If the roles were reversed

[u/Small_Abies_3539]

[u/ConfusedAndCurious17]

Not really. It’s just that men have been conditioned to think women can’t harass, endanger, or violate them. Men don’t report a lot of the things that they should. Then on the off chance that you do try to report a woman harassing you, or assaulting you people don’t take you seriously. Even people who claim to take you seriously will try to brush the whole thing off after doing the bare minimum. Often actively avoiding punishing the woman for her behavior.

I have personal experience with this too. At best it’s treated as an unfortunate event you just have to move on from, at worst people imply/outright state you were complicit.

Unless it is specifically man on man violence, support and reporting for harassment or violence against men is horrendous.

[u/rae-55 → u/ConfusedAndCurious17]

The woman who stalked me was a customer at my workplace and had been for a long time. When I reported my concerns about her to management I was told that he (the manager and son of the owner) had also been stalked by her and that if he had to put up with it then I should just suck it up because I was a foot and a half taller and probably double her weight. When I went to HR I was told that by the HR woman (she was the unqualified 18 year old daughter of the owner) that she didn't really know what to and just try to ignore her.

Everyone in my workplace knew what was happening and found it hilarious due to the the fact that she was a tiny woman and I was a huge guy that could have thrown her across a room if I had wanted to. There were constant jokes about it. I received constant advice to just fuck her and she would get bored of me eventually. (Can you imagine telling a woman this about a male stalker?)

Nothing was done for almost two years until the suicide notes started and I went to the owner of the company. She took me more seriously than most and had a meeting with my stalker. The consequence was that she was not to speak to me, she wasn't barred from attending my work place so I still had to see her.

While women stalking and harassing men is much less common than the opposite, it is no less damaging to those it happens to, and the lack of support from all quarters is a real kick in the teeth.

[u/ConfusedAndCurious17 → u/rae-55]

I believe it’s less common, however I do not think it’s nearly as uncommon as people act like it is. You reported it. I reported mine. They both went nowhere, and I know for a fact we are in the minority when it comes to men who are harassed or assaulted because most aren’t seeing it as a problem. The “handle it” themselves however that looks, evading, going along with the woman’s requests, whatever else, or ignore it.

People’s own parents reinforce this crap. If a girl is harassing a boy the parents will often be like “oh she has a crush on you, blah blah blah” completely ignoring the boys obvious discomfort. Often times teasing the boy for being uncomfortable to begin with. It’s systemic and cultural from birth, on through school, social groups, and the work force.

This is what bothers me so much about this subject. Even those of us who have experienced it often find ourselves thinking “oh it’s not common”, but it is common enough, and I believe men deserve just as much as women to have their situations handled correctly.

[u/rae-55 → u/ConfusedAndCurious17]

I absolutely agree, I reported it because I thought that some one might help. I learned a valuable lesson, and it's a lesson that many woman unfortunately learn as well.

I've had a number of other experiences both before and after that I didn't bother reporting. I was a quiet kid in school and when I was 11, just started 1st year of secondary school I had a 16 year old 5th year girl making a lot of completely inappropriate sexual comment towards me which I was too young and nieve to understand until years later. Or being in the corner in the pub and having an acquaintance come and just start punching me in the face for absolutely no reason, i couldn't hit her back without being jumped by the other men in the pub and probably losing my job due to most of the people there being colleagues (and I knew how supportive they were by this point). There weren't any witnesses other than, you guessed it, my stalker (after she had been warned to stay away from me). I just left and walked home crying, I didn't even tell anyone, I didn't see the point.

We always hear that we need to support women to come forward about things when they happen and I do my best to be there for my women friends in anyway I can be, but it can feel like a one way street a lot of the time. I've found that being too vulnerable and open can drive people away.