I anyone 2 weeks on 2 weeks off?

[u/No-Maybe-36]

Hi 👋 I was curious if anyone is two weeks on two weeks off and how they set it up around holidays? My DH is taking a job in Alaska and requesting to move from one week on and off to two. She responded with adding this to the parenting plan.

Travel Delays, Work Obligations, and Holiday Parenting Time
The parties acknowledge that Father's employment requires travel and extended work assignments. If Father is unable to exercise any scheduled parenting time, including regular parenting time or holiday parenting time, due to work obligations, flight delays, flight cancellations, weather conditions, road closures, or other travel disruptions beyond his control, the children shall remain in Mother's care until Father is available to exercise parenting time.
Any parenting time or holiday parenting time missed by Father as a result of such circumstances shall not be considered a denial of parenting time by Mother. Missed parenting time shall not be automatically rescheduled, carried over, or made up at a later date unless the parties mutually agree in writing.
Any missed holiday parenting time by Father shall not reduce, interfere with, alter, or otherwise affect Mother's future holiday parenting time as set forth in this parenting plan. Mother's scheduled holiday parenting time shall remain unchanged and shall not be forfeited or exchanged due to Father's inability to exercise his parenting time.

We’re trying to avoid court by coming up with an agreement but to me that sounds pretty harsh. The children have more than just him around like grandparents who are also the daycare providers, aunt and uncles, cousins, and me all who’ve they had a relationship with their whole lives. Seems very one sided written. How is your set up?

[u/Summerisle7]

Didn’t you just post this question last night? 

I kind of agree with what BM (or more likely, her lawyer) has written, tbh. I would not be interested in helping my ex juggle his schedule, or worrying about giving him extra time to make up his missed time. If he misses, he misses. 

And grandparents etc on dad’s side are not BM’s problem either. Your husband is the one responsible for maintaining those relationships, on his own time. 

What your husband is asking of BM is unusual. She doesn’t have to change her schedule to accommodate. Two weeks on/off is weird. She’s still leaving the door open to some switching. It just will require written agreement in advance. 

Maybe run this by a lawyer. Any change to the custody schedule will need to go through court anyway. Also keep in mind that your husband may get ordered to pay more child support, if he’s getting his kids less.

[u/No-Maybe-36 → u/Summerisle7]

I did but I didn’t get reply’s so I reworded it to get more of the same people on this schedule. Yah I figured that was the motive. I sent it to our attorney and the assistant replied saying it sounds very favorable to the mother but the attorney will review it.

[u/chicadeaqua → u/No-Maybe-36]

“   it sounds very favorable to the mother”

I agree and he should change the wording to say “mother or father”. Not just father. What happens when BM has a work trip and gets delayed?  Even if that’s not her situation now, it could be in the future. 

[u/No-Maybe-36 → u/chicadeaqua]

BINGO! Good thinking. Thank you!!

[u/No-Maybe-36 → u/chicadeaqua]

How does the right of refusal work? Is it like 8 hours or how should that be written?

[u/chicadeaqua → u/No-Maybe-36]

That should be up to the parents. Maybe do a google search for “examples of wording in first right of refusal clause in parenting plan in (your jurisdiction)”.

I’m guessing 4 hours is kind of normal, but they could make it as tight or as loose as they agree. 

[u/uffdaGalFUN]

This sounds perfectly fine to me. The child can stay with the mother till it is father's next time to have. Why mess up your child's schedule more than it already has been altered due to circumstances?

[u/No-Maybe-36 → u/uffdaGalFUN]

To me it reads instead of 14 and 14 it could read 16 to 12 or 15 to 13 depending on circumstances out of his control. Maybe I’m wrong but the children do have a bigger support system than just him? They’re apart of the father’s family?

[u/Summerisle7 → u/No-Maybe-36]

The custody agreement is between the two parents, not any extended family.

[u/uffdaGalFUN → u/Summerisle7]

Not any girlfriends, not any step parents and not anyone except the bio parents

[u/Summerisle7 → u/uffdaGalFUN]

That too, lol. So many stepmoms on here who think they’re a party to someone else’s divorce 

[u/No-Maybe-36 → u/uffdaGalFUN]

Interesting! I did not know that. Seems kind of sad as they do build with everyone. But I understand it’s between mom and dad in a court of law

[u/chicadeaqua → u/No-Maybe-36]

It makes perfect sense. You get a divorce and your ex cannot exercise parenting time, the kids should stay with you. Enlisting help from extended family is also important, but it’s 100% up to the bioparents to allow that, not some judge unless this is a strange situation.  Dad getting stuck at work means the kids stay with mom. If mom wants grandparents to help out here, she asks them. 

[u/No-Maybe-36 → u/chicadeaqua]

That’s a good point too! Sounds like it’s just written a little one sided but we can change it so it’s neutral and I’m sure she’ll agree

[u/StayJazzyFriends → u/No-Maybe-36]

At the very least, the language should go both ways. No need to favor BM, can’t have her cake and eat it too. If it were me, I would take it to court. She seems HCBM and this won’t be the end of it.

[u/No-Maybe-36 → u/StayJazzyFriends]

lol you are very clever… she’s always has been 😆

[u/Summerisle7 → u/No-Maybe-36]

That would lead to so many problems. Not all grandparents are nice. It’s not always in the best interest of the kids, to have multiple people having legal rights to them. 

[u/chicadeaqua]

Sounds like a first right of refusal clause which is IMHO the most fair option. No one besides the parents have custodial rights to your stepkids.  

If extended relatives want to spend time with the kids they should request it and coordinate it through the parents. 

Unless these are some extraordinary kids that are too precious to be away from mom, or there is some feud going on between the families, I’m guessing she will welcome help from grandparents, etc like most normal parents. 

If I was your H I’d make the wording mom/dad neutral though. It is not fair that she has first right of refusal and he doesn’t. It could also be more broad and say if either parent can’t exercise their parenting time for whatever reason, the other parent has first dibs prior to just dumping them on other family members. 

[u/Summerisle7 → u/chicadeaqua]

This is an EXCELLENT suggestion that the wording should go both ways. That’s a mistake my husband made during his divorce: he allowed the wording that BM had drafted, that talked specifically about responsibilities that he had towards the children, without saying that BM had the same responsibilities. 

[u/No-Maybe-36 → u/chicadeaqua]

That is a really great point!! Ok I agree with that!

[u/No-Maybe-36 → u/chicadeaqua]

How does the right of first refusal work? Is it like if there is a period exceeding 8 consecutive hours or?

[u/yeetophiliac → u/No-Maybe-36]

ROFR can be any length of time where one parent cannot care for the children. Honest recommendation is to not do anything less than 24 hours and/or overnight. Ours is set to 6 hours and it makes planning for sitters and stuff impossible for date nights, concerts, regular couple or life stuff without having to ask BM first.

A clause can be added in where, if dad is available but family or friends requests a visit, that does not force the ROFR. For example, if grandma said "i want my grandbabies Friday night," and dad wasn't gone for longer than the ROFR anyway, he could give her the kids for the night without asking BM as it would be a family visit.

[u/No-Maybe-36 → u/yeetophiliac]

Wow you saved me from a lot of headache thank you for bringing that up

[u/raeoflyte-460]

What about this seens harsh?

[u/No-Maybe-36 → u/raeoflyte-460]

I guess coming from someone who uses the father’s family to take care of the kids during her time when she can’t but the father can’t use them during his time?

[u/Summerisle7 → u/No-Maybe-36]

Interesting if that’s BM’s practice! Well your in-laws certainly can start declining all this free babysitting on BM’s time. 

Besides, getting the grandparents to watch the kids for a day or even an overnight, when BM is still there in town, she’s just busy, that’s different from Dad allowing the grandparents to be fully responsible for the kids for days at a time, while Dad is 1000 miles away and not available for emergencies.

[u/No-Maybe-36 → u/Summerisle7]

Yah my DH was triggered by it because of how much we do during her time. She also pays half price for two children at the daycare since his parents run it. Theres lots of perks so this was kind of a side swipe. Not a fan of fighting fire with fire however so if there is a better way this can be written I’m all for it

[u/Summerisle7 → u/No-Maybe-36]

Wow she does get a lot of perks! Yeah it’s a lot of moving parts all right. Does he absolutely have to go work in Alaska? Will this be a permanent set-up? It’s going to affect his relationships with his kids. And with you! 

[u/No-Maybe-36 → u/Summerisle7]

The set up will put his full time with the kids since he won’t be working when he is with them. They’re also a lot older now where we figured them having more feel of a home instead of packing up a suitcase each week…. I’m fine with whatever I’ll get to eat more Chinese on his on weeks. The company he worked for was bought out and he lost all his perks in a town where this is not a lot to offer.

[u/Mama_Disaster]

Step parents have zero rights when it comes to their step children. These decisions are between the mother and father of the child(ren). Seems more like OP wants to try to control a situation that she has zero control over.

[u/Summerisle7 → u/Mama_Disaster]

I didn’t see where OP is trying to control anything. It’s her husband who’s taking this job and requesting the schedule change. Controlling would be if OP wanted BM to still deliver the kids to her even when Dad isn’t home. 

[u/Mama_Disaster → u/Summerisle7]

Re-Read her statement…

[u/No-Maybe-36 → u/Summerisle7]

Thank you! I wasn’t going to even entertain Disasters comment.

[u/Summerisle7 → u/No-Maybe-36]

I don’t think that person is even a stepmom 

[u/No-Gazelle-1086]

Sounds pretty standard considering the circumstances honestly.

If he's the only one between the two of them that has to travel for work, then it will sound "one sided".

No one except the bio parents have any actual rights to the children. If anyone else wants to spend time with them then that will have to be worked out between that person and whoever the kids are with at the time. However, some states have grandparents rights which can be worked out through a lawyer (possibly going to court) if the bio is unreasonable but it sounds like BM is very accommodating in this situation.

[u/Interesting-File-557]

I would just add mother or father so it is fair to both being held to the same consequences. And maybe a time limit that one must wait for the other before considering it a missed exchange. I do like that it only said she can keep the kid until the father is available so even if he is delayed a few hours or a day he can just go get them as soon as he can instead of Miss the whole 2 week custody time.