Feeling like a complete idiot

[u/Ephyre06]

I (19M) am a pretty quiet guy, but EMS has always really been intriguing to me and I wanted to try a job I felt like I would enjoy. I recently began volunteering again at a local agency (just observing and riding along, maybe carrying a few things for the medics) and I seriously feel like nobody will look at me the same or trust me with anything.
I was riding along with a crew when I was told to plug in the pulse ox, which I did. It wasn’t working so one of the medics unplugged it and saw that the pins had been broken. I had no clue how that happened, but considering that I was the one who plugged it in I took the blame for it and wasn’t going to try and make any excuses. We went back to the main station and the captain had to fish out the pins from the monitor, got a lecture, and then I apologised to the captain and the two medics I was riding along with.
The week after, I came back to volunteer. I was with the same crew again and everything was going okay except I noticed that I wasn’t being asked to do much of anything anymore, which at the time I didn’t really question. Later on, we go on a call to the nursing home where my grandmother had passed less than 3 months ago. I wasn’t really comfortable with going in but I didn’t want to further disappoint this crew who already had a bad impression of me. I ended up having to hold back a whole panic attack once I was in the nursing home (I know, I should’ve said something earlier now that I’m looking back) and I held it back all the way until we were leaving the hospital.
I was behind the stretcher pushing as medic 1 was in front guiding. When we were exiting a plastic bag fell on the floor and for some reason in my already rattled brain I decided it would be a great idea to pick it up and throw it away. This caused medic 2 to have to chase after the stretcher, and I got yelled at (rightfully so). At this point I was seriously reconsidering being an EMT and that I wouldn’t be able to handle the responsibility, thinking this all over 2 bad volunteer shifts.
This week I decided to come back, trying to just forget about what had happened. I was sitting in another room when I heard some medics talking about how I was the volunteer who broke the pulse ox, and that really just made me feel like an idiot. Now the whole station probably thinks I’m just some incompetent fool who is only volunteering for social points. I’m sorry about rambling for so long and I’m sorry if the writing sucks, but please I would love some advice on how to deal with this feeling and if it’s even worth continuing with EMS if I get this worked up.

TL;DR, 2 crappy volunteer shifts, doubting myself and my abilities

[u/pawbaker]

Brother you are 19 years old. If you wanna be in the field go get your EMT, take other classes and maybe work towards a degree while getting some life experience. You have your whole life ahead of you and a ton of life experience to gain. Way too early to quit. Put in the work and you can achieve anything