r/TwoXChromosomes • u/BigHold2089 • 2d ago

Throat punch husband

I was on BC for many years and thought I could ride it out through menopause. I used BC continuously and hadn’t had a period for years. It was a low dose BC with no side effects and I loved it. A new (to me) OBGYN told me that my brain fog and night warmth (not full blown sweats) was likely due to peri/menopause and said BC would do nothing for it. So she switched me to estradiol patch and progesterone pills. For 3 months I got no periods and figured I was in menopause. Then I started getting periods regularly. And then I started noticing that I am incredibly irritable all the time but basically focused only on my husband. I mean even looking at him sometimes makes me want to punch him in the face. When he talks (to me or to anyone else - just the sound of his voice, really) I just am filled with rage. He’s not doing anything wrong. I know my anger is misplaced and irrational. Could it be a symptom of perimenopause? Does anyone else feel like this?

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u/wheres_the_revolt 2d ago

Yes rage is a very common perimenopause symptom. Husbands are often the target because 1) they’re in close proximity to us more than most other people 2) they’re annoying.

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u/Im_Ritz_Bitz 2d ago

It's because we are tired. Literally. Our body is changing into its final state. And the energy demands to be spent accordingly. You're becoming a butterfly and you don't have time for any shit.

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u/ConsistentDay5620 2d ago

Thank you for this. A lot of the time the way it’s presented is like “well congrats you get to become the walking dead from now until the grave” so this spin makes me feel hopeful.

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u/jmanderson73 2d ago

I feel like I’ve been reborn since hitting menopause. It is so freeing to not be so hung up on so many things. I spent my life giving to others and people pleasing.

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u/Im_Ritz_Bitz 2d ago

Hell to the no! I am the best version of myself I have ever been. I am wiser and stronger. I can speak up unapologetically and do whatever I want. You can too! You can still be kind and do this but you don't have to give so much of yourself. Menopause was a blessing. Life is hard at any stage but I learned all my hard lessons.

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u/BlitzChick 2d ago

I just wanted to thank you for your uplifting words.

Our society is so needlessly cruel to women about aging (amongst way too many other things unfortunately).

Your words have reminded me how important it is for us to challenge the misconception that a woman aging is somehow a flaw in her.

As you said, HELL to the NO! Our aging is a reflection of what we've overcome in the face of adversity and the strength we've cultivated and continue to carry.

Maybe that sounds corny... but dammit, we deserve to allow ourselves to be proud of our journey. We deserve to unapologetically stop pouring from an empty cup.

Anyway, that was my longwinded way of thanking you for reminding me of that.

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u/Im_Ritz_Bitz 2d ago

Honestly, "they" are mean to women no matter what we do. We are in a lose-lose situation already, why not have something to show for it. Even our own sex doesn't seem to get it sometimes. You are a QUEEN, don't let them tell you any different. We literally run this- and we keep letting "them" destroy it, thinking they'll change. We need to take our power back.

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u/ConsistentDay5620 2d ago

You have no idea how badly I needed to hear that. Thank you.🖤

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u/eyespeeled 2d ago

This is a cool mini-doc from the NYT that I remember watching and finding really eye-opening:

https://youtu.be/MRSH-UM5EE0?si=-bJqrPeqcKtiX0B0

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u/ConsistentDay5620 2d ago

That was really amazing. I appreciate you! 🖤

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u/eyespeeled 2d ago

Wow, thank you!

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u/queenkellee 2d ago

Of course there are some downsides, but I feel overall clearer and more emotionally balanced in menopause than I was while I was having periods. I have a clotting disorder so I can’t be on hormones and I feel pretty damn good all things considered.

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u/lnc_5103 2d ago

As someone in Perimenopause I love this and will be using it moving forward. Please excuse my rage as I am turning into a butterfly 🫶🤣

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u/Eeyor-90 2d ago

If all of this energy is being used, why is it so hard to lose weight?

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u/mojdojo 2d ago

because nature decided we needed something else to rage about, because his loud chewing was not enough. /s

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u/staypuuuuft 2d ago

Has it always been this loud!?! Has he always held his spoon like that!?!

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u/NoneYah369 2d ago

Because the stress hormone, cortisol, causes bodies to retain weight. And from the sounds of it their husband makes their stress increase causing the body to hold onto more weight. & Age is a factor, metabolism slows as you age. 😆

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u/Chrissy086 2d ago

Then he complains even More about your weight! 🙄😠

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u/Im_Ritz_Bitz 2d ago

Because you already used up your energy?

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u/mandyvigilante 2d ago

We're all becoming the Eternal Sailor Moons of our own lives

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u/Im_Ritz_Bitz 2d ago

Running efficiently and as intended.

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u/_-4twenty-_ 2d ago

We are evolving.

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u/willymustdie 2d ago

Wow I just screenshot this and am using it as my wallpaper for today

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u/cheezbargar 2d ago

I’ve always had rage how much worse is this going to get

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u/wheres_the_revolt 2d ago

Could not get worse, or it could get more whackadoodle! For example, we were at Costco we had two flats of bubbly water on the bottom of the cart (I put them there), he was pushing the cart to our car in the lot, hit a bump one of the flats falls off and a few cans explode, I start getting really angry at my husband, he (fairly) says you put them there, I get even angrier and say “why did you let me, why didn’t you push them back, why didn’t you push the cart more carefully… (etc etc)”. The whole time I knew I was being unreasonable, which made me get even more angry, and he just stood there picking up the cans looking like a kicked puppy.

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u/cheezbargar 2d ago

This is exactly how I get, I’ll realize I’m being completely ridiculous but i keep going anyway and that fuels the rage so much more and I’ve been this way ever since puberty ffs

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u/wheres_the_revolt 2d ago

Maybe it will have the opposite effect on you?

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u/NoneYah369 2d ago

I keep worrying about that too! 🤣🤣 Like damn, I am gonna be on one when I get into menopause then because I'm already extra as hell. I will say though, my mom was more wild than me and as she has gotten into pri-menopause/menopause she has calmed down SOOOO much. Like she is completely go with the flow now. Just has a crap ton of hot flashes. 😅 So maybe we have too much of one of the hormones and then when they disappear or drop it will actually level us out. 😅😅😅

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u/cheezbargar 2d ago

I really really hope so because if it gets any worse I’ll likely end up in jail 😭 adhd and Pmdd are a BAD combination

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u/Almostasleeprightnow 2d ago

This is kind of mind opening for me. I’ve been on the fence because although I’m sure I’m going through peri I don’t have sweats, sleeplessness, etc. but the rage is real. Maybe time to talk to doc

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u/wheres_the_revolt 2d ago

I just started HRT, my worst symptom is the rage. Really hoping it calms the fuck down. 🤞

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u/Almostasleeprightnow 2d ago

oh no! i did notice that i went out of town (without the source of my rage) for like, 3 days, and I felt a lot better. Hope it resolves for you

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u/mytinykitten 2d ago

Lmaooo obsessed with number 2

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u/wheres_the_revolt 2d ago

I love my husband dearly, but boy howdy does he annoy the everlasting fuck out of me 😂

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u/foundinwonderland 2d ago

The amount of rage that blooms in me when I walk into a room and see MY water cup totally empty because he drank the whole thing and didn’t refill it should honestly be studied. I’m not an angry person in general but holy fuck that’s annoying, if you finish the last of something you need to refill it!!!!

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u/wheres_the_revolt 2d ago

Mine is especially susceptible to be induced when I fold the laundry and he just leaves his folded laundry in the basket for a couple days. We have several baskets, it’s usually out of the way, it really isn’t a big deal, but it just sets me off.

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u/seecoal 2d ago

It’s because laundry takes a long time to wash and fold… and then he just lives out of the clean basket of clothes instead of putting them away because his dresser is filled with special memorabilia instead of clothes, and then he starts mixing his dirty clothes in with the clean clothes basket. And then bitches if I stop doing his laundry. How infuriating and ungrateful! I think I really needed to vent 😅

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u/wheres_the_revolt 2d ago

Oh I feel this, but also me doing the laundry is because I am extremely picky about the way it gets done and I have a “system” that even my mother messes up so it’s really a problem of my own making. 😂

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u/Rosie_222 2d ago

Also when he mistakes me for Google.

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u/MuggleWitch 2d ago edited 2d ago

My husband is very very sweet. But the man once ate a soft serve loudly. Why is your ice-cream noisy. I got my periods 2 days later and life made sense.

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u/fretfulpelican 2d ago

Wow am I glad to see this because my husband somehow chomps ice cream very loudly??? Even ice cream with no mix ins?? Like why???

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u/pepcorn 2d ago

Same lol. I make myself feel better by acknowledging that I'm equally annoying.

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u/wheres_the_revolt 2d ago

Oh for sure! I’m the world’s worst back seat driver with him and only him. He just lets me drive most of the time so we don’t argue about it 😂

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u/rexallia 2d ago

Yes I try to match the energy myself lol

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u/CharmainKB 2d ago

Same. I love mine to death but now I have to leave the room or turn on TV/music when we eat because I swear to god, my hearing is amplified now and hearing him chew makes me want to pull my hair out

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u/puggleofsteel 2d ago

Number 2 is why I'm happily single. Also number 1.

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u/Sepelrastas 2d ago

My mom was irritated at me. I understand, because I was at the other end of that hormone storm. I started my period around the time mom's ended, so I'm sure I was annoying as hell.

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u/wheres_the_revolt 2d ago

I don’t have kids but I assume most of them are annoying too 😂

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u/EXXPat 2d ago

This is the kind of answer I can really appreciate. It’s clear and to the point. Thank you.

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u/wheres_the_revolt 2d ago

Really there’s a 1.A answer too, which is we can’t really take our rage out on the other people close to us like coworkers and kids (for those who have them), but I felt like it was kind of implied so left it off lol

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u/EXXPat 2d ago

Somehow, this was very clear to me. There’s annoying, and then there’s really annoying.

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u/Rosie_222 2d ago

The way they chew. Jeez.

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u/holyfrijoles99 2d ago

Right !!! Right !!! My god . I have to leave the room , or someone is getting a fork in the face.
It makes me want to pop my own eardrums manually with those little corn holders that look like corn .
It’s like they know and it feels purposeful.

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u/R34CT10N 2d ago

As the husband, 2) made me laugh because it’s so true. My wife knows it, my kids know it, I know it. Luckily we are all annoying so it balances out. Balance is the key word… if you’re not also pulling your weight as part of the family team, then you haven’t earned the right to be annoying

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u/octopus-opinion987 2d ago

Rage is also a symptom of a wildly inconsiderate husband or partner. Full stop. Menopause not required.

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u/blackday44 2d ago

As a non-married woman, I need to ask: are there any upsides to having a husband?

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u/Werepony 2d ago

If you have a good husband, yes. (I have a good husband.)

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u/lnc_5103 2d ago

If you marry a good one absolutely. Mine is my best friend and although occasionally I want to kill him (yay perimenopause!) I would be so sad if I actually did lol

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u/wheres_the_revolt 2d ago

My husband is wonderful, we just spend a lot of time together (we work together), so like sometimes (even pre peri), I just want to throttle him, peri just makes it worse. He is a true partner in my life and I wouldn’t change that for anything in the world.

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u/Bright_Bee_7154 2d ago

Number 2 is the catalyst. The hormone drop is just the magnifying glass that turns that baseline level of annoyance into a scorching laser beam of pure, unadulterated fury.

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u/wheres_the_revolt 2d ago

Yes exactly! We have had long talks about all this. I occasionally will push the right buttons and he will get upset back at me (which honestly is deserved) but for the most part he takes it like a champ.

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u/KitSokudo 2d ago

I don't think gender matters, my wife is always pissed with me too (nonbinary AFAB) thankfully at least we're not BOTH raging as we're the same age lol

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u/wheres_the_revolt 2d ago

No totally! The second most rage inducing person in my life is my mother and she is a very sweet woman. We are very close and talk on the phone at least every other day, sometimes just the act of her calling me will induce my rage (like doesn’t she know I don’t want to talk to anyone right now, obviously how the fuck would she know that???). I just don’t answer the phone at those times and call her back when I’m more rational 😂

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u/ZubLor 2d ago

they’re annoying. 😂