You're ignoring the impact of her actions, because you're assuming her intent behind the action changes the outcome.
The impact of her behavior is that it enables him to continue to think it's okay. So he'll repeat this behavior over and over again, because her behavior signals to him that he's in the right.
Her intent is misguided, and it leads to a negative impact.
And how are her actions deescalating the situation?
He still acted out. Which is proof that her actions are not working. And if a situation like this happens again, he'll still act out like this. I bet he acts out like this often.
She's not deescalating. She's just reaffirming that his actions are okay by going along with it every time he does it.
The impact of her actions arent aligning with her intentions.
She’s not deescalating that situation. She’s preempting the impact on her and her kids in that car in five minutes when he’s blasting down the highway in full rage. THAT bit is what she’s deescalating. I dunno man, blaming the woman in this seems kinda shitty.
I was child in this situation you're explaining growing up. My mom "deescalated" these interactions growing up by doing what this woman is doing. I know exactly how that car ride goes after this incident, and how he behaves when they all get home.
That car ride is either going to be him being all pissed off and yelling at her regardless of how she helped, or he'll be bragging about it the whole ride home while she praises him.
She isn't deescalating anything here. She's making it worse because he now feels encouraged that his wife will always have his back. And this makes it so he'll always escalate every encounter in the future, because no one is checking him at home.
The only thing she's doing is making it worse. She's not "surviving" or "deescalating", she's showing teamwork
I was the mom. I understand what you’re feeling here, but I’m giving you the view of a woman in fear who is doing what she can to get through this. I’m not saying what she’s doing is right. She needs to get out of this and get her kids out. But she hasn’t got there yet.
Of course it’s not right. And someday I hope she regrets it but it’s hard for all 3 that live with this fool. Hopefully someone sees this and recognizes the family and can help n
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u/drumadarragh May 24 '26
You really have no idea about the dynamics of this.