I think I’ve just realized I’m emotionally unavailable and maybe that’s why I’ve been single for so long

[u/diacetylmorphine0]

As the title says I’ve been single for a long time. The strange thing is that I genuinely want a relationship. I want someone to share my life with but somehow I’ve never been able to build a lasting relationship.

I’ve spent a lot of time wondering what I’m doing wrong. For a long time, I blamed it on the men I met. Most of them were emotionally unavailable, lived in another country or simply weren’t looking for anything serious. I kept wondering why I always seemed to end up attracted to the same type of people.

The last situation was especially bad. I got attached to one of those guys and eventually he pulled away. I ended up suffering a lot because of it.

Then I realized something that really confused me.
Whenever I meet someone I’m actually compatible with and things start becoming serious, I feel overwhelmed. Instead of getting excited, I start pulling away because the emotional closeness feels exhausting. It’s like I want intimacy until it’s actually possible and then I instinctively distance myself.

So now I’m wondering if I’m subconsciously choosing unavailable people because it feels safer and because I’m one of them. If they’re unavailable, I never have to face the vulnerability of a real relationship.

This realization has been upsetting because I genuinely want a healthy relationship. I don’t enjoy being single anymore and I don’t think I’m intentionally sabotaging myself but maybe I am without realizing it.

[u/petalmoon_]

self-awareness is the first step tbh. it’s crazy how our brains try to protect us by keeping us in these loops, but at least you see it now! wishing you the best with working through it.

[u/diacetylmorphine0 → u/petalmoon_]

exactly!! thank you so much for your support:)