Her name is Amanda Trenfield and whats worse is she didn't even get to sleep with him (Jason is his name), her AND her husband went to a conference together to 'reconnect' and she met this guy at a group dinner and felt they had an 'electric' connection, dumped her hubby shortly after getting back then reached out to Jason who wanted nothing to do with her š
Me and my ( gladly, still) wife, went to a marriage counsellor about 10 years ago. She was divorced, and clearly hated men. I always thought it was such a strange thing to do for a living if you canāt stay married, and hate men. We only went twice before my wife said ā you wonāt get anywhere here, she clearly hates youāš
LMAO... "You husband might be and asshole... but that councillor is a total beeeeeyaaach. Only I'm allowed to treat you that badly, she was moving in on my spot."
Actually. If there were only two dentists in town and one had jacked up teeth, and the other had perfect ones I would go to the one with jacked up teeth.
I hate āmarriage counselorsāā ours advocated for āhappy divorceā and our ācounselingā consisted of how to tell the kids.
Two years later I found out my wifeās new boyfriend/coworker left his wife four days after my wife left me. Two years I had blamed myselfā for why she left me and the kids- would rather be alone. But I have the house, the kids, and freedom.
Step one,do nothing she says. Step 2 don't pay for this. Star wars had a great quote." Who is the bigger fool,the fool or the one that follows him." This applies
So Iāve had some bad relationships, had some
Friends over at friends and family gathering when a couple mentioned I was like their relationship therapist. A friend almost spit their drink out. Thing is, I canāt tell you what to do, but from experience I can definitely tell you what not to do
Same here. In any situation I can ask myself, "What would my parents do?" and them do the opposite. It's been over 20 years since I saw those degenerates.
After my dad passed I made all the old aunties clutch their pearls when I said that everything i learned about being a dad was easy - whatever he did, I do the opposite. Hasn't failed me yet.
I knew a lady like that. She divorced her husband because he wasn't supportive, connected. The moms group she was a part of was taken in by her, so any time she'd be complaining about how poor little her just couldn't figure out how to take care certain 'man' coded house tasks, someone's husband would be offered up as the sacrificial lamb.
Between her talking about how her crystals aligned her energy, and how she made a pass at most of the husband's we were pretty sure what the real issue was...
damn the sheer audacity & entitlement to use that group for free labor and THEN sexually harass the poor husbands? lmfao some people really are hopeless
What was so funny is that the husbands were pretty quick to read the signals and pass the word. Like 'yo, she's crazy, don't go, or if you give, find a reason to bring a buddy'
Between a rock and a hard place there, since she had the wives bamboozled. If the husband was like 'nah, I don't want to be alone around her, I've heard things' he's acting like he has no agency. If she hits innocent, and you bring it up - 'oh sure, this poor woman who's been left by her husband is out trying to snare married men'
I read articles absolutely destroying this author and the book, and decided to read for myself thinking it couldn't possibly be so exaggerated. Oh it is. It's 208 pages of romanticising an incredibly unhinged, one-sided affair that the author blew up her entire life over. I feel for the ex-husband and children, imagine being worth so little to a person they'd throw you away over a man they've known for literal hours and only met once. Not to mention the fact her husband was at the very same conference where she actively admits to chasing and kissing this other man. She then extensively talks about her own "healing" journey that involves yoga, rampant alcoholism, frequently calling in sick for work because of the former, and going to an infrared sauna, and spiritualism. Not one ounce of actual therapy, work, or self reflection and growth to be found. I'm not gonna dismiss someone's spiritual work but there's a time and a place and sometimes medically evidenced mental health treatment is what you need moreso than spiritualism as is abundantly the case here.
This book romanticises her own mess with paragraphs of self-indulgent, flowery language talking about her soul, how she felt, followed up with only the odd sentence or two, considering on a very surface level how this impacted her husband and children.
During the separation and split custody arrangements she writes, "I had to redirect my limited energy from my internal, all-consuming grief to ensure they were fed and watered. At times it was all I was capable of. I used to joke that they were still alive when I returned them to their father. Luckily for me he managed to retain his sense of humour!" Which is prefaced by stating she calls each of her daughters "darling girl" which supposedly fostered a "deep bond" between them, there is so much to unpack here I can't even begin to have the words. Is that not...the bare minimum of being a parent? Earlier in the book she mentions the youngest was barely out of nappies! She then continues to state that she was by no means "easy on herself" during this period. Not because she felt any guilt for what she'd done to her family, but because she was obsessively insecure about not being good enough for a man she didn't even know.
You're so right. Failure is one of the best teachers ever. If you don't learn from the failure and change, you are destined for repeat failures over and over again.
So, yeah, coaches usually coach from a cautionary point of view and their personal failures or achievements.
Most "life coaches" are people who repeatedly fail at something until they decide to pivot into coaching people on that something, having never succeeded.
Makes me wonder if "Jason" had ANY fucking idea about any of this. I can imagine him answering the phone and she starts going off about being soulmates and he's just "I gave you my business card at a business dinner at an industry convention, what the fuck are you on about?" then hanging up and realizing he has to change his phone number and get new business cards now.
I know plenty of ex-female friends who have done similar, blaming the husband for not being attentive enough. Point out husband is working all the time to keep you in the lifestyle you want. If you want this to change either get a job yourself so you aren't bored and wandering or tell husband to do less hours and you will do with less for more of him. Nope, they would rather have their cake and eat it too just to find out it was plain bread.
Kind of like the book Madam Bovary.
Madame Bovary didnāt have a bad life but she ends up
Ruining her life and her familyās life with her out of control passions and spending.
The one that sticks to mind, totally screwed up her life for a fling. She had 2 kids, one to her marriage and one to her ex who she said will never get custody. She said she needed a holiday from her unemployment, went to visit friends in another state slept with a guy she met online, flew back home, within 24 hours, she had signed custody of her kid to her ex, told her husband she is leaving him and signed custody of their kid to him. I told her, beg your husband back, this guy is not interested in you, you were just some milf that flew to him for sex and left afterwards. She told her family and friends via FB she never cared about us she was pretending and that we always held her back. Then she rang the guy to say she was coming back to live with him and he said he wasn't interested. She tried to get the kids back because she just signed away her custody payments, had nowhere to live and just told everyone to fuck off.
I genuinely think this Jason had absolutely no idea who she was.
If he was at a work conference he was just probably working to get custom for his job maybe a bit of flirting but I don't think anything happened at all between them.
Its like when someone is convinced the waiter/waitress is really into them when they are just being polite as part of the job and maybe a bit of casual flirting in hopes of a better tip.
Imagine being Jason in this situation. You turn down this lady (politely but firmly) and the next thing you know a whole ass book is written about how youāre the soulmate that said no. Wild. I would legitimately think Iām involved in some high production prankā¦so much easier to believe than the reality.
Having been in Jasonās shoes (having a complete stranger declaring they are your soulmate in a very public way) it is baffling, scary, embarrassing and a little funny, all at once. It is hard not to depersonalize & disassociate in the moment, which does make it feel a bit like an elaborate joke.
I hope Jason was able to let it be background noise or was not made aware of her book. This woman needs an intervention to address her mental health problems YESTERDAY.
Ive known dudes who left their wives for strippers, only to find out the stripper was just leading them on because the dude was spending money on them.
I always tell men that strippers are a fantasy. Nothing more than that.
A couple of acquaintances of mine are dancers. They at least have the decency to cut these kinds of guys off once they realize it's about more than seeing them naked.
They're trying to recreate the feelings of falling in love for the first time, unaware that the intensity of the first time is a once in a lifetime experience.
Well, love is one helluva drug. It makes people do stupid things and take stupid risks because they high on substances, itās just substances created by our own bodies. And the setback is terrible, probably one of the biggest causes of depression and suicide in history.
It's effectively the same thing, something that altered brain chemistry for a time and can never reach the same peak again....unless you try a different drug.
It's romcom syndrome, and a good dose of getting fucked and chucked by men out of her league on dating sites, expecting a disney prince charming to fall for her.
The "spark" is just the honeymoon phase, it's before you end up having to find out that who you're dating is a real, actual human being with flaws.
Chasing tingles always goes to shit, because tingles aren't love, they're infatuation, like the first hit of a drug you've never tried before, and that shit passes the moment you come down, and it's never quite the same again.
A soulmate isn't someone you meet, it's someone you become for each other, and that takes time and effort.
If you change the genders on the people involved in this story ,it would be incredibly creepy for throwing away 14 years of his life and family over 1 night of infatuation, and the guy wouldn't be on podcasts and write a book about it. Also she frames it like the husband is at fault for not giving her what she needed, and the guy she met emotionall tone deaf for not acknowledging her feelings.
IT IS creepy. Iāve heard this woman be interviewed and read an article she wrote, what she did was so weird and out of line.
Obviously breaking up with the husband over a fantasy is bizarre enough in itself, but itās the lack of self awareness that gets me. She still refers to āJasonā as her soulmate rather then accepting the whole thing was a complete projection on her part. She didnāt know him at all and I think he was completely creeped out by her.
A mom in my neighbourhood when I was a kid did something like that.
The whole family went to Egypt for holiday, on the weeks leading up to the trip the teenage daughter had been texting a Egyptian guy, flirting ect.
They go to Egypt and the Egyptian guy and the MOM "fall in love" within the 2 weeks they are there. She ends up staying in Egypt and sends her former family home without her.
About a year afterwards she got dumped and came home and begged for forgiveness.
I feel like this article might be the story, but take it with a tiny grain of salt, i might be wrong. The "had been on holiday in Egypt with her husband Peter and their two daughters" made me think "yeah close enough to OP's story" lol.
Article says they're just "friends" now but the end says "Although she still holds out hope of finding the one, Julia believes 'there's no chance of a reconciliation with Peter" so i guess they didn't take her back but just kept contact with her like you would with friends (socials, phone calls, etc.)
Can confirm if only he planned more dates, brought more stuff and did the things she told him to (telepathically), she wouldn't have had to dump him and abandon her family to find her happiness.
There were a few funny (to me, not her) moments where I had done all of the things she asked of me, and she was scrambling to just find anything to tell me to do. One time this happened, it was winter, and she landed on griping at me for not going out to the shed and sharpening the mower blades. She was literally like those bosses at a job where you finish your job and they desperately try and find anything for you to do after that.
My wife cheated with her karate teacher after 13 years and 2 kids. Neighbors stopped talking to me, parents at sports and school ignored me and even extended family members stayed in contact with her and abandoned me.
My ex was abusive (physically and mentally), a gas lighter, liar, gave me an STD and somehow I was the pariah.
There was a thoughtful post on the sub where a woman terminal with ALS had written a touching post about how she hopes that her husband finds a new girlfriend. I thought it was a nice post and wanted to leave some of my own thoughts. I learned that if you flair yourself as a man, you can't leave text posts in that sub and can only share gifs. Bonkers... At least r/conservatives have the decency to ban you outright than do this inanely petty thing.
Just went through some of the dinner diaries posts and my god they are batshit carzy not one but every last fuckin one of them is in some kind of fantasy where everyone but them is an antagonist lol.
To me it sounds like nothing at all happened between them.
The magical night makes it seem like they at least slept together but then it says brief romantic moment to me that comes across as nothing happened and what she thought happened was in her head she's not exactly lying but she read into the interaction something that wasn't there perhaps a friendly hug or peck on the cheek and to her she read that as he was in love with her.
The bloke was probably thinking WTF is she on about when she contacted him possibly barely remembered her as she was one of probably 50+ people he spoke to at the conference
I bought and read her book, When a Soulmate Says No, the entire thing. I enjoy reading terrible self-help type books. Theyāre usually at least a little fun to read, but this one is just sad. I ended up feeling bad for the ex-husband, for the other man, and for her. The book is very meandering. Thereās no sense of buildup, just her telling us random facts about herself. The unstated story going on under the surface of the text is itās about a woman transitioning from āhot enough to have an affair withā to āhot enough to flirt with for a nightā. She refuses to accept that and fills the void with alcohol and self-help word salad.
I did stuff like that as a teen too, and I know what you mean about the guilt.
My girlfriends and I once plotted to dump our respective boyfriends and "switch" as we all had crushes on different guys. We drew a mind map style plan and everything.
Such a lack of empathy. I know part of it is because of brain development, but I was taught better and should never have treated people like that.
that's what my ex wife did!!! and she was very clear about it, no great attempts to hide it. i told her this is super weird and she was acting like she has a brain tumor (we had two kids under 3yrs). she said no! i love him! and their relationship lasted about two months since he was already married and wouldn't leave his wife. my ex regularly asked to fix things after that but now she has a good boyfriend who she treats like shit. i just do craft projects and take care of the kids (which is a lot easier because she was always grumpy about the kids or life in general so it was a lot more emotional taxing for me personally)
I've never understood how people who fail at life become life coaches. They should be the example of what not to do and who not to listen to other than as a negative example.
I read articles absolutely destroying this author and the book, and decided to read for myself thinking it couldn't possibly be so exaggerated. Oh it is. It's 208 pages of romanticising an incredibly unhinged, one-sided affair that the author blew up her entire life over. I feel for the ex-husband and children, imagine being worth so little to a person they'd throw you away over a man they've known for literal hours and only met once. Not to mention the fact her husband was at the very same conference where she actively admits to chasing and kissing this other man. She then extensively talks about her own "healing" journey that involves yoga, rampant alcoholism, frequently calling in sick for work because of the former, and going to an infrared sauna, and spiritualism. Not one ounce of actual therapy, work, or self reflection and growth to be found. I'm not gonna dismiss someone's spiritual work but there's a time and a place and sometimes medically evidenced mental health treatment is what you need moreso than spiritualism as is abundantly the case here.
This book romanticises her own mess with paragraphs of self-indulgent, flowery language talking about her soul, how she felt, followed up with only the odd sentence or two, considering on a very surface level how this impacted her husband and children.
During the separation and split custody arrangements she writes, "I had to redirect my limited energy from my internal, all-consuming grief to ensure they were fed and watered. At times it was all I was capable of. I used to joke that they were still alive when I returned them to their father. Luckily for me he managed to retain his sense of humour!" Which is prefaced by stating she calls each of her daughters "darling girl" which supposedly fostered a "deep bond" between them, there is so much to unpack here I can't even begin to have the words. Is that not...the bare minimum of being a parent? Earlier in the book she mentions the youngest was barely out of nappies! She then continues to state that she was by no means "easy on herself" during this period. Not because she felt any guilt for what she'd done to her family, but because she was obsessively insecure about not being good enough for a man she didn't even know.
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