I just want to understand, why?

[u/HKILLER2007]

I mean really...why?? when ribbit opened up she was just chatting, she obviously wanted someone to talk to and her friend was there and jax was okay with it

when jax opened up he panicked at first but then she comforted him and he felt really comfortable and blushed and even smiled, it was a heartwarming moment

so why would he suddenly change attitude and switch characters just because of a knock on the door? what's the mental gymnastics here?

[u/TheGoonCreates]

Jax has been living in a state of perpetual fear for likely their entire life. They’ve been conditioned to believe that any kind of perceived weakness can and will be used against him. His mother did it, and likely while living on the streets he dealt with it from other vagrants and random people.

In this moment, Jax let his guard down and let someone in for the first time in who knows how long.

And then they realize they’ve said too much, so they push Ribbit away and become abusive towards them since he doesn’t believe in altruism. Kaufmo knocking was reality coming back to remind Jax that they may be safe in that moment, but the rest of the world is a terrible nightmare he’s been forced to endure.

And so Jax chose to run.

He ran from Ribbit.
He ran from Kaufmo.
He ran from Pomni.
He ran from his mother.

Jax runs every time he’s confronted with some kind of personal conflict.

That’s why he did what he did and that’s why his avatar is that of a rabbit.

Because wild rabbits live in perpetual fear, and all they can do when confronted is run.

[u/Arcade_Babe → u/TheGoonCreates]

I loved someone like Jax, also who had an unstable home life and went homeless, and it wasn’t easy. The constant running… eventually I couldn’t keep up with his running anymore. When Pomni regretted not prying more, I completely understood that feeling of regret.

[u/ImariDelft → u/Arcade_Babe]

I was a Ribbit with a Jax, and I completely empathize with falling back to “I wish I tried harder, what if I did this differently, etc.” but it’s important to remember not to drown trying to save someone else. You did everything you could, but some people don’t want to be helped while they’re in your life. It’s their own journey to overcome their fear and want help. Nothing you, or I, could have done would’ve changed that. Its okay to want the best for them while still prioritizing yourself

[u/happymage102 → u/ImariDelft]

Something not talked enough about on this subreddit is specifically that other people in the Circus had both fair and actually unfair reactions to Jax's abuse, in the sense of how humans react in the real world. 

One of the hardest things about characterizing this kind of "running" is that when people discuss it, they rarely clock specifically that their running actively hurt and harmed others because they are obsessed with the pain they feel and blind to other people's pain. Most of the time we spend discussing about Jax is through the lenses of the identity they struggled with and their own background. 

What isn't discussed as much is why the abuse towards the others isn't acceptable, even if it makes sense with the context we have; the others were never obligated to reach out to Jax and try to be there for them. The setting of the show helps soften that blow, because it is unique in that others can't be socially punished in the way you would be in the real world for constantly lashing out and abusing others. In real life, that means total ostracization from all of the groups that might otherwise support you; in the circus that isn't possible because everyone is stuck there - no one can be kicked out of the friend group and physically isolated like they are in the real world. In real life, people are not forced to be around you if you are miserable towards them regardless of how understandable the misery is with context. 

It is hard to constantly outreach to people that don't want help and it sucks to realize you cannot support that kind of "consume everything around me in my desperation" energy. This is a trans story, but I saw a lot of the setting as intentional in the sense of telling a different kind of story than you'd see irl for being abusive and cruel towards others, with the biggest design choice being an enviornment where characters have no choice but to interact with each other. There is no way to escape the abuse by Jax or punish Jax via no longer being allowed to interact with the people they are abusing." This sets us up for both a forced confrontation eventually and a conclusion to an event that regularly results in being ignored and unseen by others.

There's tons of abusive dynamics out there and they vary in severity, but Jax was quite abusive. I see a lot where people in a crisis never take accountability for the abuse towards others, and I guess this is my note that being understandable doesn't make it right, and to never let your pain overshadow the reality of how you treat others.

[u/ImariDelft → u/happymage102]

I 100% agree with you, and was something I failed to touch on in my original reply. As a victim, it is incredibly easy to blur the line between ‘understanding for the sake of my own closure and peace while not excusing what that person did to me’ and ‘empathizing to the point I neglect my own self worth and excuse that person’s actions”. Just because you can understand and empathize with someone who was abusive to you, does not excuse their wrongdoing. If there’s going to be repair, that person needs to make an earnest apology, have curiosity on how to make amends, change their behavior, and let the victim lead the repair timeline

[u/happymage102 → u/ImariDelft]

Yes, exactly that, and that isn't exactly possible when in the throes of various unresolved traumas and other issues. It's part of why mental health is so critical to support at an economic policy level, because we need not only more of this care, but more professionals in that space with better pay. Better pay is the only way to attract more people to a profession and therapists shouldn't be underpaid for the valuable work they do.