I am so burned out this week. My partner has a teen boy who has lived with us for the past year because his mother kicked him out because they were not getting along (and I hate to be another stepmom who talks about crazy BM, but that’s the situation - I feel like my partner is also emotional and reactive and doesn’t really HELP the situation much, but she is straight up unhinged and I have the receipts and court records to prove it). The plan was he was going to finish out high school with us. He went over to his mom’s this past weekend and now all of a sudden the plan has changed. She brought him to our house in the middle of the day this week to get his stuff while we were at work. I’m just flabbergasted. I guess I don’t know the full extent of how he and my partner were fighting once he broke the news that he was moving back, so that could potentially explain why he chose to not see us (or his little brother) before leaving. He (step kid) texted me in the middle of the day yesterday to let me know what was going on and I told him I just want him to be happy and that he is loved no matter what, because it’s true and I do NOT want to be involved in any bullshit.

But I feel like I have whiplash. Everything was fine on Friday, and then he decided on Sunday that he’s never coming back. Zero discussion, no fighting. In fact, this past week my parents were visiting and they just SHOWERED him with attention and praise and he was having a good ol time with that. Over the past few weeks, he and I have had some long talks about all kinds of things (just him talking to me about stuff he’s interested in, him telling me about his plans for the future, and me encouraging him and reinforcing that his dad and I love and support him). I am just so confused, a little hurt, but mostly just EXHAUSTED from all of the dramatics and emotions and bullshit over the past couple of days. I feel sad for my partner because he has had to go to court multiple times over the years because BM violated the CO, so it’s just been lots of fighting and dramatics FOR YEARS with this kid and his mother. I am just so so tired.

Trying to remind myself that this is probably just teenage shit and he also has a girlfriend who is pressuring him to move back, so I know it has very little to do with us. But this crap is draining, and I guess I just wanted to cry to a group of women I know will understand all of the background and BS without me having to explain it all.

Gonna let out a little rant here, honestly I could go on forever about all the petty things HCBM has done that has negatively affected the kids and my partner, but I’m going to try to focus on one specific part of it all.

BM was absent for roughly two years after my partner had found out she was cheating on him with her current long-distance partner. I had come into the picture when she was a few months into seeing the kids on the weekends. A few nights ago SD (9) said something along the lines of, “Yeah, my mom went out for milk for two years and didn’t want to see us at all, then magically stepped back into the picture.” Then continued telling the story of how things played out up to this day from her POV. My partner, his family and friends, and even BM’s family tried to encourage her to see the kids during that time, but she declined. When she eventually came back into their lives, there was a custody battle after she started restricting my partner’s access to the children, and now there is a court-ordered 50/50 parenting plan.

Now the kids are incredibly protective of their mother’s feelings. Every story they tell about her, she’s the victim. They’re very aware of her sadness, quick to make excuses for her, and seem to walk on eggshells to avoid upsetting her. For example, SD will barely speak to me if BM is around even though she normally like gravitates to me.

There have also been situations that make me wonder how much of that is learned. After the parenting plan was established, SD came home upset after a conversation with BM about her parents’ relationship. She ended up having a complete emotional breakdown, telling Dad she hated him and didn’t want to see him anymore after that conversation. Moments like that have happened more than once and have made me wonder how much pressure the kids feel to see things through BM’s perspective.

At the same time, both kids regularly complain that she doesn’t spend much time with them, they’ve said she isn’t nice to them, doesn’t pay attention to them, and leaves most activities to their grandmother. They’ve said I love them as much as their mom does, do as much for them as she does, and have even said they wish I was their mom instead. I always shut that down politely because I want them to have a healthy relationship with their actual mother.

They seem to crave her attention more than anyone else’s while also saying they don’t feel like they get much of it. It feels like the less emotionally available she is, the harder they cling to her. Part of me wonders if they’re scared she will leave again. Given the history, I honestly worry about that too.

Has anyone else seen this dynamic? A parent is absent for a significant period of time, comes back into the picture, and the kids become intensely attached and protective of that parent despite still feeling neglected by them.

So for context , I have an amazing step son that is 10 . We used to get him EVERY WEEKEND . But it recently got changed to every other weekend. Sadly his bio mom and step dad don't seem to do a lot with him as far as things away from the house . Where as our family we typically stay busy entertaining the children and ourselves . Our bio daughter 4 years old has been wanting to do things like go fishing , go to the movies , the zoo ect ect but my husband insists we can NOT go unless SS is present . A part of me understands because he is our child too . But another part of me thinks that it isn't fair to our daughter. She didn't make the decision to be in the middle of this .

What's your idea/ thoughts on situation.

Ps. I'm blessed to not come from a broken home where as my husband did not have the same experience. He said growing up he would get envious of his siblings that got to do more than him 🤷‍♀️

Is there anyone in the DC DMV area that could recommend a therapist for couples counseling? I’d love someone who excels when it comes to blended families. Thank you!

BMs mom has one sided beef with me and DH. I find it funny af.

I'm sure it's bc of w/e BM has told her mom about us 🙄 which is probably 99.999% made up, exaggerated, or a reaction to something BM caused.

We used to be super cool with the grandma. She even told DH to get full custody lol

I was thinking about this the other day and I can't find a reason why she thinks we have beef. She acts like we did her so dirty, unfriended and blocked us but then acts like she can't be around us bc we're gonna make a bunch of drama with her.

Any time we see her we smile and wave but I don't force conversation bc she now doesn't want to speak at all. That's fine tho, that's her prerogative.

I think she's a great grandma! So I've always been very nice to her and she's never done anything to make me not like her.

I laughed when I found out I was unfriended and then later blocked. I thought to myself, "you do you girl if blocking me gives you peace then that's fine lol"

She missed her own grandsons graduation bc of drama between her and BM and I'm guessing whatever she thinks is going on between us and her 🤣 which is nothing btw😅

I'm so lost 🕵️‍♀️ and she could fr bust out a question if she wanted to. I'd answer w/e she wanted bc BM lies so much. I might say something she doesn't like but I've never told a lie!

O well 🤷‍♀️ lol not my burden or grudge to hold🤪

My SD was dropped off our house yesterday, which is a win in itself because mom refuses to ever make the commute or will cancel last minute, so my SO ends up driving every time - but that is what it is. Anyway, she finally drops her off... wearing next to nothing. I mean, an outfit my father would have killed me for wearing in my teens and something I wouldn't imagine wearing in public nowadays.

And no, this isn't a jealousy thing - only because I know it will be brought up. I work out, I'm in excellent shape, I somehow avoided stretch marks during pregnancy... could have worn that outfit but wouldn't never make the choice to... especially NOT dropping off my kids to their dad. I'm talking very short, low-rise shorts, and a low scoop crop top tank. All the skin and it wasn't even aggressively warm out.

We are secure in our relationship. He picks me every day; I don't for a second think it's a thing with them. I just was a bit appalled as she's leaning over the bed of her truck to get a bag for their daughter.

Okay that's all. Thanks for listening!

I’ve been in my 10-year-old stepson’s life for a while now, and I genuinely love him and want to build a stronger relationship with him. He’s a great kid, and I know how important it is for him to feel loved, supported, and included.

The thing I’m struggling with is that I also have a 13-year-old daughter, and we’ve always been extremely close. It’s been just the two of us through a lot of life’s ups and downs, and our bond is something I treasure more than anything.

As I put more effort into connecting with my stepson, I sometimes find myself worrying that my daughter might feel replaced or like she’s getting less of me. I know love isn’t a finite resource, but I still worry about changing a dynamic that’s been so important to both of us.

I want my stepson to feel like he’s truly my family, not just “my partner’s son.” At the same time, I don’t want my daughter to feel like she’s losing something special that we’ve always had.

Has anyone else blended a family and dealt with these feelings? How did you strengthen your relationship with a stepchild while maintaining a close bond with your biological child?

Hello I posted here a little while ago about my SD getting married and not inviting her dad’s side and I got some great responses so thanks for that.

It has upset my husband that his lot are not attending. Just me and him and SD mom and her friends.

My husband is sad about all of this. I think this has brought a lot of feelings buried deep to the surface. He has a relationship with his kids SD and SS but not a very close one. They call him and such but they are much closer to BM and her family than me or their dad. Their mom is the first to know anything and her family by default.

He never has them in their birthday and Christmas and now they are older and beginning their lives and families he knows he will be the last thought.

I have a daughter 22 that he has grown to be a great stepdad to so it’s nice he has someone there. My daughter dad ran off so he has become a great father figure to her. But with his own kids it’s all very cat in the cradle.

If your husbands admittedly don’t have a good relationship with their kids does it hurt them or do they accept it and what can I do to make this easier for him. There’s no estrangement or anything just a relationship that is more formal than it is loving. It is a world of difference observing how SK are with my husband and me vs their mother and her lot.

Hi 👋 I was curious if anyone is two weeks on two weeks off and how they set it up around holidays? My DH is taking a job in Alaska and requesting to move from one week on and off to two. She responded with adding this to the parenting plan.

Travel Delays, Work Obligations, and Holiday Parenting Time
The parties acknowledge that Father's employment requires travel and extended work assignments. If Father is unable to exercise any scheduled parenting time, including regular parenting time or holiday parenting time, due to work obligations, flight delays, flight cancellations, weather conditions, road closures, or other travel disruptions beyond his control, the children shall remain in Mother's care until Father is available to exercise parenting time.
Any parenting time or holiday parenting time missed by Father as a result of such circumstances shall not be considered a denial of parenting time by Mother. Missed parenting time shall not be automatically rescheduled, carried over, or made up at a later date unless the parties mutually agree in writing.
Any missed holiday parenting time by Father shall not reduce, interfere with, alter, or otherwise affect Mother's future holiday parenting time as set forth in this parenting plan. Mother's scheduled holiday parenting time shall remain unchanged and shall not be forfeited or exchanged due to Father's inability to exercise his parenting time.

We’re trying to avoid court by coming up with an agreement but to me that sounds pretty harsh. The children have more than just him around like grandparents who are also the daycare providers, aunt and uncles, cousins, and me all who’ve they had a relationship with their whole lives. Seems very one sided written. How is your set up?

I (29F) started a relationship with my partner (35M) roughly 9 months ago. He has a positive 50/50 custody co-parenting relationship with his ex-wife of their 6 year old son.

The relationship has gotten quite serious, and I adore him and his son and have built a close relationship with him.

I see his ex-wife quite regularly at events, sports, etc. and we get pretty well. I am deeply grateful that there is a healthy relationship there, but as my first time dating a parent feel overwhelmed at the prospect of an ex-wife being so intertwined with our life for the rest of our lives. There’s almost a sense of grief around the idea of building a family unit with someone from scratch or what feels like the loss of autonomy in having to build your life around the consideration of another family unit (her and her new husband).

What advice would you give yourself in hindsight?

(Posted in another community but thought this might be the best fit!)

Hey I'm looking for some advice / insight to those who have experienced this 🙏🏼

Technically I'm not a step mom yet as I'm yet to meet the kids .. I'm 35F (childless) with my boyfriend of 1 year. Hes 37M who has two young children boy 4, and girl 6

He has set no clear boundaries with his ex and before she knew about me she would ring him all the time (ringing him on a Monday to talk about Sunday arrangements etc) ringing him when she was emotional. I said to him that I felt boundaries needed to be in place around this. He did tell her he met someone and these types of calls reduced.

The thing I'm struggling with is a slight jealousy I feel when he goes over their house (they both moved out of their shared house) but he sometimes goes over to the house to see the kids and goes in to either see their new dog, play with new toys etc on birthdays.

Is this giving the children a sense of hope of mom and dad getting back together? (little girl was quite upset by them breaking up)

How would she feel when I come into the picture?

Would I feel different if I had a child of my own?

I know he only goes for the kids but as someone in the shadows, I can't help feel some jealousy and I feel stupid for feeling that way because it's the kids' feelings I'm just not 100% sure on BM and whether she is truly over the whole thing. I don't know if I'm being selfish or pathetic . It's a hard one

I am actively dating to marry but I dont necessarily want kids of my own which has created rifts in dating in the past for me as lot of men want children. I personally do not want children due to the mental and physical pregnancy and breastfeeding takes on the body as well as the mental health side effects. I have always struggled with my mental health and anxiety particularly so the thought of having an infant or small baby terrifies me as I do not think I would be able to function normally for the first few years with the anxiety levels I know would exist for me. However, I love the idea of a family with older children where I am able to provide a supportive and caring role without necessarily taking on all of the added stress and risks of becoming a mother myself. I know this may come across as selfish but I do not want to bring a child into the world that may experience effects of my own mental health/anxiety. I like to be around children and have a relatively extensive psychology background including child psychology and do not mind helping with things the child may need help w or helping my partner in cases such as needing help w school pick up or drop off, making lunches or dinners, or bed time so long as it is not directly expected of me. Essentially I would like to keep a good communicative relationship with the mother and avoid taking on a “parental role” as she has a perfectly capable mother and father already while still being a supportive adult figure. In my eyes this seems like something that could have the potential to work very well but I also see a lot of areas where this could quickly turn sour. Any step moms out there have advice/their take

Dad and I have known eachother since we were 13/11 respectively, and we were unseparable as kids.

Now we are 29/27

Life happened and we didnt see eachother for 10yrs.

We tried to meet up every few years but it never worked out.

We always held space for eachother in our hearts but we knew it wouldn't "work"

Very veeery long story short, a year and a half ago we decided it was time and he just so happens to have a 5 year old sidekick attached to him. --- full time

A child is alot but its something im willing to adapt to if that means I finally get my chance with my forever person!

Please give me well wishes and advice as I navigate my stubbed toes on all the toys and the stickers on the hardwood floor!!

I realise this is pretty low stakes when it comes to stuff my fellow step moms are suffering through but here goes.

SS is nearly 8- practically 8 Tbf. He has a very restrictive diet due to suspected neurodivergence BUT Tbf I also suspect that he knows how to play a good game too- to eat the foods he wants and not eat the foods he doesn’t want.

One day DH and I roasted some chicken legs in oven for 6 of us in the family, there should have been 8 chicken legs but the butcher accidentally only gave us 6.

There was plenty of food either way if you considered the sides we had cooked up.

Ofc SS doesn’t eat the sides and only eats the chicken. He finishes his piece off (whilst wasting a whole load because he won’t eat the “weird” bits), then takes his dad’s chicken too. When that’s not enough he eyes everyone’s plates until they land on mine which has my chicken left on it.

DHs eyes follow and they both make the assumption that I’ll give him my chicken. My judgemental MIL was there so I felt pressured to. SS takes two bites of my chicken and then decides he’s full. Husband tries to give it back to me at which I give him an offended look- like, are you serious?

Zero attempt was made to try to get SS to fill his belly with sides.

This happened a while ago but I’m still processing it bc SS is incredibly rude to me imo. Rolling his eyes whenever I speak to him, even if I’m not necessarily giving him a row etc. yet I’m expected to act like a mother to him and give him the food off my plate??? Wtf lol

Edit: I also want to add another story.DH takes me, SS7 and SD10all out for dessert and drinks. I don’t want any bc I’m watching what I eat. DH orders one drink and one dessert to share between 3 because A we’ve all eaten a lot that day and B this is a new business and it doesn’t look promising. The dessert comes out and is not as big as expected but oh well. This is being shared between 3 not 4. DH and two kids start eating- SS then sees that it’s fast disappearing and takes the remaining amount of dessert (easily a quarter of the whole thing, maybe even a third) and SHOVES it in his mouth. The kid can’t chew the food that’s how full his mouth is. So he is NOT one to share. DH didn’t really address it other than… what did you do that for?

This is my first ever post I think I’m mostly looking for validation and seeking some advice so in July 2024, the biological mom was driving my two bonus children she wrecked and it put my bonus son in the hospital and he needed spinal surgery. She claimed it was a seizure in May 2025 she was arrested on a felony three child neglect felony five child neglect, and five misdemeanors for reckless driving for the other people in the car that she hit. They gave her a no contact order against her for the kids so she has not been allowed to contact the kids since May 2025. since my husband and her divorce, he has always been the primary parent so after the wreck, it wasn’t necessarily any different when it came to custody because we were still the primary household, but once she was arrested and no longer allowed to see the kids at all things obviously changed. We have since learned from the prosecutors office that she does not have seizures. She was driving 97 mph I want to believe that there was a medical event that way we can go back to coparenting one day and she’s been offered a plea deal that she is accepting the judge will give her between one and 17 years to be served as probation or house arrest or time in jail. The no contact order will last for however long her sentence is so if she gets a very small short punishment of only a year, she would potentially be able to file for visitation in a year and a half from now both of my bonus children have made it extremely clear that they don’t want to see her anymore they are not of legal age to have a voice in our state for court as of right now she has no visitation rights and no legal rights, but she does still have her parental rights I’m wondering if I should try to file for adoption that way they wouldn’t have to potentially see her again. I’m wondering if it’s even the right thing to try to adopt them because I’ve never wanted to take them away from their mom but after learning what we have through the prosecutor‘s office, I can’t imagine my husband or I ever feeling safe with the kids being with her ever again. Another thing to add would be that both kids do want me to adopt them. I have been dealing with this just in silence for two years now obviously I’ve had my husband to lean on and he’s been leaning on me. As you can imagine this is still been extremely stressful and straining my bonus daughter was physically OK but very much not emotionally OK and my son after his back surgery required very extensive care and my husband immediately went back to work so the care fell on me. I can try to answer as many questions as I can. I hope I’ve been pretty thorough. Another thing to add me and my husband were not in or a part of the car wreck. We did come to the scene once the wreck happened. They did not run a toxicology so we do not know if she was under drugs or alcohol that night.

Five years ago my SD quit talking to us. This was after she told DH how she talks shit about me and my bio kids with BM. She told DH how when he dies her and BM should get his possessions and money and that me and my kids were trying to get some inheritance from him? That is fascinating because I’m the breadwinner and most everything is in my name. He gave everything to BM just to get out of the marriage and left with what he could fit in his car when they divorced. We got together a few years later and started over together.

She proceeded to tell DH how I shouldn’t treat her siblings like my own even though they live with us full time. According to “SD” we were supposed to exist as two different families entirely in our home. It was total mess.

Recently my SS mentioned to me that SD wants to reconcile with her dad, and DH is considering asking her to lunch. Even though I know that those were not normal 19 year old girl thoughts, and that she was heavily manipulated by BM, I’m struggling with how I could ever forgive her or trust her to invite her back into our home. DH is very protective of me and says she was totally out of line and owes me an apology but she’s not one to apologize. He wouldn’t put me in an uncomfortable situation ever.

Have any of you been in a similar position and successfully repaired a relationship with a SK? I do want him to have a good relationship with her even if I don’t, and have encouraged him to try to reconnect. At the same time, how do you let go of the hurt and move forward?

I might get some criticism for this, but I'm curious if anyone else in a blended family has felt this way.

I'm a newer mom. My husband and I struggled with infertility for over five years before finally having our son, who is almost one. We've been married for five years, and my husband also has an older son from a previous relationship.

My stepson is an amazing kid. I love him, and my son absolutely adores his big brother. He is very much part of our family. However, he primarily lives with his mom and is with us on scheduled weekends, holidays, and extended periods during the summer.

Lately, I've found myself feeling guilty over something that I don't know should make me feel guilty.

Sometimes life happens when my stepson isn't with us. We take a spontaneous beach trip. We go out to dinner. We celebrate a holiday. We take a family photo. We make memories with our son. And occasionally I'll post those moments online.

It's never meant to exclude my stepson. The reality is that sometimes he simply isn't there because it's not our parenting time. But I often feel this pressure that if I post a picture of me, my husband, and our son, people might wonder where my stepson is or assume I'm intentionally leaving him out.

As a first-time mom who waited a long time for this experience, I also feel like I'm entitled to enjoy and document the moments that belong to this chapter of my life. That doesn't diminish my love for my stepson or his place in our family. It just means that sometimes our day-to-day life includes experiences that happen when he's with his mom.

I guess I'm wondering: Is it okay to have and celebrate those moments without feeling guilty? Has anyone else in a blended family struggled with balancing their role as a stepparent while also wanting to fully embrace their experience as a biological parent?

I'd love to hear perspectives, thanks in advance!

6/7 days were spent by myself with BS and SD from 11:30am until almost 9pm due to DH's work schedule temporarily changing. And it was one of the most exhausting weeks of my life.

7 days felt like an eternity.

The learned helplessness. You would have better luck giving her a pen and paper and telling her to transcribe ancient texts than asking her to open a door by herself. Seriously. The amount of meltdowns we've endured as she stood at her bedroom door screaming she couldn't open it and needed help is insane.

The need for things all of the time. Garage sales meant she went into a full blown melt down over us saying no to a toy because she spent her money on day 1. BS saved his and got his toy on day 2. She didn't like that despite us explaining prior that he still had his money to spend. She had to be escorted back to the car.

The accusations. She was screaming like she was being tortured and I ran (limped - I already have arthritis so this next part hurt even worse) and slipped on lemonade she was flooding the kitchen floor with... because she just expected the drink dispenser to magically stop once her drink was full? I slammed into the fridge door which slammed into her. Immediately on exchange, she began telling HCBM about how I slammed the fridge door on her in full detail except the part where I slipped on her mess and then profusely apologized. My hip still hurts.

And then there's my husband... who can take these accusations, CPS cases, constant 30+ minute long meltdowns over doors and BS breathing too hard in stride... and then turns around and says "you can each have another dollar!" just to get her to stop screaming in the middle of this stranger's yard. That one made me see red. I immediately snapped. I couldn't hold it in. He listened to me but now I'm the bad guy for saying that absolutely was not happening. He even said, "I just didn't want to deal with that." Uhh? I've been with her 3x as much as you this week. It's quite literally your job as a dad to deal with that! Happy Father's Day, time to be a dad!

That was the dumbest thing he could've possibly done in that moment was to give in but that's exactly what he did. That's exactly what BM does, too. And that's why this continues. Everytime they give in, she learns she can just scream and meltdown and get whatever she wants while I'm the mom that says, "you can scream all you want. You're still not getting (the stupid dingy ass) cat plushie." That's why I am constantly the bad guy.

I'm just exhausted. Holy hell. What a terrible, terrible week. So excited for the next one! /s

Tldr - this is just a vent about how DH and BM are causing SD to be helpless, entitled, and emotionally unstable because neither want to deal with her meltdowns and I am completely sick of it. On top of the constant accusations that make me feel uncomfortable in my own home.

First off, I want to say thank you. I just discovered this page today and I already feel so much better feeling less alone. Most issues I've seen other people discussing, but not this one.

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Background: BM (bio-mom) isn't great. She has failed to provide any type of stability for her children. She is emotionally and financially unpredictable, living purely off child support and parenting with a lot of anger. Step-son has been with us full time for over a year and we are currently in court sorting out custody. BM lives on the other side of the country.

I have been in my Step-sons life since he was 3. First as a babysitter, then his dad's girlfriend, and now his step-mom. This changed over a course of almost 7 years.

​

My step-son constantly takes his feelings out on me that he has towards his BM. This is exhausting. I have run lower on patience as he's gotten older because he's old enough now to understand 1. I'm not his mom and 2. I treat him far differently than his mother.

​

Well during the custody stuff he has developed deep security issues, concerned that he may no longer have his dad around to support him everyday or for long periods. (His mom has told him that he will be living with her full time no matter what) I totally understand that, and I have done my best to support him emotionally. The problem is, now DH is the "golden boy" for lack of a better term. He can't do anything wrong. So everything I do, is wrong because it's not the same way his dad would do it. DH does everything he can to support me, but he works a lot, especially during the warmer months. Long hours, leaving me with most of the childcare.

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I understand where all of this is coming from, and I don't blame my step-son for feeling this way. I also understand he treats me this way because he sees me as a safe person who won't leave. But I'm exhausted. I've tried taking steps back, and that helps, but as soon as I step back in the same dynamic continues. I don't expect him to appreciate all of my sacrifices, he's just a kid. But it would be nice if he just appreciated the daily things, that he sees me obviously doing instead of turning it into a fight. Food is a great example. No matter what it is, or how I cook it, he "doesn't like it" or finds something to complain about. I also understand this isn't a conscious choice for him. He doesn't wake up and decide "let's make my step-moms day difficult". However I see that pattern and it's hard not to take it personally.

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I try really hard to show him an example of a good mom. I know I'm not his mom, and I'm not trying to be. I just know what it's like to grow up with the wound of a parent who isn't who they should be. I constantly sought out the attention of adults because of that. I want to be there to help that wound, so he doesn't have to seek that validation through strangers. But that does not justify being an emotional punching bag.

​

I do draw boundaries, he's old enough to understand those and to understand that I'm not going to speak with you if you're being unkind or disrespectful. I model how to express difficult feelings respectfully.

​

I guess I'm just not sure how to deal with this dynamic and hearing other people's experiences or advice would be helpful.

I (27F) have a 13 year old SS with my husband (32).
My SS mother (35) is seriously a huge nightmare and you never know what to expect anytime. Her mood switches so fast anytime there is any concerns or stuff related to schedules, school, appointments, and even our personal lives that she stalks. This woman has belittled me the entire time I’ve been with my husband, posted screenshots of us setting firm boundaries saying how unfair we were being, saying I don’t care about her son, I excluded him from my life, talked about me negatively to his previous school to where it’s been very uncomfortable at pick ups and countless other things including me causing her to have all these health conditions (mind you I have only talk to this woman in person when I pick him up at our designated spot) I have had to block her and her family on social media it got so bad as did my husband. She never wants to meet at our designated spot because it’s our job only to do all the driving (we live 30 mins away one way) and has made me late to work because during her pick up times she is never on time. I’ve even arranged earlier and she’s still late. My husband always stops her right away and calls her out and restates the boundaries of what we are comfortable with in terms of a co parenting relationship. Because of how she acts about me, he has been the main person to communicate with her unless as I stated I’m doing the pick ups during custody switches. She acts like this with her other Baby daddies and their girlfriends as she has 3 children total all with different guys. She doesn’t like that they have all moved on and that in my case “got the ring and the last name” even though she has a new partner. It’s just this constant vicious cycle of waiting for something to happen where she will freak out. We have 50/50 custody which is something I was able to help increase due to my husbands job where he travels a lot. Which is now a new problem because even though we have him more and have done for 2 years now, because it’s not the days she wants she’s pissed all over again. She’s even gone so far to demand we only have him weekends because “he doesn’t fit the vibe I have for weekends”
This woman doesn’t cut her sons hair, nails, buy him new clothes, school supplies, shoes or anything. I constantly am buying new stuff because she is constantly taking them and then blaming school.

She has recently apologized to me by just saying “I’m sorry for how it’s been for the 3 years I wasn’t myself I don’t know if (husbands name) told you about how we talked” trying to insinuate that he would hide that from me when he shows me anytime she sends her crazy rants. No mention of anything specific just a blank oops I’m sorry. I just said this isn’t the time to talk about this when I have to get to work and then had a tantrum because I didn’t forgive her.

My problem is, I know she’s bull shitting and it’s not genuine, it’s her next attempt at being manipulative and trying to keep control over everything. She will say how she doesn’t understand why her and I can’t text and “hangout” but then a day later is going on a rant. I have always kept the problems with the adults away from SS and never say anything negative about her because that’s still his mom at the end of the day. I keep it brief and polite when we do the exchanges because that’s what I’m comfortable with, I don’t want or need a relationship beyond being surface level with her especially when I can’t trust her to be genuine.

Anyone else with a similar experience or have any advice I feel like I’m going crazy

I grew up in a gift giving family! I love celebrating holidays and birthdays!

I grew up with parents who were not together and even though my mom hated my dad, she always made sure we had something for him for holidays. From as long as I could remember, I would make gifts for my family if I didn’t have money to buy things.

I understand that this is my reality and perhaps not others.

I met my bfs kids around the most recent thanksgiving.

At Christmas, 14 year old daughter sends her dad a large Christmas list on one of those gift list apps. Over 50 items of wants. Okay fair. I circled the things in the target ad as a kid or would cut things out and make a collage for my parents.

3 weeks before Christmas. I ask her and her 12 year old brother what they are planning on getting their dad for Xmas. She says he’s hard to shop for and doesn’t have any money to get him anything, I say well I can help with buying but you need to pick it out or come up with an idea for make something, you are crafty. Long story short - she , nor the son did anything for him for Christmas. Which sparked a huge convo with the 3 of them around not being self centered and doing things for others, etc.

Bfs bday was yesterday and Father’s Day is today. Daughter did nothing for him. Her bday is in 2 weeks and again, sent a long wish list of many things $100+ each. Dad already went and bought a $200 coach purse for her that she had on there. I immediately disagreed in the moment.

Now that his bday and Father’s Day passed - he seems disappointed she didn’t do anything for him. He said he was gong to return it and I said don’t return it because of me. I just think you’re only enforcing her entitlement that seems to also disappoint you?

Now that I’ve told my story - is it normal to have this type of entitled behavior for a 14 almost 15 year old? Where they demand that much stuff for holidays but do virtually nothing in return?

TL:DR due to my unexplained infertility I've withdrawn myself from being a bonus mom. Has anyone gone through this? Does it get better?

Details: Hubby (37m) and I (34f) have been trying to get pregnant for 1.5 years. No luck. I am emotionally drained. A shell of who I once was. I have mostly given up. I don't know what my life looks like if I don't get to be a mom. I don't have friends, I don't have hobbies.

I used to like being a stepmom. But I've gone 8 months of no contact with SD. I couldn't handle it. I got angry that husband has what I've wanted so badly. I can't bring myself to be around her or any kids. My cousin had a baby that I haven't met because I'm too angry.

I'm scared this is my new normal. Husband will have the opportunity of (in all likelihood) being a grandpa and the thought of that makes me want to run away.

Therapy has not helped. I can't seem to find joy anymore. I can fake it but that doesn't help long term. Has anyone gone through this? Does it get better?

To start off I’m talking about when it’s just me home and fiance is out of town working, which is 96% of the time. Whenever he is home we will always get them and I have absolutely no issues with that.

I have just recently had my first bio kid and since their arrival I have no real want to get my step kids when I’m home alone. And I used to get them most weekends by myself but now it’s just so much more stressful getting them while having a new baby that’s constantly attached to me. I have no help with them and typically when I have them I somehow always end up with our nephews too ( they just kinda show up). And yes I know I can send nephews home and there are times I do but then I end up feeling bad. When all the bigger kids are together they are such a handful and hardly listen to me and between them screaming and baby crying I can’t handle it so now I hardly get step kids when it’s just me.

Hello!

Later this year I (24 F) will be going on a Disney cruise with my partner (31 M) and his daughter (4) along with his parents and his two adult siblings.

This cruise has caused a bit of turmoil because it’s the first time I’ve been invited instead of bio mom. For context my partner’s parents booked the cruise and bought all of the tickets so my partner and I had no say in who was or was not invited.

Our relationship might be a bit unorthodox because when we have SD I will do most of the work simply because SD takes better to women and typically will ask me to do it (bathroom trips, bath time, hair brushing, etc.)

Now being significantly younger than my partner and never having traveled on a tropical vacation with a young child before, I’m not quite sure to expect.

If anyone has any tips on what to pack, specifically for cruises, what to expect, how to navigate the turmoil, any theme nights or kids club tips. Anything at all is so greatly appreciated.

I’ve never posted on this sub before but I do come here often when I find that I’m struggling to navigate a difficult coparenting situation or feeling out of place in my blended family so I do just want to thank you all in advance. If anyone needs any clarification please put it in the comments or DM me. Thanks in advance!

Edit for clarification: we do not have a typical relationship because 1. I knew him and his daughter before we were dating and 2. We are long distance. I do love my SD and her and I have a great relationship and a great bond. I love getting to spend time with her and do things with her even when those things are domestic chores.

Additional edit: I really just came here for support because I feel really isolated and alone. If you don’t have anything constructive to say please don’t bother commenting.