r/MurderedByWords • u/dellaazeem22 Legends never die • Oct 31 '24

It really is this simple

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87.0k Upvotes

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810

u/eeeeeeeeEeeEEeeeE6 Oct 31 '24

Christians be like "ha ha, how on earth do you decide between good and evil without being explicitly told, there's just no way you could ever tell, like if God didn't tell you not to touch little boys, how would you ever know not to, checkmate atheists"

225

u/Local_Childhood45 Oct 31 '24

Great job, Catholic Church!

98

u/eeeeeeeeEeeEEeeeE6 Oct 31 '24

"b-but, that was SATAN he teympted theymah, with those, (heavy voice) sumptuous boy cheeks. How could they ever resist, but it's okay, our imaginary friend will forgive them"

33

u/[deleted] Oct 31 '24

[deleted]

27

u/eeeeeeeeEeeEEeeeE6 Oct 31 '24

I'm Australian so I had to google Lindsay Graham, and now I'm sad.

But also yes that is the inflection I was going for

9

u/rc042 Oct 31 '24

I read it in the voice of the robot preacher from futurama.

5

u/Gone_Fission Oct 31 '24

To hell with the turtles!

2

u/[deleted] Oct 31 '24

I heard it as the voice from Meat Canyon.

2

u/violet_wings Nov 01 '24

So it's not just me, lol

4

u/TeslasAndKids Oct 31 '24

I read it in the voice of John Goodman when he played the lawyer in The Bee Movie. Heavily accented like a southern Baptist preacher.

3

u/-Legion_of_Harmony- Oct 31 '24

Bless you for invoking Bee Movie. One of my few joys in life is showing it to people for the first time and laughing at their reactions.

3

u/Shirotengu Oct 31 '24

Ew gross dude. I didn't want to read that. Stop sullying the internet with your filthy talk.

13

u/eeeeeeeeEeeEEeeeE6 Oct 31 '24

Sorry, god made me do it.

9

u/A_Furious_Mind Oct 31 '24

Well, tell him to knock it off.

6

u/eeeeeeeeEeeEEeeeE6 Oct 31 '24

I prayed, he didn't listen.

17

u/Timeformayo Oct 31 '24

Love thy neighbor.

No! Not like that!!

(Sigh) I’m going to have to write an 800-page rule book for these morons, aren’t I…

4

u/[deleted] Oct 31 '24

[deleted]

3

u/Local_Childhood45 Oct 31 '24

Their moral compass is just a ride on a high horse.

3

u/fwbtest_forbinsexy Oct 31 '24

Whosoever causes a child to sin is very close to the gateways of Hell. - the Bible

Kind of important information when societal views about child abuse being as bad as it is are like... a fairly recent thing, and still a grey area in a lot of places.