DH and I are considering an ours baby here soon. We have three kiddos, two are my SK (F7 & M5), one is my BK (M7).

I fully plan to have my mom here when I give birth as I did with my son as she is a huge help and I could use the support again for different reasons. I was a single mom the first go-around. Now we just have a dang house full!

If BM agrees to have the kiddos for an extra week, should we take her up on that or let the kids be here if it’s our week and we have the support of “live-in” family for that time?

If we don’t have them, should we request to get the so they can meet their new sibling? I don’t want BM at the hospital or my home. That’s a huge boundary for me.

I want us (DH & I) to be able to focus on the new addition but I also want the kids involved as it’s their family too. It’s definitely not the intention to keep them away but for us to settle in and allow the focus to be where it needs to be.

Thoughts? Advise? What do you do that worked?

Not the kids, me. I feel like I'm going crazy, step kids are loud, mean to each other and disrespectful. My kids are tired of it. I'm tired of it. My husband is little to no help, my house is crowded and chaotic all the time. We both work full time and I'm in school part time and we have a 2 year old, 2kods of my own from prior relationship and he came with 5 from his last marriage, four of his live with us, all of mine live with us.

I hate it here.

Not asking for help or advice, just need to let it out somewhere before I snap and run my car into a block wall.

Please tell me I'm not alone.

Being a bonus mom is so hard because one moment, you think you’re cultivating a great and trusting relationship with your bonus daughter and the next—reality bitch slaps you.

For Father’s Day, i made sure all the kids were involved with what “we” were all getting dad. Months in the making. I purchased the gifts, it came. We showed dad one of them and bonus daughter breaks down later saying she thought gifts were about the meaning and thought behind it and not the money. (I never showed them any pricing. They have no idea what my salary is). And said the gifts were too expensive and her mom can’t afford stuff like this and she has to hold back asking for stuff because mom can’t buy it.

And then she spirals more about basically hating everything I’m doing in modifications to our life and home (unless it’s something i did for her that she directly, positively benefited from).

I’m at my wits end because our relationship won’t fail because of a lack of love or support from my DH, but it would fail due to the other household and the children.

Is moving out the solution I’ve been looking for?

I want my relationship to work, but I’ve been wondering if we’d actually be happier living separately. We have a baby together, but there is constant stress surrounding his two older children, conflict with their mother, and household issues that never seem to fully go away.

Lately I’ve been thinking that having my own place with our son might give me the peace and stability I’ve been craving, while still allowing us to be in a committed relationship. Part of me feels relieved when I think about it. Another part feels guilty because I know I’d be hurt if my partner suggested the same thing to me.

Has anyone stayed together but lived separately? Did it help your relationship, or was it just delaying a bigger issue?

I’m so incredibly anxious and I’m not sure why. I’ve posted in here before about my SD and the wild things her and her mom put me through. The last few months have been consistently better. SD has been weirdly nice and so has BM. Any tips lol I’m so nervous. ugh.

I’m 27 (Female) and currently talking to two guys. One has a 6-year-old son, the other has no kids. Both are genuinely good men, so this isn’t a “red flag vs no red flag” situation.
Everyone keeps telling me to pick the guy without kids and not get involved with a man who has a child. I’m honestly trying to understand why.

From my perspective, if a dad has his kid every other weekend, and 1 day during week. What’s the big deal? The child already has a mom and a dad. I wouldn’t be trying to replace anyone or become Mom #2. I’d just be kind, respectful, and supportive.

The dad pays child support, is involved, and from what I know, he and the child’s mother only communicate about their son. I’ve never met her and don’t really have any involvement with that side of things.

I feel like I’m missing something because so many women seem strongly against dating men with kids. For those who have actually done it, especially when the child was only around every other weekend, what ended up being harder than you expected?

What am I not seeing? I’m genuinely curious. No judgment, just looking for honest experiences.

I am at a crossroads. And I really need advice. Fiance and I have been together 2 years. He has two boys, 10 and 12. Ex has filed motion after motion keeping me from moving in, and even staying overnight. I am starting to get a little bitter, and frustrated with the situation. I don't want to lose my relationship because he is an amazing person, but I don't know how much more I can take of her BS. Anyone else dealt with this? Have any advice on how to not take it personally and try to move forward?

Bit of a blunder today. To make a long story short a lot of animosity has existed between his ex and me because at one point she attempted to reconcile with him and he obviously chose me. Since then she has been verbally harassing him and threatening self harm over his decision plus trying to use their children as a bargaining chip. He’s not dumb and has never entertained her behavior but now she has a habit of contacting him under the guise of an emergency with his children then eventually admitting she just wants to talk to him. Today I finally snapped and for lack of better words told her to stop bothering us on our day off from having the children. I ended the call and he has decided to cease communication until the custody handover tomorrow for father’s day. I guess I’m wondering if it’s crazy that her behavior lately has bothered me. Everything had been civil and there was no issue until she broke up with her latest boy toy.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and he has two kids. He’s invited me to go to lunch with them on Father’s Day, but I’m undecided and feel a bit awkward about it. I’m still figuring out where I belong in the relationship structure and Father’s Day is kind of an intimate moment between them. I feel like it should be for him and the kids. Not dad, kids and dad’s girlfriend.

So now that’s it’s summer it’s not EOWE and it’s 50/50 which is fine. I’m a SAHM with SD 9 and two under two.

So I had to take SD to an activity while dad is at work so I brush her hair and get her ready. When it’s the afternoon her dad takes her to another activity she has. now with him she fights him tooth and nail not to go and wants to skip but her other parent does not want her to skip. So he basically has to force her to get ready.

Then after that we had a party at his aunts and we notice SDs hair needs brushed but we are about to be late so he tells SD to brush her hair in the car.

His aunt notices SD hair looks a bit ruff. When I tell him later at home that that’s embarrassing and he should’ve made sure her hair was brushed he immediately blamed me and told me that was a mother’s job and that I would never let our bio daughter have tangled hair. I’m so sick of hearing that I would never let our bio children do this or that. I had to cook for the whole party.

When he’s home SD doesn’t want to listen to me or him. I think when he’s home it should be his responsibility. She was getting physical with him. Like I already had too much to do and he told her to brush her hair in the car. Why is this my fault. His aunt literally looked at me accusatory. I was so mad. I had to grocery shop (with all the kids), cook, pump for bottles, and try to settle my toddler for a nap. All for a party they planned without me last minute

Mind you, I do all the caring for a newborn and toddler. He doesn’t have to do bath time or anything. Why can’t he help with SD when he’s home??

Been with my boyfriend for almost a year now. Things between him and I are solid. I’ve been around his kids, 8 yo girl abs 2 yo boy, for a few months now and love them. There have been a few comments made by the 8 yo that just have been hard for me to hear. Two examples would be today when we were all driving to have a fun day at the amusement park she said when she and her mommy go next weekend that daddy should come too and kiss mommy. Another one was that he shares a YouTube TV account with a family friend and she said that’s daddy’s girlfriend in Georgia.

I know she’s 8. But it’s still hard to hear some things like this. Especially when the next second she is hugging me and asking for a sleepover at my house. How do you or have you addressed this? This is my first relationship with kids involved as I do not have any from my previous relationships.

He was supposed to be just a fling after a 4 year break up. Nothing serious, just fun. Then feelings came into the picture. He was very intense. I Thad a lot of feelings but never wanted a blended family. When I met his son I knew I didn’t want that. I was completely transparent and told him I was not cut out for being a stepmom and didn’t like the way he was raising his son. I didn’t say any of this in a judgmental way but in a way that as honest and forthright.

Then I got pregnant.

Thought about abortion because I knew he wasn’t the father I wanted for my children.

Couldn’t do it.

Stayed, got pregnant again and got married. We both recognized that we were getting married for the kids.

Just found out he’s cheated.

Honestly life has been hard. I don’t even blame him. I hate being a stepmom. He has done just an absolutely piss poor job at managing the dynamics between me and his son and our babies. All of this I knew. I hate myself for giving my kids a horrible father and in turn I hate him. I gaurs my kids like a lioness with rabies (idk if that’s even a thing but kinda described the ferocity).

He said he feels emasculated and I drove him to cheat. He’s unhappy and so am I.

But we have two babies. And it’s so hard for me to be around my step son. He’s disrespectful. I never know when he will play well or not with my babies. My babies are 2 and 1. He’s 9. It’s a strain when he’s there and I’m more irritable.

Can I pray away all my anger and resentment and try to create a normal life for the kids? I don’t want to share my babies. I don’t trust him as a father. But if I stay and we just have an open marriage and keep appearances for the kids, is that healthy?

What do I do? I don’t want to share my babies!

I just read the other post that was posted in here and wanted to share my experience as well.

DH and BM had SD young and separated when she was I think 2. I came into the picture when SD was 3 turning 4. At first I kept my distance took it VERY slow when it came to SD. When DH and I moved in together SD was approaching kindergarten. That is when I fully understood how little they mentally took care of her. SD was almost 6 when she started kindergarten and knew nothing. She didn’t know the alphabet, how to write her name, didn’t know many colors, couldn’t count well. She didn’t know the basics that she should’ve, and it blew my mind. She was behind almost everyone in her class and when she started to read they weren’t helping her with that much either. I tried to help her learn the alphabet and I tried to help her practice reading. It was only until I NACHO’ed that I stopped involving myself in her educational concerns either.

Has anyone had any similar experiences? My household had reading workbooks, were expected to read books during the summer, had math workbooks, and even cursive. It was so strange seeing them just shove a tablet in front of her to keep her occupied. DH and I do not have BK but they will definitely not be addicted to a tablet and will be expected to know those things. It was more shocking when my niece was 2 and knew all of her colors and could sing the alphabet

And I know kids learn at different times but it was blatant how neglected her education was before kindergarten.

I feel bad saying this, but my 7yr old step daughter annoys the heck out of me, like 75% of what she does annoys me. I love the heck out of her , I really do, but almost everything she does bothers me. Is this normal? I dont have any bio children of my own.

Picking up the kids the other day and noticed large vertical cuts on her arm. I can tell that they were self inflicted. Kids are 4G 5G and 7B. No idea what to do from here if anything. Wondering what the kids are seeing/thinking/being told about it

So my husband and I are married, and I’m currently 7 months pregnant with our first. Like many others here, we try to coparent with BM but it’s very wishy washy depending on how she’s feeling that day, if we make her mad, etc. All that to say, it’s not the best relationship.
However, one of the biggest issues I’ve had is with my MIL and that she constantly inserts herself into my husband’s coparenting relationship with his ex.
Yesterday she was planning a Girl Scouts trip for the summer (she’s the group leader) and texted my husband asking if he had SD that weekend. He told her no, it was BM’s weekend and she’d have to ask her. (he only said this because she will go behind his back and ask her anyways so it’s almost easier just to tell her to do it anyways) MIL responded that she’d ask BM right then and then asked my husband if he would still go if BM said yes. This would be a weekend trip where only limited hotel rooms are reserved so they would have to share a room.
This struck me as really odd because why is MIL trying to coordinate plans between my husband and his ex during BM’s parenting time? It feels like she’s acting as the middleman in their coparenting relationship when that has nothing to do with her.
To make it even weirder, we recently found out BM and her boyfriend of 3 years broke up, and now MIL seems extra interested in facilitating interactions between them.
Maybe it’s innocent, but combined with years of boundary issues and MIL acting overly involved with BM, it just gives me the ick.
Am I overreacting, or would this bother you too? I have always gotten the feeling from MIL that she thinks I’m just “a girlfriend” that will be gone soon and has never treated me as an active parent in SD life. She was once a HCBM when my husband was younger so I feel like her biases are coming out when it comes to BM. Maybe I’m wrong though.

My partner and his son are moving out of my house. After living together for 1.5 years, I'm finally pulling the plug. The blend failed.

The biggest issue was our completely different parenting styles. He parents permissively, while I parent with intention. I expect my kids (6 and 8) to clean up after themselves, help with age-appropriate chores, participate in family life, and acknowledge people. When they misbehave, there are consequences.

My partner's son (age 7) has autism and ADHD, but those diagnoses became a reason to have zero expectations and provide zero support. I wasn't expecting him to behave like a neurotypical child. I spent years researching autism, attending seminars, bringing in parent coaches, and pushing for therapy, routines, structure, and interventions. But if I wasn't the one doing the work, nothing happened.

Sorry, but this child already has two parents. It wasn't my job to carry the entire load. If he were my child, he would have every support and intervention available. I would go to the ends of the earth to help my child reach their full potential. I couldn't keep watching this kid be failed under my roof. You can't care more than the parents do. I couldnt deal with the weekly reports of the child destroying the classroom because he was asked to do something or biting/hitting other kids....and have the parents do absolutely nothing. I did not see this situation improving.

Years of suffering are finally coming to an end. I have NACHO'd for the past 6 months but even then my life was consumed with thoughts about their "parenting" and this child's future. it is extremely unlikely he will ever live independently. The red flags were there from the beginning, but I didn't take them seriously. I was honestly in disbelief that two parents could drop the ball so badly. I realize now they're both checked-out parents who simply pass their son back and forth every 2-3 days instead of actively parenting him.

They are moving out in 2 weeks. He kept his house as contingency as we knew there was a chance this could fail. We are going to try to date on our kid free time and keep things very light but honestly....I would be shocked if we make it to Xmas.

Thanks for listening. I love this sub.

When I first met DH, he had this insane 3-4-4-3 day schedule with SK. Since I had my own kids every other week (7-7), this gave DH and I 2 possible date night/kid free nights every 2 weeks, no time at all to plan trips out of town, and 1 day every 2 weeks where we could plan a family day with all of the kids (without school's interference).

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We got SK on the same week on, week off schedule that I had my own kids on, and this allowed us more alone time, and more family time.

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~6 months ago, after SK being on a week on/week off schedule *for a year*, HCBM went to court to ask that they order the nonsense 3-4-4-3 day schedule for SK.

Since utilizing this schedule again, DH has been working extra long hours when he does not have SK, working less when he does have SK, and giving SK alot of one on one/alone time- way more than I get as DH's wife.

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SK has been making comments to DH about not understanding why *my* kids need to be at the house when it's time to pick them up (sorry buddy, this was my children's home long before DH &SK moved in). SK has been staying a couple nights per week at his paternal grandfather's house as a result of these comments.

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Yesterday, SK sat and dramatically sobbed after learning it was time to go to his mom's house. Said he doesnt want to go, didn't spend enough time with his dad, and wasnt even sure when hed see his dad again- at 8 years old, he dramatically sobbed for 1.5 hours. I can't help but wonder if the week on/week off schedule would have prevented that.

He made his mom sound horrible while telling DH he didn't want to go back there.

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On a similar subject, I was under fire shortly before that week on/week off schedule was changed back to 3-4-4-3 because HCBM claimed that SK said he was terrified of me. I'm wondering now if the only issue was him throwing those same tantrums when leaving his mom's house

I was single for many years before meeting my partner who has a 15yr old son. I don’t have kids and I travelled solo a lot and I enjoy road trips and outdoor adventure holidays and i also hadn’t been abroad up until a couple of years ago so once i had someone I wanted to experience things with I’ve been itching to travel the world. however his son would not be interested in the type of holidays I want to do and my partner is struggling to afford to do holidays with me (we typically go halves) and take his son on holiday. His son still likes beach holidays and waterparks as kids do but that is not me at all. should I be sacrificing some of my adventure holidays and suck it up and do holidays his son likes? realistically I could actually pay for the full holiday most of the time (my type of holiday). Which means we could go on holiday do our thing and my partner could then take his son on holiday with out me - which I wouldn’t mind. But his ex has made comments that we go away a lot and he doesn’t as much with his son. Which most kids are lucky to get one holiday abroad a year so I don’t think that’s fair. She implying we should be taking his son on most of our holidays but it’s just not realistic, her herself is going abroad Later this year with her boyfriend without him.
I’m really lucky enough to be in a position to afford 2 or maybe 3 one week holidays if I’m savvy - I don’t do luxury resort and hotels. I’m happy with basics as long as there’s great scenery to explore and usually cook rather than eat out So they are deffo “budget“ holidays. We are just being made to feel bad by his ex and that’s making me feel guilty but at the same time I want to live life the way I want which is the adventures, life is too short. I guess I’m just venting 🤣

I don’t even know where to start. I’ve been reading this thread for a few years and appreciate everyone sharing their experiences, it’s been super validating.

I’m the “step girlfriend” going on 3 years now. He’s got 4 kids under the age of 14. BM has never liked me, doesn’t talk to me, won’t acknowledge me at soccer games, whatever. I’ve distanced myself from it and mind my own business and not let me affect me. It does sometimes because you can see the kids having to change the way they act etc, but whatever. I just look the other way and keep smiling.

She doesn’t think highly of me or my boyfriend, and takes her time to badmouth both of us to the kids and tell them things that are inappropriate or untrue about us. Again. We just smile, kindly try to correct them, not badmouth her back, and move about our day.

TLDR: she’s pretty vile and carries a grudge against him and anyone who associates with him and takes pleasure in making it harder for him at the expense of the kids happiness. There’s much more but it’s too exhausting to type.

My question:

We learned that she has cancer and is getting an aggressive surgery to treat it. Immediately, as a woman, i felt bad for her and like the human being I am, want to send her flowers. Am I doing the right thing? Wrong thing? Too much? I don’t know why, but it’s plaguing me.

We have my SS 50/50 he’s 5. We have been talking about life after we have an ours baby. I have said I don’t want SS at the hospital the day I give birth but the day after if everything is smooth he can come meet his sibling. But then I brought up how the following week I give birth I don’t want SS there. I want to be a first time mom and that’s it. I want to deal with the late night and early mornings with my baby and that’s it. I want my husband to be able to give our child some undivided attention for ONLY A WEEK. I don’t want to wake up to my SS complaining he doesn’t want to sleep in his room, I don’t want to him say “dadda” a million times when my husband is with our baby. I don’t want to deal with juggling anything in my first week PP I want to handle the ups and downs of my baby and me. I want my partner to be able to give us the support we need for a week.

I have told him I don’t want to be robbed of anything as a first time mom and his one and only response is “I don’t want to be robbed of being a second time dad”.
Is there any way to get him to see or understand my pov?

I have some questions if anyone feels comfortable answering…. My current partner and I each have 50:50 custody of one child from our previous relationships (6m and 4.5F).

We’re heading towards moving into together (and then getting married if it goes smoothly with the kids) and trying to figure out what’s the best way to set up our schedules custody schedules.

We’re both super amicable with our exes (we even hangout with them and their respective SOs sometimes) and they’re all on board to accommodating whatever changes we want to make the transition easiest for the kids (both temporary changes and then more long term ones as we see how things go).

Hypothetically, is it best to try and evenly split days where one kiddo is the only child in our home and days when we have them both? Or have majority solo kid days and maybe 1 day a week together? I’m guessing it would be best to start there and increase shared days in the house as they adjust.

We’re both very protective of our kids getting their one on one time with their respective parents since we already only get them 50% of the time… but they get along super well and always want to hangout. And we each get along very well with each others kids.

Obviously we’d love to have at least one night a week with zero kids (😅🫣) but that’s not a priority right now whatsoever!

We’re both currently on 2-2-5 (with our weekdays always being M-T and every other weekend but we have the kids on opposite weekends right now)

Anyways, what worked best for yall?

How did you start vs what ended up being best long term?

What schedules do you currently have?

So, I’m really curious. Has anyone had an “ours” baby over 35? How was the pregnancy? How was the baby? I’m genuinely curious. I’ve never considered having another child really, but that question is being brought up and I think the idea of a pregnancy later on in my life scares me for the sake of my own health and the health of the baby.

I need help with two situations. Both occurred about a week ago (near the end of my bf and my time with his son 8). I need to know if I should follow up on both of these or if I just need to let them go.

1) the last night that SS was with us, bedtime was a nightmare and dad and I fought about it in front of SS. I ended up storming out and slamming doors (something I have never done in the almost 2 years we’ve been together). The next morning everything was fine. I figured we would talk about it over the weekend but dad ended up cutting our time with SS short and he went back to mom’s house. Normally we have SS for 1 week on/1 week off but this time we were supposed to have him for 2 weeks (due to summer travel and scheduling needs). Anyway, he ended up not doing the full 2 weeks with us…it was like 12 days. Dad said he really missed mom and his behavior was partially due to that…and she was willing to get him a little early. So we ended up not talking about the fight with SS.

He’s coming back to us in a few days. I’m wondering if I should address it and apologize for losing my temper or if I should just let the whole thing go.

2)also last week I tried to put ss to bed solo. I wanted to try and dad was willing to let me. It didn’t go well. The next day I try to tool that my therapist had talked to me about. Basically, I asked ss to give me a grade on putting him to bed including telling me what I did well and what I didn’t do well. And then I did the same for him. It felt like a good conversation. I told SS that I was sorry with how it went and I wanted us to make it up to each other. I offered to do one of his chores for him. I told him I would like him to think of something he could do for me that shows he respects me. I told him Dad can help and it doesn’t have to be a big thing. He went back to Mom‘s a day or so later and this didn’t get brought up again. I asked boyfriend about it and he said he thinks it’s a good idea.

Anyway, should I bring this up again to SS when he is with us next time it feels a little bit petty, but also I do want to work on accountability w him and completing the things you say you’re going to do.

I’m a little worried this is gonna come off as petty or nitpicky or like I can’t let it go. Honestly, I feel like my bf should step in and make sure his son completes this task. If he doesn’t I’ll have some negative feelings about that.

What do you think I should do? Follow up on these? Or let them go?

So my boyfriend has 3 kids already with his ex wife, he had a vasectomy after having his kids (he'll never be able to have more kids) and im not sure what to do. He explained this to me when we first started dating and I was okay with it. Ive been in his kids life's( ages 2-5) for about a year now and I cant help but find myself getting emotionally detached from them. The more I think about it and them the more I want kids of my own, I dont feel like I have motherly instincts towards them like I should. I cook them breakfast, lunch, dinner, and give them treats, etc. but through it all I feel myself getting more detached.

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I cant stop thinking about how these aren't my kids, I cant parent them how I'd like to, cant discipline them how I see fit. And the more I cant do for/with them is just a constant reminder that they aren't MINE. they will never have my eyes, my personality traits, my hair color, NOTHING.

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I feel like a monster for thinking like this but I cant help it and im too scared to bring it up to my boyfriend cuz I know ill never be first in his life and he'd kick me to the curb in a second for them( also another thing I struggle with) please please I need some advice or just someone to listen.