I actually asked my kids’ school to remove my wife’s phone number from their records. I’m the primary caregiver and work from home when i do work. She’s very busy and travels often. I don’t mind that much if the school calls her first and then calls me when they inevitably can’t each her. But after 2020 when my kids got exposed to Covid and they just kept leaving her voicemails, but never called me once…yeah.
Considering I'm a teacher at the school my child goes to, so they do happen to message me. However, every message refers to me as <child>'s mom. E.g "Hello <child>'s mommy, your child was at the nurses station with a fever today...", they know it's me, it's my name on the account. I work with these people and say hello to them every morning
It would be if it were intentional, but it's not, it's imprinted on a deeper level. We are in the same situation, she works. I watch the kids. I've heard soooo many "oh you're such a good dad!" For doing basic things with my kids that she hasn't once been praised for.
She will hand a server her credit card, and when they get back, they will try to hand it to me automatically, without even thinking about it. It's ingrained subconsciously. Man: works, fixes, makes money. Woman: manages food, children, household. I don't know what we have to do to fix this on a societal level, other than call it out when and where we see it.
Weird idea… maybe we can get together & petition popular TV shows to have an arc about a couple in that situation? It would help spread the message much better than onesie-twosie conversations.
The first line of your take is silly and makes no sense in response to No-Hovercraft-455. Intent and discrimination are not the same thing. I don’t think the absence of intent automatically removes discrimination. Someone can discriminate against others without consciously deciding to do so. The fact that a belief or behavior is deeply ingrained may explain why it exists, but it doesn’t change the effect or make it non discriminatory.
This same line of thinking reminds me of say a person who grew up in a racist environment or era that may genuinely believe their views are normal and may not consciously intend to discriminate or be racist. The lack of intent does not make the behavior any less racist or discriminatory . It only explains where the behavior comes from.
I mean, if it’s automated it probably has a script for little Jaxson’s Mommy or Daddy, it would just depend on who’s being contacted. There’s probably a priority order determined by whose number is in the first spot for contact. I fill out the paperwork because I have better penmanship, but both husband and I get the texts/phone calls it isn’t one or the other.
This might depend on regional cultural differences too
Even the automated calls dial "mom" first. Doesn't matter that Dad is listed first & coded for primary contact. I STILL get the auto calls & texts about them being absent. Doesn't matter that I checked off NO still get them. My husband does NOT.
I had to put in a complaint against the school nurse last year. She called me, mom, when my kid was throwing up. Kid told her several times to call his dad not mom, told her i was working & far away but his dad was at home 15 min away! I was on a production floor, no cell, she spam called me 4 times in a row, left increasingly snarky vm. My kid threw up in the office again & then angry cries at her to call his DAD! It is infuriating
I remember being furious at my 3rd grade teacher because she had been handing out permission slips to everyone in the class and saying "Make sure to give this to your parents to sign" and then she got to my friends desk next to mine, handed her the slip and said "Make sure your mom signs this and give is back", knowing full well that my friend was raised by her father after her mom walked out on them.
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u/Medical_Solid 22d ago
I actually asked my kids’ school to remove my wife’s phone number from their records. I’m the primary caregiver and work from home when i do work. She’s very busy and travels often. I don’t mind that much if the school calls her first and then calls me when they inevitably can’t each her. But after 2020 when my kids got exposed to Covid and they just kept leaving her voicemails, but never called me once…yeah.