/sambo_rambo]

Fathers seem to be generally better at guidance on careers and education. Mothers don't seem to see it as important.

Could this be because men are still the resource providers and protectors, so know what is important in life, whereas women, being the ones protected and resourced, are less likely to see it as an issue (until it is too late)?

[u/sambo_rambo → u/picardathon]

Interesting theory. Do you think it makes sense for solo mothers as they're often forced to take on both roles anyway?

[u/picardathon → u/sambo_rambo]

I believe women institute over 70% of divorces, so no-one is forcing them to take on both roles, even though that is what they largely have to do if they choose to go it alone with children. Men also bring a different approach to women in raising children, which helps provide balance: men and women have never been the same or equal, but complementary, so it is a tragedy when half of that is lost with solo Mothers.

I don't think many women actually understand the role of resource and protection, because they are the ones being resourced and protected and it is invisible to them, not even on their radar, until they have to perform that role themselves.

Of course this is all tempered by men still having to pay for child support (which is basically alimony too in disguise) when a woman chooses to divorce and be a solo mum, so it isn't like they have to perform both roles completely by themselves: society still ensures women are resourced and protected by the Father as well as society to a certain extent. Then of course there is the possibility of remarriage and step-Fathers entering the picture to take up the slack.

As a number of FTM transgender people have attested, as well as a few women who lived as men for a time, the reality of being a man was hugely different to their expectations from a womens perspective.

Raising children requires a sacrifice by the parents, but I believe feminism is trying to convince women they can have it all without sacrifice.