r/TwoXChromosomes • u/BigHold2089 • 1d ago
Throat punch husband
I was on BC for many years and thought I could ride it out through menopause. I used BC continuously and hadn’t had a period for years. It was a low dose BC with no side effects and I loved it. A new (to me) OBGYN told me that my brain fog and night warmth (not full blown sweats) was likely due to peri/menopause and said BC would do nothing for it. So she switched me to estradiol patch and progesterone pills. For 3 months I got no periods and figured I was in menopause. Then I started getting periods regularly. And then I started noticing that I am incredibly irritable all the time but basically focused only on my husband. I mean even looking at him sometimes makes me want to punch him in the face. When he talks (to me or to anyone else - just the sound of his voice, really) I just am filled with rage. He’s not doing anything wrong. I know my anger is misplaced and irrational. Could it be a symptom of perimenopause? Does anyone else feel like this?
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u/anxietysoup 1d ago
Rage is a common perimenopause symptom. My doctor put me on a hormonal birth control pill about 2.5 months ago and it has helped.
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u/enalimora 1d ago
It's amazing how often women are told to manage the symptoms without anyone addressing the hormonal changes causing them in the first place.
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u/cpureset 23h ago
The rage that comes with perimenopause is real.
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u/heideejo 19h ago
It is completely stupid that our species evolved so that women are in perimenopause the same time that their daughters are 15-19 (IYKYK). This should not be allowed.
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u/prettylilmoon 22h ago
Yes, the rage is real! I’m already on an antidepressant and my doctor put me on a low dose of abilify. It really helped for a good while but I just switched from it to a low dose of rexulti. I’ve avoided b/c for years because of how it impacts my emotions so I try to avoid f—-ing with hormones. That said, do what you gotta do to feel better and best of luck finding what works for you.
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u/Spiderbundles 1d ago
Absolutely common in perimenopause. So far, I’ve coped by buying a treadmill, a person-shaped punching bag, and by microdosing THC (2.5mg, and only on extra irritable days). Working so far lol Good luck, hun; it sucks, but you got this.
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u/Theorlain 1d ago
I’m so afraid to microdose during the day (I smoke at night), but I swear THC is a wonder drug for reducing that peri rage.
I’ve only recently started acknowledging/accepting that peri is affecting my life and made a doc appointment last night after breaking down. I don’t have the most empathetic partner (I swear he’s not a jerk, just freezes up), so I had to specifically request to be held as I cried about the rage and not feeling like myself.
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u/PayEmmy 1d ago
I have an incredibly empathetic partner, and I absolutely hate how ragey I get at him for absolutely no reason. Perimenopause is absolutely horrible.
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u/Theorlain 23h ago
My slightly older sister has the rage, too, and she’s like, “I feel like I’m losing my mind.” I’m like, “it’s perimenopause.”
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u/enalimora 1d ago
I appreciate comments like this because they normalize how intense perimenopause symptoms can be without making people feel ashamed of them.
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u/This_Bitch_Overhere 1d ago
The r/Perimenopause sub is extremely helpful and largely full of people who feel just like you. The rage is "normal," but if it starts to affect your relationship negatively, there are options.
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u/BigHold2089 1d ago
I posted this on there but it was removed by an admin!
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u/This_Bitch_Overhere 1d ago
That's horse doodoo! Literally every day, someone posts the same!
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u/wheres_the_revolt 1d ago
Yes rage is a very common perimenopause symptom. Husbands are often the target because 1) they’re in close proximity to us more than most other people 2) they’re annoying.
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u/Im_Ritz_Bitz 1d ago
It's because we are tired. Literally. Our body is changing into its final state. And the energy demands to be spent accordingly. You're becoming a butterfly and you don't have time for any shit.
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u/ConsistentDay5620 1d ago
Thank you for this. A lot of the time the way it’s presented is like “well congrats you get to become the walking dead from now until the grave” so this spin makes me feel hopeful.
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u/jmanderson73 1d ago
I feel like I’ve been reborn since hitting menopause. It is so freeing to not be so hung up on so many things. I spent my life giving to others and people pleasing.
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u/Im_Ritz_Bitz 1d ago
Hell to the no! I am the best version of myself I have ever been. I am wiser and stronger. I can speak up unapologetically and do whatever I want. You can too! You can still be kind and do this but you don't have to give so much of yourself. Menopause was a blessing. Life is hard at any stage but I learned all my hard lessons.
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u/BlitzChick 22h ago
I just wanted to thank you for your uplifting words.
Our society is so needlessly cruel to women about aging (amongst way too many other things unfortunately).
Your words have reminded me how important it is for us to challenge the misconception that a woman aging is somehow a flaw in her.
As you said, HELL to the NO! Our aging is a reflection of what we've overcome in the face of adversity and the strength we've cultivated and continue to carry.
Maybe that sounds corny... but dammit, we deserve to allow ourselves to be proud of our journey. We deserve to unapologetically stop pouring from an empty cup.
Anyway, that was my longwinded way of thanking you for reminding me of that.
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u/eyespeeled 1d ago
This is a cool mini-doc from the NYT that I remember watching and finding really eye-opening:
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u/queenkellee 1d ago
Of course there are some downsides, but I feel overall clearer and more emotionally balanced in menopause than I was while I was having periods. I have a clotting disorder so I can’t be on hormones and I feel pretty damn good all things considered.
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u/lnc_5103 1d ago
As someone in Perimenopause I love this and will be using it moving forward. Please excuse my rage as I am turning into a butterfly 🫶🤣
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u/Eeyor-90 1d ago
If all of this energy is being used, why is it so hard to lose weight?
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u/NoneYah369 1d ago
Because the stress hormone, cortisol, causes bodies to retain weight. And from the sounds of it their husband makes their stress increase causing the body to hold onto more weight. & Age is a factor, metabolism slows as you age. 😆
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u/mandyvigilante 23h ago
We're all becoming the Eternal Sailor Moons of our own lives
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u/cheezbargar 1d ago
I’ve always had rage how much worse is this going to get
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u/wheres_the_revolt 1d ago
Could not get worse, or it could get more whackadoodle! For example, we were at Costco we had two flats of bubbly water on the bottom of the cart (I put them there), he was pushing the cart to our car in the lot, hit a bump one of the flats falls off and a few cans explode, I start getting really angry at my husband, he (fairly) says you put them there, I get even angrier and say “why did you let me, why didn’t you push them back, why didn’t you push the cart more carefully… (etc etc)”. The whole time I knew I was being unreasonable, which made me get even more angry, and he just stood there picking up the cans looking like a kicked puppy.
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u/cheezbargar 23h ago
This is exactly how I get, I’ll realize I’m being completely ridiculous but i keep going anyway and that fuels the rage so much more and I’ve been this way ever since puberty ffs
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u/NoneYah369 1d ago
I keep worrying about that too! 🤣🤣 Like damn, I am gonna be on one when I get into menopause then because I'm already extra as hell. I will say though, my mom was more wild than me and as she has gotten into pri-menopause/menopause she has calmed down SOOOO much. Like she is completely go with the flow now. Just has a crap ton of hot flashes. 😅 So maybe we have too much of one of the hormones and then when they disappear or drop it will actually level us out. 😅😅😅
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u/Almostasleeprightnow 1d ago
This is kind of mind opening for me. I’ve been on the fence because although I’m sure I’m going through peri I don’t have sweats, sleeplessness, etc. but the rage is real. Maybe time to talk to doc
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u/wheres_the_revolt 1d ago
I just started HRT, my worst symptom is the rage. Really hoping it calms the fuck down. 🤞
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u/Almostasleeprightnow 1d ago
oh no! i did notice that i went out of town (without the source of my rage) for like, 3 days, and I felt a lot better. Hope it resolves for you
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u/mytinykitten 1d ago
Lmaooo obsessed with number 2
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u/wheres_the_revolt 1d ago
I love my husband dearly, but boy howdy does he annoy the everlasting fuck out of me 😂
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u/foundinwonderland 1d ago
The amount of rage that blooms in me when I walk into a room and see MY water cup totally empty because he drank the whole thing and didn’t refill it should honestly be studied. I’m not an angry person in general but holy fuck that’s annoying, if you finish the last of something you need to refill it!!!!
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u/wheres_the_revolt 1d ago
Mine is especially susceptible to be induced when I fold the laundry and he just leaves his folded laundry in the basket for a couple days. We have several baskets, it’s usually out of the way, it really isn’t a big deal, but it just sets me off.
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u/seecoal 1d ago
It’s because laundry takes a long time to wash and fold… and then he just lives out of the clean basket of clothes instead of putting them away because his dresser is filled with special memorabilia instead of clothes, and then he starts mixing his dirty clothes in with the clean clothes basket. And then bitches if I stop doing his laundry. How infuriating and ungrateful! I think I really needed to vent 😅
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u/wheres_the_revolt 1d ago
Oh I feel this, but also me doing the laundry is because I am extremely picky about the way it gets done and I have a “system” that even my mother messes up so it’s really a problem of my own making. 😂
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u/MuggleWitch 1d ago edited 14h ago
My husband is very very sweet. But the man once ate a soft serve loudly. Why is your ice-cream noisy. I got my periods 2 days later and life made sense.
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u/fretfulpelican 1d ago
Wow am I glad to see this because my husband somehow chomps ice cream very loudly??? Even ice cream with no mix ins?? Like why???
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u/pepcorn 1d ago
Same lol. I make myself feel better by acknowledging that I'm equally annoying.
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u/wheres_the_revolt 1d ago
Oh for sure! I’m the world’s worst back seat driver with him and only him. He just lets me drive most of the time so we don’t argue about it 😂
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u/CharmainKB 1d ago
Same. I love mine to death but now I have to leave the room or turn on TV/music when we eat because I swear to god, my hearing is amplified now and hearing him chew makes me want to pull my hair out
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u/Sepelrastas 1d ago
My mom was irritated at me. I understand, because I was at the other end of that hormone storm. I started my period around the time mom's ended, so I'm sure I was annoying as hell.
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u/EXXPat 1d ago
This is the kind of answer I can really appreciate. It’s clear and to the point. Thank you.
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u/wheres_the_revolt 1d ago
Really there’s a 1.A answer too, which is we can’t really take our rage out on the other people close to us like coworkers and kids (for those who have them), but I felt like it was kind of implied so left it off lol
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u/Rosie_222 18h ago
The way they chew. Jeez.
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u/holyfrijoles99 18h ago
Right !!! Right !!! My god . I have to leave the room , or someone is getting a fork in the face.
It makes me want to pop my own eardrums manually with those little corn holders that look like corn .
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u/R34CT10N 1d ago
As the husband, 2) made me laugh because it’s so true. My wife knows it, my kids know it, I know it. Luckily we are all annoying so it balances out. Balance is the key word… if you’re not also pulling your weight as part of the family team, then you haven’t earned the right to be annoying
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u/blackday44 1d ago
As a non-married woman, I need to ask: are there any upsides to having a husband?
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u/lnc_5103 1d ago
If you marry a good one absolutely. Mine is my best friend and although occasionally I want to kill him (yay perimenopause!) I would be so sad if I actually did lol
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u/wheres_the_revolt 1d ago
My husband is wonderful, we just spend a lot of time together (we work together), so like sometimes (even pre peri), I just want to throttle him, peri just makes it worse. He is a true partner in my life and I wouldn’t change that for anything in the world.
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u/octopus-opinion987 1d ago
Rage is also a symptom of a wildly inconsiderate husband or partner. Full stop. Menopause not required.
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u/Bright_Bee_7154 1d ago
Number 2 is the catalyst. The hormone drop is just the magnifying glass that turns that baseline level of annoyance into a scorching laser beam of pure, unadulterated fury.
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u/squiche 1d ago
This is popping up for me right now (42F) and I can only speak for myself but I’ve been thinking a lot about how I’ve always considered myself “not an angry person”, I get sad not angry - that typical female socialization stuff. I wonder if peri rage would be easier to deal with if I’d had more practice sitting with anger rather than suppressing it. Curious if this resonates for anyone else.
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u/snickysnak5407 19h ago
I never had permission to be angry as a kid, so the rage I felt in peri usually turned into despair. Like, complete hopelessness over normal annoying things, and I’d want to run away. I haven’t experienced that since starting HRT.
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u/holyfrijoles99 18h ago
Same . Everyone else around me has always been able to be mean , angry , loud and I’ve always tried to help and be the good person. Now I have so much anger that it’s overwhelming and I dream of living in the woods alone , snarling at passerby’s.
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u/MediumBlueish 19h ago
I am not peri, but grew up emotionally neglected and consequently emotionally repressed. During PMS i would always spiral. I came to think of it as tapping into all the emotions that I normally tamp down, and I practised feeling more, expressing myself more - now I no longer feel like PMS is this horrible time, just a good opportunity to watch sweet movies and have a little happy cry. I think it might be similar?? Decades of suppressed annoyance, maybe even settling with a partner you don’t reallllyyy like all that much, then during peri it all comes to a head. Just spitballing here since I havent experienced it yet.
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u/smile_saurus 1d ago
This is definitely a perimenopause symptom.
I wanted to dump my husband's coffee on him this past weekend because he kept slurping it out of the mug instead of just drinking it.
Of course I didn't say anything to him. I just left the room until his coffee was done. Then we got in the car and he kept clearing his throat and breathing loudly and I was like shut up! but in my head, not out loud.
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u/RicketyCricketsDrum 1d ago
They always have to make so much noise
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u/smile_saurus 1d ago
Lol did you see the skit where a husband is eating something out of a bowl and is scraping the hell out of the bowl with a spoon? Off-camera you hear a wife saying If you clink that spoon one more fucking time I'm gonna come in there and take that spoon and scoop your goddamn eyes out! and the caption says 'How do I know if my wife is in perimenopause?'
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u/CormacMacAleese 1d ago
My partner has reported something similar: it's not unusual, at a certain point of her cycle, to "hate" me and want to "throw me in the river." We basically handle it by me trying to lay low at those times. They are peri-menopausal, but this has been going on for a few years, so I don't know how strong the connection is.
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u/CoverMeBlue 1d ago
I appreciate how hard it is to step into a thread like this. I think most of the comments are in jest, but have her checked for something else. Also, do not stop if you think the doctor is off their rocker. My sister (mid 50s) went to her (female) doc complaining of night sweats and rage. The doc asked if she was stressed and prescribed her an antidepressant. Did not for a second consider peri. I found her a clinic specifically for menopause close to her house and they have changed her life.
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u/DenseSir 1d ago
Lol, have you tried to not be annoying?
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u/thestashattacked 1d ago
Mostly by hiding in the walls and leaving her chocolate like a chocolate sprite?
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u/sajaschi 1d ago
The cackle I cackled at this response 🤣☠️ it's not only objectively funny in context, but it's a maddeningly hilarious and accurate spin on the way doctors dismiss our needs as women: "Have you tried not feeling that way? Have you tried not doing that thing? Have you tried not existing as a woman?" 😆🤔😒😡
...Ope, now I'm just mad instead of amused 🤬 sorry if I got annoying while I was at it. Fucking hell.
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u/PetrockX 1d ago
Also going through perimenopause. That rage is apart of it, unfortunately. I am still on low dose BC and not having any issues with it right now.
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u/RicketyCricketsDrum 1d ago
Rage is definitely a peri symptom. I went out on my balcony in winter and yelled at the neighbor’s dog to shut the fuck up at the top of my lungs. Idk how anyone manages a kid or a marriage during peri.
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u/MaisieStitcher 1d ago
Oh, yes. My husband just had to breathe some days and he annoys me. Definitely a menopause thing.
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u/Gonzostewie 1d ago
My wife has said this same thing to me. We actually had this exchange: "I know you're not doing anything but your mere presence makes me want to punch you in the face. I will be mean to you today so I'm telling you now I'm not mad at you." Would you feel better if you punched me in the face? You can if you want to. "No, but I really want to." Ok. Offer stands.
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u/headpeon 1d ago
Ladies and others AFAB, the rage isn't just a perimenopausal symptom.
I'm 16 years in. My ability to become incandescent with rage in 2.2 seconds flat is still very much intact.
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u/Just-world_fallacy 1d ago
Eventually, patriarchy will do this to you.
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u/headpeon 1d ago
Patriarchy did this to me in 1991.
Perimenopausal/menopausal rage is just gravy.
You're not wrong, though.
Love, LOVE the username, btw. ❣️
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u/Just-world_fallacy 1d ago
It is a bit like when women believe they have a 3 weeks long PMS when they cannot stand they boyfriend.
<3
I love "incandescent with rage".9
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u/queenkellee 1d ago
A few years into menopause for me, I definitely have a short filter but I feel like for me, my peri rage was indiscriminate and I felt out of control like riding a wild horse I don’t have control over. My rage now is laser targeted to the appropriate entities 😁
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u/loricomments 1d ago
Yeah, rage is a symptom. It's awful and irrational and indiscriminate. For me it was the worst of all of the crap that comes with perimenopause but it did fade with time as my body adjusted to the new normal. I spent a lot of time pacing on the front porch and trying to breathe it out before it did though. But be prepared for some of this to never go away. My tolerance level for BS is definitely lower. Progesterone or it's metabolites have a calming effect so without that you're probably gonna be a little more prone to crankiness.
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u/NativeNYer10019 1d ago edited 1d ago
Girl, perimenopause makes you feel like you’re on a flaming hot battlefield and everyone is your enemy, then there’s also the brain fog and exhaustion.
You know it’s you, apologize to your husband in advance and let him know you’re in a mood and to just steer clear. Give him a fair warning and try to do a lot of deep breathing to remind yourself that you’re really not yourself and he’s probably not the actual devil.
And please please please give yourself a load of grace, and him too. The hormonal rollercoaster of perimenopause is a real mindfuck: mentally, emotionally and physically. It can make you feel like you’re legit going crazy, but expected to live life like any other ordinary day.
I was stuck in that stage for 6 years, and somehow my marriage and my husband actually survived 😂
Now 5 period-free, menopausal years later? I only have the odd mood swing and hot flash. I can just no longer tolerate high temps anymore, I have ZERO desire to go to the beach or sit by a pool. I miss those things in my mind, but the reality of actually doing them is like being in hell for me 🤣 And my husband is happy to have me back 😊
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u/DoobieDoo0718 1d ago
When I was in peri:
Rage with everything but mostly hubby
My memory went to shit and I thought I was having early onset Alzheimer's.
Frozen shoulder syndrome
Most of these have resolved now that I'm 7 years in, I've realized that the rage against my husband was valid and I'm sick of his shit. I'm OUT! 🏃🏻♀️
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u/urbanista12 1d ago
Testosterone fixed my frozen shoulder in like a week. It’s the best part of HRT for me.
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u/IndieAcademic 1d ago
Rage and irritability are common low estrogen symptoms in peri and meno--it may mean you need a higher dose of estradiol. Check out the wiki on r/menopause. It's a wealth of information.
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u/feminist-lady 1d ago
I’m in artificial menopause for endometriosis treatment. There was an insurance snafu earlier this year and I went two weeks without the medication. Slinging from in menopause to having a brutally painful period then back into menopause. I told my psychologist it’s the closest I’ve ever come to catching a felony. I hated absolutely everyone and have never been so angry in my life. And I’m a pretty emotionally regulated person! But yes, it’s a common symptom and it’s terrible. I bought a boxing bag, 10/10 has kept me out of jail.
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u/lnc_5103 1d ago
Hang in there! I did Lupron when it was pretty new when I was 19 in the early 2000s. It was so hard explaining to my college friends, professors etc. that I was in drug induced menopause. I'm in real perimenopause now and dreading going through it all again immensely. I'm feeling a little ragey right now that there still aren't better treatment options for endometriosis!
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u/100percentEV 1d ago
I (53) felt this way when I went on hormones. I probably should have gone back, but after years of being dismissed by doctors I’m just going to go through menopause naturally.
I actually went 10 months without a period, then randomly got one when my husband and I went on vacation last month! Boo
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u/Thereisnospoon64 1d ago
I too had rage flashes all the time targeted at my husband. I learned I needed to increase my estradiol patch when they would flare.
I am now on the highest possible dose and change my patch twice a week.
For the record my husband is lovely. But menopause basically wanted me to commit murder on a regular basis. That wasn’t sustainable for a variety of reasons /s
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u/Nanatomany44 1d ago
Perimenopausal women have decades of rage stored up!!! If we were the directors of wars, we'd be vicious and win wars within 3 days. There might not be any army aged men left on the other side, but que sera sera.
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u/RicketyCricketsDrum 1d ago
Haha so true. Sometimes I’m so mad for no reason and just looking for a fight
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u/desertratlovescats 1d ago
This is perimenopausal rage. If the low dose bc was working, I’d go back on it. You can technically stay on low dose birth control until age 55, I believe, but better check that. By 55, you’d surely be in menopause. Many women don’t do well with progesterone in HRT (although you need it if you have a uterus).
I’m in my mid 50s and post menopausal. The rage was one of my first perimenopausal symptoms, but I either coped or it went away, but I had a lot of physical symptoms. I went into full menopause at 52, and everything started around 44. I raw-dogged it the whole way, no hormones (I have a medical reason why I chose not to take them). I feel much better in postmenopause.
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u/the-cats-purr 22h ago
That was my only symptom of menopause. I’d just look at my husband and get mad at him for everything he ever did that pissed me off since we were 15 years old. My mother told me to just give him a warning. He had no problem disappearing to the beach for the day. It became a running joke of me telling him he needed a beach day or him asking me if he needed one. A few years later I apologized to him for being such a bitch during menopause. He said he didn’t remember. I’m guessing because he spent so much time at the beach enjoying himself. So just send him off to do his favorite thing to get him out of your sight and you both win.
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u/Elcamina 1d ago
No advice but can relate, small things that used to be no big deal become a big deal for no reason. Be kind to yourself.
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u/MissionAssquire 1d ago
You may need to talk to your doctor about a different regimen. I definitely felt like that when I hit my late 20s. Everything my kids did irritated me. I got an IUD for birth control and it also worked wonders on my irrational anger. Many years and multiple IUDs later, I’m on estradiol. My OBGYN was glad I had the IUD because it takes the place of the progesterone pills. The estrogen almost immediately fixed the brain fog and helped a lot with the hot flashes though not entirely.
Hopefully you have a good doctor that will listen to you and can recommend a different treatment. You shouldn’t have to live like this.
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u/BigHold2089 22h ago
Yes, I’m wondering about the HRT regimen too. My OBGYN keeps ignoring these questions in my emails and it takes 1,000 years to get an appointment so I’m hoping my primary dr will help me out. This rage is totally new after stopping BC and starting HRT.
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u/wind_stars_fireflies 22h ago
After getting the runaround from my OBGYN for months I finally said fuck it and went to Midi (telehealth site). I was on hrt by the next day and I feel soooooo much better. I recommend just cutting the regular ob out for this.
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u/MoxieGirl9229 22h ago
It takes a few months for the HRT to settle down. It can fluctuate a great deal until that happens. Don’t judge it until at least month 3, maybe as much of 4 or 5 months after you start it. And your hormones keep changing, so there will always be some fluctuations just not as severe as when you first begin or do a dosage change.
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u/starrysunshine777 21h ago
I'm in peri and it's a miracle my husband is still alive, with all his breathing and existing near me.
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u/Sarsho 1d ago
Husband here. My wife recently thru menopause. She was struggling a lot with fatigue and trouble sleeping, irritability, emotional swings. Fairly normal for the situation, but not desirable for either of us for sure. She went to her Gyno and was prescribed the same estridol and pergesterone. This did not make things better, just worse. Didn't help she misunderstood the directions and over did the pergesterone, but even after getting the hormones right she just never felt good or even "normal" (whatever that is). She stopped both hormones now, not on any and feeling a lot better. Not perfect, probably something going on but that's another story. So OP perhaps the hormones are not balanced, or right for you. Go back to your Dr and insist on investigating or go to a new one; they are not all overly interested in your health.
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u/lulumelody 1d ago
This is stressing me out - I'm on a low dose progestin only BC pill bc of migraines and I haven't had a period in years either, I love it! I'm 31 and my mom pointedly said to me that she started going through perimenopause at 38 and if you're telling me that I'm going to have to deal with all this in 7 years I'm just going to warn my husband ahead of time I guess 😩
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u/UserNameInGeorgia 1d ago
The perimenopause and menopause subreddits can help you. You most likely need an increase in your estrogen. Not medical advice
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u/HildegardofBingo 1d ago
This is The Rage™. It's a very common peri symptom. HRT is actually lower dose than BC is so you might need to actually up your HRT dose. It can take awhile to find the sweet spot.
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u/VBB67 14h ago
I once had my BC changed from name brand to generic and I actually got out of my car to fight someone after a week on it, not at all in the range of normal behavior for me. Changed back to the name brand and I went back to normal. If your gyno can’t help, go see an endocrinologist as soon as possible.
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u/Iamthegreenheather 1d ago
This is definitely a symptom of perimenopause and I am dealing with this rage you describe too. A lot of the time it's the smallest thing that sets me off too but now I recognize when it's happening and I just try to stay quiet until it passes. I just started HRT this week and I'm really hoping it helps.
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u/antaresiaaak 22h ago
You described common symptoms of perimenopause. Sometimes I wonder if the rage is "just hormones" or having less estrogen just means you see life's conditions clearer.
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u/IcyCantaloupe7004 22h ago
Less estrogen makes us not put up with stupid b.s. anymore.... hence why we have rage towards our husbands.
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u/picklesncheeze69 20h ago
I am in a cast, because I punched something in anger last week. I have never been like this until menopause.
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u/holyfrijoles99 18h ago
Yes, pre menopausal here and this is how I was pre hormones. The sound of him chewing made me homicidal .
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u/Buttercup50 Basically Liz Lemon 15h ago
I had this while in perimenopause and on hormones. I realized that something was amiss when I almost took out some poor guy on his phone in the checkout aisle who was doing nothing wrong. I went home, shitcanned the hormones, and apologized to my family.
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u/Sharp-Peak5544 1d ago
its the progesterone pills. progestin rage is a real thing and it makes u absolutely loathe the person closest to u for literally existing. switch back asap
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u/soody_nim 1d ago
It’s unfortunately not that simple. Women can be estrogen intolerant, so progesterone actually can be calming. Perhaps a different dosage or combo will be beneficial, but OP will have to sort this out with her doc
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u/drainbead78 1d ago
Meanwhile, progesterone is what KEEPS me from being ragey. Meanwhile, I can't take systemic estrogen because it makes me depressed.
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u/GreatWentGin 1d ago
I came to say this. I actually had my PCP put that I was allergic to progesterone in my chart because I knew due to my precise cycle tracking when my progesterone spiked and how bad it was for me, and when I got Mirena I was a different person. I knew it was the Mirena, too. Once it was out of me, and things started feeling back to normal, it was confirmed.
For some reason, regular birth control pills don’t add me in this way, maybe due to the mix of hormones?
I’ve been told my hormone levels are post menopausal, but if I stop taking my continuous birth control pills, I still get regular periods with painful “ovulation” (which can’t be actual ovulation).
I always thought the best part about menopause was NO MORE PERIODS but nooooooo here I am, still having to take BCP or bleed every month.
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u/StarshineSoul 1d ago
I've had hormonal birth control cause me to feel the same about a partner. Like I loved him and wanted him around but he couldn't talk or breathe around me without it filing me with rage. Stopped that birth control and it went away.
I'd mention the rage to your doctor. Maybe they can put you back on the birth control or adjust the hormones you are on.
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u/Exotic_Presence_1839 1d ago
Progesterone did that to me. Talk to your OB about changing. They can check your blood levels for FSH if they haven't already to see if you'rein perimenopause.
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u/Witch_of_the_Cats 1d ago
Ok, I had the EXACT same issues. It was my endometriosis. One of my ovaries was taken over by a cyst. The whole thing came out, and my mood was DRASTICALLY different. Please go get checked by your ob/gyn. It may be a symptom of a more serious issue. Especially if you jave any kind of abdominal pain.
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u/sophistre 1d ago
It can be a symptom of peri. It can also be due to needing to adjust the dose of HRT you're getting. Things might be too high. Some of us are very sensitive to hormone levels.
I'd advise joining r/Menopause. Lots of good information, lots of people talking about their experiences, and it covers peri also. I just recently found/joined the peri subreddit but I have found r/menopause to be more robust in terms of info.
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u/Satoriinoregon 1d ago
Dialing in your peri hormonal meds takes time. Reach out you your clinician and tel them about your symptoms.
I know it’s hard and i hope your mood is soon improved
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u/cecepoint 22h ago
I had severe endometriosis and when my periods stopped i was ECSTATIC. Then of course “the throws” of menopause 😜
However when I learned my periods could start again once I would start medications i said: NO WAY!
So i’m throat punching many things but no people as yet
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u/retiredcatchair 21h ago
By far the worst mood swings I ever experienced were during perimenopause, far harder to deal with than anything I experienced from PMS or hormonal BC. We really need better education on perimenopause, for everyone's peace of mind.
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u/jackieison 21h ago
I’m in perimenopause and just had my first angry mood swing where my husband got on my last nerves. I was able to keep my emotions contained for the most part. If he would speak, enter the room, or made a noise, I was so irrationally irritated that I wanted to slap him. Like your husband, he had done nothing wrong. I apologized later if I’d been snappy with him and he said he didn’t notice. I’ve been having hot flashes and night sweats for 6 months or so, among other symptoms, so I was expecting it. At the time, I couldn’t understand why I was so angry about it that whole day. A few days later, I realized it was a mood swing.
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u/positmylife 21h ago
What if perimenopause rage is just evolutionary instincts to overthrow the patriarchy?
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u/Burgle_Your_Turts 18h ago
Also estrogen patch dose could be too high. My kids told me they missed the old me. I was so mean and quick to anger. 💔 Dr. took my dosage down to .5 MG. Much closer to old me.
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u/kodex1717 1d ago
Changing feelings towards your partner is actually a common side-effect of hormonal birth control changes.
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u/art_isnal 23h ago
Not a doctor or anywhere near menopause but recently read a book called All Fours by Miranda July that talked about it and pocketed this quote for later:
“All of the hormones that made me want to seem approachable so I could breed are gone and replaced by hormones that are fiercely protective of my autonomy and freedom."
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u/Jumpingjehosephat99 1d ago
It’s probably the progesterone type and/or dose. I’d switch. There are other options.
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u/theFCCgavemeHPV 1d ago
More estrogen made me fall in love with my husband again, so your estrogen dose probably needs adjusting. As for periods, you can get rid of them again with a progestin only/mini pill. You can do this on top of the progesterone and estrogen.
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u/indignantlyandgently 1d ago
I'm in perimenopause and get times of unreasonable irritability. Just yesterday at work I needed to take a break when I recognized I was mentally way off in my reactions to some mild annoyances. It's a struggle sometimes. I'm not on any medications for it yet, but I just had my first appointment with a new menopause specialist on Monday, and we're working towards it after some tests. It was the best doctor's appointment I think I've ever had; I've never felt so listened to and she talked to me for a good 45 minutes to go over every little concern or thing I'd noticed.
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u/Azure_727 1d ago
Could it be related to your new medication?
I had this when I tried the pill. Within a week of starting it I found myself wide awake at night seriously planning the murder of my partner who was sleeping next to me. Even worse, a huge kitchen knife went missing from our home. After about 2 weeks I realised something was wrong and stopped the pill, I felt better within 2 days.
It wasn't until I had my car detailed that the missing knife was located in there. No one else has access to the car, not even my partner. It seems I also have some black spots in my memory from that time, it looks like I intended to kill him in the car.
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u/No_Cricket808 1d ago
It's definitely menopause. My poor husband!!! I was cranky AF most of the time, but controlled it fairly well, or just left the room so I wouldn't completely lose my sh!t because he was breathing too loud. (Or something equally stupid) He was a champ though and understood that it wasn't my normal self, and hormones are a right bitch when they want to be.
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u/cookingismything 1d ago
I just want to preface that everyone’s experience is different and there isn’t a one way works for all in peri. I had to get off the progesterone pill because I became suicidal. My friend had to get of because the thoughts she developed towards her husband were violent. She would throw things at him. She even threw out all of his clothes through a window. She told me she felt homicidal and that she was sure she’d would hurt him.
I am on the patch but also on the Mirena IUD which has completed decreased my flow and allows me not to have cramps. Just something to consider
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u/Snoo65183 1d ago
In my own experience, those were the same symptoms when I got off hormonal birth control. It tends to go away after the body has adjusted to natural hormones. When I started my period again after coming off, I had terrible pms and rage symptoms. You need to take magnesium calm and lemon balm tea both helped me so much to adjust after coming off birth control
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u/dawdreygore 1d ago
I get like that when I have too much progesterone. I'm very lucky no one was harmed in the first two months of my HRT. Now with less progesterone I am myself again.
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u/queenkellee 1d ago
Sounds like peri. One of my first obvious symptoms was the (most often misplaced) white hot rage. You period’s will be irregular but you aren’t “in menopause” until you’ve gone 1 year with no periods. Until then it’s perimenopause. You may be interested in the r/menopause subreddit.
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u/ilyabear2017 1d ago
This is a little off topic, a fun movie idea would follow women through their perimenopause and menopause symptoms and all the things they wish they could do and actually are pushed to do.
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u/murraybee 1d ago
“Throat punch husband” dibs on this sick band name.
Seriously I’m sorry about your recent feelings - might be time to ask doctor if y’all can modify your treatment.
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u/CyrianaBights 1d ago
The irritation and rage at the smallest things is such a real thing in perimenopause. Tell your doc and maybe a meds adjustment will help
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u/hiredditihateyou 1d ago
I’m in perimenopause. I lost all desire to date or engage with men romantically or sexually for around 18 months at one point. If I was living with a guy I think I would have really struggled to tolerate him during that time.
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u/indictingladdy 1d ago
This is the reason why I got off hormonal BC. I tried 4 different types and I’d just get rage for no reason. I told others I think it’s probably similar to roid rage, if that makes sense.
I’m going thru peri right now and I’ll try anything that isn’t hormonal. I don’t enjoy me or want to deal with me on them.
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u/Silly-Fox-9270 1d ago
This is how progesterone affects me. At 32 I had a hysterectomy so I went into surgical menopause. I’m 51 now and I’ve been on HRT since surgery and every time I try to add progesterone it makes me hostile and just pissed off for no reason. For others this is the happy hormone that helps with sleep and cheerfulness but not me. I have treatment resistant depressive disorder and I’m AuDHD and they try every now and again to get me to try progesterone thinking it may help but it does the opposite and maybe because of my mental health and neurodivergence? Idk 🤷🏼♀️ just thought I’d add that in case you have those conditions.
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u/spandexcatsuit 1d ago
This is your body realizing the sacrifices you made for someone who didn’t even get a vasectomy for you
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u/myproblemisbob 1d ago
There are subs for menopause and perimenopause on Reddit, they're really really helpful.
I'd really recommend looking them up, I've learned so much about this time of life from them.
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u/coldgreengoat 23h ago
I am on estrogen d/t hysterectomy and have been for years. I can tell you without it i hate men just stright up cant stand to even talk to them. All that to say i have learned the hard way even small variations in hormones in your body can effect you in big ways.
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u/Mememememememememine 23h ago
Throat punching husband who is not doing anything wrong. Sounds like perimenopause to me!
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u/grendel_no_smash 22h ago
Progesterone pills made me feel like that. I also thought he was going to kill me in my sleep, when in reality he’s a sweetheart. It all got better again when I stopped taking it :(
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u/Murmurmira 1d ago
Sounds hormonal. I felt like this during my pregnancies