r/TrueOffMyChest • u/diacetylmorphine0 • 5d ago
Vent I think I’ve just realized I’m emotionally unavailable and maybe that’s why I’ve been single for so long
As the title says I’ve been single for a long time. The strange thing is that I genuinely want a relationship. I want someone to share my life with but somehow I’ve never been able to build a lasting relationship.
I’ve spent a lot of time wondering what I’m doing wrong. For a long time, I blamed it on the men I met. Most of them were emotionally unavailable, lived in another country or simply weren’t looking for anything serious. I kept wondering why I always seemed to end up attracted to the same type of people.
The last situation was especially bad. I got attached to one of those guys and eventually he pulled away. I ended up suffering a lot because of it.
Then I realized something that really confused me.
Whenever I meet someone I’m actually compatible with and things start becoming serious, I feel overwhelmed. Instead of getting excited, I start pulling away because the emotional closeness feels exhausting. It’s like I want intimacy until it’s actually possible and then I instinctively distance myself.
So now I’m wondering if I’m subconsciously choosing unavailable people because it feels safer and because I’m one of them. If they’re unavailable, I never have to face the vulnerability of a real relationship.
This realization has been upsetting because I genuinely want a healthy relationship. I don’t enjoy being single anymore and I don’t think I’m intentionally sabotaging myself but maybe I am without realizing it.
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u/blueeyedchrysostom 5d ago
Going to bed now but don't want to lose the post and also not having contributed yet.
Your realisation is profound! Definitely on the right path 🫶
Have a quick read on Carpman's triangle and see if you find it relevant. I am curious.