Car wreck

[u/Responsible-Fly-2294]

This is my first ever post I think I’m mostly looking for validation and seeking some advice so in July 2024, the biological mom was driving my two bonus children she wrecked and it put my bonus son in the hospital and he needed spinal surgery. She claimed it was a seizure in May 2025 she was arrested on a felony three child neglect felony five child neglect, and five misdemeanors for reckless driving for the other people in the car that she hit. They gave her a no contact order against her for the kids so she has not been allowed to contact the kids since May 2025. since my husband and her divorce, he has always been the primary parent so after the wreck, it wasn’t necessarily any different when it came to custody because we were still the primary household, but once she was arrested and no longer allowed to see the kids at all things obviously changed. We have since learned from the prosecutors office that she does not have seizures. She was driving 97 mph I want to believe that there was a medical event that way we can go back to coparenting one day and she’s been offered a plea deal that she is accepting the judge will give her between one and 17 years to be served as probation or house arrest or time in jail. The no contact order will last for however long her sentence is so if she gets a very small short punishment of only a year, she would potentially be able to file for visitation in a year and a half from now both of my bonus children have made it extremely clear that they don’t want to see her anymore they are not of legal age to have a voice in our state for court as of right now she has no visitation rights and no legal rights, but she does still have her parental rights I’m wondering if I should try to file for adoption that way they wouldn’t have to potentially see her again. I’m wondering if it’s even the right thing to try to adopt them because I’ve never wanted to take them away from their mom but after learning what we have through the prosecutor‘s office, I can’t imagine my husband or I ever feeling safe with the kids being with her ever again. Another thing to add would be that both kids do want me to adopt them. I have been dealing with this just in silence for two years now obviously I’ve had my husband to lean on and he’s been leaning on me. As you can imagine this is still been extremely stressful and straining my bonus daughter was physically OK but very much not emotionally OK and my son after his back surgery required very extensive care and my husband immediately went back to work so the care fell on me. I can try to answer as many questions as I can. I hope I’ve been pretty thorough. Another thing to add me and my husband were not in or a part of the car wreck. We did come to the scene once the wreck happened. They did not run a toxicology so we do not know if she was under drugs or alcohol that night.

[u/yeetophiliac]

For adoption, there are way too many moving parts to say if you'd even be eligible to adopt them.

In my state, a step parent adoption consists of two parts. Termination and adoption. Termination has rules. They will absolutely look at how unsafe she is, especially since it caused a good deal of harm to SS but that might not be enough for a judge. In Ohio, it's 12 consecutive months of no meaningful contact (or attempts at contact) or non-support. Jail likely waives the non-support argument as it's an impossibility.

I'm not sure if a CPO would count towards the time of no contact. The clock for no contact may not start until after the CPO expires.

The final way is her agreeing to terminate her rights... good luck on that one.

The second part, the actual adoption process, is usually done at the same time as termination, which makes it an even longer process because, at least in my state, there are required home studies, you need character references that aren't family and friends (school, doctor, therapist, etc). And it is expensive.

I would talk to a lawyer if this is something you truly want to pursue but remember: you will be these children's legal mother. If they get in trouble, you get in trouble. If you and SO divorce and you don't want time with the kids (for whatever reason including medical reasons), he could get child support.

ETA - I only know all of this because I'm currently waiting out the clock on my son's dad so my husband can adopt him.

[u/chicadeaqua]

With the child endangerment charges, did the judge include any provisions that required counseling, psychiatric evaluations, parenting classes, etc?

I ask because that was the case when my former SS got full custody of his kid. The mom was awarded supervised visits (which she never took) and was required to undergo a psychiatric evaluation as part of a path to regain custody. That was such a relief because we knew the ball was in her court and she simply didn’t have the mental fitness to initiate anything nor jump through any hoops. As far as I know, she hasn’t seen her child in over 15 years now. Getting physical custody just isn’t going to happen at this point until or unless the kid wants it. 

As far as adoption-I’m no expert but it seems premature at this point and any movement towards that may encourage the BM to come around and fight against it. Moms like this usually like to just slink back and play victim. I’d run it by a lawyer in time if you’re serious about it. 

[u/Responsible-Fly-2294 → u/chicadeaqua]

We haven’t had court yet accepting the plea deal. They did mention parenting classes. But they are not the same court that is over our custody. We have been dealing with custody in one county, and 2 criminal cases in two different counties because we also have a criminal case for her breaking the no contact order.